Being around Jeremy again was something Max had to get used to. He’d forgotten that Jeremy used to sing whole shows in the shower, that Jeremy liked to play music loudly, that Jeremy sometimes danced around to music that played only in his head. As he got ready for rehearsals of See the Light to start, Jeremy spent a lot of time pacing around the living room with his headphones in, listening to the demos as he learned the music. He often sang softly or hummed, and every now and then, he’d belt out a note. There were no self-conscious bones in Jeremy’s whole body, not that there should have been. His voice was beautiful, and Max could listen to it all day.
Which was the issue. The more Max listened to Jeremy sing, the more he fell in love.
The Friday before rehearsals started, they had dinner with Anthony at a Thai restaurant near Frocks.
“So tell me about this show,” Anthony said after they’d been served their cocktails.
“I had to sign an NDA, so I can’t tell you much, but the gist is that it’s about a gay high school student.”
“Coming out story?”
“Yeah, partly.” Jeremy took an awkward sip from his martini glass, which was full to the rim. “I think it’s not really about being gay, per se. Something traumatic happens to the school at the beginning of the show, but I can’t tell you what. Because of the trauma, my character, Benjamin, decides he has to live life to the fullest. He comes out as part of that, but the show is really, I think, about the broader theme of being yourself and making the most of every day. You know what I mean?”
Anthony smiled. “Can’t wait to see it. When does it open?”
“Well, that’s the funny thing.” Jeremy laughed nervously. “Because of unusual circumstances, we’re on this crash schedule. Normally a show like this would have, like, a year, but we only have three months. So there will be about a month of rehearsals, then out of town previews in Boston for two weeks, then there’s like a week at home to work out the kinks, then previews start on Broadway. Or something like that. I think previews in New York start end of May, then we open officially in June or early July.”
“Woah,” Anthony said. “That’s...a terrifying schedule.”
“No joke,” Jeremy said. “Terrifying doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
“Either way, I’m there,” Anthony said. “Maybe I’ll bring my new sidekick.”
“New sidekick?” Max asked. He guessed by Anthony’s tone that he meant a new boyfriend, and Max felt a prickle of jealousy at that. It hadn’t been that long ago that he and Anthony had been lovers. Their breakup had been amicable, of course, and Max understood completely that nothing romantic was possible until he exorcised Jeremy from his system—something basically impossible when Jeremy sat at the same table, let alone lived in Max’s apartment. It was still a bit of a blow to know Anthony had moved on.
“I met a handsome fellow at the Ritz a few weeks ago.”
Jeremy laughed. “What were you doing at the Ritz? Weren’t you the one who told me that place was a tired cliché?”
“It is, but I heard a rumor they wanted to add a drag show, so Matthew and I decided to grace it with our presence.” Matthew was another drag queen at Frocks; his alter ego was a fashionable superheroine name Diana Prints. “So, of course, there was a bachelorette party happening, and one of the bridesmaids got completely hammered and started telling everyone to dance more. I said something grouchy to this guy at the bar, and he said something grouchy in return, so we got to talking. His name is Zack. Turns out he’s new to Hell’s Kitchen and lives three doors down from the Ritz.”
“Did you see that apartment for yourself that night?” asked Jeremy.
Anthony balked. “How dare you! I am a lady.” Then he laughed. “No, not that first night. Man’s gotta buy me dinner before I’ll put out. But I have seen it since. And I’ve seen him. He’s got, like, a ten pack.” He gestured to his abdomen. “I want to get out mallets and play him like a xylophone whenever he takes his shirt off.”
“So that’s going well,” Jeremy said.
“I don’t want to jinx it by inviting him to a Broadway show two months from now, but maybe I’ll buy two tickets and not tell him about it.” Anthony glanced at Max. “Unless you’ve already bought out the whole run of the show?”
“No.” Although Max had bought tickets. To cover, he added, “My studio is doing the makeup, so I can get tickets anytime I want, which is good, because this thing is going to be a huge hit.”
“You don’t know that,” Jeremy said.
“I have a sense for these things.”
Jeremy just shook his head.
They shifted conversation to other things happening in the New York drag scene. Jeremy asked after a few of the queens he knew, and Anthony supplied updates. A waitress came by and plunked plates on the table with very little grace. Every plate was overflowing with rice or noodles.
Max took a healthy sip of his drink. “Is Veronica Fake Miss Drag Brooklyn yet?”
Anthony grinned. “No. The big finale is next month. I’m squiring a few queens through the process. I’m also working with a queen named Ebony Fay. Gorgeous Black queen with a willowy body. Built like a tree, solid, but tall and thin. I think she’s perfect for the pageant circuit.”
“But?” Jeremy asked, sensing it.
“I don’t know. There’s still some bias in the judging pool. It’s harder for Black queens, even now. Ebony is really stunning in drag, but sometimes that’s not enough. But of all the queens I’m working with this season, she’s the fishiest.”
“Fishiest?” Jeremy asked.
“Looks like a woman, but there’s something fishy about it,” Anthony said, laughing. “Anyway, she’s the most conventionally pretty in drag of the queens I’m mentoring, despite being eleven feet tall. Which will either work in her favor, because some of the rumored judges tend to just reward the queen who looks like Miss America, but on the other hand, the last couple of years, the judges have rewarded edgier queens. Lot of talent coming up the circuit, so the competition is fierce. And I mean fierce.” Anthony snapped his fingers.
Jeremy chuckled.
“But Veronica is in the running, too. People are still talking about that night from a couple of weeks ago. Because of your fine work, Max, a lot of people thought she was Veronica Lake magically brought back to life. Or, not really, but the makeup was really good. Stephen wanted me to ask you how you got her cheekbones like that.”
“He wants that matte foundation in shade W30. And you’ll never remember that, so I’ll email him tomorrow. But it’s basic contouring. You just have to get the colors right.”
“I love it when he talks about beating faces, don’t you?” Anthony asked Jeremy.
Jeremy grinned. “Yup.”
Max sighed. He loved that grin, but he didn’t love that Anthony was being so manipulative. When Jeremy excused himself to use the restroom, Max said, “I see what you’re doing.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Anthony batted his eyelashes.
“Don’t try to matchmake me and Jeremy. It’s not happening.”
“Look.” Anthony leveled his gaze at Max. “I will give you a pass because he’s living with you and that can get awkward, but the minute he moves out, you have to tell him how you feel. I can’t watch you put yourself through this anymore.”
“Things are good with us right now. I don’t want to change that.”
Anthony groaned and held up a hand, blocking Max’s face. “You’re tiresome. I’m done talking to you now.”
When Max tried to argue and shift around to see Anthony’s face, Anthony just moved his hand.
“Did you have a fight while I was in the men’s room?” Jeremy asked when he returned to the table.
“Max is stubborn and risk averse.”
Jeremy grabbed a little jar of hot chili sauce from the middle of the table. “Uh huh,” he said, as if this was not news.
“I take risks!”
“In some areas of your life but not others.”
Max let out an exasperated groan. “What are you talking about?”
“You take risks with your career,” Jeremy said. “Professionally, you put yourself out there all the time. But not with your personal life. I assume that’s what we’re talking about.”
“What led you to that conclusion?” Anthony raised an eyebrow.
“He’s been single for a while. And whenever I bring up the topic of men, he changes the subject. Ergo, he has a crush on someone he doesn’t want to tell me about and won’t act on.”
“So this is a pattern,” Anthony said.
“I don’t appreciate your talking about me like I’m not here.”
“When we were sophomores in college, Max had a crush on this guy who lived down the hall from us. What was his name? Matt?”
“Martin,” Max said, already displeased with where this was going.
“That’s right! Martin was so hot. Tall, dark hair, body like a runner. In fact, he used to go running around campus every morning, then he’d walk into the dorm around nine, like clockwork. If you were really lucky, you could catch him on your way to class and get an eyeful of sweaty, sexy man.”
Max put his hand over his face.
“Anyway, Max had it bad. Huge crush. Got all moony-eyed whenever we ran into him in the building. And Martin probably would have been into it. The guy he started dating junior year is his husband now, according to Facebook. But, no, Max was like, ‘He’s too pretty, he’s probably not even into dudes.’ But if he’d just said something, maybe he’d be Martin’s husband now.”
“Unlikely,” Max said.
“Anyway, whenever I brought it up, he changed the subject. So that’s the clue.” Jeremy tapped his temple. “So, who is he?”
“Nobody. There’s no one. I’m not talking about this.”
Jeremy sipped his drink and winked at Anthony. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
“You’re a regular Miss Cleo, darling. You nailed it.”
“I hate you both,” Max said.
“Fine, don’t tell me,” Jeremy said. He laughed. “How’s your pad thai?”
“Delicious,” Max said.
On the subway ride home, Jeremy broke the bad news.
“There’s just nothing right now. This city has no vacant apartments. I even called a broker, who said there was nothing in my price range, but maybe next month. Maybe once I have more paychecks in my bank account from See the Light, I’ll seem like less of a financial risk to landlords. Or that’s what this broker told me.”
“Jer, it’s fine. I told you the sofa was yours as long as you needed it. Unless you’re anxious to get out.”
“No. I mean, I think it’s fun living together again, actually. And I really appreciate your putting up with me. I miss sleeping on a mattress, but the sofa is fine, really. I just don’t want to overstay my welcome or get in your hair too much.”
“You aren’t. It’s fun to have you around.”
Jeremy heard something in Max’s tone, but he couldn’t interpret it. “Is there a guy? Am I cramping your style? Cuz I can get lost for a night if you would like to have a gentleman friend over.” Jeremy hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that since it had come up at the restaurant. Max had been acting awkward and squirrely around Jeremy the last week or so, which Jeremy was convinced meant Max had a guy in his life he wasn’t ready to tell Jeremy about. And it wasn’t that Jeremy wanted to rush Max, but he didn’t want to interfere with it, either, and mostly it made him feel more in the way than ever.
And, well, if he was honest, he felt a little jealous, too, but he pushed that aside.
Max grimaced. “No. There’s no one. Anthony thinks he knows things, but really, I promise. I’m not seeing anyone.”
“You’re not just saying that to be accommodating, are you?”
Max sighed, but then he smiled. “Really, stay as long as you need. If you want to wait until after previews, that’s fine. I know you’re going to be busy.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes! Please stay.”
“Okay. I will.”
But Max still sounded irritated. Jeremy opted not to push it. He had a roof over his head for now, and even though he kept waking up with a crick in his neck, he blamed Ryan for that more than Max.
Fucking Ryan. He’d called that very afternoon and asked if Jeremy had taken his slow cooker. Of all things. Like he’d even know, because everything he owned was in storage. But then Ryan found it in a cupboard he rarely used while they were on the phone and Jeremy had hung up on him.
Not like Ryan ever even used the slow cooker. Jeremy was the one who had cooked, because he was home during the day more. Jeremy would have bet good money Ryan didn’t even know how to turn the slow cooker on.
Jeremy looked at Max beside him. Max had pulled out his phone and was playing some puzzle game.
Max had really long eyelashes. How had Jeremy never noticed that before? Max wore glasses a lot, Jeremy supposed, but he didn’t have them on now. He seemed to only need them if he was reading or doing someone’s makeup.
Max had touched up the highlighter pink hair recently, and it glowed, though Max’s dark roots were persistently poking out of his scalp. He had about two days’ worth of beard growth on his chin, and his green eyes were focused intently on the game.
Max was... Max. But he was also a good-looking guy. His hair got a few double-takes, but Jeremy had always liked that fearless streak in Max, the part of him who wanted to stand out in the crowd a little more. Jeremy had always sensed there was a wild streak in Max somewhere, one he tried to tamp down most of the time but that burst out in the form of pink hair or his penchant for painting his own face when they went out. Currently, Max had a bit of eyeliner on—nothing too heavy, just enough to make his eyes pop, because of course Max knew exactly how to do that—and his eyebrows were a little more defined than usual, like he’d taken a pencil to them.
And even with all that, Max had gone for preppy today. Blue-and-white gingham shirt tucked into khakis rolled up above his ankles, and highlighter green Converse high tops on his feet. Someone—probably Max—had doodled on the white part of the sole of his shoes, just little hearts and lightning bolts.
So, Max was Max. And Jeremy loved him for it.
“You don’t... I mean there isn’t anyone you want to bring home, is there?” Max asked.
“No. When would I have had time?” Jeremy let out a breath. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be so grouchy. Just... Ryan called me this afternoon. He already has a new boyfriend, by the way.”
“Oh, god. That jackass.”
That made Jeremy smile. “Yeah. He is a jackass.”
“Seriously, don’t sweat staying with me.”
“Thanks, Max. You’re a good friend.” And he really was. Because even if Jeremy was driving him crazy—and Jeremy knew he was a lot, especially as he learned the music for a new show—Max never seemed annoyed, and he’d put Jeremy’s comfort above his own.
“Yeah,” Max said, looking off in the distance. He didn’t sound as though he believed it.
That diamond in New York real estate rough was out there, and Jeremy would find it because his continued presence in Max’s space would put a strain on their friendship. Jeremy could lose boyfriends, he could lose roles, but he could not lose Max.