Jeremy hit the button on the TV on his way to Max’s bedroom, but apparently that was enough of a delay to inspire Max to actually clean up dinner. Jeremy helped as much as he could, but finally he had to say, “Max, just leave the dishes. A couple of plates will keep until morning.”
Jeremy expected Max to argue, maybe about not wanting bugs, but instead, Max put his arms around Jeremy’s chest and hugged him close. “I’m sorry I’m so goofy about this. But it feels important.”
Poor Benjamin and his kiss with Austin in the show. Max was right; this wasn’t just any fling. Jeremy and Max had so much between them, their coming together was so much more than that. “It is important. I’m not trying to make light of it.” Jeremy took a deep breath. He was anxious to get Max into bed, so much so that it felt like his skin was on fire, but he didn’t want to pressure Max into anything he wasn’t ready for, either. “I know you’re nervous. I’m nervous, too. But I want you and I want this. So just tell me where your head is at and what you want to do.”
“I want to do this, too.” Max tightened his arms around Jeremy.
“Then let’s go lay down. I don’t want you to spend the whole night in the kitchen when we could be doing other stuff.”
Max nodded, and with a last look at the sink, followed Jeremy into the bedroom.
Jeremy didn’t want to push Max into anything too fast, but he didn’t want to let Max dawdle too much, either, or this would never happen. So he peeled off his shirt, tossed it aside, and lay on the bed.
Max had always been fussy. Keeping this tiny apartment from getting too cluttered was likely an ongoing battle. But the bedroom, which Jeremy hadn’t really seen since moving in, was neat. The bed was made, covered with a teal-and-purple bedspread that was so very Max, who didn’t seem to believe in neutral colors. Coordinating teal curtains hung over the narrow window. The bed nearly filled the room, but a mahogany dresser was wedged into a corner, and there was a lamp and a couple of framed photos atop it. One of those photos was of Max and Jeremy when they’d been about twenty-two; they stood side by side against the fence at the foot of Battery Park, Liberty Island in the far distance.
They’d been best friends for a long time. Suddenly Jeremy wondered how long Max had wanted to be more than that.
An antique nightstand topped with a trendy metal lamp was wedged between the bed and the wall. Had this been Jeremy’s room, there would have been condoms and lube tucked into the nightstand’s narrow little drawer, but he wasn’t sure he could say the same for Max. Which brought up some interesting questions.
“We’ve never done this before,” Jeremy said. He lounged, propping himself up on his elbows and stretching out his long legs.
“No,” Max said. The “duh” was implied.
“I don’t know anything about what you like. In bed, I mean.” Their relationship had been so platonic, sex hardly ever came up. Now Jeremy felt at a loss because he wanted to make Max feel good but had no idea how. “Are you a top or bottom? Do you like blow jobs or rim jobs or any other kind of job? Should we just make out like teenagers this first time?”
Max went crimson, which was adorable. “I mean, I like all of those things.” He sat on the foot of the bed. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. You’re shirtless in my bed. I should be jumping you.”
“You want to talk it out a little more first?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Jeremy sat up. Max was so nervous, Jeremy could practically see the hesitation coming off him in waves. If Max needed a few minutes to process everything, Jeremy wanted to give him that. Part of him wanted to get down to business, but he also realized that perhaps that impulse was born of not wanting to think this through as much as he probably should. This wasn’t some hook-up. It was Max, Jeremy’s best friend, probably his favorite person in the world.
Jeremy put his arms around Max from behind and gave him a hug, which Max leaned into. That felt like a good sign. Then Jeremy slid away slightly and shifted his body so that they were sitting beside each other on the side of the bed.
“Look at me, Max.”
Max’s gaze settled somewhere between his nipples, but Jeremy was content to let Max look his fill.
“All of those things?” Jeremy asked.
“I’m pretty versatile.”
“Good to know.” There was something a little odd about picturing Max in all of those situations. Jeremy imagined what it would be like to watch his own cock slide in and out of Max. Then he tried to imagine Max, writhing above him, driving his cock in and out of Jeremy.
Both were very good images.
“We’ve never really talked about sex, except in the abstract,” Jeremy said, sliding back to lean against Max’s headboard. “I don’t need a detailed list of what you like in bed, but just some ideas. Some appetizers before the main course, even.” He patted the space on the bed next to him. “Come here.”
Max sat next to Jeremy, and by some unspoken agreement, they both lay down. Max’s pale skin was flush, rivaling the color of his hot pink hair, and Jeremy wanted to take away his nerves.
Softly, Max said, “I don’t like when sex is too planned. I like spontaneity. I like the idea of us looking at each other across a room and just knowing we’re about to be together. I think I need that, because all this talk is making me anxious. But that’s crazy, because I know you’re doing it because you care about me. I know you want to be sure we’re on the same page with each other, and that’s so smart and sweet, and I appreciate it so much. And part of me is still trying to talk myself out of all this, because if we hook up and it ruins our friendship, I will never forgive myself.”
Jeremy rolled to his side. He and Max faced each other now. He’d heard the pain in Max’s voice and wanted only to soothe it. “We’ve been friends most of our lives. Nothing will change that. But how about I promise this. If this doesn’t work—” he gestured between them “—if we hook up and it’s not right, or if we wake up tomorrow and decide it was a mistake? I promise I will remain your friend. We’ll work through whatever awkwardness results. But I think we owe it to each other to see what potential there is between us.”
“You can’t promise that. You don’t know how you’ll feel.”
“And you don’t, either. You want spontaneity? I’m telling you know that I want you. You know what I really want? I want to strip you naked right now. I want to see what your cock looks like. Then I want to suck it, because I love sucking cock.”
Max squirmed and got even redder, if that was possible.
“Then, when you’re all jelly but before you come, I want to fuck you. Or I want you to fuck me. And I want us to come together, in both senses of the word, and I want it to be sweaty and messy.” Jeremy smiled. “How’s that for spontaneous?”
“You’re versatile, too?”
“I love sex. If it feels good, I’m game for it. And I think sex with you will be mind-blowing.”
“That’s a lot to live up to.”
“No pressure, Max.” Jeremy ran his hand over Max’s crazy hair, smoothing it out of his face. “How’s this? For now, let’s just kiss. Then we’ll take things wherever they go. If I push you too hard, tell me. If there’s something you want me to do, tell me. I promise to do the same. ’Kay?”
“Jer, I...”
Jeremy cut him off with a kiss, because he knew Max was full of doubts. Jeremy wanted to give Max an out if he needed it, but he also wanted to give what he sensed Max wanted.
How long had Max had a crush on Jeremy? Since Ryan, at least.
Jeremy pushed that aside, because he felt the weight of that, the pressure to make this good. He shifted closer to Max and put his arms around him, then wrapped his leg around Max’s. Jeremy was hard, and he knew that was obvious through the thin fabric of his joggers, but Max was hard, too, his erection pushing against Jeremy’s now that they were so close to each other. Max groaned deep in his throat, and it vibrated through their kiss. Jeremy relaxed into it, feeling some relief that Max was responding to him, that Max wanted to be here with him as much as he wanted to be with Max.
Jeremy pushed Max’s shirt off. Max was short and stocky, but his chest was strong and sturdy in exactly the way Jeremy liked, and his arms had defined musculature in a way Jeremy hadn’t expected. Those arms looked strong, and suddenly Jeremy wanted to be folded into them.
Jeremy felt protective of Max a lot of the time. But something told him Max would happily protect him right back.
He ran his hands down Max’s chest, pinched his nipples, elicited all manner of grunts and groans and noises from Max. He drank in the planes of Max’s body with his eyes, touched anything he could reach, learned and loved the contours of Max. He kissed Max, tasted him, rolled his tongue around Max’s. Max ran a hand down Jeremy’s spine, over the curve of his ass, and to his thigh, where he tugged and pulled Jeremy even closer.
“Jer, you’re—”
“Is this okay?”
“Yes. I just thought—”
“Shh,” Jeremy said. “Don’t think.”
Jeremy rolled Max to his back. Then he slid off the bed and took his pants off as Max watched. He let Max look his fill again—and that greenish gaze was trained right on Jeremy’s cock—then he reached for Max’s fly. Max helped him, undoing the button, then putting his hand over Jeremy’s as Jeremy pulled the zipper down. He lifted his hips so Jeremy could slide Max’s jeans and briefs off.
Then they were both naked. Jeremy crawled over Max until their thighs touched.
“Tell me to stop,” Jeremy said, intending it as a question.
“Don’t ever stop,” Max said, no question in his voice.
They kissed, and Jeremy reached between them and wrapped his hands around both of their cocks. Being this close to Max was intense. He loved the feeling of Max’s erection against his own, of the velvety hardness, hot in his hand. All sensation seemed to concentrate together between them, as if this friction could make enough electricity to keep the lights in the room going during a blackout. Jeremy nipped at Max’s lip. He wanted to devour this man.
He was not going to be able to hold out long enough to get inside Max. But he was okay coming like this.
“I’m close,” Max panted.
“That’s what I want.”
Jeremy’s skin tingled, especially everywhere it connected with Max’s, and they continued to thrust against each other, grunting and groaning and trying to find purchase. Jeremy swiped his thumb over the head of Max’s cock, and Max hissed.
“So good,” Max said.
“Come for me, Max. I want to watch you come apart.”
Max closed his eyes and threw his head back as he thrust against Jeremy’s cock, against his hand. Jeremy looked at the space between them, at Max’s cock rubbing against his own, and if there’d ever been a hotter, more beautiful sight, Jeremy couldn’t name it, not in that moment. His brain was turning to Jell-o and he could feel Max’s moans in his own chest.
Max dug his nails into Jeremy’s back and let out a surprised gasp, then he was pumping hard and hot. Jeremy watched all of it, in awe of it. This was Max. But also this was Max, and it was sexy and beautiful, and Max coming first added a slickness to Jeremy’s hand that was all he needed to get off. He thrust a few more times, kissed Max fiercely, and let his body go, coming against Max’s cock and belly with a groan.
He rested his head on Max’s chest as he came back down, catching his breath in pants. Max rested a hand on the top of Jeremy’s head, stroking his hair. The gesture was soft, comforting.
Max had only sparse hair on his chest and above his cock. Max’s natural hair color was dark brown, something in evidence here, on the parts of his body he rarely showed anyone. His belly was spattered with the effects of their combined orgasms, particularly around Max’s now-flaccid cock, but Jeremy liked that evidence, thought it was sexy.
He leaned away and kissed Max’s shoulder as he shifted off Max.
“Spontaneous enough for you?” Jeremy asked.
“Yeah.” Max smiled, looking satisfied. “Thank you.”
“For what? The orgasm?”
“For turning my brain off long enough for me to enjoy that.”
Jeremy smiled. He knew exactly what Max meant. “Sit tight. I’ll clean us up.”
Probably Max should have had regrets, but he did not.
He woke up sometime after three a.m. and found Jeremy splayed out on the bed, snoring softly. Max wasn’t left with much real estate on the mattress, but he hardly cared, particularly since this was probably the most Jeremy had been able to spread out at night in two weeks.
He got up to use the restroom, and when he came back to the bed, Jeremy had taken up even more of it.
Max nudged him over. “All right, buddy. This is still my bed. You gotta give me a little room.”
Jeremy stirred and mumbled something but didn’t wake up all the way, so Max insinuated himself into the bed and under Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy shifted again, pulling Max close. His soft snoring resumed.
Max pressed his back against Jeremy’s chest and sank into the mattress, feeling comfortable and content for the first time in a while. He’d felt restless since Jeremy had moved in, constantly monitoring his behavior so as not to show how he felt, but he supposed that cat was out of the bag now.
He was still adjusting to sex and Jeremy. He’d thought about sex with Jeremy plenty of times, but the reality of it, the physicality of it, was something entirely new. They’d never shared a bed before now. They hadn’t been the sorts of boys who went camping or slept over at each other’s houses much. The room they’d shared in college had been the closest they’d gotten to sharing each other’s space. Jeremy snored now; Max had forgotten that, or the snore had gotten worse.
But that had been their life during the only period of time they were in close enough quarters to possibly see each other in flagrante. They were rarely together one on one; they were always part of a big group of friends, the sort of amorphous friendship blob that only really existed in college, with people breaking off and rejoining and coming and going all the time.
At the time, Max had wanted to pursue other men. He’d wanted to have sex and experiment and learn as much about himself as he could. He’d been figuring out his art, what appealed to him. He loved bright colors and patterns and he didn’t mind drawing attention to himself. Maybe the bright clothes and the crazy hair colors were his way of getting out from Jeremy’s shadow.
He’d done it, hadn’t he? He had his own successful business. He had his own friends. Maybe he also had Jeremy.
For now anyway.
Jeremy mumbled something in his sleep and rolled away from Max.
Max lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, aware he’d likely have trouble falling back to sleep. If he’d been alone, he would have picked up the novel on his nightstand and read until he felt sleepy, but the nightstand was on Jeremy’s side of the bed, and Max didn’t want to turn the light on and wake Jeremy up. Instead, he replayed the night in his mind. Jeremy had seemed enthusiastic. After refueling with the rest of the pizza they’d ordered, Jeremy had given Max an expert blow job in the kitchen, after which Jeremy was so close to coming, all he’d had to do was rub against Max until he came while groaning Max’s name. That seemed promising, and Max believed Jeremy was attracted to him. But there was more to a relationship than fondness and sex, and here in the dark, Max still worried the depth of his feelings weren’t reciprocated.
Maybe Jeremy would get there, which was why Max was willing to give this some time, but he held back part of his heart in reserve, because if it all crashed down around him, he’d need something left.
Jeremy stirred again. He rolled over. Then he said, “Oh.”
Max closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.
“Max. You awake?”
He could have kept quiet, and thought maybe he should, but he whispered, “Yeah.”
“Oh. Did I wake you up?”
“No, you’re fine. I woke up on my own.”
“Didn’t know where I was when I first woke up.”
Jeremy slid a hand across Max’s chest and snuggled up to Max’s side, so Max put an arm around him and tugged him close.
“Here you are,” Max said. “You don’t regret anything, do you?”
“No. Sleeping in a real bed is definitely a good thing.”
Max tried not to take that personally, especially since Jeremy traced little patterns over Max’s belly with his fingers. Max started getting hard, something Jeremy could undoubtedly see. His heart rate picked up.
“You’re a cover hog, you know that?” Max said, trying to keep things light.
“Oh, sorry.” Jeremy grabbed the sheet and tossed it over Max. Then he snuggled back with Max again. “Well, now that we’re awake...”
No regrets, then. But it was still dark out.