Chapter Nine

Evan could barely get out of bed the next morning, or the day after that. The moment he woke, he saw Milo enfolded in the arms of his new lover, and Evan’s insides coiled in sickening knots. He thought about not going to work, but he knew that would be a mistake. If he stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of Milo, he’d be in danger of driving himself mad. Instead he went to the shop each day, concentrating on his work and trying to put the past days behind him.

Of course, it was impossible to put Milo from his mind, especially as he’d arranged to meet him on Sunday. They’d planned a day trip to Greenwich and Evan had been looking forward to it so much, to seeing the grand park and the observatory, and seeing it all for the first time with Milo. They couldn’t possibly spend the day together now, and Evan had taken the coward’s way out by dropping a note at Milo’s college, telling him he had to go home to Derbyshire for a few days.

Evan spent Saturday evening alone in his room, telling Sandy he didn’t feel well and wasn’t in a fit state to be sociable. He hadn’t told Sandy about his vile day, about what he’d seen and almost done. He knew Sandy would be sympathetic, but he might also advise Evan to forget about Milo and get on with his life. Evan wasn’t ready to hear those words yet, and maybe he never would be. He wanted to cherish the touch of Milo’s hands as they danced in the club, the sound of his voice, the scent of his skin, and he lay tormenting himself with sweet memories until his head throbbed and his body ached with inertia.

By Sunday afternoon, he couldn’t stand being stuck in his room any longer. He had to get out for some exercise, even if he only walked down the street and back. It was a warm, bright day and he went out in shirtsleeves, not bothering to shave. His mother would have been shocked by his slovenliness on the Sabbath, but Evan didn’t care what she or anyone else thought. All he wanted was a bit of fresh air, and for the world to leave him in peace with his thoughts.

At the end of the street he turned the corner, deciding to carry on walking for a while. There were a few people about, but it was quiet enough, and when he spotted Dennis and his girlfriend across the road Evan waved and walked on. He hoped they wouldn’t think him rude, but he wasn’t in the mood for a chat. Evan turned the next corner and couldn’t believe his bad luck. Fifty yards down the street were Mr. Bailey and his wife, both done up in their Sunday best. His boss lived several miles away, and Evan couldn’t think what they might be doing here. He fixed a smile on his face as Mr. and Mrs. Bailey drew near.

“How nice to see you, Mr. Bailey. And Mrs. Bailey too. Are you out for a walk?”

Mr. Bailey peered over his spectacles, as was his habit.

“We’re visiting Mrs. Bailey’s niece, Calver. You live in these parts, don’t you?”

“That’s right, sir. I’m out for a Sunday stroll.”

Mr. Bailey nodded, looking far more cheery than he did each day in the shop.

“We’ll let you get on, Calver. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

“Yes, Mr. Bailey. See you tomorrow.”

Evan quickened his pace as he walked away. He was only five minutes from Beston House, but before he could get any closer a distant voice called out behind him.

“Evan!”

Evan swore under his breath. Was everyone he knew out walking this afternoon? He was tempted to ignore whoever it was and break into a run, but he didn’t want to offend anyone. He turned around to see two men walking briskly toward him.

“Evan! You’re back already. Is everything all right at home?”

The tears he’d shed so many times that week burned at Evan’s eyes once more.

“Milo. Good to see you. Everything’s fine, thank you.”

Evan was surprised by his composure, but he doubted he’d remain so calm when Milo turned to his companion, the man he’d embraced and kissed that terrible night.

“Evan, this is my old school friend, Jeremy.”

The name was familiar, and it didn’t take Evan long to recall Milo’s story of his sexual awakening.

“Less of the old, thank you very much.” Jeremy smiled and held out his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Evan. It’s lovely to meet you at last.”

Evan shook Jeremy’s hand, which was as warm and reassuring as his smile. Much as Evan longed to hate him, he could see why Milo would choose him as a friend and lover. He was effortlessly confident, like most men of his class, but he also had a genial air that drew Evan to him instantly. If Milo had to take someone to his bed, Evan supposed he could do a lot worse, but he couldn’t bring himself to stay and make small talk.

“I’d better go. Enjoy your afternoon.”

Evan turned to walk away, but Milo grabbed his arm.

“Where are you going? We were coming to see you, or at least to find out what was going on. I was so worried when I got your note.”

“Sorry about that. It was a false alarm.” Evan felt guilty for needlessly troubling Milo and was even keener to get away. “I really do have to go. Goodbye.”

“Evan, what’s wrong? Why are you acting so strangely? Is it about what happened the other night?”

Since Jeremy seemed to know all about him, Evan decided to speak freely.

“I’m sorry, Milo. I thought I could be friends with you, but I can’t. Not after I saw you and Jeremy together.”

“You saw me and Jeremy? When?”

“The other day outside your flat. When you kissed him. Milo, I’m happy you can get from him what you won’t take from me, but I can’t sit by and watch it happen. I know you don’t mean to hurt me, and I wish I was a stronger person, but—”

“Evan, what are you talking about? You didn’t think…? Jeremy is my friend—a very dear friend—but we haven’t been lovers in fifteen years. I asked him to come by that day because I needed to talk to him. I needed to talk about you. I had to ask him if I was making a dreadful mistake by not letting you into my heart and my life and—”

“And I told him he’d be a bigger fool than I thought he was if he let you go. He’s so clearly mad about you. And luckily for you, Evan, I managed to talk some sense into him.”

“You did?”

“I did, meaning I’m somewhat surplus to requirements here. Two’s company and all that.” Jeremy gave Milo an affectionate pat on the back. “I’ll be in touch.”

With perfect timing, a cab approached and Jeremy flagged it down. He climbed inside and the cab trundled away, leaving Evan alone with Milo.

“I’m sorry, Milo. I saw you two together and assumed—”

“It’s perfectly understandable. Jeremy and I have been friends for so long, we sometimes forget how at ease we are with each other. You’re not the first person to get the wrong end of the stick.”

“You’re lucky I wasn’t a policeman. He might have had something to say about it.”

“Quite possibly, but I was so grateful to Jeremy for his help and advice, I couldn’t help but give him a hug. Just as I’d like to embrace you now.” Milo lowered his voice. “Come home with me. Let me make love with you, as I should have done a long time ago.”

Evan was tempted to grab Milo and drag him back to his flat, where they could do whatever the hell they liked with each other, but a doubt still nagged at his mind.

“You know I want to be with you, Milo, but are you sure? I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”

“I am more than ready.” Milo discreetly took Evan’s arm and headed in the direction of Ponden Street. “Jeremy convinced me, as he’s been trying to for years, that I can’t live in an emotional limbo anymore. I can’t live in fear that I’ll lose someone else, that my heart will be broken again. I spent the whole of the war trying not to be a coward, and ever since, I’ve been just that. I might as well have died out there in France, if I only survived to live a life without love. And I do love you, Evan. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Evan leaned closer to Milo as they walked. “And I love you too. I want to spend every day of my life with you.”

“Oh, Evan.” Milo squeezed his arm, sending ripples of heat cascading through Evan’s body. “Let’s go home, before I do something in public I really will get in trouble for.”

Evan laughed and they began to run, the twenty-minute journey to Milo’s taking less than ten. Milo could barely fumble his key into the lock, he was so eager to get inside, and they were already kissing when they staggered into the flat, Milo’s glasses almost tumbling to the floor as they crushed against each other.

They ripped at each other’s clothes, as they had less than a week ago, and were soon down to their underwear, as they had been then. Slowing his pace, Milo eased the white fabric of Evan’s drawers over his thighs and released himself from his own undershorts. They fell onto the bed and Evan yearned to explore every inch of Milo’s body, but he held him at arm’s length.

“Milo, I think you should know that I’m not very experienced. I’m not a virgin—far from it—but they’ve always been rather hurried encounters.”

“You don’t need to explain to me. I’ve partaken of pleasure in the odd public convenience, where time is of the essence.”

“But I’ve never even done it in a bed before.”

“Then I am privileged to be the first man you share a bed with. Apart from Alfred, of course.” Milo smiled and touched his fingers to Evan’s cheek. “I don’t care what you’ve done before, or with whom. All I want is for you to enjoy yourself. Do you think you can do that?”

“I think so.”

Evan grinned and pulled Milo to him, kissing his mouth, his neck, the scar on his shoulder, and moving down to suck and lick at Milo’s pale pink nipples. He’d never done such a thing before and wasn’t sure he was doing it right, but Milo seemed to have no complaints as he tangled his fingers in Evan’s hair. Then Milo subtly guided him downward, and Evan needed no further encouragement. He descended Milo’s torso, nibbling at the fine curls of hair that grew more dense and enticing as Evan neared his goal.

Milo’s dick was gloriously stiff, and Evan trailed his tongue from balls to tip before taking its length in his mouth. He tried to go slowly at first, but his movements quickened as he thrilled to Milo’s sensual groans and the gentle thrust of his hips. Trying not to break his rhythm, Evan raised his eyes to see the elated look on Milo’s face. He was obviously close to climax, which would usually be Evan’s cue to finish the job with his hand, but he wanted Milo’s dick in his mouth when he came, wanted to swallow every luscious drop of his cum. Evan was therefore frustrated and slightly alarmed when Milo pushed him away.

“Was I doing something wrong?”

“My God, no.” Milo pulled Evan into his arms and rolled him over, pushing his cock between Evan’s thighs. “But would you mind if I…? Do you want me to…?”

Evan nodded eagerly, knowing precisely what Milo meant. He made to turn over onto his front, but Milo eased him back.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m turning over, so you can—”

“Darling, I want to kiss you and look into your eyes when we make love. Why would I want to do anything else?”

“I didn’t even know you could do it like that.”

“My sweet love, you have so much to discover.” Milo leaned across to the bedside cupboard to retrieve a slim green bottle. He took out the stopper and poured a clear substance with the texture of honey into his hand. “I don’t suppose you’ve used this before either?”

Evan shook his head, but it didn’t take a genius to work out its intended use.

“I’ve always had to make do with a gob of spit.”

“I think you’ll agree this is quite an improvement.”

As they kissed again, Milo’s fingers slipped between Evan’s buttocks and eased inside him. Evan had never felt such an exquisite sensation, and he sighed his satisfaction into Milo’s mouth. His sighs turned to groans as Milo’s fingers glided along his sensitive passage, in and out, over and over. While his arse was used to being entered, generally in haste and with little finesse, it wasn’t accustomed to being caressed with such tender expertise. Evan was almost disappointed when Milo’s fingers withdrew, even though he longed for what was to follow.

Evan wound his legs around Milo’s body and soon felt Milo’s hardness pressing inside, filling him slowly and completely. If Milo’s fingers had been magical, his dick was miraculous. Milo seemed to know exactly what speed, angle and force would stimulate every part of him. The exhilaration that began in his groin swiftly spread to his legs, his arms and his chest, until Evan’s whole body was buzzing with joy. He stopped himself coming for as long as he could, but he was nearing his limit when Milo’s breaths began to pulse as fast as his cock. They grasped each other’s jerking hips as they emptied themselves, Milo into Evan’s grateful backside and Evan all over Milo’s chest. Milo gasped and sank onto the bed next to Evan.

“Thank you, my darling Evan.”

“You’ve nothing to thank me for.” Evan gave Milo a breathless kiss. “I’ve never known anything like it.”

“In a good way, I hope.”

“In the most wonderful way imaginable.”

Milo slid his arms around Evan, holding him like he’d never let go, and as they kissed and talked and made love into the night, Evan hoped he never would. He didn’t care if he got into strife for staying out all night. He’d risk a scolding from Mrs. Grindley. He’d risk all he had to lie in Milo’s arms until the sun rose in the morning sky. Milo loved him and wanted to be with him, and nothing else in the whole world mattered.