Chapter 11

THE SIZE OF THE BALLROOM should determine the size of the guest list but in London that wasn't always the case. The ballroom Eloisa found herself in three days after the storm had been painted in various shades of blue, making it appropriate that they were packed in like a school of fish. There was hardly room to breathe yet they continued to attempt to dance. Eloisa tried to make tiny steps with her current partner, Lord Fullerton.

"I'm not stepping on your toes am I?" The handsome young lord asked as they barely avoided running into another pair. "I'm not used to moving in such tight spaces."

"No and you should be commended for it." Eloisa found him to be easy to talk to, compared to the other gentlemen she had met. "I don't know what the hostess might have been thinking inviting so many people to such a small space."

"I doubt she expected them all to attend. Usually there are at least a few that decline."

"I think everyone in London came." Eloisa winced as another dancer stepped on the hem of her dress.

"That is partially your own fault," he said, trying to steer her away from another mishap. "Or at least your cousin's. Everyone has noticed she is being courted by the Duke of Ashford."

"Has that become public knowledge?" Eloisa knew that the two gentlemen were friends, but didn't think Thomas would mention his pursuit.

"Gossip has a way of appearing out of nowhere."

Eloisa didn't think the ton was paying that much attention to them. It made her nervous to think people might be watching the courtship as she manipulated it.

"Have I already lost your attention?"

She realized she had been staring past Lord Fullerton while he talked. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to find my cousin in this crush of people."

"I believe she is talking to the man in question, over to the left."

As he turned her slightly she could see both of them standing near the edge of the crowd. Thomas said something that made Sarah laugh. Eloisa felt her stomach tighten

"They make an attractive couple." Alex said. "You must be happy for your cousin."

"Of course. They look lovely together."

Something about that statement hurt Eloisa to admit. When she looked at them, they were beautifully matched. Both of them were so golden in their coloring that they practically glowed. Sarah had worn a gown of soft rose that made her skin a subtle pink and it matched the delicate red of his evening vest. Eloisa couldn't even bare to look at them for more than a moment.

"Do you think it will take long for Thomas to win your cousin's favor enough to make an announcement?" Lord Fullerton asked.

She let him continue to guide her around without looking at them. "No, I imagine it will all be settled very soon."

Alex's face formed a frown. Eloisa hadn't stopped to consider that he might be enamored of her cousin as well. He was a handsome young gentleman, but not nearly on the same level as Thomas. She doubted Sarah would even remember meeting the fellow. It was best if she didn't give him any false hope.

"I believe my cousin is close to accepting his proposal, once he has made it." With less than a week until the Duke's ball, she hoped that was true.

At first his frowned deepened, then it disappeared. Once again he was the smiling partner he had been before. Clearly he wasn't deeply hurt by the news.

"What about you then? Do you also have a suitor struggling to win your hand?" asked Alex.

"No, I'm afraid I'm lacking in both beauty and dowry, so I'm beyond all hope," she said with a laugh she had practiced over the last few years. "Some women just aren't meant to be wives."

One of his finely arched eyebrows went up. "That idea doesn't bother you?"

Eloisa gave him the same answer she had been giving for years. "I'm a content woman, with or without a man. I have learned to please myself."

The young lord choked on something temporarily and she was forced to give him a hard pat on the back. That was the reaction she often got from men, though she couldn't understand why. Perhaps they were uncomfortable with a woman's independence.

"I have never heard a woman make such a bold statement." Alex had regained his composure. "I doubt you even know how bold it was."

Eloisa felt her eyebrows draw together at his cryptic comment. No one had ever called her bold before, but she rather liked the idea.

"I tried to participate in the marriage market when I came here for my first season." Eloisa found it easy to converse with Alex. "It was hardly a success."

"I heard your mother died shortly after."

"She passed at the end of it."

A lump threatened to form in her throat but she swallowed it away. The absence of her mother had made a difficult situation worse. It might have gone much better if she’d had a woman's influence and guidance. She gave Alex a sharp nod as she pushed away those thoughts.

"Why haven't you been back since?" he asked.

"I had the opportunity to travel with my father. That was much more exciting than these sorts of events."

"Don't let our hostess hear you say that or she might be crushed."

Eloisa giggled at his mocking tone. No one was ever supposed to voice a negative opinion about society, regardless of how true it might be.

"How come I don't recall meeting you during my one season?"

"At that time I was still a bit of a rakehell, preferring to spend my time playing cards and other games that gentlemen enjoy."

"Now you don't?"

"My luck changed."

The humor in his face vanished, replaced by a chilling mask. There was still a smile, but it no longer reached his eyes. They were hard now, glaring out above her head. She shivered in his arms.

"I find that I am now in desperate need of a wife with a sizable dowry," said Lord Fullerton.

A man such as Alex, with a good title and good standing would have no trouble finding a willing heiress. It was just a matter of business, exchanging money for status. Eloisa was glad that she had no dowry, so that she would never have to worry about being pursued for it.

"Don’t look so sad for me," said Alex. "It was my own careless actions that brought me to this. A man must pay for his sins eventually."

"Did you sin as much as the gossips said?"

"No one ever does as much as the gossips claim." He gave her a wink. "But I tried."

Eloisa tried to imagine what it might have been like if she had met him during her one season in town. He wouldn't have been as charmed by her as he was now, because Thomas hadn't been. The two gentlemen were similar in their interests. Perhaps she had changed more than she realized.

The song ended and Alex began leading her back towards her cousin. A large crowd had gathered around both her and Thomas. Everyone was so smiling and happy, that she felt like she would be interrupting them with her presence. She didn't want to be the person that ruined the perfect picture. Making an excuse to Alex, Eloisa disappeared into the crowd in the opposite direction.

Hoping to find a place where she could enjoy a few moments alone, she tried to make her way to the doors leading out of the tiny ballroom. That was impossible in the crush of people, so she decided to escape outside through the large glass doors. She wasn't the only one who went out to get some fresh air and the garden was crowded with groups of people. It felt good to close her eyes and take a deep breath.

"What a coincidence finding you out here."

The sharp tone of Lady Harris's voice broke through her calm and made her wince. She took a slow breath before turning to face the abominable woman. As always, she wore a highly fashionable dress with layers of necessary frills and decoration. Both the timid lady’s maid and the annoying lapdog were missing, but that didn't improve things. Being alone with her wasn't likely to make it easier.

"Why is that, my lady?" Eloisa hoped her voice sounded sincere.

"I always find you alone." The lady tilted her head back so she looked down her pointed nose at Eloisa. "I suppose that might explain your unmarried state."

Eloisa was slightly surprised that the lady would be so bold in her attack even if they were alone. "I believe you are also out here without an escort so that hardly indicates a character flaw. Perhaps I just don't want to subject myself to the company of those I don't like."

The old lady’s face brightened a deeper red beneath the paint she wore. Few people had ever spoken to her in such a way, but she richly deserved it. Age and status alone shouldn't give you the right to treat people in such a way.

Lady Harris narrowed her eyes at Eloisa. "You have been given too much freedom, young lady. It has ruined your manners."

"It has simply ruined my patience with things I don't care for."

With a broad smile she stepped around the outraged lady and continued to head away from the house. Once she was certain she was far enough away that no one could hear, Eloisa erupted into giggles. Remembering the look on Lady Harris's face made her laugh until tears ran down her face.

"I wonder what has made you so happy." Thomas appeared from the direction of the house wearing a bemused smile. "I hope I'm not the subject of your amusement."

Feeling lighter than normal Eloisa said. "Have you done something I would find amusing?"

"Someone else must be making you laugh like that. I admit that I'm jealous of that person."

"You shouldn't be. I was laughing at myself." Eloisa saw him raise an eyebrow. "I have become bold recently and find I like it a great deal."

Then it was Thomas’s turn to laugh. "I assumed you had always been like this. It's hard for me to imagine you another way."

"As I recall, you can't remember me at all. I've decided to count it as a stroke in my favor. "

"But that doesn't mean I can't imagine what you were like. I often think I missed out by not spending more time with you back then."

"There must be more interesting things to think about than my past behavior." Eloisa laughed again, letting the sound bubble up without restraint. "I barely even care to think of it. I was dull enough to put you to sleep."

"Then I would simply dream about you."

The cool night air grew warmer as Eloisa gazed up into his blue eyes. There was a respectable distance between them, but she felt as if he was so much closer. His body radiated heat, and she found her hands were compelled to touch him. Without thought she reached for him, placing a hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"You shouldn't be doing that, it's not proper." He spoke but didn't open his eyes.

"I am doing all the improper things these days." She tried to sound light but her voice came out a husky whisper.

"Sometimes it's good to give in to temptation."

He opened his eyes again and there was something burning in them that Eloisa had never seen before. Desire was not often focused in her direction. He couldn't see her, but that gleam in his eye made her feel exposed. She tried to pull her hand back but he gripped her wrist to prevent it.

"Have I gone too far?" He asked. "Are you now wishing you weren't here, alone with me?"

"No." Her voice trembled. Inside her chest her heart beat so loud she wondered if he could hear it as well.

"Would it change your mind if I told you that you tempt me as well? I find it difficult to fight such desire when I'm around you."

Eloisa felt her stomach flutter at the thought of such a man desiring her like that. The intensity of his expression proved he was being honest and that made her blush.

He let out a little chuckle. "You would enjoy tormenting me I think."

"Only as much as you let me."

He slid her hand along his jaw and placed a kiss in the center of her palm. Eloisa trembled at the intimate contact even through her gloves. His lips felt so soft and full that she imagined them placing kisses all over her body. The thought made her heart race. The expression on his face sharpened as if he  could hear her thoughts.

For the first time she became aware of her own body as a woman’s body. Her skin tingled beneath the fabric of her gown, flushing in response to her desire. She felt her breast grow heavier and fuller, pressing toward his touch. Even lower there was a growing warmth melting into her that she wasn't familiar with but that also felt natural. It was like her body was no longer her own, but reacted only to him.

"I wonder what it would take to torment you." It was easy for Thomas to remove her gloves. He skimmed his lips across the pulse of her wrist, letting his tongue peek out to taste her sensitive skin.

"That's a good start."

Her mind struggled to stay focused on being able to speak while he continued to distract her with his mouth. The gentle nip of his teeth was too much and she moaned a response.

"You taste both tart and sweet." He yanked her forward, looping his arm around her to keep her steady. "That's a delicious combination. Few men would be able to resist it."

The mention of other suitors was like a bucket of water on her. It was an abrupt reminder that the man holding her was not her own. Reality cut deep, breaking the spell and compelling her to pull back from him. She moved so quickly that the hem of her dress caught under her feet and she tumbled down. Thomas didn't have time to catch her before she felt the hard ground beneath her backside.

"Eloisa?" Concern was in both his voice and his expression. He was gentleman enough to offer his hand, but she didn't trust herself to touch him, again.

"I thought I heard someone coming." It was a feeble excuse but the best she could do so quickly. "Being caught like that would ruin everything."

"Nobody has been able to sneak up on me since the accident. I didn't hear anything."

"My nerves must be getting the better of me. It has made me reckless and possibly ruined my gown." She managed to get up while putting her gloves back on and inspecting her skirts for any damage. "It looks like I was lucky and nothing in amiss with my appearance."

She faced him and it was clear he didn't believe her at all. Even in the faint light of the garden she could see him frowning. "I would be more worried about your person being hurt than your skirts."

Forcing her voice to sound smooth, Eloisa tried to laugh off the incident. "I'm a disaster trying to walk around in this gown in the dark. I shouldn't have wandered so far away from the light, because now I can't see my own feet."

Her own gown was made of a dark blue velvet, so it wouldn't show any stains from the grass. She was glad it had a higher collar than most of the ladies’ gowns so it would show less of the blush she felt across her skin as well. It was a gown made for a modest chaperone, but also worked well to hide the results of her less modest behavior.

"Perhaps we are both being reckless out here." His voice still sounded unconvinced but he stepped away. "We can't afford to keep taking such risks. Sarah might notice."

Her stomach sank at his acceptance of their situation. Tears stung at her eyes and she blinked them away.  Some small part of her had thought he might at least resist for a moment.

"Would you like me to escort you in?" He offered her his arm.

"No, I think it would be better if we entered separately. Less noticeable that way." She smoothed her trembling hands on her shirt. "You go in first. I would like a few more minutes of fresh air."

Those soft lips of his parted for a moment, then tightly sealed shut. He gave a slight bow before leaving to go back into the ballroom. Eloisa stood perfectly still, waiting for her heart to stop beating so wildly. She could feel how warm her cheeks still were, but that could easily be explained by the excitement of the ball. Once she felt certain she looked calm, Eloisa also went back into the crowded ballroom.