Catch and Release
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There were bad ideas, and then there were really bad ideas. Michael watched his mistake dutifully trotting after Dolly who was waving him away from the horse trailer and in his direction.
What the hell was he thinking, letting Dolly talk him into meeting up with a perfect stranger? She’d kicked dirt with the toe on her fancy boot, put on her mother’s obstinate and not taking no for an answer face, then disappeared into the crowd before he had a chance to voice an objection, let alone think on whether or not he was even interested.
As in remotely...
Tall, lean. Legs long enough to wrap a horse’s barrel, long enough to wrap around other things. Blond hair in a curly mess, like a halo of sunshine, a surfer boy, beach bunny dude if he’d ever seen one. Moved like one, too. Careless, loose jointed, like he’d been born on a boogey board, born to the sea. Sonny. His name’s Sonny. Could it get any better than that?
Jesus, what’s with you, Brooks?
Rubbing his palms along the grain of his filthy chaps, unconsciously counting off the assets of the angel swaggering in his direction, Michael plastered a neutral expression on his face. It was the one he used with Paul when he was in the wrong and not willing to admit to anything without legal counsel and a damn good excuse.
Except, this time his excuse was he really did want to see this dude again. One hit, one nanosecond of body contact and he’d been holding onto the guy’s hips like he was aiming to lean in and suck face until one of them collapsed. Mostly him. Then he’d sent his accidental contact off to a restricted area, knowing he’d be able to find him later. If he wanted. Maybe. He’d see. See how it went, how he felt after the run.
Michael snickered to himself, asking the question... How did it go? Good enough to share the feels?
With his ego taking a back seat, he’d still be willing to say it had been a good run. In fact, it’d been stellar, him and Red doing what they both loved. Hitting all the high points, working like a team. He’d call that kind of unity organic, but that didn’t come close to how it felt to be in synch with his equine partner.
Truth, it wasn’t him at all, it was all Red. Instinct, talent, athleticism. None of that came with training. All he’d done was show the big guy a way to channel his natural abilities, and it’d been balls to the wall from there. If he hadn’t made a choice to pursue a different dream, he could have been somebody on the circuit. For a time.
Life was all about choices. Picking career over hobby, thank the horse gods, hadn’t come loaded with a barrel of regrets. Michael wasn’t sure his most recent choice striding toward him was going to be without risk, especially not after being dumped for the exact same reason he wasn’t chasing points on the rodeo circuit.
Here he was, calling the kettle black, when he’d grabbed the brass ring, just like his ex, Adam, had done nearly two years ago. Michael’s successes had been garnered in this arena, local boy makes good shit. He’d ridden that wave until it became clear he had bigger fish to fry. Then he’d done a one-eighty and hadn’t looked back.
Adam’s choices had been no different. He’d jumped on a chance to hit the national stage and go big time. He was still chasing that dream, getting closer every year.
Funny how, after all that time, Michael hadn’t once considered it from Adam’s point of view. Now, here he was, chock full of resentment and no more excuses to keep it all for himself. He felt stupid. Weak and stupid. Embarrassed and suddenly wishing he could kick blondie into next week for stripping him of all the reasons for being surly and selfish.
A hand squeezed his shoulder. A voice, tentative and worried, asked, “You okay?”
Michael stared at his boots, caressing the guilt and the festering bitterness he’d harbored like a security blanket, but the satisfaction was gone, swept away by more contact. This time it wasn’t incidental. It was friendly and open, and it hit him hard where he lived.
Shrugging and swallowing his inner turmoil, he muttered, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” Then he looked up, into golden russet eyes ringed with dark copper and flecked with gilt. Worried eyes. Eyes that stripped him of anxiety and self-doubt. Eyes that invited him in.
I am in such fucking trouble...
Dolly tugged on his sleeve and cleared her throat. They both turned to stare at her.
“Me and Cody, we’re gonna take the horses back to the ranch now. We’ll unhitch and leave the trailer there. Unless...?”
Michael said, “No, that’s fine. Just be sure there’s water and hay. I haven’t had a chance to set things up the way I like it yet. I’ll see to it tomorrow.”
Cody leaned out the driver side window. “Thanks again, Mr. Brooks. I appreciate the kindness.” He grinned shyly and ducked his head. Michael wondered if the poor kid was talking about the loan of a horse or the fact that Dolly was now officially his girlfriend. He seemed more than a little confused. And the kid hadn’t yet met Sally, the mother from hell. If he hadn’t been so relieved at Dolly’s change of affections, he might have felt sorry for Cody.
Putting on his responsible adult hat, Michael said, “Drive safely, you two. Call me if you have a problem.” It was closing in on ten o’clock. He was tempted to say something about going straight home, but bit his tongue at the last minute. He’d been nineteen once. And horny as hell.
Sonny whispered in his ear, “The boy knows about protection, right?”
Michael snorted and clapped his hand to his mouth. He managed to gasp, “I doubt it, but Dolly does.”
They waved goodbye as the rig pulled out into traffic exiting the fairgrounds. Sonny asked, “Is she your sister or something?”
Michael pulled a face. “Something, yeah. Her mother’s been trying to hook me and the kid up ever since I parked my rig in her campground.” He shivered. “It was getting awkward.”
Sonny’s face registered a flash of disappointment as he said, “Oh, so you’re just in for the rodeo?”
“Yes and no. It’s complicated.” He took Sonny’s elbow and pulled him into the shadows behind the judging stand. “Look, I’m sorry about all this. You must think I’m some kind of moron jerking you around.” Michael fiddled with the buckle holding his chaps together, then sucked air, realizing too late what the man must think. His face burning, he rasped, “Fuck, listen... Dammit, this is all a mistake. It’s not... um, not...”
Running his hand through his unruly mop of hair, Sonny backed away one step, then said, “Can I ask you something?”
“I guess, but you already know the answer. I’m a raving lunatic.”
Sonny jammed his hands in his pockets, a smile twitching the corners of his mouth. “I’m a little particular about the lunatics I keep company with.”
“How’s that?” Michael’s belly flip-flopped. Tall, blond and sexy hadn’t bolted for the exit, but he clearly wasn’t comfortable answering Michael’s retort.
Sonny shook his head ruefully, like he was reconsidering, and said, “You’re right, this is a mistake...”
Michael thought again about choices and taking a chance, then blurted, “I’m gay.”
The muscle in Sonny’s cheek twitched as he continued, “...or not. I happen to fancy gay lunatics. Especially if they want to go someplace and grab a beer. Have a conversation. Choke on stale peanuts.”
“See where the evening goes?”
“That, too. If you’re going to be around, I mean.” He licked pouty, full lips and muttered, “Not much for casual, if you get my drift.”
****
Sonny sipped his beer, pacing himself. They’d headed north to a roadhouse surrounded by grazing land and not much else. He thought he’d hit all the local watering holes during his term as a student, but apparently this place liked staying under the radar, catering to local ranch hands and a few biker groups making it a stop on their road trip.
The entertainment stepped away to recharge, the echo of twangy guitars and nasal pleas to love me truly overwhelmed by cheers and jeers and the raucous laughter of men and women determined to start their weekend off with a bang.
Michael teetered on his bar stool, his bulk providing a buffer between the wall and a leather clad biker already three sheets to the wind and argumentative. He was pushing Michael, nudging his shoulder and elbow, seeing how physical he could get. Instigating a confrontation. Sonny braced himself, ready to move fast if necessary.
Michael grinned, the same grin that turned Sonny’s bowels to water, the kind of grin that was nasty-assed scary. Freeing up the shoulder under assault, Michael said, “Man, when you’re right you’re right.” He tilted his beer bottle in the biker’s direction and shouted to the bartender, “Another round for my good friends here.” He slid a couple twenties onto the bar, then deliberately turned his back to the biker, the smile still on his face, but colder, tenser.
The biker clapped a hand on Michael’s back and moved off to harass someone else.
Sonny hissed, “Shee-it.” Ruefully he admitted, “I think I might have messed my shorts.”
Chuckling, Michael said, “That makes two of us. Good thing I’m off for a bit. Might be just the right time to finally do some laundry.” He chugged the rest of his beer and set the bottle aside, then resumed their conversation. “Why State? Seems like a school like Cornell or U-of-P would’ve suited a city boy like you better.”
“You got the city boy half right. I hail from south Jersey, near the shore. It’s way more rural than you’d think.”
“All right, but why here?”
“Short answer? Living where we did, tourist central... it got old. You spend most of the year with everything shut down and locked up tight for the winter. Then when the good weather hits, so do the hordes pouring out of Philly or coming down from the Big Apple. Like damn locusts. It’s like living in a fishbowl. Or maybe it’s more like indentured servitude. Chasing the almighty day-tripper dollars, never really getting to enjoy the beach or the boardwalks without shoving through a mob of people who don’t even see or appreciate what they’ve got.”
“And...?”
Sonny blinked. He tried to shake off the sensation of being analyzed, picked apart and resected into a new whole. It was as if his body language and words were being processed and set aside for later. The man sitting across from him, the man with grit lining his cheeks and dirt under his fingernails, was waiting for what Sonny wasn’t saying.
Eyes the color of steel blued to a flat finish and limned with restrained violence assessed and evaluated, coming up unsatisfied. Sonny had been concerned that Michael Brooks had jumped in the deep end, trying to deflect the biker’s aggression with amelioration, buying them escape time for the price of a few bottles of beer. He’d been wrong, dead wrong. It might be a feeling, intuition, or an educated guess, but Sonny had no doubts that the man sitting across from him was perfectly capable of handling and dispatching whatever got thrown at him. And that included attitude clad in leather.
That thought made him nervous, jittery enough to feel exposed and vulnerable. And horny as hell. His cock strained the fabric of his jeans but he didn’t dare make an adjustment, not under Brooks’ assessing gaze. Longingly he stared at the sign for the men’s room on the opposite side of the bar. He needed to pee, to jerk off, to get control of a libido gone completely off the rails.
Michael stood up, leaned in close and murmured in his ear, “Outside. Now.” When Sonny slid off the stool, those thin lips twitched, one side lifting higher than the other. Michael eyed him up and down, pausing momentarily at the giveaway bulge in Sonny’s jeans. He handed over his hat, said, “Use this,” and stalked toward the entrance, disappearing through the double doors before Sonny could process what had happened.
Acting as nonchalant as possible and using the Stetson as a shield, Sonny traced a path through the milling throng and exited into near total darkness. When a hand grabbed his belt and yanked him off the porch onto the gravel parking lot, he almost had a heart attack.
Mumbling, “Where the hell are we going,” he followed Michael around the side of the building, blind as a bat and stumbling his way over the rough surface. It wasn’t until Michael swung him around and drove him against the rough siding that the frisson of fear and desire he’d experienced in the bar suddenly erupted into lust so powerful he was willing to do anything, say anything to be with Michael Brooks. For that instant, for a single night, maybe even forever.
Thumbs caressed his neck, ridging along tendons stretched to the point of panic, the touch brutal, possessive. A knee invaded his space, forcing his thighs to yield to the pressure—the exquisite luxury of groin terrorizing groin released him from saying no, the word caught in his throat and swept away.
A sob tore through him, terror overriding his sense of self, fear catapulting him into allowing this... this possession, because denial wasn’t part of the compact, the one he’d signed, sealed and delivered when he’d agreed to see where the evening went.
He’d known all along where it would go—here, to this moment in time where he’d already hurtled past the point of no return, throwing caution to the winds. For once he had a reason to step outside his comfort zone, the zone that dictated he be sensible all his life. Tonight was about more than taking a risk, putting himself in someone else’s hands. Tonight, he wanted just one thing—a simple, elegant thing.
He wanted a memory.
****
Awareness was slow to manifest, lying adrift at the edges of consciousness, pinioned by points of contact, knee to hard muscle, cock burning with a thousand flames, leaking lava to coat and ease the slipping pressure of lust. The pads on his thumbs punished flesh stubbled and rough and released the scent of desire with undertones of fear and confusion.
The fragrance of the moment would be remembered, like actions embedded in muscle memory, and released in a long, slow glide of skin on skin. It went beyond touch, beyond the sensation of otherness, knowing his strokes and humping were simply a prelude to something transitory and dishonest.
Michael released Sonny abruptly, dropping his hands to his sides, stepping back, and allowing the blood pounding through his veins to turn coldly viscous as surprise turned to dismay on Sonny’s face.
It’s not you, it’s me.
He owed the man an explanation. He had none to offer.
Sonny saved him the need, rasping into the chill night air, “You’re right. This is too fast.” He stooped down to pick up the hat, handing it over with a sad smile, and murmured, “Thanks,” as Michael gripped the brim, the transfer expedited with a need to dissemble and bleed back into the night.
Hating himself with every fiber of his being, Michael spun on his heels and stalked to his truck, keying it open and vaulting into the cab. He counted off the seconds as the diesel cranked to life, forcing his retreat into an orderly, sane exit. Stop, look, listen. Turn left. Stare into the glare of a thousand suns until it melted into the blue of strobe lights and the taunts of oncoming traffic.
He almost missed the turn, pulling a hard right at the last minute, his lapse unremarked as traffic whizzed past, content to lose his presence. He’d been part of the conga-line, now he wasn’t. No one seemed to care.
Why do I?
The trailer was dark. Hot. Whispering secrets. There was no Adam here, no vestige of him lurking in the corners of the metal box he called home. Why did it feel as if the air was saturated with his essence?
Stripping to bare skin, Michael tapped his way through the narrow aisle separating table from couch, fumbling with the sliding door into the narrow confines of the head. He stepped into the shower, reached for the spigots. Cold. Hot. Adjusting automatically until the spray hit with tepid force. He wet himself down, closed the valves, and applied the liquid soap, the scent of coconut barely suppressing the heady odor of residual sweat, musk and lust.
The scent of Sonny. The man with no last name. He’d forgotten to ask. He might not have remembered it anyway, but the man’s scent? That he would never forget.
Scrubbing viciously at the grit and grime coating his skin, his hands followed the trail toward his cock. Turgid, rigid. Aching with disappointment. He thrust his hips into his hands, the motion truncated in the cramped space. Moisture clogged the air he breathed, cum clogged his balls.
It hurts, God it hurts so good.
Leaning against the fiberglass wall, he pinched the base of his cock with his left hand, his right finding the magic spot along the taint. Pressing with his thumb, he stroked and denied, denied and stroked until all he felt was Sonny, all he remembered was Sonny, all he wanted was Sonny.
Regret burrowed into his skull. He fought it. He was done with it, pumping it out and away, cursing Adam, cursing Sonny. Wanting one, just one.
He’d have worshiped either.
Flushed, exhausted, he rinsed quickly with the icy cold water that shriveled his skin and reminded him he’d best get used to it. Soon he’d be roughing it in the high country. Keeping it simple and real, once more solitary, just him and his thoughts.
After wrapping a towel around his waist, he let his night vision guide him back to the pile of clothes on the floor. Out of habit, he emptied his pockets and checked his phone for messages, not that anyone called him anymore. He was surprised to see that Paul had rung twice, neither time bothering with voicemail. Typical. The man was a technophobe, hated modern gadgets.
The third was a text message...
where the fuck are you
change of plan
Sat 11
new guy here connected fucker
saddle up apone
yer babysitting
over out
Michael muttered, “Dammit. Why me, Paul? What did I ever do to you?” That was all he needed...to play nursemaid to some yahoo, probably from the state capital looking to schmooze with a few fly fishermen in search of votes.
He cursed the heavens, his boss, fate, the weather and himself, then threw the cell on the couch and watched it bounce once, then roll onto the floor. As he bent to retrieve it, he sighed with frustration.
“Way to end a perfect, fucking night. Guess this means my vacation is over.”