Chapter 13

ELOISA FOUND THAT IT was difficult to get past the anger she felt after finding Thomas and Sarah alone at the ball. It wasn't just the outrage that he had gotten her cousin alone or the fact that he had gotten past her as a chaperone. It was the fact that he risked her cousin's reputation when he had promised her he wouldn't. She thought he was a man who could keep his word.

It was a good thing that she found them before anyone else. She wouldn't have been able to forgive herself if Sarah had been forced into a marriage. Eloisa suspected that her cousin might have been more than complacent in the situation, but Thomas as the more experienced one and should have put a stop to it. He took advantage of Sarah’s trust in him and it stung Eloisa deeply.

Two days later, she slipped out of the house for her usual dawn walk through Hyde Park. She didn't bother to dress for attention and wore a simple day gown in a soft gray that had a slightly thicker jacket to guard against the morning chill. The walk didn't feel as relaxing as usual. Even though she saw no other people in the park at this hours, something made her feel like she was being watched.

"You are a difficult woman to talk to." Thomas had appeared around the turn of the path, and she almost screamed with surprise. "Numerous times I came to the house but you were always unavailable to see me."

"I was trying to avoid you." Eloisa clutched her chest where the buttons of her walking jacket were closed and willed her heart to stop racing.

"Always honesty with you." He sighed. "Things became desperate, so I had to wait for you at this horrible hour and hope no one else came by."

"What if you missed me and I walked past?" she baited him, hoping he would get sour and leave.

"I knew you were coming when you were still a yard away."

"You couldn't know it was me. Accosting the wrong woman would have been embarrassing."

"I recognized the scent of oranges."

That was a specific detail that she knew would only apply to her. Knowing that he paid such close attention to her made Eloisa's stomach flutter. No one ever remembered the tiny details about her. She didn't even pay attention to such things about herself.

"I like to eat them for breakfast. My father sends them to me," she said.

He leaned in slightly and took a deep breath. "It makes it hard to miss when you are near."

That might have been one of the most romantic things she ever heard. Not that men frequently said anything flattering to her, but she often heard the things they said to her cousin. None of it compared to that one simple truth. It softened some of the anger she had. Without saying anything, she leaned towards him as well, letting their bodies get within inches of each other. He knew what she did and smiled.

"I think you might be a tease, Miss Noble."

That was a new name for her. She couldn't help but laugh, it was so absurd. Eloisa had never thought anyone could think such a thing, but now two men had accused her of it.

"I think it's all in your imagination," she said to him.

"I do have a wild imagination."

There was that flicker of intensity in his expressions that she had begun to long for. It was one of the things she missed had while avoiding him the last couple days. It was also the reason she knew she shouldn't be standing there alone with him. Things between them were no longer strictly professional and that concerned her. She turned to leave but his hand on her arm stopped her.

"I'm just trying to be friends," Thomas said. "To make it easier when we are family. I just want to talk like two people who enjoy it."

Eloisa felt like a coward because she didn't want to stand there and make pointless conversation with him. Every minute she spent with him hurt, like a thorn in her palm. One that she couldn't dig out and throw away. It wasn't life-threatening but it stung. The look on his face made her think she wasn't the only one in pain.

"I don't know how to talk to you," he admitted. "With most women I only have one goal and it's not to extend the conversation. With you everything is backwards."

"You're saying it would be easier if you were trying to get me into bed?"

"At least there I would know what to do."

She couldn't stop from gasping. "You're not supposed to say things like that to me."

"I thought friends could say anything to each other."

"Not when one of them is in the middle of courting someone else."

Thomas ran his hand down the length of his face. She knew exactly how frustrated he felt.  "Ignoring it isn’t working either.”

Eloisa started to ask what he meant by that but they both knew. There was some kind of attraction between them that defied any logical thought. It only served to get in the way of the perfect plan they had. The plan that would give her freedom at last. She couldn't afford to let this ridiculous attraction to stop that.

"We just need to keep things civil until Sarah accepts your proposal." She pulled away from him, to put a little distance where it was needed. "Then we get as far away from each other as possible."

"Is it just that easy?" Thomas didn't sound convinced.

Eloisa didn't entirely believe what she said any more than he did, but it was the only option they had. She could allow these new feelings to cause her to act irrationally. Jealousy would get her nowhere.

"Yes. It has to be."

Out of the corner of her eye Eloisa saw two ladies out walking along the path ahead of them. It wouldn't be long before they were close enough to see the duke standing alone with a lady. Eloisa would rather not be the topic of gossip, so she tugged him behind a tree where they wouldn't be seen.

"Trying to get me alone?" said Thomas giving her a wink.

"I just don't like people paying attention to what I'm doing." Eloisa couldn't afford to let her own reputation suffer when it would reflect badly on Sarah. She was already worried people thought she was a terrible companion, since she gave Sarah so much independence. 

"They don't pay much attention to you at all."

"Which is exactly how I like it."

"You enjoy the freedom of being invisible." Thomas leaned his tall body against the tree behind him. "That's why the thought of adventure appeals to you, because you want to have an adventure of your own."

"Perhaps." Eloisa watched the two ladies carefully until they were no longer in view. "Perhaps I just want ability to choose my own life. London society doesn't approve of that."

"If you could choose anything for yourself what would it be?"

Looking at him, Eloisa knew that if she was honest, she would admit she would like to be the type of woman who would be his match. That would be like trading places with her cousin. It was the first time she had ever felt the sting of envy for what Sarah had. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I just want to leave." She said, only admitting to some of her thoughts. "That means finding Sarah a husband, and I still think you would do well. Try not to get caught again with Sarah. You gave me your word."

"You’re still going to help?"

She had no choice. "Yes, but keep your distance from me. We only have a few more days until the ball, so try to keep your focus."

His face fell into a sad expression, but she held firm. Allowing any kind of relationship to form between them was too risky. They clearly had trouble drawing the line.

"I want us to be friends." He sounded like a pouty child.

"You don't always get what you want."

The path was clear now, so she left and this time he didn't try to stop her. She went home, since the walk was no longer going to be relaxing. All she wanted to do was be alone, but later that day, Sarah sought her out. In her bad mood, Eloisa wished her cousin would stay away.

"We received an invitation to a dinner party tomorrow being hosted by Lady Harris." Sarah swept into Eloisa's bedroom without being asked. "I know you're not fond of her, but a lot of well-known people are attending."

Eloisa glared at her cousin from above the pages of the book she held. "You don't have to ask my permission to attend something. You can go where you like."

"You have to go where I go," Sarah said, looking confused by her cousin's sour mood. "I would never force you to go where you were unhappy."

"Then I wouldn't be able to go anywhere in London."

Eloisa knew she sounded petulant and that was uncommon. Sarah was taken back by the tone and a wrinkle appeared on her forehead. Normally Eloisa would have apologized but she didn't feel like it this time.

"Are you still mad at me for being alone with Lord Ashford?" Sarah said. "I know it was bad, but I didn't mean to upset you so much."

"You sneaked away from your chaperone to be alone with a notorious rake. Why would I be mad?"

Her cousin blinked her eyes in an exaggerated way that normally would have made Eloisa laugh. This time she just continued to stare blankly. It wasn't as amusing when she was in a bad mood. When it wasn't getting the response she wanted Sarah fell into a chair with a sigh.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I needed to get some information that would help me make a decision about him," said Sarah. "I'm feeling a lot of pressure to accept him but I need to be sure he's the right one."

"He's a duke who is the most handsome man we have ever met. What more do you need to know?"

"I need to know there will be a spark."

"Sparks don't mean anything." Eloisa thought about the fire that burned between her and Thomas. "They are not worth ruining your reputation or being forced into a marriage you don't want."

"I thought you were in favor of his suit?"

Eloisa wanted to say something sharp but reminded herself that she was in favor of him. It was supposed to be her job to help him win Sarah's approval and speaking badly of him wouldn't help.

"I am. I just want you to be free in making your choice." She said. "Getting compromised would take any choice away from you. Not to mention making me look incompetent at watching you."

There was a silence between them for a few minutes. It was the first time either had been in such a situation. There had never been any secrets between the two of them and Eloisa was to blame.

"Just be careful around him," Eloisa said, looking her cousin directly in the eyes. "Men like him are difficult to understand. They don't always tell the truth and they often don't do the right thing."

"You know a great deal more about them than I thought."

Eloisa shrugged. "I have been learning a great deal while I watched from the edges of the room."

"I think he finds you interesting. You challenge him. Men do like a challenge." Sarah looked at her cousin more closely now.

"Not as much as they like a pretty face."

"Your face is pretty," Sarah said with an earnest expression.

If that were true, then she wouldn’t have been such a failure her first season. Sarah was only trying to be kind, but it rubbed against Eloisa's nerves now to hear her say such things. They both knew Sarah was the only pretty one in the family.

"I know what my face is and I don't need you paying me false compliments." The words came out sharp.

Sarah's mouth opened in surprise. "I don't believe it's false. I always thought you were much prettier than anyone gave you credit for."

"Sadly, it's everyone else's opinion that matters. You can keep yours to yourself."

It was the bitter feelings of jealousy that made her say such things. When she saw the wetness in Sarah's eyes, Eloisa knew she’d hurt her feelings. The two of them never fought over anything, but now they were arguing like enemies. This was what happened when a man came into your life.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound harsh. I just don't like to talk about myself." Eloisa wished Sarah hadn't come into the room. "Accept the invitation if you wish and I will have no problem going. We are here to see you properly married after all."

Sarah wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I didn't mean to upset you with what I said."

"It's not what you said that has me upset. It's the fact that I am constantly being compared to you." Eloisa had never told Sarah how she felt before. "It's hard to live in the shadows and still remain sunny."

"I thought you didn't let it bother you." Sarah sounded as confused as she looked. "You always say it doesn't matter to you."

The truth was it never had bothered Eloisa before. She never wanted to be the center of attention because that kind of scrutiny made her nervous. Living quietly in the background suited her better. Until she found the one person who she desperately wanted to notice her was only interested in Sarah.

"I'm not bothered by it. I am just getting tired of society life. You know it never suited me." Eloisa made a grand gesture out of opening her book again. "Now please let me read. I find I'm not getting enough quiet time these days."

Sarah opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it. The struggle not to cry was all over her face as she stood to leave. For a moment Eloisa thought about apologizing, but then she remembered the feeling she had when she’d found Sarah in the alcove with Thomas. She needed some time to get over the pain that brought with it.