Janey nudged Rhianna as Brooke came up from the pub three weeks later, humming to herself.
‘Here she comes, love’s young dream,’ she said. ‘Look at her, Rhia. She looks like she’s floating on her own fluffy-wuffy little cloud, doesn’t she?’
‘What’re you humming, Brooke?’ Rhianna asked.
‘Nothing.’ Brooke stopped immediately. ‘I’m not humming. I don’t hum.’
‘You’ve certainly been doing plenty of mooning lately, that’s for sure,’ Janey said, smirking.
‘What? I’ve been doing no such thing!’ If they were referring to what went on between her and Hayden in the beer cellar after hours, well, that was their own fault for looking.
‘I didn’t mean getting-your-bum-out mooning,’ Janey said. ‘I meant the other sort. Wandering about with that glazed, blissful face on you like you’ve just been given a chemical lobotomy.’
‘Shut your pieholes.’ But Brooke smiled as she sat down next to her sister.
Livvy was on the carpet in her pyjamas, colouring in, while her brother watched YouTube videos on his tablet.
‘Why is Brooke mooning, Nana?’ she asked.
‘Because she’s in love, sweetheart.’
‘With Cara and Darcie’s daddy?’
‘Mum, stop filling their heads with that rubbish.’ Brooke turned to Livvy. ‘Pay no attention, Liv. Nana’s just teasing me.’
‘Is Hayden your boyfriend, Brooke?’ Max asked.
She hesitated. ‘Well, sort of.’
‘She means yes, Maxie,’ Rhianna said.
Brooke shook her head. ‘Families. Who’d have ’em?’
Janey stood up. ‘Right. Do you want to see something secret, small people?’
‘Ooh, yes!’ Livvy said, clapping her hands. ‘I love secrets. What is it?’
‘It’s a top-secret secret that has to be seen to be believed. Come into my bedroom and I’ll show you.’
Livvy and Max jumped to their feet and followed her out.
‘What is it?’ Brooke asked Rhianna.
Rhianna laughed. ‘I think it’s her costume for the speed dating tomorrow.’
‘What, is she going in fancy dress?’
‘Yeah. I hope it’s not too traumatic.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘So, will you be seeing your gentleman friend tonight?’
Brooke shook her head. ‘Seriously, what do you lot talk about when my love life isn’t available?’
‘Hey, I was only asking.’
‘I am, as it happens,’ Brooke said, smiling.
‘He’s not on the bar, is he?’
‘No, he’s got a parents’ evening so he swapped a shift with Mark. He’s going to sneak out later though, when the girls are in bed. Hopefully we can squeeze in half an hour together.’
‘Still going well?’
‘It’s going great. It’s just going great in twenty- to thirty-minute chunks.’ Brooke sighed. ‘I wish we could see a bit more of each other. Go out on a proper date.’
‘Can’t you? I’m happy to cover for you one night.’
‘I guess we could. He just gets so little time with the girls, he feels guilty if he’s not spending his free hours with them. Then we have to fit whatever our thing is into times when they’re in bed or at school. A quick drink in the pub after hours, catching our death in the beer cellar…’ She lowered her voice. ‘We did it on the back seat of his bloody Kia the other day. I haven’t done that since I was seventeen.’
‘Why don’t you go over to his place?’
‘I can’t, can I? His kids are there.’
‘Well?’
‘I just want to keep separate from that part of his life. At least until I know where this is going.’ She met Rhianna’s eyes. ‘Rhia, you’re a mum. You think I’m right to be cautious, don’t you?’
‘Well, yes, to an extent,’ Rhianna said slowly. ‘Taking on someone else’s kids is a big commitment. They’re at a difficult age too, with the nightmare of puberty just around the corner.’
Brooke shuddered. ‘God, I hadn’t even thought that far ahead. My main worry is that they’ll hate me, which’ll kill whatever me and Hayd have got going on.’
‘I know. And I do think you’re right to be cautious.’ Rhianna patted her knee. ‘I also think you’re falling hard for Hayden Bailey, and in the end you’re going to decide he’s worth it. And I think that ultimately, his kids are going to love you.’
Brooke smiled. ‘Then we’ll all live happily ever after, I suppose.’
‘I don’t see why not. They’re nice girls, and I could sense when we played with them that they’re starved for younger adult female company. It must be tough not having their mum around, especially the age they are now.’
‘Hayden keeps dropping hints that he wants to introduce me to them properly – as his girlfriend, I mean. But I never signed up to be a stepmum, Rhia, or any kind of mum. I just don’t think I’d be any good at it.’
‘None of us do,’ Rhianna said, giving her a squeeze. ‘For what it’s worth though, I think you’d be brilliant. My two have come to love you, and that was when you weren’t even trying.’
‘I always had this policy of never dating single dads. I’m not sure how Hayden Bailey managed to worm his way into my affections in spite of my better judgement.’ She smiled. ‘He is worth it, though. I do want to take it slow, but this is the first time I’ve had something like this.’
‘You’re lucky, Brooke. Not all men are like Hayden.’
‘How are you feeling about the kids going to James tomorrow?’
‘Absolutely awful,’ Rhianna murmured. ‘I realise he’s got to see them, but I’ve just got this horrible sick sensation in my stomach. Like… they might not come back.’
‘The first visit was always going to be rough on you,’ Brooke said, resting a hand on her shoulder. ‘Eventually it’ll become part of your routine, then it’ll get easier.’
‘He’s got his awful mother staying. He had to let Avril go, obviously, so he’s drafted Nicole in to help. Livvy looked appalled when I told her.’ She sighed. ‘Maybe I should go with them. I doubt James would object. I know he’d spend the weekend badgering me about going back to him, though.’
‘Has he still not got the message?’
Rhianna shook her head. ‘He texts or emails every day. Long messages, outlining point by point why it makes social, moral and financial sense for us to reconcile.’ She snorted. ‘I think “getting wife back by autumn” is one of those bloody SMART goals he loves so much.’
‘It’s better to let Max and Livvy go on their own. He’ll spend some proper time with them then, being an actual parent rather than expecting you to do the donkey work.’ Brooke squeezed her shoulder. ‘And me, you and Mum can have some fun while they’re away, eh? How about a girls’ night Saturday?’
‘I can’t on Saturday. I’ve got a thing.’
‘What thing?’
‘I’m meeting someone.’ Rhianna’s cheeks pinkened. ‘Sort of a date, actually.’
‘A date! Is it not a bit soon for that?’
‘There’s nothing really… romantic. We’ve met a few times for coffee, me and this guy, but it’s just been friendly. Once James and I are legally separated though… well, we’ll see what happens.’
‘Who is he? Someone from the village?’
‘I met him through a friend. It’s all innocent right now, but I do enjoy his company. He makes me laugh.’
‘I’m glad you’re over James enough to think about moving on anyway.’
‘Me too.’
Brooke smiled. ‘So if Mum meets someone at the speed dating tomorrow, that’s all three of us paired off.’
‘Do you think she will?’
‘You never know.’ Brooke laughed. ‘She might even meet husbands two, three and four.’
Livvy came back in, giggling.
‘Mummy, it’s SO FUNNY!’ she yelled.
Rhianna smiled. ‘What is, sweetheart?’
‘I am, apparently,’ Janey said as she followed with Max. ‘We’ve been having a little fashion parade. It seems my outfit for tomorrow is the ultimate in hilarity.’
‘What’s Nana going to be wearing, Max?’ Brooke asked.
‘Can’t tell you,’ Max said, zipping his lips. ‘Nana says it has to be kept super, super secret so you’ll be surprised. I wish we could stay and see how surprised you are instead of going to Dad’s.’
‘What’s speed dating please?’ Livvy asked her mum.
Rhianna pulled her up onto her knee. ‘Well, it’s like ordinary dating but really, really fast.’
Max squeezed himself onto the sofa between his mum and aunt. ‘Is that what Nana’s going to do?’
‘That’s right. It’s a bit like Musical Chairs. When the music stops you sit down, and whoever sits opposite you is your date for the next two minutes. Then you have to ask as many questions as you can to decide if you like each other.’
Max looked at Brooke. ‘Then what happens? Do you have to get married to the last person left?’
Brooke laughed. ‘I hope not, for Nana’s sake.’
‘If he’s dishy I wouldn’t mind,’ Janey said. ‘He couldn’t be any worse than the oddballs on Tinder.’
‘You only met one oddball off Tinder, Mum. And he wasn’t even that much of an oddball, other than the weird plant obsession.’
‘Yes, but I saw enough dodgy profiles to put me off internet dating for a good long while. No, this is a far better idea. How many tickets have we sold so far, girls?’
Rhianna pulled a face. ‘Only about ten, and apart from your friend Mike they were all to women. We did say people could pay on the door though, so hopefully there’ll be more than that there on the night.’
‘Ooh, I am looking forward to it!’ Janey said, glowing at the thought. ‘Rhianna, you’re a genius.’
‘Brooke should get the credit, really. She was the one who fleshed it out by adding a fancy dress theme and a band.’
‘Rubbish. You did all the legwork,’ Brooke said. ‘I just chucked a few ideas in the pot.’
Janey smiled. ‘Look at you two, arguing about something positive for a change. Three months ago I could never have imagined it.’
‘Me neither,’ Brooke said, smiling at her sister.
‘Well, chickens, time for bed,’ Janey said to the children. ‘Max, you can read for a bit but lights out by nine, please. Livvy, we’ll read another chapter of your book before sleep. Mummy will come in to kiss you goodnight in a little while.’
Livvy looked at Brooke. ‘Can you put me to bed?’
Brooke blinked. ‘Me?’
Livvy nodded. ‘Nana or Mummy always put me to bed but you never do. I want to see what it’s like when you put me to bed.’
Brooke turned a panicked look on her sister.
‘Go on,’ Rhianna said, smiling.
‘But I don’t know…’
‘There’s no art to it, Brooke. You just read the story, tuck her in and give her a kiss. She’s not reading The Shining, you don’t need to look so terrified.’
‘Pleeease, Brooke,’ Livvy said, pushing out her lip.
‘Um…’ Brooke hesitated, but no convenient excuse presented itself. ‘Well, all right.’
‘Yay!’ Livvy hopped down from Rhianna’s lap and ran to the bedroom she shared with her mum. Brooke followed, wondering what she’d just let herself in for.
When she entered, Livvy was already under the covers with the duvet pulled up to her chin, her favourite plush rabbit on the pillow next to her.
‘That’s my book,’ she said, pointing.
Brooke sat on the bed and picked up the book. It was actually one of her own from childhood that Livvy must have found somewhere, The Owl Who Was Afraid of the Dark.
‘Oh, I love this story,’ Brooke said.
‘Oh my gosh, I love it too!’ Livvy sounded delighted they had this in common. ‘This is my second time reading it.’
‘Your mum and me used to ask for it all the time when we were little,’ Brooke said, gazing dreamily at the cover. ‘Dad— I mean, your grandad used to read it to us. What’s your favourite part?’
‘I like when the boy thinks Plop’s a Catherine wheel and then they watch the fireworks.’
‘Really? That’s my favourite part too.’
‘I knew it would be,’ Livvy said in a satisfied tone, as if this just cemented her view that her aunt was a pretty all-round cool and impressive person. Brooke was starting to feel that having a kid or two around could do wonders for your self-esteem.
‘Read it please,’ Livvy commanded, and Brooke obediently started reading the next chapter.
‘No, that’s not right,’ Livvy said before she was two sentences in. ‘You have to make the voices all different. Like, Plop’s voice should be like this.’ She made a high-pitched little squee-squee-squee sound.
‘Sorry,’ Brooke said penitently. ‘Let me take another crack at it.’
She started again, making sure Plop’s voice was as squeaky as a baby owl’s ought to be, and Livvy gave her a benign smile of approval.
Brooke soon found these characters who’d once been such a big part of her life easing themselves back into her mind: old friends long forgotten, brought to life again through Livvy’s eager, shining eyes.
‘So, how did I do?’ Brooke asked when she reached the end.
Livvy thought about this for a moment.
‘You did the voices better than Nana,’ she said at last. ‘You should read it a bit slower next time, though.’
‘Marks out of ten?’
‘Um… eight.’
‘Oh, well. That’s not bad for my first go.’ Brooke stood up to tuck the covers tight around Livvy’s little body. ‘Goodnight, Liv.’
‘Night night,’ Livvy said, yawning. ‘Can we read some more tomorrow, please?’
‘You’ll be sleeping at Daddy’s tomorrow, sweetie.’
‘Oh yeah. I wish we could stay here.’
‘Don’t you want to see your dad?’
‘I want to. I just wish he could come here instead. Then I wouldn’t have to miss you and Mummy and Nana while we’re gone.’ Livvy pulled a face. ‘And Granny is at our old house now instead of Avril. If I put my elbows on the table, she sends me to the naughty step. Just for putting my elbows on the table! That’s not fair, is it, Brooke?’
Brooke almost laughed at the little girl’s indignant tone, but she managed to control herself.
‘No, it’s rubbish.’ She leaned over to kiss Livvy’s forehead. ‘But I’m sure your grandma’s missed you both, just like your dad has. Try to be good for them, eh?’
‘OK,’ Livvy said sleepily as she burrowed under the covers. ‘Brooke?’
‘Yes?’
‘Why don’t you like us to call you aunty? We always call Aunt Lily it. She’s Daddy’s sister. And I don’t even like her as much as you – but that’s a secret though, so don’t tell.’
Brooke hesitated.
‘Well, I suppose I never felt all that much like an aunty before,’ she said.
‘What does being an aunty feel like?’
‘Like… you have to take care of people, I guess. Your nieces and nephews.’
‘You do that, though. You help my mummy look after us. Why didn’t you feel like an aunty?’
‘I don’t think I felt grown up enough to be one.’
Livvy blinked. ‘But you’re really grown up.’
‘I certainly ought to be by now.’ Brooke stroked her niece’s soft hair. ‘I was scared I wouldn’t be any good at it, Liv. That I’d get it all wrong and you wouldn’t like me.’
‘We think you’re good at it. Me and Max do.’
Brooke smiled. ‘Thank you.’
‘Do you feel like an aunty now?’
‘Yes,’ she said after a moment’s pause. ‘Yes, I do.’
‘Can I call you aunty then?’
‘Would you like to?’
Livvy nodded vigorously. ‘Yes please. Then everyone will know you’re my aunty. I want everyone to know that. Max wants to call you it as well but he’s too shy to ask if he’s allowed.’
Was that really how they felt? Were they so proud of her?
‘All right, if it’s important to you then you can call me aunty,’ Brooke said softly. ‘Sleep tight, Liv.’
‘Well, it’s definitely comfier than the beer cellar,’ Hayden said later as he and Brooke lay cuddling under a blanket on the back seat of his car.
‘Only marginally.’ She shuffled to try and get comfortable, throwing one bare leg over the back of the driver’s seat. ‘My bum’s gone numb. Do you ever wonder what it would feel like to do it in a bed?’
‘Is that a thing some people do?’
‘So I’m told. Sounds a bit kinky but I’m nothing if not adventurous.’ Brooke’s head shot up. ‘What was that?’
‘What?’
‘I heard a noise.’
Hayden sighed. ‘Not this again.’ He shuffled up to look out at the dark, empty moors stretching around their little parking spot. ‘There’s no one there, Brooke. It’s midnight.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Well no, it’s pitch black, but if it was a pervert or a copper then I suspect they’d carry a torch. It was probably a grouse or something.’ He lay back down and started kissing her shoulder. ‘Stop being so jumpy. I thought you were a sexually liberated wild child once upon a time. This ought to be exciting for you, moorland romps on the back seat.’
She smiled and flexed her neck to give him better access. ‘I know. I must be getting old.’
‘I suppose we should think about going home,’ he mumbled against her skin. ‘It’s late.’
‘In a minute. I don’t want to let you go just yet.’
‘All right.’ He snuggled against her. ‘So, how was your night?’
‘A bit scary. Livvy insisted I read her a bedtime story.’
He laughed. ‘God, what? You’re right, that sounds terrifying.’
‘It wasn’t so bad in the end. We bonded over our favourite book.’ Brooke flushed. ‘She asked if she could call me aunty.’
‘What did you say?’
‘I said I’d like that. She was mad keen to be allowed to do it. I never realised I meant so much to them.’
‘Course you do. You’re brilliant.’
She smiled and kissed his nose. ‘How was Cara’s parents’ night?’
‘Well, we’re going to have to dedicate some time to her maths. She’s in danger of dropping a set. Her art teacher thinks she’s God’s gift, though. Oh, which reminds me.’ He nodded to a rucksack tucked under the driver’s seat. ‘Can you reach that?’
She leaned over to pass it to him. ‘What’s in it?’
‘Cara wanted me to give you something.’ He took out a sheet of paper in a plastic wallet.
Brooke shuffled into a sitting position so she could take it from him. ‘What’s this?’
‘It’s you. She drew it. Hang on.’ He leaned over the front seats to flick the light on. ‘There. Good, isn’t it?’
Brooke examined the pencil sketch. ‘It is good. Talented little soul, isn’t she?’
‘I know. I’m glad she’s got her own thing so there’s no need to feel jealous of her sister. Handily, Darcie might do well in nearly every other subject but she can’t draw for toffee.’
‘What made Cara want to draw me?’
‘She started it after we met you on the rec.’ He smiled. ‘Apparently you’ve got an interesting face.’
‘Have I?’
‘Cara thinks so.’ He trailed a finger over her cheek. ‘So do I.’
‘Do they know about us then, your girls?’
‘Well, yeah. There didn’t seem to be any reason to hide it. Besides, I’m proud of you.’
She smiled. ‘That’s sweet.’
He brushed her hair over her shoulder so he could kiss her neck. ‘You know, we could be discovering the joys of doing it in a bed,’ he whispered. ‘You only have to say the word.’
‘Not at my place we couldn’t, the walls are too thin. Max would be traumatised for life.’
‘You know I meant my place.’
She shook her head, frowning. ‘Hayden, please, don’t start that again.’
‘I just think it’s time, that’s all. Sneaking around shagging in cars and cellars is fun for a bit, but eventually we’re going to have to take the next step before one of us gets lumbago.’
‘Yeah, eventually we’ll take the next step. It’s been three weeks, Hayd.’
‘It feels right though, doesn’t it? Why wait if we’re sure about our feelings?’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘Our feelings? Do we talk about those now? Bloody hell, we’re racing ahead.’
‘I mean, we know we’ll be in this for the long term.’ He leaned round to look into her face. ‘We do, don’t we?’
‘I… yes. I mean, I hope so. That doesn’t mean we have to rush. At the rate you’re going, you’ll be proposing in another fortnight.’
He took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Brooke, I like you. More than anyone I’ve met in… well, ever. But at the moment it feels like all we do is have sex and as great as it is, I’d kind of like to do other stuff together too. I hate that I have to choose between spending my free time with the girls or with you when I could be doing both. I mean, you’ve met them once already.’
Brooke felt a cold shiver down her spine.
‘Accidentally bumping into them when we were still just mates is very different from being introduced to them officially as your girlfriend, Hayden,’ she said.
‘OK, I get that, but it’s going to happen eventually. It might as well be now as later.’
‘After three weeks, though? What’s the hurry?’
‘I guess I’m just excited about this. Us. I want to share it with the girls too.’
‘Hayden, it’s too soon. Obviously ultimately I know I’m going to have to meet them – I want to meet them. But me getting to know your kids: that’s a huge step forward for us. You can’t pretend it isn’t a big deal.’
‘I’m not pretending that. I just thought that with things going so well, and the bond you’ve got with Max and Livvy now—’
She frowned. ‘Why are you still pressing me on this?’
‘I’m sorry.’ He dropped her hand, blinking. ‘I didn’t mean to put pressure on you. If that’s how it sounded then I’m sorry.’
‘Well, it is how it sounded.’ She fished her knickers from down the back of the seat. ‘We’d better get home.’
‘Come on, don’t be angry. Maybe I am going a bit fast, but that’s only because I love being with you. I’d like to spend more time with you and I’d like you to meet the other important people in my life.’
‘Yes, well, it’s too soon. I’m not ready.’
‘I’m starting to worry you might never be ready,’ he muttered.
‘I’m sorry?’
‘I don’t want a fuck-buddy, Brooke, I want a girlfriend.’ He looked up to meet her eye. ‘Can you honestly tell me that’s what you want too? Do you mean it, when you say you’ll take that next step when the time’s right? Or is this just about sex for you?’
She scoffed. ‘What, those are my two choices? I can either be using you for sex or committing to being a substitute parent for your kids? You know, Hayden, there is a middle ground.’
‘Who mentioned being a substitute parent for my kids?’
‘Well, isn’t that what it comes down to, ultimately?’
‘No, it bloody well isn’t,’ he snapped. ‘What it comes down to is me and you, and the fact I like you a hell of a lot and I want to share the other parts of my life with you. Because that’s never happened to me before, Brooke. So, you know, I’ve been feeling pretty excited about it.’ He looked hurt now as well as angry, pulling his jeans back on. ‘Is that really how you see it? That all I want from you is a mum for the girls?’
‘I… no. No, of course I don’t. I just know this is major and I don’t appreciate being rushed into it this early in a new relationship. I don’t get why that’s hard for you to understand.’
‘I’m not trying to rush you. I’ll wait as long as you like, if you can promise me that’s where this is going. I’ve had enough of casual flings, Brooke, so if that’s what this is to you then I’d rather call it a day now, before…’
‘Before what?’
‘Never mind.’ He didn’t make eye contact as he struggled into his T-shirt and squeezed through to the driver’s seat. ‘Come on. Let’s get out of here.’