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AUGUST 28th Thursday ...
Man!!! The old cheese is downright embarrassing at times. It’s my 16th birthday in just over 5 months and she still chats me about cleaning my room in front of my mates, Marley and Simon. Being the pals that they are they said they’d help ... but jeez!!! ... I got private stuff lying around, like my diary. Nobody knows I keep a diary, and I don’t want nobody to know either. Well ... it’s not a diary really; it’s more like a collection of personal notes in a scrap-book - something I’ve done since I hit high school. But it’s personal!!! That’s the point!!!
The whole idea began when I bought a note book and covered it with cool black paper with some specky cosmic stuff printed on it; the book was supposed to be for the phone numbers I’d be collecting - from the hot chicks that came onto me at the new high school - but I never got any, so instead of canning the book altogether (the whole deal cost me a whopping $15 bucks of my hard-earned pocket money ... that’s high finance!!!) I decided to keep a diary instead. Not one of those mushy pour-your-heart out type of things; a record of all the awesome stuff I was going to be doing now that I was hanging out with the big boys.
Well ... that never happened, did it!!! - not that I’m surprised - so here I am!!! But who am I telling here?
But that’s not the issue, is it? It’s mum!!!! Don’t she know I’m not a kid anymore? I’m almost a man. I’ve even got hairs under my pits ... and some fluff under my nose. I’m a bit sparse on the underside of the world but it’ll get there. It’s all part of the effervescence thing – growing up stuff – you know what I mean??? ... or so I’ve heard.
Anyway the mood of the evening was shattered, and the boys pissed off home, didn’t they? I’m left sitting in my room like a school girl waiting for a call from her latest squeeze, instead of chatting with the lads. Mum should be grateful I’m not watching porn and indulging in a bit of self-help, that’s all I can say!!
But on a brighter note ... the braces come off my teeth tomorrow. Not only do I get a day off from old Mrs Jansen and her dramatics, but this boy will have something to smile about ... for the first time in over 2 years Nigel D Tranter will look half-way like a stud, with his pearly whites all lined up in a row. Girls will flock from all corners of the globe just to bask in the sunshine of my toothy grin ...
Hah!!! Who am I trying to kid?
August 29th Friday ...
Not much to say except my mouth hurts like hell, I can’t eat, and I can’t talk, and I can’t swallow without dribbling ... I feel like my jaw has been unhinged. I had to hold my gob open for a whole bloomin’ hour while the dentist fossicked around inside with his arsenal of tools like he was looking for gold. There was a huge pile of plastic and bits of wire lying in a bowl when he’d finished and I’m sure I’m ten pounds lighter now. If not today, I will be tomorrow if I can’t get some food into this mean machine of mine. I’m starving!!!
Mum did make me a smoothie with banana and yoghurt (and some other stuff she said was supposed to be good for me) when we got home but it’s not the same as real food, is it? ☹
August 30th Saturday ...
Jeez ... what do some girls want? I go through hell and its suburbs getting the wires and plates off my choppers yesterday. I’m smiling like a Hollywood star, and what do I get for my troubles? A smack in the chops, that’s what, for asking the neighbour, Kylie Jett, what she thinks. It hurt like all bejesus too - when she connected - as the face is still not right after yesterday’s stress!!! Doesn’t she realise it’s taken me four months to get within six feet of her??? And I just wanted to show her my new and improved grin, that’s all. I’m not exactly George Clooney here so I gotta go with what I’ve got. Crikey!!!!
Anyways ... it’s footie practise tonight ... not really in the mood now, though. What’s the point in swanning around in tight shorts, trying to look like the latest sizzling number on the ‘God’s Gift for Girls’ list if the chicks think you’re a right dork. Besides ... the slap mark left by Kylie’s right hook is still showing! So ... might as well stay home and watch the ‘Big Bang Theory’ re-runs I recorded.
September1st Monday ...
It’s Monday and man do I hate Mondays! Old Mrs Jansen - or Freckle-face as Simon and Marley call her, ‘cos she’s got enough brown spots on her dial to supply a coaster factory for years. Anyways ... she’s at her worst today so we get double homework in Maths. And it’s got to be finished by Wednesday.
She’ll be lucky, I’m thinking!! I have trouble with single homework! It’s like charging interest for paying something late. If you had the money in the first place you wouldn’t be late!!! Would you?? Makes sense to me.
For example ... the time I borrowed some cash off the bro, Dennis - I got my lunch money stolen that week and I couldn’t pay him back when he wanted me to. Then the bugger has the cheek to say I owed him 10% interest ‘cos I can’t pay on time. I argue, ‘Can’t get blood out of a stone’, and he says ‘no, ya can’t,’ and belts me in the nose. ‘Plenty of blood there, though,’ he says as he leaves my room, laughing ... the bastard. The worst part is ... I’m left feeling as sick as a dog for the rest of the night. I can’t stand the sight of blood - especially my own - and I’ve gotta spend the next hour lying down on my bed in case I faint. But what a shitty thing to do though! Especially to your very own loving brother!!! But I’ll get him back. Don’t you worry about that!!!! Nigel D Tranter doesn’t forget!!! ☺ ☺
September 2nd Tuesday ...
Simon rang and asked me if I wanted to see the latest movie release at the flicks ... ‘The Lone Ranger’. I’ve been saving my dosh so that I could go and watch this on the big screen, but mum said I had to finish my Maths homework before I go anywhere, so that idea went right out the window, quick-smart, didn’t it??? Simon likes to attend the first showing of a film for some ungodly reason. It’s not like it’s a world-wide premier event (we live in St Marys for crying out loud) but ... I suppose it’s whatever floats his boat. He’ll tell me and Marley all about it at school tomorrow, that’s if Marley doesn’t go with him. It’s a sure thing that he has his homework done. He’s a bit slow on the uptake in some areas, but he can work magic with numbers.
That aside I have wondered on occasion if Freckle-face does things on purpose ... you know ... works all her school schedules out to coincide with new movie releases, or the opening of something important to us kids. It’s not the first time I’ve had to miss out of a first screening. I missed all ‘The Pirates of the Caribbean’ movies and I wasn’t impressed I can tell you!!!
I curse you, Freckle-face!!!!! May all your homework assignments turn into crocodiles and bite you on your great fat arse. Ha, ha!!!
I don’t know if that helped me feel better about having to stay home but it looks great on paper. ☺
September3rd Wednesday ...
Oh happy daze! Simon recounted his cinema experience with Marley and me at lunch time with a blow by blow detailed account of the showing. ‘It was a great story’ he says, ‘not what I’d expected. And as usual Mr Johnny Depp outdid himself’ (Marley didn’t go after all so I didn’t feel so bad sitting with him as Simon rattled on) I must admit though, I still felt slightly green with jealousy. Plus ... by the time Simon’s finished you don’t have the need to go and see the actual show anymore as he about covers every moment, word for word. I sometimes wonder if he has one of those endemic memories. Hmmm!!!
Anyways ... Simon then says we can always make up for things by going to the release of ‘Dracula’s Blood’ in a fortnight. I’m not too keen about this. For starters the title mentions blood so I’m thinking that with a vampire lurking about on the screen there’s bound to plenty of it. My stomach started heaving thinking about it then and there and I hoped that it didn’t show. That’d make me seem like a right Charlie!!! So it’s just as well Simon started chattering on about something else soon after - as he does - but I can’t remember what it was because my brain wasn’t working as it should after the mention of blood and vampires.
Thankfully I was saved from revealing this deepest, darkest secret of mine when the end of lunch bell rang. First time in a while I was glad to hear it, I can tell you!!!
September 5th Friday ...
Home from school and I discover that dad’s feeling downright generous. He’s decided that he’s gonna show me how to shave ... said my bum fluff is making me look like I haven’t washed in a week. (Not really sure if I want to be around sharp instruments and my dad at the same time)
Well ... WHAT a shemozzle!!!! I’ve seen better docos on T.V.
First up he shows me the razor and shaving crème like I’m some sort of a two-bit moron. THEN ... he goes about shaving himself in slow motion, explaining why he pulls each and every stupid face. All the better to nick yourself I reckon. To top it off the lesson was about as fascinating as one of Mrs Jansen’s Maths classes.
Anyhew ... when it’s my turn I’m as nervous as!! Dad’s staring at me from a six-inch range in case he misses something, and his breath smells like a footballer’s armpit. I’m trying like heck to remember all the stupid faces and then I go and cut myself. I hit the deck within seconds, not knowing if I’ve even shed some of me precious life’s liquid or not. But I’m not taking any chances!!
After I came round the bathroom is empty, the razor has been put away and, when I finally get the guts up to take a squiz at the mirror, I look like I’m undecided about being Father Christmas or an over-sized egg.
Still hanging onto the sink for grim death I checked out my dial where I thought I cut myself and ... not a drop of blood to be seen. I’m relieved to say the least, even if I am feeling like a bit of a twat. But I’ve heard some horrible stories about shaving cuts.
Then there’s those silly little paper dots you’ve got to wear for some reason. Dad didn’t explain those. Or ... maybe he didn’t get a chance when I departed for the lower depths of the earth ... as in the floor!!!! Strange he didn’t hang about, but then I’m not my dad’s favourite. He reckons that when God handed out brains, I thought he said trains and went to the wrong queue. But that’s his opinion.
So ... after all that, with some careful scraping I got my chinny-chin-chin clear of fuzz. I had no choice but to complete the job ... I couldn’t go about half and half ... could I? Anyway ... when I finally left the bathroom Dad didn’t say a word – which wasn’t right in my eyes. I’d tried - and I thought I’d done a great job for my first time. I looked sweet with it too!! ☺
September 6th Saturday ...
After much pleading and grovelling I finally got dad to ring the coach to tell him I didn’t want to play footie anymore. (I will make a note here that this P and G has been going on for months now) Dad wasn’t happy, I can tell you. He kept rolling his eyes at me while speaking to the coach like I’d got some dreadful disease; something that made me into a nasty little specimen that needed to be kept in a sealed bottle. Jeez! I can’t help myself for being the way I am.
Anyhew ... when dad finally hung up, he mumbled something about me being a big girl’s blouse and that I had no balls, but I am who I am. I just don’t like footie!!! (I actually don’t like sport of any kind – never have – it’s just all too physical) It doesn’t help things when you’ve got a bod like I’ve got - it’s an advertisement for destruction ... mainly mine. I can’t build up muscle to save my life ... literally ... and even if I could there’s really nowhere to park them. I’m so bloody skinny I look like one of those musical thingies you bash with those knobbly sticks. It’s a dreadful sight even if I do say so myself, so I don’t see the point. As for running ...I’m usually running to get away from everybody ... and I do mean EVERYBODY ... especially Coach!!!! ☹ ☹ ☹
Later Simon and Marley came for a visit. It seems that plans are already being put in place for the regular Halloween parties around the neighbourhood.
Kylie Jett next door usually has one with her girlfriends. There’s never any alcohol there, only food and oriental treats ... it’s more of a little girl’s birthday party really. Kylie’s mum is Chinese so it’s a bit of a giggle to see the Chinese take on Halloween. Though I shouldn’t be feeling so smug about it!!! At least she has a party. I’ve never had one and I don’t get invited to any of the parties around the neighbourhood for some reason either. Come to think of it ... neither does Simon or Marley! Mostly our celebrations consist of watching what’s going on over the fence at Kylie’s house. If not her place it’s Buster Cavindish’s next door to Simon. Exciting??? NOT!!!!!!
As a change of subject I tell the lads about quitting the footie team. Marley natters on about how it won’t be the same without me. I’m thinking he’s right as I can’t play to save me life, so now the team has a chance to actually get somewhere ... maybe even score a goal!!!
September8th Monday ...
Oh spare me the pain! Simon, Marley and myself sat like pimples on a pumpkin at school today, watching the Halloween invites being presented to this one and that one, with not one coming our way. It’s almost like we are deliberately singled out as ‘untouchables’. At first, I wondered if they didn’t recognise me because I’d had a shave, but Simon and Marley still look the same. I’m feeling right depressed about our obvious party exclusions.
Oh well ... there’s always tomorrow.
Homework, tea ... and a talk on the phone with my Auntie Tiff (short for Tiffany) She’s my favourite rellie ... lots of fun. ☺ ☺
September 9th Tuesday ...
So much for yesterday’s theory ... still no invites!!! ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹
September 10th Wednesday ...
☹ ☹ ☹ SOOOOO NOT BLOODY IMPRESSED!!!!!!!
September 11th Thursday ...
Holy crap!!!! The new kids on the block cornered me today. I thought I was gonna get a right good thrashing, or me lunch money stolen again ... it’s usually one or the other. Then ... surprise, surprise ... they handed me an invitation instead. I almost fainted!!!
Apparently, these Sultans of KOOL, the brothers three - Axl, Theiss and Zodiak - are having a Halloween party and they want me to come along. Jeez ... has my luck changed or what??? I thought that maybe my standard of friends might be on the upper now that the choppers don’t look like railroad tracks ... but it works out that most of the school got an invite, and that included Marley and Simon. Still ... one can’t complain. It’s the first Halloween party (actually the first any type of party) I’ve ever been asked to, so I gotta say ... I’m stoked!!!
**Just a note here. The Sultans of Kool are the trendiest dudes I’ve ever come across. EVER!!! Not only are they way rad with the way they dress (they don’t wear the usual school uniform like us ... me and the rest of the peeps) And ...there’s something about them that’s sorta mysterious ... like ... I haven’t had anything to do with them, but they invite me to their party anyway. Come to think of it I don’t think anybody, anywhere, has had anything to do with them either. Odd that!!!
September 12th Friday ...
I could hardly sleep last night for the excitement of it, but who would have thought, eh ... that it would finally happen ... that I’d get an invite to something??? And not just any old something either, but a really popular something!! In fact, I believed I’d never live long enough to see the day I got an invite of any sort. EVER!!! I’m sooooo rapt!!!!
Simon, me and Marley got together after tea to kick the footie around the backyard. I don’t mind a bit of rough and tumble with the boys ... there’s no coach in your ear saying, ‘do this and do that, pick yerself up, lad, and what’s yer game, yer ponce?’ Plus we don’t hurt each other ‘cos we’re mates.
Anyways ... we ended up chatting about costumes. The Super-KOOL boys said ... if we’re not dressed the part, they won’t let us in the door. It seems their party is not going to be the regular Halloween shindig either, where we’ll be expected to mosey around the streets yelling ‘trick or treat’ like five-year olds. The brothers three have got super-special stuff line up to make it a party we won’t forget, so it’s only fair we look like we fit in.
At the end of the evening it was decided that Simon was going as a zombie – for some reason he likes zombies – I can’t stand them myself! I just don’t get the idea of ‘undead’ ... you’re either dead or you’re not, that’s what I reckon.
Anyhew, Marley is going dressed as an alien of sorts, probably the really scary one out of the movie ‘Alien’. And I’m going as Count Dracula. I liked the way he was decked out in Bram Stoker’s version of ‘Dracula’ ... very stylish I thought. Though I must admit, I did watch a lot of the movie with my eyes closed ... way too much blood and scary shite for my liking. I usually don’t go to those types of movies at the best of times, but Marley won four free tickets from somewhere and I sorta felt obliged to go. I mean ... how often does one get freebies to the pics??? Or to anything else, for that matter!!!!
September 13th Saturday ...
It’s been bucketing down all day, so I’ve been hanging out in the bedroom with the TV. Marley decided to catch up on his homework, and Simon went fishing with his dad. I’m glad I didn’t get invited as I can’t see the point of sitting in the rain in a tinnie waiting for a fish to decide whether to eat your worm or someone else’s. Fish aren’t the cleverest of animals. And I should know ... I’ve got one for a pet. His name’s Jaws ... like the shark movie. ☺
So ... I’ve put some more thought into my costume. Definitely no capes and plastic teeth for this little rubber ducky I’ve decreed ... gotta make an impression! The bro’s said it would be the gathering of the century (whatever that means) ... and I can believe it. They’re entities unto themselves - long black coats, studded belts and gloves ... and they wear sunnies all the time too, even inside ... talk about smooth operators. Oh man ... to be able to draw the chicks the way they do too. Just the mention of their names ... Axl, Theiss and Zodiak, makes the girls wet their knickers.
I think I’d like to be the same as them someday ... sorta ... but I’m a bit shy with the girls. They terrify me - you know - make me feel like I’m useless. Like that episode with Kylie Jett after I got my teeth sorted. And ... I must admit ... I stutter if a girl speaks to me. There was even this one time when I went into a coughing fit when Tracy Jackson of the long lovely legs asked me to help her move some books. She sat back and watched while I humped hundreds of books about the school library and just when I was about finished, she lifted up the hem of her T-shirt and mopped her cute little nose. I copped a squiz of her belly button and nearly swallowed my tongue. I choked something shocking then couldn’t stop coughing afterwards. She rolled her sky blues at me then left. She didn’t even say thank you!!! ☹☹ Hmmm!!! What’s with that???
Anyway ... it’s a bugger and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get a girlfriend.
So ... back to ‘the costume’!!!! I’m a bit strapped for cash at the mo’ or I’d be out and about trawling the shops. I suppose I could put the bite on mum; she’s always complaining I spend way too much time in my room. Little does she know there’s a reason for that and it’s got nothing to do with me not being invited anywhere!! Hah!!! Besides ... I don’t know that I’d have much luck with mum. Dad doesn’t like her spending her allowance on trivial shite, as he calls it, so she keeps her purse strings knotted tightly. She’s not even allowed to give the moths an airing!!
September 15th Monday ...
I heard on the grapevine that all other parties - except the Robinson’s twins - have been cancelled because of the big event being put on by Axl, Theiss and Zodiak!!! Hmmm!!! That’s a first. (The Robinson’s party is usually the talk of the town)
Anyways ... who cares ... I can’t wait to get to the dress-up shops and get myself an outfit to beat all outfits. The good news is ... mum whispered in my ear this morning, ‘don’t tell your father but I’ll take you out when I have time.’ Good one, mum, but heavens knows when that’ll be though. If it’s not the CWA it’s some other thing. She’s always knitting and sewing, like her life depends on it, though I did suggest quietly that she could maybe make me a really swish cape and a matching suit with some uber-shiny material instead of going to the shops ... that would save her some pennies as well, and there was a likelihood that I would probably get it BEFORE the party.
For some reason she looked at me as if I was out of my gourd. Dad then came along like the Bill and said, ‘stop bothering your mother and go and have another shave.’ I wasn’t really sure if I needed one yet, but dad’s murderous look was enough to make me retreat to the bathroom anyways. So I rattled around in the sink for a minute or two - making shaving noises - then went straight to my room so he couldn’t check out the results ... or in this case, the lack of them!
It’s not right though ... Dennis is treated like the sun shines out of his arse; he can do no wrong. If only the parents would realise that he’s got a bloody torch up his bum, not the sun ... and ... they want to watch out for when the batteries go flat.
September17th Wednesday ...
Simon came round for tea. We sat together afterwards in my bedroom for a while and - under the pretext of doing some homework - we perused the latest girlie magazine that he’d pinched from his dad’s man-cave where he keeps his dart board, his snooker table and other boys’ toys. Si’s dad also has this big locker in there as well that’s got other ‘more important’ stuff tucked inside. It’s also got a padlock on it the size of a mag wheel, but Si knows the combo and often goes through the locker to check out his dad’s latest purchases. I’m glad he does otherwise my education on the female of the species would be very limited. Really ... it would be non-existent!!! Ha, ha!!!
September 19th Friday ...
Mum kept her word and squirrelled me away to the costume shops when dad wasn’t looking. Hallelujah!! I’ve finally got my gear, but it ended up being the trad vampire shite that I didn’t want after all ... the fake teeth and an old cape that looks like it’s been around since the original Count Dracula was running around. It seems that everyone in town trounced the shops as soon as the paper hit the palm, so I was lucky to get what I did from the dregs on the racks. Still ... the red lining in the cloak looks the part. Mum also sprung me for some make-up to help me go the extra distance; maybe she felt guilty for not taking me to the shops sooner???? Then again ...
The only thing is I gotta do now though, is mow the bloody grass for the next four weeks. Dennis and I usually take turns, but he gets a holiday and I get extra chores. Makes you wonder where the fairness is in this arrangement, but I really want to go to this do!! I may never get another chance like it ... and a person has only got one life. Right???
Marley phoned and said he’d be out of town. He’s now going to his gran’s place for Halloween so there goes the alien thing. I’m disappointed of course, but Simon is coming with me still, which is rad. I wasn’t looking forward to arriving at the party on my own. It would be alright if I could swagger in, super-cool like, but knowing me I’d probably fall over my own feet. Or faint if someone decides to go about throwing pretend blood around for atmosphere!!!
Halloween was never a big deal once but over the last few years Aussie land has taken it on board. Any other year I couldn’t care less either ... but this year ... to be able to hang with the three coolest dudes in town is one mean accomplishment!!! Yay!!!! ☺ ☺
September 20th Saturday ...
It poured down rain again today so I’m glad that I don’t have to worry about footie practise anymore. Not that I’m worried. I’d rather read a good book or play on my WII. Or even watch a movie. Exercise is about turning a page in a book or the channel on the telly as far as I’m concerned. Not racing about the place, playing with your balls and getting all hot and sweaty. Ha, ha!!
So, with the day free to mess around ... you know ... do my own thing, I decided to try on my costume; I thought I’d even have a go at putting on the makeup as well. It can’t be that hard, surely?? Just some white stuff on the face and a bit of black pencil around your eyes!!
Talk about a bloody DRAMA ... I dunno why girls want to wear this shite on their dial. It made my eyes water and it touched up my acne something shocking, with me ending up shining like a snooker ball for hours when I’d washed it off afterwards. It’s a wonder I didn’t glow in the dark!!!!
Anyway ... before all that crap happened, I thought I’d show the parents ... see what they thought!!!
Dad said I looked like I died but definitely hadn’t gone to heaven. I asked him what he meant, and he shook his head, saying, ‘I’d never get to Mensa at that rate’. I still had no idea of what he was on about, but I wasn’t going to ask again. He always makes me feel like a dumb arse and I wasn’t in the mood for his twaddle. Mum said I’d done a good job, but she’d help me on the day so that she could fix up the bits I’d missed.
Back in my room and I called Marley, asked him did he know what this Mensa thing was. He reckoned it was secret girl’s stuff, but I heard Simon scream out in the background it was a special school for special kids. I think I’m more confused than ever now. But the thing is ... I don’t want to go to a new school, I’m happy at Magellan High. ☺
September 21st Sunday ...
Dad’s been at me again about the shaving lark. I didn’t realise I was meant to do it every day, but he said earlier that it looks like I have fast growing whiskers as I have a five o’clock shadow already. I copped a quick squiz at the clock on the lounge room wall and it was only twenty past three, so I began to question (in my head) whether dad’s going loopy. Maybe that old-timers disease is starting to kick in already. I also wondered if I should grow a beard - make a statement of my own instead of following the norm? Today was not that day apparently as dad wanted to check me out after ... no running into my room to hide this time!!! ☹ ☹
Well ... I found out what those paper dots are for ... they’re to stop yourself from bleeding to death if you nick yourself shaving. I ended up with three and a black eye when I hit the corner of the sink on my way down to the floor the second time I passed out. All the more argument to grow a beard I reckon.
September 23rd Tuesday ...
Marley came over for a sleep-over. It doesn’t usually happen on a week day but apparently his gran is not well. She took a turn of sorts and his parents went to visit her in hospital. He’s not too forthcoming with the details about her condition ... which is fair enough, but with this change of events who knows which way things will go with Marley now, as far as the party’s concerned.
The two of us did our homework and that was about it. We didn’t even watch TV, which is abnormal for Marley as he usually has to have a TV fix for an hour or so most nights otherwise he reckons he can’t sleep. Boy ... he must be in a bad way!!!! Even I can get some shuteye without watching the box every night and that’s saying something!!! Anyways ... he’s asleep now.
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SEPTEMBER 24th Wednesday ...
All good with Marley’s gran ... it was just a case of vagina - whatever that is - her heart’s all good. I haven’t had grandparents for years so this stuff’s all new to me. Both my lot carked it when I was young. I don’t know if I miss them or not ... it’s hard to tell, but I know Marley gets on well with his. They’ve been close for years. I suppose nobody lives forever, though!!
The good news is ... Marley might be coming to the party after all. Cool bananas!!!! ☺
September 26th Friday ...
Simon, Marley and me went to the mall to hang out at Tiny Tom’s. TT’s is a café where you can still play pinball machines, eat ice-cream and drink milkshakes. We’re the oldest kids that go there but that’s okay ... we don’t mind. Most of the other kids our age are off trying to get somebody to buy booze for them or smoking cigarettes.
We tried cigarettes once when Simon stole some from his dad’s man-cave. We were trying to find his dad’s stash of girlie mags, but we found his old man’s stash of smokes instead. They were in a box hidden inside another box which said condoms. Funny place to keep them I thought, but Simon said his dad and mum didn’t want any more kids.
Anyhew ... it seems mum doesn’t want dad smoking either as these ciggies were rollies not packet ones. We borrowed two and took off to Webbers Wood with a box of matches to try them out.
So much for grand plans though. We didn’t get passed the first few puffs, did we? Apart from the fact that we all nearly coughed our lungs out, afterwards we felt really spaced out for hours. It was bizarre. I didn’t think cigarettes did that but maybe it was a first timer thing!!!
Marley started having hallucinations after his second puff. He started babbling full speed about bright coloured lights, an alien invasion and flying saucers.
Then Simon got the giggles up right proper. There was no stopping him; he was worse than a girl at a county fair. As for me ... well ... I just wanted to eat everything in sight. I thought my throat had been cut; I felt like I was starving (same as the time I had my braces off ... only worse) even though I’d had a big dinner of fish and chips and salad that night.
I’m usually a vegetarian but I’m okay with fish. It’s every other meat that I can’t handle ever since I went on an excursion with the school to the local abattoirs. They showed how the animals were pulled up on spikes and killed with this lethal-looking stun gun whatsit. I musta fallen down or something from the shock of it, as the next thing I know I’m sitting in the school bus with a cold towel on my head. I had to stay there for the rest of the afternoon too, so I wasn’t impressed. I missed the whole excursion.
What an experience though!!!! I haven’t touched beef, pork or chook since. And I think that’s where my blood phobia started as well!! But ... what a place to take kids - for crying out loud - I could have been scarred for life!!
So back to the smoking lark!! A couple hours later we felt okay enough to go home. We all made a pact, however, to never tell anyone about our night ... AND to never take up smoking. It’s the pits!!!!
September 29th Monday ...
Another weekend bites the dust but it’s only four weeks to the party now, which is good stuff as I’m sooooo looking forward to it!!
Freckle-face was nowhere to be seen so we got a free period. We’re supposed to go to the library and study but the Phys Ed teacher, Mr Raven, high-jacked us and asked if we would help set up the hall for the school dance in late November. It’s the dance that the school puts on for the kids who don’t get to go to the leavers’ dinner. It’s sorta like a plan B for geeks and leftovers. I think Marley, Simon and me will be going.
Anyways ... we boys made eye contact with each other in a way that suggested our Mr Raven is more than the early bird ... he’s got his wires crossed as well, but it seemed that over the weekend there was some teachers’ conference and there are tables and chairs that have to be stacked and stored, along with some gym equipment that has to be pulled down, packed and sent away for repairs. It was more fun than being cooped up in the library, I must admit, especially when we did such a good job that the old black bird gave us the rest of the day off.
Simon and Marley suggested we go to the pool for a swim after as it was opened for the summer season on Saturday, but I don’t like flashing my bod around - what there is of it. It’s all well and good for Simon, with his foreign skin and all, even Marley is passable, but me ... forget about it. To tell the truth ... I get really pissed off ‘cos I can’t go swimming, but who wants to see a walking skeleton? Hang on ... there’s a uber-cool Halloween idea ☺ ☺ ☺ If I’d thought of it earlier, I wouldn’t have had to bother with a costume ... I could just go naked HA, HA!!!!
October 1st Wednesday ...
Went to the dentist’s today for a check-up today ... to make sure my choppers have settled into their new home without the wires. Dad took me for a change.
Well ... was that an eye-opener! For starters, there was not one word spoken all the way into town ... but I liked that ‘cos it meant he wasn’t on my case every minute like he usually is. But oh ... how things changed after the check-up!!!
When we returned to the car, he starts the engine, pulls out onto the road then says, ‘we need to talk, son.’ I say, ‘what about, dad?’ He then says, ‘the birds and the bees, boy’. I’m like, ‘what?’ Dad growled and grumbled like he’s got a bear stuck in his throat, then says, ‘sex, boy.’ I blinked several times without saying a word. The truth was I didn’t really know which one to use. Dad then says,’ Are yer getting any, boy?’ ‘Am I getting any what, dad?’ I say. He looked at me for so long I thought he was going to drive the car up the nearest power-pole because he wasn’t watching where he was going. He then says,’ Sex, boy, what’s wrong with yer?’ I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me - apart from the obvious, I suppose – but there must be something I don’t know about the way dad looked at me again. Suddenly he pulled over. I’m ever so grateful – the drive home was starting to look very dodgy.
It seems ... I find out after dad’s lecture on the do’s and don’ts (or should I say the ins and outs) of sex ... that I’ve supposed to have sewn my wild oats by now and had a few girlfriends as well. Dennis was no longer a virgin by the time he was fourteen, dad proudly informed me. I go to correct him and say I’m fifteen but the look on dad’s face suggested that I’ll only get myself deeper in the shite if I open my trap. I didn’t know where to look from there on in, so I stared out the windscreen. As always ... it’s about Dennis, and how I just don’t measure up to him.
Then dad starts again ... ‘I knew yer had no balls, son, yer a limp-wristed twat. I knew that as soon as yer give up on yer footie.’ I tried to explain to him that I love girls, but I can’t get a date to save my life. All the chicks at school think I’m a drongo and they walk away laughing when I try to chat them up. I’m not real sure if it’s what I say (or don’t say) or whether it’s the way I look that’s the problem. Anyway ... I don’t think it’s my fault!!! ☹ ☹
By then though, there’s no time to explain. Dad was in one of his - ‘yer a waste of space moods’ - and there’s no talking to him then. I was so glad that I got home unharmed that I climbed out of the car before it stopped moving. I fell flat on my face ... and to top it off Kylie Jett was standing out in her front yard talking to Jennie Smith - a girl I’ve had the hots for ever since I was in primary school. I was so embarrassed that I bolted for my room and I’m staying in here until tomorrow. Hopefully I don’t die from it ... the embarrassment. Or starvation, as I’ve got a party to go to!!!!! ☹ ☹
October 2nd Thursday ...
Well ... I didn’t die of embarrassment (or any other thing) thank goodness, but I did ask Simon and Marley when I got to school whether they had done their oats thing ... I knew they’d had no girlfriends. Marley looked at me as if I was insane and Simon went very quiet. I guess that’s all the answers I’m ever going to get, but I must admit I’m glad they didn’t ask me back. I think I would have died of shame if they had. It was bad enough getting a grilling from dad yesterday.
I hope Dennis never hears about this ... my life won’t be worth living if he does!!!!!
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OCTOBER 4th Saturday ...
And another weekend makes its appearance. And another case of ... OH!!! what to do with it?? Simon and Marley are off with their footie practice. I must admit I sorta miss it in a way, but I think it’s more about the lads than the game itself. I don’t miss that ... no way!!!!
I read for a while then I think over the talk I had with dad the other day. He hasn’t spoken to me since. I even had another shave and showed him how I’m improving ... I’ve only got one white dot and I don’t think I collapsed. ☺ ☺ What more does he want from me, for crying out loud????
Anyway ... he looked up quickly and hummed and hawed before going back to his newspaper. He tried to pretend like I didn’t really exist so I came back to my room and vowed and declared that I will find some accommodating chick to do the oats thing with at the bro’s Halloween party, and ... that I will become more like Dennis ... if that’s what it takes.
Honestly ... I think ... Dennis is a stuck-up arse!!!!
October 7th Tuesday ...
Today it was Simon’s 16th birthday so Marley and I went round for dinner. Mrs Cooper cooked up all Simon’s favourite food, snags and chips with onion gravy – there’s a vegetarian substitute for me, though, I must say here ... that sometimes I miss eating meat ... that good old snag in bread with heaps of tomato sauce kinda meat. Yum!!!! The chocolate birthday cake and candles sorta made up for it.
Anyway ... it’s all good!!! ☺ Simon got the new ‘Extermination’ game from his mum and dad, and we spent the night playing until all hours.
We always have a sleep over when it’s one of our birthdays ... we’ve done this since Simon, Marley and me became friends when we were little tackers at kindergarten ... it’s just as well really ... we don’t know enough people to have a birthday bash. I’m not sure about that situation – whether it’s a good thing or a bad one - but anyway, we make the most of the occasion the best way we can. ☺
October 8th Wednesday ...
Boy, was I tired today ... it doesn’t help that Si, Marley and me stayed up half the night playing Nintendo? It’s just as well we didn’t have much homework to do, otherwise we would be way behind in classes. I spent most of the day yawning, while the mates sit bleary-eyed in a sorta trance-like state. They’ve got the look down to a fine art - far away it looks like your awake but up close you’re asleep with your eyes open. I wish I could do it.
Dad’s still treating me like I’m invisible so I’m in my room straight after tea. Dennis is out with Rebbekah Tang (his current flavour of the month) ... they’ve gone to see a movie together. He must be getting some nooky - as dad would say - it’s the second week they’ve been hanging out with each other and that’s a record for Dennis. Really ... I’m too tired to care so I gonna read for a while, then its beddy-byes for me.
October 10th Friday ...
A fun day at school today ... everyone is raving about the party ‘cos there’s less than three weeks until the big event now. There’s lots of talk about costumes: there’s gonna be rabbits and Vikings, gypsies and harem girls, ghouls and ghosts, trannies and a few priests, sailors, and vampires, of course. I heard some guy is going dressed as a Christmas parcel. He’s even put a shelf inside for his beer and nibblies to rest on ... I can’t wait to see it, and the rest of the dress-ups as well. It’s going to be a great night, especially if I make like an egg and get laid.
The funny thing is that nobody has seen the bros since the day the invites were handed out. I suppose they’ve got a lot to do, putting up decorations and getting all the food in and stuff. It’s a big job getting nosh organised for the hordes!!!!
Another funny thing I’m finding out is ... nobody seems to know anything about them - Axl, Theiss and Zodiak - not even their last name, so it’s not just me!!! Oh well ... it doesn’t really make any difference. I’ve got an invite to their Halloween bash and that’s all that matters!! ☺ ☺
I wonder if I should shave for this party. I suppose I should if I want to score with the babes. ☺
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OCTOBER 12th Sunday ...
Dennis’s girlfriend, Rebbekah, came over for dinner tonight. Talk about a giggler!! She just shrugged her shoulders and laughed like a hyena every time dad or mum spoke to her. For some reason this is considered the way to go when the new girl first meets the parents. Mum and dad thought she was the bee’s knees, but I’m a bit worried if that’s what a girlfriend is all about, I’m not sure that I want one. The constant snorting and cackling would drive me insane. It’s like being in a hen house with a thousand chooks. I just hope the sex is worth it ... that’s if of course Dennis is ‘getting any’, as dad would sprout. Ha, ha!!!
October 13th Monday ...
What can I say here? It’s Monday so I’ve been Freckle-faced!!
Dad’s still not talking to me!!! ☹ I wonder why????
And Dennis did nothing except prattle on at the dinner table about Rebbekah! Rebbekah this, and Rebbekah that ... like she was the only girl on the planet. I thought I was either gonna heave up my tea or die of boredom ... one or the other!!! Gross!!
Mum and dad sat and just smiled and smiled and bloody smiled. I thought their faces had frozen in place there for a while ... and, I was starting to get worried too but ... it seems like they’re really happy for Dennis and his chick!!! I wish we could have a vote whether to keep her on as a potential member of the family or not. I’d be a definite NO!!! She’d drive me crackers for sure!!!
God ... get me outta here before I murder someone. There should be a law against people like Rebbekah!!!
October 14th Tuesday ...
It seems an epidemic of measles is going around the school. Just what I bloody-well need ... to get sick and be quarantined just before the party!! NOT!!!! Simon and Marley were kept home from school, but mum said I had to go. She says, ‘if you’re going to get them, you’re going to get them.’ Well ... Yeah!!! Course I’m going to get them ... especially if I’m sent to school amongst the diseased masses!!!
October 15th Wednesday ...
It was a false alarm about the measles thing. Thank god!!! ☺ A kid got a bad case of hives from eating something he shouldn’t have ate. I’m glad!! Not that the poor bugger got spots ... just that it wasn’t something gnarly that would get me bed-ridden for a month and kept in the dark like I was a bat or something. What a way to go!!!
Reminds me of the time when Simon and me built an underground fort in the corner of our yard. It took weeks to dig. We shored it up with sheets of old tin and wood ... to make certain it wouldn’t cave in. And we made a secret entrance. Even though I’m not big on small spaces it was cosy. We stocked it with comics and bottles of cordial. We tried keeping lollies and chips in there too, but no matter what we did ... the ants seemed able to steal everything, even though we kept it all locked tight in tins.
It was great fun until the night Mrs Davidson wanted to borrow a cup of sugar from mum and decided to take a short cut to our house by jumping over the back fence. She tripped and fell into the hole where the entrance was - Mrs Davidson, not mum - pushing in the front of the fort and trapping me inside at the same time. She stood there screaming her insides out, bringing dad ... and mum ... on the run, and to the rescue (Dennis was off gallivanting about the countryside with Rebbekah) When Mrs Davidson finally shut up I could have my turn at screaming ... otherwise I’d probably be there still ... buried alive!!! ☹ ☹ ☹ I was almost a jabbering idiot by the time dad dug me out. He wasn’t impressed either, I can tell you. Not only did he miss ‘Dress my Date’ on TV but he was knackered at the end of the exercise ... he hates manual labour, he does!! The worst thing was, Simon and me had to dismantle the fort and fill in the hole that weekend ... the same weekend that they had the premier screen of ‘What’s Up, Dude?’
PS ... have you ever noticed there’s never the same amount of dirt to go back into a hole as what you took out???? Strange that.
Anyhew ... ever since I’m a bit paranoid about the dark ... and confined spaces ... so a long stint in dark room to make some spots go away wouldn’t have gone down well with me. That’s for sure!!!
With the worry of uninvited zits out the way I’m thinking I’ll have an early night and get stuck into a book that Marley passed on to me the other day: ‘The Cosmic Diaries’. It sounds a bit girlie to me, but Marley has kept on about how good a read it is. So ... with that in mind I’m off to beddie byes with my book.
October 16th Thursday ...
Well ... Marley wasn’t wrong ... I couldn’t put the book down, which was a bit of a bugger ‘cos it was after one o’clock when I finally did. That meant I was yawning my tits off all day, and with a biology class with boring Professor Dudley Fenster, I was surprised I lasted the distance. The world would probably be a better place without his classes, but one has to get through them to reach Friday ... mores the pity!!! It’s like having to pass Go to collect $200, but in this case, it’s getting through Professor Fenster’s class to reach the weekend.
Well ... that’s what I reckon, anyways!!
PS – Some of the dudes in the book that Marley lent me have pretty cool names ... Blaise (my favourite) Odin, Farrell, Torquill ... I wish my parents had given me a cool name like that instead of Nigel. What were they thinking?????
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OCTOBER 18th Saturday ...
No footie training now until the end of February so Simon, Marley and me go to see a movie ... ‘Andalusia’. It was bloody amazing ... the colours nearly blew my mind away. I didn’t like having to wear the stupid glasses all the time though, so you could see it in 3D. I don’t know how people can wear glasses every day!! Though the bros, Axl, Theiss and Zodiak make it look amazing. That reminds me ... I still haven’t seen them around.
Anyways ... I’m off to Si’s for a sleep-over. He mentioned that he thinks that his dad got some new magazines. Dad said I gotta have a shave before I go anywhere, but two can play at the invisibility game. I just nodded my head and didn’t do nothing. Ha, Ha!!!
October 19th Sunday ...
It was a great evening at Si’s but we didn’t find any new magazines, just some glow-in-the-dark condoms - which we both thought was a bit weird - so we just sat in the bedroom and chatted in general until after midnight, though before we went to bed we did make a couple of balloons from the condoms to see if they really did glow.
*NOTE HERE -They did ... it was awesome ... the possibilities are mind-boggling!!!!
*EXTRA NOTE - After a great day I got home in time for tea ... which was roast chook (man, it smelt good) No Rebbekah, so that’s a plus and an early night for this little black duck!!!!
October 20th Monday ...
The weekends are never long enough!! The only saving grace is that it’s less than two weeks now until the party. And ... the school holidays are not too far away as well!!! Marley, Simon and me have saved up a few dollars so that we can go camping at National Falls. It’s supposed to be great fishing and walking (dunno about this bit) and there’s a big salmon park there where they breed fish that can be hand-fed (let’s hope that’s not for real ... da dum, da dum ... da dum da dum da dum ... JAWS! Ha, ha!!!)
Anyway, should also be good for a change of scenery as well (away from dad and Dennis) and apparently that’s pretty specky too from the top of the mountain. Thank god they have one of those cable-car thingies otherwise I’d never find out what the view was like. Not much into hiking about unless it’s down the mall looking in the shops.
Freckle-face was on her best behaviour, but the teachers must take turns at being grumpy as Mrs Tattler, our English teacher, had a go today. It’s only a couple months ‘til break up and she wants us to review a book. ☹ ☹ Good grief!!! It takes me that long to get past the front cover with most school books. It might be different if it was something worth reading.
October 22nd Wednesday ...
Only a week and a bit to go now!!!! Excited to say the least!! Marley and me decided to meet up tonight and put on our costumes, do a bit of a dress-rehearsal ... just to check each other out (it’s good that Marley’s going after all ... his gran is coming to stay at his house instead because of her vagina attack the other week). It’s a pity Simon couldn’t make it tonight - he’s always up for a lark - but he said he’d catch up with us on Friday night.
SOOOOOO ... what a laugh when Marley got his gear on!!! He’d made some sort of gadget with plastic hose pipes and other strange things hanging out everywhere. Then he’d painted it in a variety of pukey colours. He thought he looked okay with his goldfish bowl headgear on, but I thought he looked more like an octopus that had gone wrong myself!!
Then it was my turn ... I must admit I thought the laugh would probably be turned back on me before I had time to say, ‘I want to suck your navel’. But his sister, Shantelle (she’s only 12 but she’s a good egg) stuck some make-up on me. After I put in the false fangs, I looked bang on ... better than I thought I would, in fact. It makes a difference when you know what you’re doing with those girlie paint boxes. Now what could I say? I was too cool for school when all was said and done. Chuffed!!! ☺ ☺ And thanks, Shantelle.
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OCTOBER 24th Friday ...
Super-excited now!!!! ☺☺ ... this time next week I’ll be dressing for the big gig. I’m glad we tried on our costumes last night ... I feel a bit more juiced about going out now. Still haven’t seen the bros about but I reckon they’d be getting things organised. I’ve heard on the grapevine - and from Marley and Simon - that most of the school will be going to the party (except for the Robinson twins. Their party is tomorrow night) so it should be some whizz-bang do. I’m glad I don’t have to spring for the drinks bill for it.
Later I went to Simon’s for an hour just to check out his costume. He was one of the lucky buggers who got in early at the dress-up shop. He managed to get a super-ripped (really!!!) set of clothes that seemed like they came from the local tip. Then he had a go at his make-up - he seems to know what he’s doing with the old lippie and blushing stuff, does our Simon, as within half an hour he looked like he was half rotten, like an old chop left outside in the rain. The only bit I didn’t like was when he made it look like his throat was cut ... the fake blood was a bit much for me. (I was glad when Simon washed everything off) I’ve gotta admit though ... he looked the real deal and he’ll have no trouble getting past the front door at the bros place. While he fits the picture of being dressed your very best for fright night, I’m feeling like a right ninny now. I’m glad I haven’t shown my stuff to Simon ... I think I would’ve felt even more like a twat if I had! And there’s me feeling superior over Marley on Wednesday night. Might not even want to wear my gear at all now!!!
Nah! Just kidding with that one! I’m hanging for this particular social gathering ... gonna be a real rave so I’ll make the best of what I’ve got.
Anyway I heard the costume shops are as bare as a nut tree in winter so there’s no going back even if I wanted to!!! It does make me wonder though, how many dudes are going to this thing??? I suppose I’ll find out soon enough.
October 26th Sunday ...
I really couldn’t concentrate on anything today ... though I did decide to have another go at shaving. I don’t want to turn up on the BIG night covered in white dots. Or worst still ... knock myself out for the count if I faint and hit the edge of the sink again. I think that would be the last straw altogether and I would grow a beard no matter how much dad threatened me. Shaving is a health hazard as far as I’m concerned!!!!
The only highlight of the day was when Simon and Marley came over for a bit to tell me about the Robinson’s party. Apparently ... it was a real bomb ... a right disaster!!!!
For starters hardly anybody turned up. I’m not surprised really, considering the Sultans’ party is next weekend. And those who did turn up were mostly gate crashers.
There was a couple of stoners who offered to look after the barbie, but they were so off their faces that they watched it go out. So ... there was no hot food as the meat didn’t get cooked in time.
Then ... everybody got shite-faced ‘cos there was no nibblies either. Apparently, the neighbour’s dog upset the table where they were set out while chasing the neighbour’s moggy around the garden. That would have been a scream to see!!!
Then, half an hour later Mrs Robinson fell over the table while taking out some fresh drinks (nobody bothered to pick it up) and ended up in hospital with a broken ankle, a cut hand and severe concussion.
And Davo - that’s the eldest twin - passed out pissed as a newt, rolled into the campfire and went up in flames. It was just as well his bro was awake, otherwise he would’ve been in hospital too. It’s bad enough that he’s got no hair and is missing an eyebrow as well, without being totally crisped!!
One can only hope that next Saturday will prove to be a better deal!!!!
What am I saying? This is Axl, Theiss and Zodiak I’m talking about!!!! It’ll be the best ... the best food, the best drinks ... the best costumes ... oh, and the best chicks!!! ☺ ☺
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OCTOBER 27th Monday ...
For once I don’t care about Freckle-face and her tantrums. Nor Mr Raven’s Phys Ed class. There’s only 4 sleeps until the party and I think everyone who is going to the Halloween party of all Halloween parties is feeling the same here. If the school manages to get anything done this week the teachers deserve a medal!!!!
It would be good to see the bros out and about before the big day (or in this case ... night) but nobody has set eyes on them since the invites went out. ODD THAT!!!
Homework, telly, bed!!!
October 28th Tuesday ...
Rebbekah came around again for dinner. Dennis must be serious about this bird. Personally I can’t stand the way she carries on all the time, like she’s a right princess and everything is about her. If I ever get a girlfriend, I’ll make sure I get one who doesn’t giggle every second of the day. Or flutters her eyelashes all the time either!!! It makes my eyes go funny looking at her.
After tea they both go to Dennis’s room - thank god - it was a toss-up who’d leave the dinner table first, and for a while there I thought it might be me. As for the pares ... they’re still smiling like they were the other night, but I suppose if Dennis thinks she’s alright they’ll go with the flow.
Come to think of it I think mum bought some pink wool the other day ... I’m worried about what that might mean.
October 29th Wednesday ...
Freckle-face left me alone for a change ... must be because I got my homework done for a change. Simon had to go to the dentist in the big city. By the time his mum did some shopping and maxed out his dad’s credit card ... again ... they were lucky to get home by teatime, so it was just me and Marley today. We wandered around listlessly, talking about our costumes ... for the thousandth time. The weather has been a bit on the warm side lately and it makes the brain go soggy, so it’s hard to think of other things sometimes, more’s the pity. I’m sure there’s something we could be talking about!!
Anyways ... Marley finally mentioned about going to the pool after school, but he was on his own there. As usual!!! He knows how I feel about exposing my bod to all and sundry ... I don’t know why he bothers asking! I really don’t!!! ☹ ☹
October30th Thursday ...
Only one more sleep ... I think this waiting has been worse than waiting for Christmas. At least one’s got a fair idea of what to expect then ... but this Halloween party of the bro’s is just beyond anybody’s imagination. Though Simon’s had a lot to say about it today, but because his mouth was full of cotton wool from yesterday’s visit to the dentist, me and Marley had a hard time understanding him. I hope Si’s okay for tomorrow night.
On a lighter note, Marley is still all go ... his gran turned up last night in a Ferrari with a bloke tucked under her arm. It seems she’s got herself a fella ... and a new lease on life. She’s going away for the weekend with him to Casino - dirty old stopout - but I suppose at her stage in life she’s got to go with whatever comes along. I guess her vagina must be okay now.
October 31st Friday ...
Well ... tonight’s the night. The homework can wait ...
It’s all go for 8-30pm down town. I nearly choked on my tea - I wasn’t hungry, being as excited as a virgin with his first lay ... I imagine. I’m just guessing here. But mum said if I didn’t eat something I wasn’t allowed out, and she has the upper hand as she’s gonna help me with my makeup. I swear if Dennis says anything, I’ll smack him in the pie hole, even if he is older and taller than me. Just ‘cos he’s decided he’s too grown up for the party - and he’s got a girlfriend - he thinks he’s too good for the likes of us common folk. I reckon he’s going to be so sorry in the morning when I tell him what fun was had by all ... especially me.
So ... with everything ready and waiting ...I gotta go and get vamped!!!! Yahoo!!!
PS ... Looking a shade okay, no white dots, though the bloody cat pissed on my cape, so I’ve got this funny musty smell about me. Just as well it’s a Halloween party ... gonna be mummies, ghouls, corpses, witches ... so what’s a bit of a pong between Halloweenie friends? They’ll probably never notice.
November 1st Saturday ...
Must have been one hell of a night!! ☺ ☺ I slept like the dead through until noon. And it’s not like I had a lot to drink ... just a few ales. But thinking about that I feel a bit seedy!!! Maybe the drinks were spiked with some super go juice or something. The Sultans of KOOL said it would be a night to remember but the funny thing is I don’t remember a flaming thing!! Hmmmm!!! I’ll have to ring Simon later and see how he’s feeling. I think I’ll have another nap. ☹
3-00 pm ... Still a bit seedy!!! Had a shower and slipped into some trackies. Instead of calling Si I went around to his house. He was still slobbing about in his PJs; said we didn’t get home until about 4-00ish and man ... was the party a winner. Everybody danced their clogs off. Costumes were fab ... especially Axl’s Theiss’ and Zodiak’s. Good food, plenty to drink, maidens galore dressed in uber-sexy get-ups that were enough to make a bloke’s eyeballs near explode, and the entertainment was some weird-ass crazy stuff. I asked Simon what he meant, and he gave me a queer look. Well ... I can’t bloody-well help it if I can’t remember anything, can I? Well Si being Si, he clears his throat dramatically and goes into one of his spiels.
It seems that about half-way through the party the boys put on a bit of a show. We’d been bopping and eating, drinking and cruising, trying to be cool inside our gear and chat up some female to make out with behind the bushes - and the bros’ place had plenty of those according to Simon - when Axl rings a big old bell. ‘Half of Claremont musta heard it ...’ Simon says. ‘It sounded like one of those bells in a horror movie.’ I shivered at the thought of it (though it could have been plain tiredness) then he goes on - like it’s nothing out of the ordinary - that the bros herd us all into the house (apparently we’ve been partying around their Hollywood-sized pool set in the middle of a make-believe cemetery most of the night) and downstairs to this underground room - like a cellar. It’s got old-fashioned burning lights around the walls, a lot of funny–looking patterns on the floor with a big slab of stone in the middle.
Everyone oohs and aahs as Axl, Theiss and Zodiak go about in their swish cloaks handing out some red wine in fancy cups ... says it’s all part of the atmosphere ... something to get us in the mood!! We drink a toast to them, and then they say they want a sacrifice ... all in the name of entertainment mind you. ‘And some entertainment it was too!!!’ Simon says, eyes glowing strangely. I’m not so sure ... especially as I still can’t remember. ‘Well ... this is where it gets interesting,’ Si goes on before I can say as much. Apparently ... while most of the peeps have gone kinda quiet ... I start to jump up and down like a two-year old, yelling, ‘Pick me! Pick me!’
I look at Simon and say ... ‘you sure?’ ‘Sure I’m sure,’ Simon says. ‘You wouldn’t shut up. In fact you virtually threw yourself at the bros like a mad woman.’
Hmmm!!!! I’m still not convinced but before I can cross-examine him my mobile rings. It’s mum and she wants me to come home immediately. Aunty Nancy and Uncle Sherman have called in for afternoon tea and they’re wondering where I am. I tried to argue that it’s always a waste of time – usually mine – but she wouldn’t have it!!
Anyways ... I say to Simon I’ll get back to him tomorrow, but he says, ‘no, ‘cos he’s going out with his sister’s boyfriend for a bonding moment. ☹ ☹ They’re going to the Mall to play the machines. He’d see me Monday at school. I’m not impressed but there’s not much I can do about it, so I said bye and came home.
I don’t know why I bothered though, Aunty Nancy and Uncle Sherman ask me how I am when they first see me then ignore me for the rest of their visit. But they’d soon notice if I tried to creep out the room and disappear. It’s a bugger that!!!
Just had an idea ... I’ll see what Marley’s doing tomorrow. Maybe he can fill me in on the details of the night. After all ... he was there too!!!!
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NOVEMBER 2nd Sunday ...
You’ve got to be joking!!! I still don’t have a clue about what went on Friday night. And as for today, apart from the fact I ate and slept, and ate and slept there’s not anything to write!!! So much for catching up with Marley for an update ☹ ☹
November 3rd Monday ...
I’m sooooooo bloomin’ tired!! I can’t believe it!!! I slept most of the day yesterday and could hardly make the grade this morning ... it doesn’t help that Freckle-face did a shift today. She usually bores me to tears, but my mind was dwelling on the fact that I can’t remember anything about Friday night’s do, so I didn’t hear most of what she said anyway.
The worst part was ... in the lunch and afternoon tea breaks peeps were squawking like parrots about what a rave the Halloween party was ... but they were all looking at me kinda funny at the same time. They shut up when I got near them too. It’s not so unusual for most to stay away from Nigel D but I thought after being one of the major sources of entertainment at the party that I might have upped my anti with the social set. Worser still was I couldn’t find Simon or Marley anywhere. I knew they were at school but their whereabouts was a major mystery today, which meant ... I couldn’t get a second instalment on the events of the evening. I’m so NOT pleased about this!!! ☹☹
November 4th Tuesday ...
I finally cornered Marley. He wouldn’t say much about Friday night, apart from the fact that it was grouse and he had a great time. Other than that he reckoned it was best I talked with Simon ... he says things better. Plus ... he started the story, so it was only fair that he finishes it. (Marley’s like that) That’s all well and good if I can get hold of Simon ... but I missed him in classes again today. What’s with that? That’s two days in a row now!!
Anyhew, I tried to ring him when I got home but he’s out and about with his sister’s boyfriend at the Mall again. I’m beginning to think it’s not the sister that this bloke’s got the hots for here. I’d be worried if I was Si. I’ll have to mention it to him next time we catch up.
Spent another hour with my book and for the first time in weeks I’m going to have an early night. I can’t believe how tired I am. I’m lucky to make it passed tea-time these days, and that’s saying something!!
November 6th Thursday ...
Ordinary day at school today ... though everybody is still looking at me like I’m some sorta circus freak. Simon and me eventually caught up at lunch time. He suggested that we go and sit over near the boy’s loos, under the oak tree ... it’s a spot where couples go when they want to have a snogging session out of the range of the teachers’ and school monitors’ beady eyes. I’m not so sure about this but if it meant I’d finally find out what all the ballyhoo is about I had no choice but to go along with him.
‘Well,’ says our Simon, picking up where he left off. ‘After you went on and on with your “pick me, pick me” hype, the bros actually did. They beckoned you over to the stone table and ask you to climb aboard.’ ‘Really I say?’ Simon gives me his “you want to hear this or not” look so I shut up and he takes up again. ‘You climbed onto the table and sat cross-legged like Geronimo at a pow-wow,’ Simon says, his eyes narrowing as he gets into the swing of things. ’Axl hands you a glass of some red stuff that’s got smoke coming off it then Theiss claps his hands together.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he says, “thanks for coming along to our party ... it’s been a blast. Just to show you how much we appreciate your presence we thought we’d put on a little performance for you. We decided - to fit the occasion - that we’d show you how a new vampire really comes into being ... very fitting for a Halloween party we thought.”
Here Theiss shrugs and grins. “Just a bit of light entertainment, mind you ... nothing too serious.” Everybody laughs and claps like there’s no tomorrow,’ Simon says. ‘Then Zodiak steps to the front of the stone bench thingie and starts telling this story,’ Si continues. ‘He says that vampires are severely misunderstood folks; they’re not the monsters everyone makes them out to be. They live like everyone else and they die just like everyone else, only they live a little bit longer than normal peeps, that’s all.” Then, that bloke from our science class ...ummm ... what his name? The bloke with that big black mole on his eyelid?’ ‘Freddie Spencer,’ I say. ‘Yeah, Freddie,’ Si says, ‘well, he asks how much is a little bit exactly? Zodiak grins some more and says, “Several hundred years.” Freddie nearly had a fit and the bros have a bit of a chuckle.’
Then ....’ THEN, then the bloody lunch bell rang ... didn’t it ... and we had to go back to class. I didn’t see Simon for the rest of the day. Trying to find out what happened at this bloody so-called ab/fab party is like trying to get a compliment out of my dad ... near on bloody impossible!!!!
Anyways, later, Marley and me had burgers at TT’s, my shout as I didn’t want to have tea at home. Rebbekah was coming over again and after the abrupt ending to Simon’s performance I didn’t think I could handle her giggling for hours on end. ☹ ☹ My mind is on other things and sadly, it’s these other things that Marley won’t say a word about. I don’t know what’s the go there!!
November 8th Saturday ...
Simon came over ... thank goodness ... otherwise I would have been at his place like a shot. Dad reminds me, ‘don’t forget to mow the grass,’ and I do the invisible thing and ignore him. (I did the grass later though ... I was not in the mood for his crap after what Simon had to say) ☹ ☹
So we got soft drinks and come to my room. Simon then goes on with the Halloween saga saying, ‘Zodiak’s a real showman. He walks to the back of the stone block where you’re sitting, Axl is on one side and Theiss is on the other. Zodiak says, “A vampire lives to about three hundred years of age then he dies, just like anyone else.” Freddie interrupts him again and asks about garlic and stakes through the heart, and all that guff. The bros laugh and shake their heads. Axl says, “The only steaks we get are medium-rare down at the local burger joint.” ‘Get it?’ Simon says with a poke in my ribs with his elbows. Course I bloody-well get it ... what’s he think ... I’m stupid or something??? ☹ ☹
Anyways, Si goes on with, ‘Freddie went red and took a step back into the crowd. Oh ... do you remember ... about 50 people turned up - ghouls, zombies, devils, angles - there were all sorts? Fabulous turnout.’ I rolled my eyes at this!!! Of course I don’t remember ... we wouldn’t be having this bloody conversation if I did!! Would we??? I glared at Simon to get on with it again. He got the hint and says, ‘Well ... Zodiak then goes on with, “During a vampire’s lifetime it is customary for them to engage three new recruits.” He looks over at Freddie, whose trying to disappear behind that Madison girl from down the road (and that wouldn’t be hard considering the size of her) and he says, “And ... no ... we do NOT suck people dry of their blood to ... what’s the word he used?’
No good looking at me, I think, Simon seems to have forgotten ... again ... that I’ve got Craft - can’t remember a flaming thing!!! Duh!!! That’s why we’re spending this time going over this so-called memorable event. It’s not for my health!!!!!
‘Oh, yeah ... you started to go a bit pale there, come to think of it,’ Simon says finally, forgetting about finding his word. (I wasn’t going to say I was probably feeling as sick as a dog, at the mention of blood, was I? I’d just more than likely stay silent ... the same as I did when Simon mentioned it today ... until he started up again with his storytelling. It’s a guaranteed deal!)
‘So Zodiak continues with “... or suck on their necks, or any other nasty thing that peeps believe we do.” How cools that?’ Simon says. But I’m not into cool at that moment. I’m thinking if his mobile phone ... or mine rings for that matter ... or anything else stops him talking again I’ll murder him for sure.
Simon got cranked up once more (thank god!!!) ‘Zodiak then whispered something in your ear; you nodded your head slowly and then swallowed down that drink you’d been holding onto for an age. You hand the cup thingie to him then you lie down ... straight as a board ... like you got a stick up yer khyber.
‘Actually,’ Simon continues without batting an eyelid, ‘I was surprised there was anything left to drink as you’d been shaking like a kid who’d just won a year’s supply of ice-cream since you climbed onto that bloomin’ table.’ Simon gave me one of his looks, draws in a deep breath and I think ... yes ... here comes the finale. ‘Zodiak then says, “To make a new vampire all we do is get you to drink a specially made potion – just like Nigel has kindly done for us in the name of fun and frivolity - then ...” Axl whips out a knife,’ Simon says, ‘a big one,’ he says some more, ‘then Zodiak takes it from his bro, Theiss takes the glass from Zodiak and Axl grabs your hand. Zodiak continues with, “then all we do after that is nick your little finger slightly, squeeze out a drop of the ... umm ... new recruit’s blood and –” you were off like a bride’s nightie.’
‘What do you mean?’ I say. Simon looks at his watch as if none of this is important. ‘Look ... I’ll catch up with you later, okay ... I have to go,’ he says. ‘WHAT!!!!’ I say, ‘you can’t.’ ‘But I have to,’ Si says, ‘I promised mum I’d help her paint the bathroom.’ Then he gets up off the bed and goes home ... leaving me hanging like a Christmas decoration!!! Jeez!!!! Am I ever gonna find out what happened???? ☹ ☹ ☹
November 9th Sunday ...
I go around to Simon’s. I didn’t care what he’s had to do for his mum ... I’m was gonna make him tell me the rest of what happened at the party or else. He’s been really testing our friendship lately.
Si was home, and the bathroom was finished ... thank goodness. Marley was there too. We all sat outside in the gazebo drinking Si’s Ma’s home-made lemonade - the weather has been really hot lately.
Anyhew ... Si decides he’ll finish the story and put me outta my misery (good of him, I thought) He goes on with, ‘There’s not much more to report, really ... you bolted from the room like your arse was on fire and we didn’t find you until 3 hours later. You were hiding under a bush cuddling an empty wine bottle, whining ... “please don’t hurt me ... please”.’ ‘What ... no!!!’ I say. After all that ... that can’t be the end. Surely!!!!!
Sadly it was. ☹ Simon had nothing else to say on the matter. And when Simon’s got nothing to say ... he’s got nothing to say!!! ☹ ☹
But Marley did ... for a change. It seemed that with Simon finishing his whole story Marley felt it was okay to sprout his bit now ... not that there was a lot more to tell. Apparently, the bros took my sudden disappearance all in good fun. Zodiak laughed and said that my reaction was often the case. He thanked everybody again for attending the party and for joining in their bit of a show, then they said that everybody to go back to enjoying themselves upstairs, around the pool. Feel free to swim if we wanted, eat, drink, have fun ... they’d catch up with us later.
‘Oh,’ I say, when Marley had finished his version of things. ‘Did you come looking for me or did you just fall over me on your way home?’ ‘We looked and looked and looked,’ Marley went on, ‘but we couldn’t find you anywhere. We thought you’d gone home or something.’ So we partied on.
To say I’m pissed off is an understatement!!! My mates raged on without me for hours, then accidently find me under a bush when everyone was stumbling home. How weird is that? It was the knife and the mention of blood that done it, I know, but still ... a little bit of loyalty wouldn’t have gone astray here!!!
At least I now know why I felt like shite the next day after the party ... it was drinking a whole bottle of wine by myself that done it. And heavens knows what else I indulged in too. It kinda makes me wonder if this has anything to do with my forgetting about what happened at the party.
And ... I also know why everyone’s been staring at me the way they have at school. I feel like a right prat now!!! I wonder if I can get into that other school that dad was banging on about a few weeks ago ... what was it called? Menses ... that was it. That way I wouldn’t have to face all those kids who watched me run away like a girl from a bit of play acting!!!
The worst thing is ... the party was supposed to be a memorable do ... and I still can’t recall a thing ... not even after all that stuff that Simon and Marley told me. I’m feeling more than a bit ratty about this. ☹
November 10th Monday ...
Freckle-face was at her best today ... I reckon she’s primed after last week’s capers. Double homework again!!! Everything seems like an anti-climax with the Halloween do out of the way, though. Mind you ... everyone is still looking at me funny ... like I might burst into flames, or something!!!
I reckon I’ll have to catch up with the bros and say my sorrys for ruining their show. They seem nice enough lads, I’m sure they’ll understand. It would be awful if they didn’t and I was left off the invite list for next year’s bash. Funny thing is ... I don’t remember where they live, and I can’t find my invitation anywhere either. I reckon I’ll have to get Simon or Marley to take me back there.
November 11th Tuesday ...
The bros weren’t at school again today. Also ... when I ask Simon and Marley about where they lived, they couldn’t remember either. Strange that!!! But it’s okay though, Si knows where his invite is ... he keeps a scrapbook with his birthday cards, tickets to shows and that sort of thing in it. He remembers sticking it in there so he can get the address for me, no worries (he said he reads the scrapbook on the days when he feels like he hasn’t got a life) Hmmm!!!
Another early night!!! I can’t get over how tired I am these days ... must be due for a holiday. Thank god the school break is only a month away. ☺ ☺
November 12th Wednesday ...
Simon couldn’t find his invite. He swears he glued it into his scrapbook as soon as he got it. There’s even a space where it was in between all the other stuff he stuck in that day. To top it off ... I found out from one of the other ravers that the bro’s have gone on vacation to see their family, somewhere in Europe. That’d be right!! I’m getting nowhere fast with all this shite about the bloody party. I wouldn’t mind if I couldn’t remember ‘cos I got pie-faced or off my tits ‘cos I was fried ... but to just NOT remember when I was the centre of attention there for a while, is just so out of the ordinary it’s scary. Plus ... I looked forward to the party for weeks ... got a costume ... wore stupid make-up ... but it seems like I needn’t have bothered!!! ☹
And then Rebbekah came around for tea again ... I think things must be going off the boil with her and Dennis as she didn’t giggle half as much. Not that I care ... I wasn’t very hungry anyway and decided to have another early night. Plus dad’s still giving me the invisible treatment ... except on Saturdays when I gotta mow the grass. That figgers!!!! I’m sure that the deal is paid off!!!! It’s weeks after the party and I was only supposed to be on full patrol until it was over. Then it was back to taking turns with face-ache again!! ☹ ☹
November 14th Friday ...
Mr Raven cornered Simon, Marley and me again ... said he wanted our help with setting up the gym hall for the end of year dance ... you know ... the one for the losers. Mr Raven said we’re invited too. I replied that was nice of him and we’d be there. Marley and Simon looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.
Anyhew ... it wasn’t a totally bad afternoon. We sat and made paper chains out of crepe paper, then we had to string them up around the walls. You’d think the school would have a budget for this sorta stuff, but maybe it’s a matter of us poor nerds not being worth the bucks. I know this gig doesn’t even get a real band either ... just a beat-up old jukebox that still has vinyls in it. I just hope its modern stuff on those things and not some out-of-date rubbish that hasn’t been played since the great war that dad prattles on about.
We got out of school early again so that’s all good, though Mr Raven made us promise to help with the last-minute bits, like blowing up balloons and setting up the trestle-tables for the drinks and snacks and other stuff. Simon said not to get too excited about the snacks ... they were usually just little round biscuits and some ancient cheese that’s got a bad case of the furbies. Some kid had told him what to expect when they were doing detention together a few weeks back. Simon didn’t say he got detention ... but then he can be a little bit secretive sometimes. I don’t think he means anything by it ... he just doesn’t think some events are meant for sharing.
Had to put up with Rebbekah again tonight!! Thank god I could eat my food and bolt to my room. I’ve got my book to get back to. It’s been a really good read and I’m nearly finished it. I’ll have to ask Marley if there’s any more by the same chick. Definitely is a case of not judging a book by its cover!!
And talking about books ... I found one called ‘After Dark’ in my locker the other day ... though where it came from is beyond me. Some clown has probably shoved it in there by mistake. Now I’ve gotta try and find the idiot!!!! So that I can give it back!!! It’s grounds for a bashing if you keep stuff that’s not yours - and that’s fair enough - even though it wasn’t my fault it’s still stealing ... I think!!!
November 15th Saturday ...
Slept in uber-late!! I only got up before lunch time ‘cos dad nearly bashed my bedroom door down, yelling at me to get my lazy-arse out of bed and mow the grass ... (must be Saturday!!!) I’ll have to speak to mum about this. I suppose I could’ve asked her earlier on in the week. It’s too late now as she’s gone away for the weekend to visit with one of her many sisters. And I’m still not talking to dad so I can’t ask him.
Well ... it seems I’m NOT invisible anymore. When I’d finished tramping up and down the garden pushing the mower Dad said he wanted to talk to me. ‘What about lunch?’ I say. He says, ‘It can wait. In the lounge-room with yer, now!!’ WAIT ... I think ... I’m bloomin’ starving after walking for freakin’ miles around our huge backyard and he wants to talk, NOW!!! There’s no arguing with him though. When he wants to talk, he wants to talk!!! ☹
So ... in the lounge-room he says, ’You been looking for a job yet ... yer know ... something to keep yer off the streets over the school holidays.’ I told him about the vacation stay that Simon, Marley and me had saved up for, but Dad rolled his eyes - as he does - and says, ‘You can forget about lying around on yer acreage at a fish farm. Get yerself a paying job. Right!!!’ I sit and stare at him, speechless (he does that to me). ‘Don’t sit there like a muppet,’ he goes on, ‘get off yer arse and go and see Mr Clapton at the supermarket. He’ll give you a job packing at the check-outs.’ (Mr Clapton and dad are friends ... they play for the same darts team). ‘What!!’ I say, ‘you want me to be a check-out chick?’ Another eye roll and dad says, ‘No ... yer twat ... a packer. You know how to put stuff in a paper bag, don’t yer?’ I nodded my head and dad gets up from his chair. I’m thinking I’m in for it now ... gonna get a cuff under the ear ... but he just eye rolls again (at his age I’m surprised they have that much go in them) then he leaves the room taking his dodgy eyes with him ... thank bloody goodness!!! But now I’ve got to go and see Mr Clapton ‘cos dad will check up for sure.
I’ll go tomorrow!!
November 16th Sunday ...
I slept in again ... don’t know what’s wrong with me lately ... always tired ... and it’s an effort to get out of bed. Generally I feel okay, just all the time weary!!! Maybe I’ve got a virus or something twice as horrible. I’ll ask mum to take me to the doc’s when she gets home ... should be good for a day or two off school and chores. Maybe even dad will get of my case for a while. Hmmm!!!
Anyways ... by the time I ate, had a shower it was too late to catch up with Simon or Marley. Again!!!! They were off doing something else by the time I got to Marley’s. Either that or they were in the middle of one of their game marathons and didn’t want to be disturbed by the likes of me ... their faithful friend!!! I guess there’s always tomorrow at school.
Maybe ...
PS – I still haven’t remembered to catch up with Mr Clapton yet. Dad will kill me if I don’t. I better do that tomorrow too!! ☺
November 18th Tuesday ...
Just a regular day though I finally caught up with Mr Clapton at the store on my way home from school. All he said was, ‘I’ll do,’ and when to get my arse round to the shop. And there’s me worrying my guts out for nothing ... I thought I was gonna have a real interview. I even washed my face!!!
November 19th Wednesday ...
I’m glad I got to Mr Clapton yesterday ... Dad was starting to give me the evil eye this afternoon (what’s with dad and his eyes?) I thought I’d better not push my luck any more so I told him I’d fronted as ordered. That mollified the old fart, especially when I said that Mr Clapton said he’d was taking me on as a favour for dad. But I don’t want any bloomin’ favours. Especially since I’ve now got to miss out on Simon’s, Marley’s and my vacation stay at the fish farm. I start bloody working a couple of days before Christmas ... when the last-minute rush is on ... Pissed off to say the least!!! ☹ ☹ ☹ Simon says, ‘Think of the cash.’ I say, ‘What’s the point if I can’t spend it ‘cos I’m busy working my butt off, helping little old ladies pack their bags.’ Marley thought that was funny and for the first time ever I could’ve belted him. I don’t know what came over me ... we’ve been friends near all our life.
(Dennis is a different story though ... I could easily belt him any time ... but he can out run me by a mile.)
So with my holidays ruined I’ve got nothing to look forward to when school finishes. Like knocking off work to carry bricks ... or in my case other people’s shopping. I won’t even be able to hang around at the Mall with the mates ... ‘cos I’ll be so busy packing for paying customers at Clapton’s Store. God ... what I’d give to have a charmed life!!! Some people can’t put a foot wrong ... in fact, they’d fall in shite and come up smelling of bloomin’ roses.
November 21st Monday ...
Axl, Theiss and Zodiak are back from their holidays. How do I know? They cornered me in the little boys’ room today, just after Freckle-face’s class. I thought they were going to belt the bejeezus out of me for ruining their show, but they wanted to know could they visit me - at home - see how I was feeling after the party. How cool’s that? And ... how could I refuse? I go to tell them my address and Theiss says, ‘We know.’ The bros smile, Theiss goes on with, ‘See you Saturday.’ Then they left as quietly as they arrived. (Only just noticed that ... how silently they get around)
I couldn’t wait to tell Simon and Marley. Simon reckoned the bros are going to give me a going over then; they don’t want to be seen doing it in public, that’s all. I was surprised that Simon could say such a thing ... it was almost like he wanted me to get bashed ... and here’s me thinking for years that Simon was my friend, not some jealous little snipe. I’m really beginning to wonder about my so-called mates these days.
November 23rd Wednesday ...
What’s with Mr Raven? It’s like Marley, me and Simon are the only kids in the school!!! He wants us to help check chairs now ... just in case some need mending. ‘Wouldn’t want anyone to hurt themselves,’ he says with a grin that would frighten a Chuckie Doll!!! We tromped off to the gym (I’ve spent more time in there over the last few weeks than I have in the entire time I’ve been at Magellan High) and start with the chairs. We go through the whole 250. I don’t know why we bothered ... I doubt that that many people will be at the dance. But it’s done now. So ... apart from the balloons - which we’re made to promise we’ll do next Monday afternoon - we get another early one. We don’t say no to that!! ☺
I come home to hear the horrifying sounds of Rebbekah and mum giggling in the kitchen. Mum doesn’t even notice me she’s so rapt in doing the girlie thing together with Rebbekah ... cooking tea, I suppose. I decided to leave them to it and have a nap.
That reminds me ... I have to get mum to make me a doctor’s appointment. I’m not feeling the best even though I’m not actually feeling sick. I sorta just feel OFF ... like an old fish!!!
November 25th Friday ...
Not much doing today ... most of the grade 10 kids have left school, exams are over for them (being in grade 9 we were lucky enough just to get spot tests throughout term. We don’t have to get too serious until next year ... all hail to our schooling system that’s all I’ve got to say about it) So ... it’s just the leaver’s dinner for them now. The rest of us have our end of year dance on Monday night. Yippee!!! NOT!!!! So Simon says. I’m not so sure ... could be fun ☺ He must know something I don’t???? Sneaky bugger!!
Simon, Marley and me just floated about school with not a lot to do. They make a point of letting me know that, because I’ll be having special visitors tomorrow, they’ll be going to see ‘The Hobbit’ without me. I don’t think that’s fair (even though I’m REALLY excited about the bros visit) as we used to play at ‘Lord of the Rings’ stuff when we were younger. I always played Frodo, with Marley being Gandalf, as he has blond hair, and Simon being Aragorn because of his dark hair. Sometimes we could get Kylie Jett to join in and play Arwen but not very often as she usually got in a snit when Simon wanted to grope her ... his argument being that Aragorn and Arwen were boyfriend and girlfriend. Anyway, as far as the movie’s concerned, I can go some other time. It’ll be a couple of weeks before the cinema changes programs.
I better get some shuteye ... don’t want to be all droopy and unco when the bro’s visit tomorrow!! Do I???? Though the amount of conversation we actually have is a bit lacking ... especially on my side!!
November 26th Saturday ...
I could hardly sleep last night. With the bros coming around to visit I was so excited. I even tidied up my room ... just in case. At three, on the dot, Axl, Theiss and Zodiak arrived. Dad immediately went away to hide in the corner of the kitchen behind his newspaper (bloody rude, I reckon). Said he wasn’t interested in the yobbos I hang around with at school (that might explain why he doesn’t want to know Simon and Marley too)
Thank goodness Dennis was out with his girl. Her giggling in the background every five seconds might not have gone down well with these uber-cool guys. Not to mention it drives me crazy at the best of times.
Mum was different. She was happy to meet my new mates, as she called them. She flapped about like an old mother hen. She spread the scones that she’d made especially for them, brewed them a huge pot of tea - even got out her best china cups. The boys sat there like statues wearing big pearly white smiles while she did everything, then passed on their thanks. They wouldn’t part with their coats and gloves though. And they kept their sunnies on inside even though it was a bit on the dull side in the lounge-room with the blinds drawn against the heat.
Then ... when mum finely left us to it Axl says, ‘How have you been, Nigel?’ ‘Good,’ I say back, while pouring tea. (Mum wasn’t there to ‘be’ mum, so I had to do it.) ‘Nothing unusual happening?’ Theiss says. ‘Only been a bit tired, that’s all,’ I say. ‘That’s it?’ Axl says. ‘Yeah,’ I say with a nod. We all sip our tea like we’re in a women’s knitting club ... I imagine, anyway.
After a while I says, ‘You’re not here to ... umm ... wallop me for ruining your party then?’ ‘Good heavens, no,’ Axl says. ‘Whatever gave you that idea?’ I don’t want to dob Simon in (though he probably deserves it going to see ‘The Hobbit’ without me) so I shrugged instead. ‘I dunno,’ I says ... ‘it’s just most people do - you know - want to bash me for some reason or another, especially my brother, Dennis.’ A few sets of eyebrows rise (mine wasn’t one of them) ‘Oh,’ Theiss says (Zodiak seems to be the quiet one). The boys finished their tea then Axl says, ‘We must fly but we’d like to do this again ... soon ... if that’s okay with you.’ ‘Sure,’ I say,’ wondering if I want to sit around drinking tea like a ponce, though I’m not saying the bros are ponces ... wouldn’t dream of it. Maybe it’s the way they were brought up. It’s just that most blokes their age would rather be down the pub, tossing back an ale or two and swapping dirty jokes ... that sorta stuff ... instead of hanging out in the front room.
Anyways ... they say their goodbyes to mum and dad (who didn’t even come out from behind his paper) then leave. Mum was disappointed they didn’t touch the scones, but she said they seemed like nice boys. Me ... I don’t know what to think.
In fact I was still thinking about it when I came to bed!! Hmmm!!!
November 27th Sunday ...
Slept like a log last night and felt pretty good this morning too. First time in a while!! I had the strangest dream though ... that the bros came to visit me again. In the dream I woke up in this mind-blowing room - like the sort you’d find in a swish Dracula movie. I was lying in one of those flash beds with the posts and curtains and lots of pillows. I was sorta looking around ... like admiring the place ... when these three big bats fly in through the huge open window. They changed into Axl, Theiss and Zodiak. They then whispered together in a huddle for a while ... I could hear some words like knife, bleed, diabetes (????) safe, job (the funny thing was ... I wasn’t scared ... even at those dreaded words of knife and bleed)
Axl then moved towards me with a funny tube thing in his hand. Zodiak said – in a very soothing voice, I might add – ‘this won’t hurt a bit’. Those words are usually a substitute for ‘run for it’ in my mind, but again I didn’t feel scared. I just lay there amongst the pillows feeling like a right lordy lord. Axl took hold of my little finger, stuck it with the tube needle doover then sucked my finger like it was a straw, but it didn’t bother me.
I must say here ... if any other bloke did that to me, I wouldn’t be lying there so peacefully, I can tell you. I’d have my strides on in a flash and I’d be out of there before you could say, ‘how’s yer father’. Very, very odd goings on that, but this is the bros we’re talking about here. Maybe it was what they would have done at their party if I hadn’t run off like a girl. Maybe it was part of that Halloween ritual play they were acting out at their party. And maybe all this shite went through my head because of their visit yesterday.
The bros did have me worried there for a while though, I must admit. I thought they’d come to give me a right good biffing after messing up their party, but it all seems so silly now. Anyway ... Axl says, ‘thank you’ and bows politely. I say, ‘what happens now?’ Axl says, ‘You should have been careful of what you wished for.’ ‘What’s that mean?’ I ask, but the bros have all turned back into bats and flown out the window. And I’m left lying there like a roast turkey on a tray. I mean to say. All pretty weird!! Anyways ... it was only a dream ... a strange one, but still a dream!!
I tried to tell Simon and Marley about it when I went around to Marley’s place after lunch but all they could do was yabber on about ‘The Hobbit’ this and ‘The Hobbit’ that. The dwarves ... Gandalf ... Smaug (love Smaug) and giant eagles ... blah, blah, blah!!! It was almost like I didn’t exist anymore!!
In the end I came home again - took my invisibility cloak off - and watched some telly ... not that there was anything worth watching!!! What a boring day!!! ☹ ☹
Thanks mates!!!! I’d put a raspberry face here if I could draw one!!!
November 28th Monday ...
Not a lot of kids at school today. But there’s still us for another coupla weeks yet. So ... Simon, Marley and me caught up with Mr Raven as we promised we would ... hoping, of course, that we’d get sent home early once more. ☺ He was already in the Gym fart-arsing around with some last-minute stuff for the dance. He pushed us in the direction of a big pile of balloons and a huge ball of string, saying, ‘blow them up for me, lads, then put them around the walls with the paper chains.’ I’m gonna say here that I was glad, in a way, that I had something in my gob most of the time, as I was very tempted to say how I was feeling about yesterday, and the way Simon and Marley had sorta ignored me.
Anyhew ...we eventually got the job done and even though I was still feeling a bit miffed at the mates ... (and like my mouth would never lose the funny pucker it had gotten from blowing through hundreds of plastic navels most of the afternoon. Let’s be fair here ... you’d think the school would have a balloon blower-upper doover but apparently that was one of the bits of stuff that was sent away for repairs last time we helped out The Bird) ... I agreed to go to TT’s for a coke. I felt slightly light-headed, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me having a word with Simon and Marley.
In the end the cokes were a bad idea as Simon and Marley didn’t have a lot to say ... about anything. We did, however, agree to meet up at the dance and we went our separate ways.
11-00 pm ... The dance wasn’t too bad!! I managed to get a squiz at Linda Ferris’s tits while we were waltzing about. ☺ ☺ I don’t know if she didn’t care or she didn’t know that her dress gaped at the front. Anyway ... who’s complaining?
On another note ... Simon and Marley seemed a little bit more friendly tonight. I think it’s because the bros weren’t at the dance, (they would’ve gone to the flash leavers’ dinner, no doubt) Mind you ... it could also have been the fact that all up there was only 14 people at our end-of-year do and the choices weren’t great for conversation ... or dancing for that matter. There were only five girls there, including Linda Ferris.
November 30th Tuesday ...
We’re just going through the motions at school these days ... tidying up classrooms, putting away books. Most of the time we’re doing stuff that the teachers should be doing but they’re using us as gophers and pheasants. I’m wondering if the teachers would miss me if I didn’t turn up at all????
Funny ... bloody ha, ha!!! but I don’t think that would work somehow. If the teachers didn’t miss me mum or dad are bound to notice me floating around home sooner or later (unless I hide out in my bedroom all day and only come out for breakfast and tea) And even if they don’t see me it’s a given that snot-nosed Dennis would and he’d snitch. I’m sure he gets Brownie points for getting me into strife ... bloody feral, he is!!!
Tea, not gonna even bother with the homework, bed!!! Boring!!!
December 1st Wednesday ...
I’m certain that Linda Ferris smiled at me today. First up I thought it might have been the bloke behind me but he had his head in his locker so it must have been me. I gave a stupid little wave back then felt like ‘I’ should’ve put my head in my locker (so that I could get my breath back) but the moment passed and I’m still alive. I wondered whether I should ring Simon later and ask him what he thinks. It could have all been in my imagination ... and let’s face it ... that’s been running overtime lately.
December 3rd Friday ...
Lazy day at school ... thank goodness there is only 10 days to go (school days unfortunately)
Anyways ... dad informed me later I have a training session with Mr Clapton. I say, ‘I don’t need to train to put stuff into a paper bag, for crying out loud,’ but dad glared at me so hard I thought I was going to melt!! Now instead of going around to Simon’s place as planned, to check out his dad’s secret locker for new stuff, I’ve got to go and play at being grocer boy. Not impressed at all, I can tell you!!!! ☹
December 4th Saturday ...
Up early this morning ... didn’t have much choice really. Dad bashed on my bedroom door at 7 saying to get up and get my lazy arse moving down to Mr Clapton’s asap ... put in a couple hours of good honest work instead of loafing around all day. ‘Make a man out of yer,’ he yells though the keyhole. ‘Yeah, right, dad, why don’t you tell the bloody neighbours while you’re at it?’ I’d mumbled as I’d gotten dressed in my grey trackies. I got half way down the driveway when dad barks at me to get changed. ‘Yer can’t go out like that, yer slob!’ ‘Why not?’ I screamed back (may as well let the hood in on all the details. They’re bound to find out soon enough at this rate.) ‘Yer in the public eye,’ dad shrieked, nearly giving himself a heart attack. (thanks dad) NOT!!!!!
Crikey ... now it seems like I’ve got to dress for success just to pack groceries. It’s bad enough that I’ve got to have a job without dad making a federal case out of it. Anyways ... I couldn’t be bothered arguing with the old bastard any more so I came back to my room and change into my Sunday best, though I’ve got to say that needs looking at as the trousers are a bit too short these days and I look like a gnome. I must’ve grown recently!!! So I’ve given it my best shot and Dad still scowls at me as I stomp out the door for the second time. I scowled back but nothing more was said. Thank god!!!! I could have been grounded for life if I’d opened my trap.
2-00 pm ... Got to give Mr Clapton credit ... not only did he say I did a good job, but he paid me 20 bucks for my efforts. And ... I’ve got to say the day wasn’t a total loss. Met some pretty little wenches at the checkout even though there was a grumpy granny or two thrown in the mix as well!!!
Linda Ferris also came along with her mum and little brother. She slipped me her phone number with a wink and a nod, so there was no mistaking this time. It’s a first and I almost had a fit when she pushed it into my sweaty palm with a great toothy grin. But I’m glad now that dad got me to change my clothes ... though I’m not telling him that. Neither am I telling him about the bucks that I got – or the fact I met a girl - though Mr Clapton will probably tell him later at the next weekly darts get-together ... about the money not about Linda Ferris. Funny that ... I didn’t think she liked me. Well ... you never know your luck in a big city ☺
I think I’ll take myself out to TT’s for a pizza and go to the flicks to celebrate. Why not? EH!!! ☺ ☺☺
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DECEMBER 5th Sunday ...
Feeling okay today!! I’m glad that the tiredness thing has finally given up the ghost. I thought I might visit Simon and Marley – try again seeing’s as I’d done my bit at the shop yesterday – but mum said that the bros had rang ... asked if it was possible to come around for another visit. I was surprised to say the least. Si and Marley haven’t been so keen on me lately, so I thought, why not? I’d catch up with them tomorrow at school.
I played on my WII until the bros arrived then caught up with them just as mum was pouring tea (she didn’t make scones this time). They’d sat there on the couch with their perfect smiles until she left, then Axl asked me to sit down. ‘So ... how goes it?’ I say to get the conversation started. ‘All good,’ Axl says, sipping at his tea. Theiss and Zodiak seem to be happy to let him do the talking today, though there was a lot of silence after that comment ...or maybe it just seemed like a lot to me. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Axl finally said,’ We’d like for you to come to dinner next Saturday evening at 7-oo pm.’ ‘Oh,’ I say.
OH!!!! OH!!!! I’ve just been asked to dinner by the fab three and I say OH!!!!
Anyway ... it didn’t seem to bother them. They finished their tea, put down their cups, then stood up ready to leave. Axl says,’ Please thank your mother for the tea. We’ll see you next weekend and we always dress for dinner. We’ll send the car ... say ... around 7-30. How does that suit you?’ They then left ... quietly. As they do!!!!
I don’t know what to think about this. Being invited to the bros’ place ... and for dinner!! And please dress. What do they think I’m gonna do ... turn up naked? Ha, ha!!! Come to think of it I’ll have to steal Dennis’s suit ... mine’s way too small for me now (it was okay for Mr C’s shop, but I don’t think it’ll make the grade for dinner with the bros). Besides ... Dennis won’t notice. He’s too busy playing boyfriend lately.
OMG!!!! Yeah!!! And what about the CAR? They’re sending a CAR!!! This is unbelievable. I can’t wait to talk with the mates ... though I don’t know whether I should mention anything about the Ferris girl. They might get really pissed off about that!!! ☺ ☺
December 6th Monday ...
Not much sleep for this little rubber ducky last night. At first, I was so stirred up about next weekend but now I’m wondering ... why me? Is this when they’re going to belt me for ruining their party? Or do they actually want to be friends with Nigel D Tranter? That’s hard to believe, but when I mentioned this to Simon and Marley – the dinner, the car and the other paranoid stuff I was thinking – Simon rolled his eyes just like my dad does, and Marley said, ‘What’s the biggie? It’s only a fancy dinner.’
Only a fancy dinner! I’d thought. What is wrong with these two? Anyways ... after that they changed the subject and the pair of them started prattling on about some sleep-over they’d planned – without me – and then we split for classes. I felt really left out. ☹ I’m glad I didn’t mention the phone number bit now.
Homework then an early night for me!!!
December 8th Wednesday ...
Today I feel like a suspicious twat. I must be the one who’s off ... it’s the bros that do it to me, I’m sure. They’re so super-cool they rattle my chains and I can’t think straight for days. Simon, Marley and me are all good after all. We went to TT’s after school for shakes and a bowl of chips as usual. We then went to Si’s place after and watched the latest DVD that he’d wheedled out of his parents – ‘The Mysterious Death of Dave’ – a horror/thriller thing (I’m wondering if Simon bribes his dad with what he finds in his man-cave locker ‘cos he’s always getting new stuff.)
I’d try something like that if it meant I’d get Dennis in the shite for a change, but I wouldn’t even know where to start with that pretzel ... he’s so twisted!!! Rotten little twerp!!! ☹ ☹
December 10th Friday ...
School is a real drag now – not that it was really any different before. Si, Marley and me just hovered about the place like wraiths, chatting - there’s really not much else to do these days!!
We didn’t make any plans for tonight, which is just as well, as I’m not really in the same headspace as them right now, with me thinking about my dinner with Axl, Theiss and Zodiak tomorrow. I’ve got Dennis’s suit sorted ... he hasn’t even noticed it’s gone ... silly prat. Now I’ve just got to get some shoes. I wonder if I could get away with a pair of dad’s. I’ve only got sneakers and Dennis’ feet are so big his shoes look like clown shoes!! Ha, ha ... if the shoe fits ...
December 11th Saturday ...
OMG!!! Today is the day of the dinner. I felt so sick this morning I could hardly hang on to my breakfast. I tried to keep my mind on other things to try and settle the old nerves but it was no go, so I just laid on the bed and watch re-runs of Star Trek until it was time to get dressed (I did shave - very carefully - before). Then when it was 6 o’clock I managed to get dressed without any disasters ... and that included having a punch-up with Dennis about stealing his suit. Now I’m like Cinderella waiting to go to the ball.
OMG!!! OMG!!! I hear a car!!!! Gotta go!! ☺ ☺ ☺
12-15 am ... I nearly fell over when I saw it – the car. It was one of those stretch limos, all white with a mini bar in the back. A driver bloke in a swish suit opened the door for me like I was some sort of VIP and we were away!!!!
I didn’t remember the bros place being so grand but then I don’t remember much about the Halloween party either ... do I??? Everything was like out of a movie. The long curtains were pulled closed – the bros seem to like the dark!!! The table was set with silver and fancy glasses, and the boys’ themselves ... well ... let’s say, I see what they mean by dressing for dinner. The cost of their suits alone would keep me in soft drinks, pizza and chips for the rest of my life.
Anyhew ... we get straight into it. There’s red wine – which I didn’t touch as I wanted to remember everything this time – and there’s roasts of all sorts. The boys seem to like their beef, which wasn’t something I would normally go for ... you know ... with me being vegetarian and all ... but it was sooooo juicy that I couldn’t resist. I had two great slices, even though they oozed with that red stuff that usually makes me feel woozy and crook in the guts. There was a load of fantastic desserts as well after – take your pick - and lots of fruit. It was a great feast (and just between you and me and the gatepost, Axl, Theiss and Zodiak must have heaps of dosh to live like they do).
Soooooo ... we chatted about everything and anything ... though really - come to think of it - they did most of the talking, telling me how they went to the dentist, got new cloaks, researched new blood banks – all a bit strange for a holiday but I just listened anyway. Then, when all the dishes and stuff was cleared away Theiss asked me how things were with me. Was I feeling okay in general?
It’s a bit odd the way they want to know about how I’m feeling all the time but it’s more than Simon and Marley do these days. They’re on and off like a tap, but I reckon they’re just crappy about the fact that the bros have singled me out. Maybe if they’d wanted to play Halloween games it would be the same for them as well, and they’d get invited too.
All in all it was a night to remember (and I did this time) and the bro’s want to do it again ... soon!!! I’m so cool with that. ☺ ☺
Bugger ... I forgot to do my homework. You’d think with school almost done for the year there wouldn’t be any. Maybe nobody will notice if I give it a miss!!!
December 12th Sunday ...
My eyes are a bit sore this morning. Must be the late night I had ... being entertained by the bros. ☺ Though what a night, eh? I felt like royalty with the car and everything!!!
Mum asked me how it went but as usual, when it came to dad, I was invisible ... though he was very chatty with Dennis, asking about his date with Rebbekah. Where they went, what they ate ... did they do the hokey cokey - just kidding with that bit. Anyways ... I’m sure my dinner with Axl, Theiss and Zodiak was far more interesting ... but then I’m not Dennis, am I???? He can shove his stupid girlfriend where the sun don’t shine, I’d rather hang out with the Sultans of KOOL any day. ☺ ☺
I was supposed to meet up with Simon and Marley today, for an afternoon of fun and food – which usually means games and pizza - but I gave it a miss. Besides ... I’ll see them tomorrow at school. And ... I decided to just laze about a tad this arvo. One more week of school then I’ll be a full-time worker (sorta) so I’m making the most of it!!
December 14th Tuesday ...
Didn’t see Si or Marley yesterday or today!!! They’re probably peeved at me ‘cos I didn’t catch up with them on Sunday. Things seem to be going haywire with our friendship lately. I’m really convinced of it now. It because I’m friends with the bros, Axl, Theiss and Zodiak (I think!!!) Si and Marley are green with envy, what’s a bet? Stupid buggers!!!! ☹
December 15th Wednesday ...
Si, Marley and me had lunch together like any other day. (I’m really questioning whether I’m having a mental crisis lately) They suggested we catch up later at TT’s ... Si’s shout. All good and we go bowling after. Things were on a level playing ground again, so I didn’t mess it up with mentioning my dinner ... or my phone number score.
Thinking of which ... I wonder when I’m supposed to call her ... Linda Ferris, that is? Is there a set way of doing this thing? A time ... a special day??? Are you supposed to send flowers first?? What’s the go??? I can’t ask anyone. Si and Marley will be off again like last week’s milk, and dad would look at me like I’m a complete twerp. As for asking anything of Dennis ... hey ... we’re not even gonna go there!! Way too dangerous!!!
December 17th Friday ...
Woohoo!!!! The last day of school!!! Got 6 weeks off ... well sorta of, seeing’s as I’ve got to do time with Mr Clapton. It’s also a bummer I can’t go away with Simon and Marley, but I suppose the cash might make up for it. And I will get some time off later as the job is only until the Christmas and new year’s rush is over.
Simon and me make plans for Saturday night to go and see ‘Arachnidman – The Making of a Web’ (Marley has got to go to his grandma’s place for their usual Christmas catch up – though I am surprised that gran’s staying at home. I expected her to be off gallivanting about all over the countryside with her fella and his flash Ferrari)
I had a letter waiting for me when I go home. It was a very fancy invitation from the bros to get together for a bit of chrissie cheer on Sunday afternoon. They would send the car again for me. Wow!!! It seems I’m well and truly in with THE CROWD now.
I wonder if I should call Linda before or after Christmas? Just a thought!! I’m still trying to work this stuff out.
––––––––
DECEMBER 18th Saturday ...
Eyes are sore again today ... especially if I go outside. Must be something going around ... another virus like that tired one I had weeks ago. Mum put some drops in and tells me to stay in my room and draw the curtains. She even made mention of buying me a new pair of sunnies for chrissie. ‘That’s a great idea,’ I say. Maybe you’ll let me help you pick them out with you,’ I suggest. (The last ones she got me were on special and it wasn’t hard to see why. They looked like something from the fifties ... I guess ... as I wasn’t there at the time). ‘Well that’s not much of a Christmas surprise,’ she says with her motherly smile. Me ... I’m gonna do prayers later – and lots of them - that’s all I’m saying.
So I stayed inside until it was time to go to the movies ... read a book, watched a bit of TV. The best part was Dennis had to cut the grass even though it wasn’t his turn. That makes up for when I had to do it for weeks in a row when mum got me my make-up!!! HA, HA!!! ☺ ☺ Oh hang on ... that doesn’t look too good!!!
December 19th Sunday ...
The movie was great, Si and me had a great time and we made plans to catch up on boxing day to exchange gifts. It’s our normal thing as dad’s not into sharing chrissie with anyone ... miserable old sod! It’s supposed to be about family, but I often wonder about my lot. Then again, with our lot there’s not too much to share, though I did overhear Dennis asking mum if it was alright if his Rebbekah came around for an hour or two. Of course she said yes and dad’s all smiles. Talk about two sets of rules in the household.
Anyway ... it’s only 6 sleeps away now and I’m getting excited so I’m not going to let them get me down. Besides ... I’m having afternoon tea with the boys and that certainly counts for something special!!!
8-00 pm ... Well ... that was a surprise. I dressed in my suit (or I should say Dennis’), the car picked me up on time and I was whisked away to the mansion. There I was greeted like I was a long-lost friend. We had drinks – I think it might have been orange champagne. We had some top-notch nibblies. Then Axl, Theiss and Zodiak presented me with the most amazing gift. It’s a suit made outta black velvet, with a ¾ jacket, a silk shirt and tie and crocodile skin shoes and matching belt. I’ve never seen anything like it – except on them of course - and it must have cost a small fortune. To say I was gobsmacked was like saying Rocky from ‘The Rocky Horror Show’ was OKAY. Unfortunately I didn’t get the bros anything (I didn’t think this get together was about chrissie stuff) but they said, ‘Take a look around. What do we need?’ I suppose they’re right – they live in a bloody great house that has all the bells and whistles - though I still felt a bit like I should have brought them something!!!
Well ... they then wished me all the best, told me they were going away for a few weeks to visit relatives in Europe (again????) and they’d see me when they got home. Okay!! Cool!! Then I was whisked away home in the limo and that was that. But the suit ... WOW!! Talk about sweet!!!! ☺ ☺ Dennis can have his old rags back now. I certainly won’t be needing them anymore!!! Well ... maybe just for work. Come to think of it, I haven’t heard from Mr Clapton yet.
December 24th Friday ...
Well ... it’s Christmas eve though you’d think it was just any regular day in our household. Nothing much happened apart from Mum being extra busy in the kitchen and dad and Dennis putting up the tree. I don’t know why they bother really. The tree is so old it smells musty and I swear that most of the decorations have teeth marks on them where the mice have been at them. Anyways ... I suppose it’s all about the Christmas spirit. Other than that you’d never know!!
I haven’t seen Simon or Marley all week ... haven’t even had a phone call. But I suppose they’re busy with their own families. They’ve got a bit more go in them than my lot.
Ho hum ... I suppose I could have mosied on down to TT’s to see what was the go there but to be honest I couldn’t be bothered. Besides my eyes still hurt when I go out in the bright light.
December 25th Saturday ...
Today was the day ... or should I say C day!!! Didn’t score too bad from the fella with the white beard. Got new sunnies – as promised – and they aren’t half bad. (Mum did say she got a bit of help from one of my NEW friends ... she happened to bump into him when she was shopping. Don’t know which one he was but a nice boy all the same, she reckons – but then she reckons that every time she sees them!!! A couple of DVDs also came my way and some sox and jocks – a guaranteed given each year. There was a couple books from one of the aunts as well as a t-shirt that has Accidents Happen!! printed on the front of it ... whatever that means!!! It’s probably Dennis’ pressie as he didn’t say much, and he doesn’t usually let a chance to have a go at me pass him by!!!!
Lunch was a treat with plenty of turkey, mince pies, pud and brandy sauce – thanks mum - though Rebbekah was almost enough to put me off my food. In the end I had most of my dessert in my room as her giggling was driving me crackers (crackers ... a chrissie joke). I watched one of my DVDs – ‘A Careless Affair’ - then just loafed about, as dad would call it. All in all a reasonably merry Christmas ☺ ☺
Oh yeah ... I got some shaving gear ... probably that’s dad’s contribution though he hasn’t hassled me for ages, which is good in more ways than one. No nicks, no black eyes and no worries!!! Ha, ha!! ☺ ☺
December 26th Sunday ...
Caught up with Simon and Marley today ... as we normally do. I was tempted to wear the new threads but settled for just the sunnies (I didn’t want them throwing rocks at me as well as insults at me). We did our pressie exchange thing while we drank some of Mrs Cooper’s eggnog that she makes for us every year. Si gave me some comics – and a nudey magazine that he’d nicked from his dad’s man-cave. And Marley gave me a book on how to make friends and influence people!!! He’s not very practical, is our Marley, but I supposed it’s the thought what counts??? I’ll go with that!!! ☺
PS - Mr Clapton rang while I was out, and I have to start work tomorrow. He let me off the pre-chrissie rush as his nephew visited, so Mr C got to him to help with the last-minute rush. I’m glad!! I don’t know how I would have handled a load of screaming kids and motherly meltdowns.
December 27th Monday ...
The first official day with Mr Clapton today!! I wore Dennis’s suit again (I wasn’t wearing the one the bros gave me).
The day went by quick enough, but my eyes hurt with the bright lights. Not allowed to wear your sunnies inside though, which is a bummer otherwise I’d be giving my new ones a bit of a trial run inside, like the bros do!! ☹ ☹
On the upside some gorgeous chick winked at me on the way out the store, but not before tucking her number into my back pocket!!!! ☺ ☺ ☺ I got such a shock I nearly dropped a huge watermelon on the floor. That’s so not the norm for Nigel D Tranter ... to get numbers. Though I must say I’ve been hanging out for years - since the beginning of High school if I want to be nitty-gritty about it!!!
December 28th Tuesday ...
Bloody knackered!! And ... I did drop something today, and it happened to be a carton of eggs (it was a bloody nightmare cleaning them up, I can tell you ... worse than dish-washing liquid) It didn’t help that I couldn’t see properly – my eyes are still giving me curry. (I’ll have to get mum to take me to the doc’s) I’m just glad I don’t have to shave every day. I’d probably slit my throat. Then I’d either die from lack of blood ... or I’d crack my nut on the way down to the floor and wouldn’t know either way. What a dilemma!!! Could have be worse though ... Rebbekah could have come over. Then I’d have sore ears to match my sore eyes!!! So NOT funny!!
PS - If I do die, I hope the parents find my new suit and bury me in it ... it will be the only chance I get to wear it the way things are going!!! Oh ... and I hope they don’t forget to put on my new sunnies as well - not that it would matter inside a box - not much sunshine in there ... but I’d look uber-cool for a change. Hmmm!!
December 29th Wednesday ...
Mum got me into the doctors. He gave me some drops though he reckons there’s nothing wrong with them – my eyes that is - apart from their strange colour.
What!!! I thought on the way home, but when I checked them out, I noticed they’ve changed from blue to a dark brown, almost black. Anyways ... the doc said they should be right in a week or so, to wear my sunnies if it helps, and talk to Mr Clapton and see if I could work in another department. Dunno how dad will go with that bit but at the end of the day it’s none of his business. It’s between me and Mr C!!
Simon rang and suggested we catch up for a movie night but I’m way too tired. And it’s alright for him and Marley ... they don’t have to work ... they’re just chillin’ their way through the holidays. Si then reminds me they’re off to the salmon farms on Friday, like he’s rubbing it in. I so do NOT want to talk about this at the moment!!! ☹ ☹ ☹ So much for being ON HOLIDAYS!!!
TV, bed!!!
December 30th Thursday ...
I had a chat with Mr Clapton about changing my job ‘cos of the hassle I’m having with my eyes. He says, ‘Not a problem, son. Would you like to pack shelves? It’s a night job, mind you.’ ‘Yeah ... that’s good, thanks, Mr C,’ I say. ‘See you tonight then, 8-30 pm,’ he says. I wish dad was more like Mr Clapton, but then again maybe he’s an arse with his own kids ... who knows???
11-00 pm ... Bloody hell!!! That was hard yakka unpacking boxes and filling shelves, but I’m feeling better. I was allowed to wear my sunnies ... and my trackies. All good and I don’t even feel tired. ☺
I think I’ll read for a bit!!! The house is nice and quiet, and Dennis is asleep so he won’t hassle me or snitch to mum and dad if I stay up half the night ... wasting electricity, as dad would say. Personally, I think Dennis is the waste ... a waste of bloody space!!!! Why couldn’t I have been an only child??? Or better still, have rich and famous parents ... then I could cash up and run away!! Hang on ... maybe I mightn’t want to run away then!!! I’d be the centre of attention and I wouldn’t have to work. I wonder if I could buy a new dad???? Ha, ha!!!
December 31st Friday ...
New Year’s Eve tonight. Usually I’d be getting together with Simon and Marley for a cracker night and BBQ but they’re away and I’m working. I didn’t get that sorted very well!!! ☹
Dennis is off with Bek somewhere ... to some party I reckon ... and mum and dad, well, let’s say the most exciting thing they’ll do is watch the fireworks on TV.
It’s the pits I can tell you!!!!
January 1st Saturday ...
Happy New year!!! SO NOT!!! Though ... I suppose at least I didn’t have to work today ... that’s one thing.
Eyes are still shite when I go out during the day. But the BEST thing is ... the acne is clearing up; the body is looking better (which is great) and - for the first time in years I can think about going for a swim. BUT ... I’m having trouble with the sunlight on my skin now. It feels ... HOT!!! Like the sun is burning it off with a blowtorch!! What’s the go with that, for crying out loud????
I suppose I could ring Linda Ferris and ask her out for to a movie. At least it’s dark inside the theatre.
What am I saying?????
January 2nd Sunday ...
I slept late today ... I must be really wacked from this working lark, though I feel better as the day wears on. In fact, by night-time I rearing to go!! And the eyes are half okay. I must be adjusting to the nightshift.
Watched a bit of telly, had tea then back to my room ... ho hum!!!!
January 3rd Monday ...
Slept most of the morning again ... would have thought I’d be feeling a bit more chipper considering I didn’t work last night. Maybe it’s boredom ... I miss Simon and Marley!!! It’s all dad’s fault. Dennis hasn’t got a holiday job so why do I have to have one???? I could be away at the fish farm, having a grand old time with me mates if it wasn’t for them dad and his mini-me!!!! Life is so not fair sometimes ☹ ☹
January 6th Thursday ...
The mates will be home from National Falls tomorrow ... which is all good ... but I won’t be able to catch up with them until Saturday ‘cos I’ve got to work!!! ☹
Surprise, surprise ... I got a postcard from the bros today ... a neat picture of a gloomy old castle saying ... wish you were here. Looks like something out of a vampire movie - must be one of those theme parks. That would be fun as long as there wasn’t a lot of blood and guts about the place. Mind you ... it doesn’t seem to bother me much these days - must be growing out of my phobia. I’m even noshing on meat again as well - especially a nice juicy steak - the rarer the better. Mum’s happy to see me eating properly. She said she was a bit worried about me putting away all that rabbit food I insisted on eating. I didn’t think it was THAT bad!!!
It’s been warm these last few days. I wish I could go for a swim but I’m still having trouble with my eyes and my skin. Must be that puberty lark giving me its last shot if the doc reckons I’m alright. With other things improving I suppose I shouldn’t complain. Bring on the babes!!!
Oh ... that reminds me ... I still haven’t rung Linda Ferris. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me now. It’s been way too long. Maybe I should visit Kylie Jett. No ... just fooling about!! Don’t want another slap in the chops. Ha, ha!!!☺
January 8th Saturday ...
Didn’t get to catch up with Simon and Marley until late afternoon. I don’t know what’s the go is with me sleeping half the day away lately.
Eventually I did catch up with the lads and we got to spend some time together as Si’ mum invited me to stay for tea - which was cool bananas. That way we had all evening to share our news. Not that I had a lot to say (who wants to hear about my work stacking shelves? Or see my postcard from the bros for that matter???) The lads get so shirty when I talk about them. They’re so not interested. What IS the go there???
Anyhew ... Simon and Marley had a great time while they were away, hiking and fishing, and doing lots of other awesome stuff. They rode the cable car thingie up to the top of the mountain ... and apparently the views were ab-fab ... if you’re into that stuff!!! Si said he could see right out to the ocean, but Marley said it was Simon’s imagination ... like an optimum delusion or whatever they’re called!! And the camping was way major too, so I’m feeling a bit put out at missing out.
I’m think ... Simon and Marley seem to be more like a twosome these days - you know - as in mates ... even though they were happy to share their holiday snaps with me, I don’t feel like we’re the three amigos anymore.
I left Si’s place around 7-00 ish ... had to go to work at 8!!! It’s my last day so I can’t whinge too much. I did arrange to catch up with the lads again tomorrow, though. We’re going to TT’s to have lunch!!!! It’s been a while so I’m looking forward to it. Who knows ... we might pick up threads ... again?
I gotta say here, it’s nice palling around with The Sultans of Kool but I sorta miss me mates. We’ve been friends like forever ... since pre-school ... and I can’t imagine Axl, Theiss and Zodiak doing the same stuff that us lads have done together over the years. They’re just way too ... KOOL!!!
January 9th Sunday ...
I can’t bloody-well believe it. I missed lunch with Si and Marley. The worst part is they didn’t even ring me.
It was that night shift work with Mr C that done it, so thank goodness I can get back on track now that I’ve finished my stint. I’ll call the lads later and arrange something for tomorrow. If my dad wasn’t such a tight-arse I could ask him to have a BBQ here so they could come for tea, but he’d probably just look right through me – like I was wearing my invisibility cloak again - or worse still, get on my back about having a shave. ☹
Mind you ... the whiskers seemed to have slowed down with the improvement of the skin - and the bod -, which is the greatest surprise of all. I’m starting to look like I’m a bit buff ... probably from humping all those boxes about at the store. Now if I could only get a suntan, I’d be set ... but that outside stuff is just not on the menu. Still!!!!! ☹
Oh well ... can’t have it all ways I suppose!!!!
Watched a bit of telly ... it’s not like I’ve got anything else to do ☹ ☹
January 10th Monday ...
There’s me thinking I’m free from hard labour when Mr Clapton rings and asks could I do another few days. It seems that one of the packers fell over some old dear’s walking frame and sprained his wrist (the dude musta got a t-shirt same as mine for chrissie – Accidents Happen!!). He’ll be out of action for a few days and as I can’t do checkout Mr C’s got to ask one of the other lads to take over, which means he’ll be short a worker with the shelves. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of Simon and Marley, so I said yes. I think dad would have had a fit if I’d said otherwise, though why Dennis doesn’t have to work, beats me still. Snivelling little rat!!! ☹ ☹
January 13th Thursday ...
Got another postcard from Axl, Theiss and Zodiak. Lovely boys mum says as she handed it over. I wish Simon and Marley could be as eager ... not that I’ve seen or heard from them since Saturday gone. It would be nice to share like we used to when we was little tackers.
Anyways ... ‘the bros will be home on the weekend. Could they kindly have the pleasure of my company on Saturday night for dinner?’ the card says. ‘And please dress. The car will be at the house at 7’. Very polite these fellas are ... no wonder mum thinks they’re ‘lovely boys.’ Ha, ha!!!
January 15th Saturday ...
Still haven’t heard from Simon and Marley. I don’t know what to think about that. I didn’t tell them about today ... how could I ... I haven’t spoken with them.
Anyways ... the new suit is out and pressed. Thank god I’ve got a bit of a bod to put in it now. Ha, ha!! Now to fill in the rest of the day!!
12-35 am ... Well ... another night of good food, wine (I had half a glass tonight) good company – though there were the usual questions about my health – and they told me about their holidays overseas. They’ve got family in Transylvania – where-ever that is – and the postcard wasn’t a post card at all. It was a pic of their family home. Hmmm!!! They’re kidding of course but they weren’t kidding when they said I looked KOOL – with a capitol K) in my new tweeds. I did ... I checked myself out in Dennis’ full-length mirror when he was in the bathroom getting ready to take the Bek out. I even wore my new sunnies.
The funny thing was ... they – as in the bros - didn’t bat an eyelid when I told them about my dodgy eyes and the rest of it. They exchanged glances – in a curious way – then they asked when my 16th birthday was. It seems they want to throw a big birthday bash for me.
WOW!!! Imagine that??? I said I’d have to ask my mum first to see if she was planning anything before I agreed. They were all good with that, as usual – they are so easy to get along with!!! I must admit I can’t see it somehow ... a party at home that is! With how stingy dad is I’d be lucky to get a 21st birthday party. I’d be totally off his list of relativity by then (joke there ... relative – ity ... get it????)
Sooooo ...it’s into bed, though I feel wide awake. It’s that bloody night shift that does it. I’ll be hanging like a bat from the ceiling next!!!! Ha, ha!!! ☺
January 16th Sunday ...
I managed (somehow) to meet up with Marley at TT’s. He said Simon had family visiting for a couple days so he just strolled on down to see who he could catch up with. What!!! Doesn’t he remember where I live anymore?? Though maybe that’s a bit harsh!! I’ve been all over the place with the bros, my new sleeping habits ... and I’ve had to work too.
We had sodas together and we talked about the rest of the school hols. What we’re going to do and all that stuff. I suggested that maybe we could go camping up the back of Si’s place like we used to when we were kids, but Marley reminded me that the last time we went the three of us had such a barney that we split up and we ended up going it alone. That was all well and good in theory, but we nearly died of hunger as Marley had the frypan, Simon had the matches and I had the snags.
Then it snowed for the first time in 30 odd years – in fact it was more like a bloody blizzard. It ended up that even if we wanted to make up, we couldn’t find each other or the tent anyway.
And to top it off we all got pneumonia from getting wet and cold (the parents were rightly impressed when they got the hospital bill, I can tell you) so we decided – when we finally did get the friendship back on track – that we wouldn’t do that again ... the camping lark. It nearly killed us!! Mind you ... I doubt whether it would snow in the middle of summer!!!
Eventually we ran out of talk and Marley said he had to go. I dunno ... this growing up stuff is not much fun!! It changes everything!!! ☹ ☹
Oh yeah ... I remembered to ask mum about my birthday, and she looked at me blankly. I guess that means that nothing’s happening at 27 Forester Road. I then mentioned that Axl, Theiss and Zodiak might do something for me and I got a smile, and a ‘that’s nice, luv,’ so I guess that means it’s okay to go ahead with whatever the bros have in mind. I’ll tell them next time I see them ... whenever that might be. It’s not as if I can call them. And I never seem to remember where they live either, so I can’t visit or send a letter either. Hmmm!!!! Weird that!!!
January 18th Tuesday ...
Good grief!!! Watched all my DVDs and run out of books. That’s a first!!! Mum said she’d take me down the library, but she’s got her CWA meeting this arvo, so I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. I would have walked if it wasn’t so far. Besides ... with my touchy skin I’d probably have gotten cooked to a crisp by the time I got home again. Can’t wait to get my learner’s licence and get a car. Though the actuality of ever learning to drive is small, considering it supposed to be dad’s job ... that’s says it all!!! Maybe I can ask the bros if their driver can teach me. Surely, he doesn’t work 24/7!!
January 21st Friday ...
What a boring week!! No Simon OR Marley. I’ve heard nothing from the bros and there’s only 1 week before we’re back at school. Official day is 2nd February and counting. I could have gone to TT’s to see what’s happening, I suppose, but who would I have to talk to? I would’ve looked like a right turkey sitting there on my tod. Maybe things will get back to normal when we’re all back at school and into routine again ... though nothing’s really been the same since the Halloween party.
Talking of parties ... my birthday’s in 4 weeks. I wonder what the bros will organise?? I hope there’s lots of happening stuff like there was at their Halloween party. That would be cool!!! ☺
January 22ndhSaturday ...
Simon came around after lunch. His rellies have gone home. Marley’s at his gran’s and he (Si not Marley) thought we could catch a movie. So I say, ‘What’s playing?’ and he says, ‘It’s all Over Now.’ I looked at Simon, wondering ... is that a hint? But he looks serious enough. He goes on to say, ‘It’s a story about a priest, who’s a cross-dresser and wants to become a strip-tease dancer in Vegas.’ ‘Really!!!’ I say. ‘Could be a laugh,’ Si says. ‘Yeah ... okay!’ So we went and it was bloody hilarious. I’m glad that we did that ... more like old times!! ☺ ☺ Just a pity that Marley wasn’t with us then the three amigos would ride again ... yeehaa!!!
January 23rd Sunday ...
Quiet day at home. Didn’t hear from Simon again but that’s okay. I had another long morning in bed, read my comic for about the 200th time, then when I thought I was in for a complete lazy day dad comes bashing at my door. ‘You gonna stay in there all day?’ he yelled. ‘Yep!!!’ I yelled back. ‘Well ... that’s what you think,’ he screamed as if I’m deaf as well as having iffy eyes. I go silent ... I like to do this to him sometimes. I like to imagine what shade of purple he’s turning. It’s the devil in me ... ha, ha!!! Kidding aside - it’s really the usual - I don’t know what to say!!! Any attempt to save myself being dumped in the shite always back-fires. So dad got the upper hand - again - when he said, ‘Yer mother needs help cleaning the kitchen cupboards. You can do that with yer shades on, can’t yer lad?’ He chuckled. Bastard, I thought!!
Mind you ... I did hear the mower start up earlier, so I guess that’s the trade-off. ‘Okay, dad,’ I say, ‘I’ll be right down.’ So there went the rest of my day!! ☹ ☹ What’s to say about the insides of cupboards???? And drawers????? Dad is the pits. It’s no wonder Dennis is the way he is ... they’re both the same!!!
January 27th Thursday ...
Only 4 days to go and it’s back to the bloody grind. It’s gonna be an interesting start to the year with me eyes and skin being still on the tricky side. I wonder if I can get a doc’s certificate and not go back ... ever!!! Yeah ... right ... as if!!!
Anyways ... I caught up with Simon and Marley at the mall – mind you it wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been an overcast day. It’s all well and good to wear the sunnies for the eyes ... but to wear a full wardrobe of clothes so that I don’t get sunburnt in the middle of summer is a bit much.
That aside we played a few games, had a few sodas, exchanged a few words (all my shout as I’ve got all this money from working for Mr Clapton and I haven’t been anywhere to spend it) The mates are feeling a bit out of sorts too about going back to school but it’s our last year and by rights things should improve all round. Maybe I might even still be in Linda Ferris’ good books and we can start again with the ‘call me’ thingie!!! One can only hope ...
On a good note I had a message from the bros. It seems that my birthday bash is all sorted, and I should have a great time. A car will pick me up on the night and all I need to do is ... you guessed it ... dress!!! I’m thinking they musta had a chat with mum otherwise how would they know who to invite. And there’s all that other party business that needs to get sorted too. I won’t ask as she might have been told to keep’ mum’!! Get it???? MUM???
January 28th Friday ...
The last weekend of the holidays!! ☹ ☹ One would like to have ended them with a bang, but mine’s been more like a fizzle. And not a very specky one at that!!!
Simon and Marley went fishing together ... without me, obviously ... as I’ve been moping about in my room most of the day. I’m guessing they don’t even ask me to go anywhere now because of my eyes and skin ... and every other bloody excuse I seem to have these days. Jeez!!! Life ... give me a break!!!!
But not everything is doom and gloom!!! Dennis the menace is staying over at Bek’s place ... ooh ... I bet there’s gonna be some hanky-panky going on sometime there tonight. And mum and dad have gone out for the day. I nearly fainted when dad said he was taking the old cheese out. That sorta thing costs money and dad’s not real keen on parting with his at the best of times. But it seems that they’ve been married for a while now ... like about thirty years and they’ve got some sorta special anniversary (that they don’t want to share with me for some reason. Maybe I’m illegal or something ... now there’s a thought!!!! That would explain a lot of things) Anyhew ... they’re catching up with friends for lunch and tea - making a real day of it apparently. Mum even got her best hat out. To be honest though ... I didn’t think they had any (friends, that is) but there ya go. It’s all good and I’ve got the place to myself!!! ☺ ☺ Oh ... what mischief to get up to????
January 30th Sunday ...
HOT!!! HOT!!! HOT!!! ... so bloody hot today, so just lazing today ... after all ... it’s not like I can go for a walk or a swim. Is it??? So where’s Si and Marley when you need them, I wondered. Probably having the time of their life, while I sit and moulder away inside my invisibility cloak, here at home!!! I really am fed up with this shite!!!! ☹ ☹ ☹ In some ways it’ll be a good thing to get back to school ... at least there’ll be other kids around ... one’s that might want to talk to me. Maybe!!!
I did start reading that book I found in my locker weeks ago. I don’t remember ever buying it ... or even getting it for a chrissy or birthday present. I’m buggered if I know how it got there (still thinking it’s a mistaken deposit) The thing is ... it’s a really weird book!!!! Talks about all sorts of stuff that I thought would be in a ... I dunno ... a guidebook of sorts. No ... maybe not a guidebook ... a biology book maybe!!!! It’s hard to explain. Interesting stuff though!
January 31st Monday ...
So ... the countdown to school daze has begun, though life has not gotten any more exciting (not surprised here) Simon and Marley seemed to have disappeared off the planet. Dad’s looking at me in an odd sorta way and mum ... well, she just puddles along being mum. I think she likes that I’m eating properly again, and that I’ve got such nice new friends. The funny thing is ... she doesn’t seem to worry about the lads - the old friends - it’s like ... she doesn’t miss them at all. That’s a bit queer, but there’s no accounting. As for the dodo that’s supposed to be related to me ... don’t see much of him since he had his sleep-over at the girlfriend’s house. Now that’s good stuff!!! ☺
February 2nd Wednesday ...
Here we go round the mulberry bush ... it was the first day back at school. Hooked up with Simon and Marley as if nothing’s changed, the bros are nowhere to be seen, and we didn’t have to tax our brains too much. No homework either so all good for a first day!!
February 4th Friday ...
Somewhere along the line Simon scored a date so it’s just Marley and me who went for soft drinks and chips this arvo. Marley didn’t have much to say about the situation. In fact, he seemed a bit on the cool side ... like he had other things on his mind. That’s a bit of a worry with Marley as he hasn’t got much to play with, but he didn’t want to talk so we just went our separate ways after. We didn’t even plan anything for the weekend ... and that’s a first when a new movie is making its first showing Saturday night. What happen to our premier events??? Especially since I actually have a free night for a change!!!
Tea, an old rerun on telly and then into bed!!! God ... can it get any worse????
February 6th Sunday ...
Theiss and Zodiak showed up for afternoon tea. It was a bit of a surprise as they usually let me know what’s happening first ... like they send a note or something. Mum seemed in the know though. She’d made a chocolate cake for the occasion and pots of tea for the bros.
Anyways ... we did the 20 questions thing, drank the tea and sat casual like ... all very cosy as we do. I told them about the book I was reading - the one that I’d found in my locker, and Zodiak’s face lit up ... though it’s hard to tell in some ways as the bros don’t show much skin. And the bits they do are sorta pale ... very, very white, in fact. But I guess that’s because they come from the northern half of the planet where there’s no sun. Not like in Australia where it’s bloody hot all the time ... scorching in fact, if you live up in Queensland or Darwin way.
So back to the sitting room ... Zodiak asks, ever so politely, ‘Ah, so how are you finding it?’ (we’re talking about the book here ... it seems it belongs to them and Axl slipped it into my locker when I was in class) I say, ‘interesting.’ The boys nod; then wait a while to see if I have anything else to say, then announce that they have to go. I see a break in the traffic, so I asked, ‘So ... where is Axl? He’s okay, isn’t he?’
The silence stretched like the elastic in mum’s good knickers. Then Theiss says, ‘Yes ... he’s fine ... just getting some loose ends together.’ ‘Loose ends,’ I say, slopping my tea all over the place. ‘I wouldn’t have thought you guys had any ... you know ... you seem to have everything sorted.’ ‘We do - most of the time - but there is a very special event coming up,’ Theiss says quietly. ‘Oh,’ I mumbled. Actually I couldn’t think of anything else to say or ask without sounding nosey, but I think it would have been a good idea if I had. It might have explained a few things.
Two minutes later the bros are out the door, saying they’d see me soon - in three weeks to be exact. Of course ... my birthday!!! I’m so looking forward to it. Funny that Simon or Marley haven’t mentioned anything. I hope they’ve been invited. I’d hate for them to miss out. After all ... I’ll be sweet sixteen ... though sadly - in this case - never been snogged before.
I wonder if Linda Ferris will be asked to come along. My birthday bash would be the ideal opportunity to hook up with her ... if you know what I mean? Wish I’d thought to have a bit of a probe when I had the chance. Oh well, too late now!!!
February 7th Monday ...
What a horrible start to the day. Freckle-face has returned ... and she was in fine form too. I would have thought that I’d seen the back of her last year. Anyways, we get loads of homework, get sent on our merry way (that’s me, Si and Marley, and a couple of other kids) to a new teacher for an art training class, which was so ... OMG!!!! (I don’t know why I bothered, really. I can’t paint for quids)
Then we have a Phys Ed class with The Bird. He rounded us up after for a spring clean of the gym (why us???? I was hoping those days were dead and gone) ... (and why a spring clean when its summer ... and almost over????) but Santa musta been kind to him as he let us off early in the arvo, as he used to last year. I suggested to the lads that we go get some ice-cream at TT’s ... my shout (I’ve still got heaps of dosh left from my savings) The boys said no ... would you believe? They had other stuff to catch up on. But it was sorta okay as I got sunburnt when we had to do some laps around the oval. Mum put some hello Vera on it as it was stingy later on. I feel a bit better now though, but I must remember to put sunscreen on when I go outside in the future.
It’s gonna be a bit of a bugger to try and sleep!!! ☹
February 8th Tuesday ...
School – boring - homework, tea (no Rebbekah and Dennis), telly (new episodes of CSI) then bed for this little rubber ducky. Tired!!! In fact my tired is exhausted!!! I didn’t think that was possible!!!
February 10th Thursday ...
School was shite again. I’m so over it. I’m wondering if working for Mr Clapton was that bad after all. I shouldn’t grumble too much though. I did get a ‘nudge, nudge, wink, wink’ from Jersey Copperman of the big beautiful breasts at recess. She’s one of the hottest chicks at school ... blonde hair, legs up to her elbows, nice buns and sparkly eyes ... I nearly choked on my vegemite sandwich when I saw her looking my way. Simon and Marley gave me one peculiar look ... like I was an alien or something!!! But jeez!!!! I wasn’t my fault if she thought I was worth the effort. Don’t know what else to say here!!
February 11th Friday ...
Usual crappola at school ... got loads of homework again. Can’t say I’m going to be impressed with the last year if this is any sorta clue to how it’s gonna pan out. What a drag!!! A bloke’s got better things to do with his weekend, but I must admit I’m at a bit of a loss finding them these days. Simon and Marley are so bloody hard to nail down lately that I feel like I’ve got some sorta sign round my neck that says ‘piss off ... I don’t want to know’ or something along those lines. So with no plans I guess I shall just do “not much at all”.
Bloody boring, that’s all I can say!!! Though ... maybe I should go and stroll the mall tomorrow. Jersey might be there. Or maybe some other hot chick. ☺ ☺
At the very least I might catch up with the lads. They might be having pizza out. Though ... if they are, I’ll want to know why I wasn’t invited!!
February 13th Sunday ...
So ... Sunday night here we are. I did go to the mall yesterday for a couple of hours - for what it was worth. Didn’t see Simon or Marley; didn’t see Jersey Copperman or even Linda Ferris. TT’s was empty except for some newbies and there was nothing worth watching at the pictures.
As for today ... Dennis went out with his girl again, mum was in the kitchen all day baking (I wonder if she’s making stuff for my party????) and dad ... enough said. So I ended up watching telly all day. After tea and here I am. Well!!!! ☹ ☹
February 15th Tuesday ...
I’ve nearly run out of pages in my diary, so I’ve decided that when I do ... that’s that. I’m not keeping a diary ever again (hopefully nobody will give me one for a birthday present) My life is so the pits these days that I wonder why I bother getting out of bed, let alone record the event. Nothing’s really improved in the last six months. I think I’ve lost my best friends. Still haven’t got a girlfriend - though I suppose I have been noticed once or twice – that’s more than I’ve had since I started high school. And I haven’t seen the Sultans for a while. They must be super busy with me birthday plans ... and that’s only three sleeps away. ☺ ☺ ☺
Hmmm!!!! Maybe I’m being a bit unfair here. I have toned up a bit from working at Mr Clapton’s place, and all my pimples are gone. I could do with a bit of a tan though ... that would help at bit. Now that the sun gives me such a touch up these days, I’m as white as a pommie’s backside. Look a bit like death warmed up, especially with the fact that my eyes haven’t come right yet. They’re sorta spaced out looking, like killer’s eyes, all dark and mysterious. Ha, ha!!!!
Anyways ... I suppose I’ve improved a bit ... but there’s a long way to go with my social life!!!
February 16th Wednesday ...
School, homework, tea and into bed ...
February 17th Thursday ...
School, homework, tea ☹
No ... hang on ... I remember Simon rang. He wanted to know if he could borrow the book that Marley lent me months ago.
February 18th Friday ...
Saw Simon and Marley on the way home from school. I say, ‘See you tomorrow night then.’ They both give me a weird look. I’m wondering now what sort of party I’m having if my friends don’t know the go. I don’t care if Dennis or dad aren’t invited. It would be nice if mum was there though.
February 19th Saturday ...
Yay!!!! Today’s the day. Not only am I a birthday boy ... I’m sixteen (can get my learner’s licence now) I’ve got a great party to go to tonight. In a way it’s a surprise party as I have NO idea who or what is going to be there, but I’m excited. In fact I’m as excited as when I was invited to the great Halloween party. Jeez!!! I hope I remember what happens and who’s there this time!!! It would be a bugger if I forgot my own birthday party!!!
Mum gave me a hand knitted jumper with some odd-looking picture on the front. I think it’s meant to be some super hero thing. Dad mumbled at me as I passed him in the hall and Dennis is nowhere to be seen. Typical!!! You wait and see what happens when it’s his birthday. NOTHING!!!!! That’s what!!!
3-15 pm ... So ... I expected a visit from Simon and Marley, but there wasn’t even so much as a phone call!! Maybe it might be ... SURPRISE!!! happy 16th birthday, Nigel!!! me old mate!!! later ... at the party. I’m more than convinced that it’s a surprise party now. Hmmm!!!
Just a quick note after a boring day ... the limo is finally here. I’m suited up and rearing to go so let the fun begin. ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺
12-30 am ... Well, where do I start?? It was just me, Theiss and Zodiak. No friends, no family and no pressies. And no Axl!!! (no balloons or cake either, which I thought was a bit weird, considering ...) The table was set nicely though, the food and wine was great, and the entertainment was uber-odd but hey ... we’re talking about the bros here. Then things got serious and I was told everything. And I mean ... EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently, there is a bloody good reason for all the changes I’ve been yapping on about recently ... the buffness, the skin, the eyes, the strange sleeping habits I’ve developed ... and it’s got nothing to do with puberty or working at Mr C’s place it seems. As of midnight it turns out that I officially became a vampire ... JUST LIKE THE SULTANS OF KOOL!!!!!
A BLOODY VAMPIRE!!!! Would. You. Believe?????
But who would have thought????
So ... here’s the go ... good old Nigel D Tranter can’t stand the sight of blood, and vampires have always given me the heebie jeebies ... AND NOW I AM ONE!!!!! I don’t know how that’s gonna work with the rest of my life (or lack there-of) but I’ll get back to you on that one. I need to think on this stuff for a while. I also need to lie down ... or drape myself over a coat hanger in the wardrobe ... something like that!!!! Who knows what’s the go is here??? I’ve never been a vampire before!!!
February 20th Sunday evening ...
May as well cut to the chase here. It started (the vampire thing) at the famous Halloween party (the one I don’t remember) when I volunteered to be part of the entertainment. It seems that one must volunteer, not be forced to be part of the whole thing, apparently (it’s against the vampire code) and that’s what I did - volunteered - right twat that I was with my ‘Pick me, pick me’ just like Simon said.
Then the dream that followed, of the bats and sucking of blood from my little finger wasn’t really a dream at all, but the finishing off of the ceremony that starts the change (it was supposed to done on the night of the party but I ran away, didn’t I???) So ... all the stuff that have been happening to me since, is part of the transformation from human to vampire ... not the hard work I did at Mr Clapton’s shop as I thought.
And the twenty questions every time the bros visited was to make sure things were going okay ... on track and as they should be.
As for the last-minute touches - those of losing my reflection and growing my fangs (so much for the dental work mum paid for) - that happened at midnight last night after I said goodbye to Axl ... IN HIS BOX!!!! I’m his last replacement so he’s done his bit for the clan. He’s got himself organised. Time for him to go - which was the loose ends that Theiss mentioned last time I saw him (and there’s me thinking it was to do with setting up my party invites and stuff) Apparently, Axl’s just on 300 hundred years old ... can you believe that???? He looked like he was about 18.
Anyways ... I’m here – at home - to say bye to mum. I was a bit worried about her ... thinking that she’d miss me when I moved into the mansion with Theiss and Zodiak (don’t care about dad or Dennis ... though I was a bit concerned about Simon and Marley. But that’s all been taken care off with some sort of memory spell I was told) Mum won’t remember a thing either when she wakes up in the morning. I can still visit her if I want but she won’t know who I am ☹ ☹ That’s a bit sad, but there ya go.
On the upside though, I’m just as cool as the Sultans - in fact I am one of them now. I look uber great ... got all the good stuff going for me (I did say I wanted to be just like them once) and I’ll live for another 300 hundred years or so. Oh, yeah ... I get to travel too, go to the castle and meet the family ... the vampire crowd. And I got my own box as well ... though Theiss said I shouldn’t keep calling it a box – it’s a coffin. Anyways ... it’s got a nice fancy blue lining, a shiny pillow and gold handles. I’m not really sure about that bit as I’m not fussed on small spaces but Zodiak said that once I get the hang of it it’s all good ... no drama. Hmmm!!
As for the feeding lark ... there was a moment where I thought I’d be the only vampire on record who starved to death. But it’s all okay, as there’s no sucking on necks as we’ve all been led to believe for years: the bros have got an account at the nearest blood bank ... all above board!!! And a rare steak is great for a snack if one gets a bit peckish!!!
Lastly ... I can change my name to whatever I like. Hooray!!!! I think this might be the best part of all.
9-15 pm ... So, it seems I’m all done here now. I’ve given mum a huge cuddle. They’ll be no more entries in the diary after this one, even though life is gonna be very different, and worth writing about for a change. My fabulous scribblings of the past (HA!!!) will now reside unopened (maybe for all eternity) in the mansion’s library. But a word of warning to anyone who might find it at a later date and choose to read it ... be very, very careful of what you wish for ‘cos you just might get it!!!!
Well ... that’s it from me it seems. So bye all ...
Accidently yours ... Blaize, vampire and Sultan of Kool, formally known as Nigel D Tranter ... no-hoper and loser!!!