Kissing Keenan was awkward in a way kissing Max hadn’t been, which had gone a long way toward persuading Jeremy that Max was someone he should be kissing.
He ran through the scene with Keenan, while under Alex’s watchful eye. The scene lacked some of the magic it had the night before with Max. So Jeremy asked if they could run it again, and this time he pretended Keenan was Max instead of his character, and that added some spark back into the performance, according to Alex.
“Now, the kiss,” Alex said. “I think it should be fairly brief. More than a peck, for sure, because you want to sell it, but no tongue or anything. Let’s keep it tasteful.” Alex glanced down at the script in his hand. “So Keenan says, ‘But think of all we have ahead of us,’ then kiss for, I dunno, three seconds? Then Jeremy sings the next song. Do the first few bars, Jeremy, but I don’t need the whole song. And...go.”
They ran through the scene again. Jeremy worried his lips were chapped now, after all the kissing, but he tried to weave the emotions he felt for Max and that newly discovered affection and attraction, and when required, he gave Keenan a good, solid kiss. He counted to three, then stepped back and sang the first two lines of the song.
“Very good,” Alex said. “All right. Let’s work on the scene with Julie next. Hey, Maggie!”
While Alex was off giving Maggie notes, Keenan said, “Not awkward at all.”
Jeremy laughed. “Did you count to three in your head that time?”
“I did!” Keenan laughed. “No offense, Jeremy. You’re a good-looking guy. But there’s nothing less sexy than having to kiss someone on cue to certain technical specifications.”
“No, I agree. And I’m sorry if I’m making this more awkward. I’m really feeling the pressure of pulling this off. You know what I mean?”
“It’s a gay story, so it feels more important.”
“Exactly!”
Keenan nodded. “I was just talking to my boyfriend—well, fiancé now—about this last night. I really want to get this right. We want it to look genuine and not like we’re kissing because the script calls for it. I think we’ll get there with practice. Maybe we get to know each other better. It’s awkward because we’re strangers.”
“You are a wise man,” Jeremy said. “Do you want to get coffee or something next week? Do some of that getting to know each other?” He shook his head. “Man, that sounded like I was asking you out. I heard you when you said you had a fiancé, and I have a guy I’m into at home, too, so please don’t think I’m making a move.”
Keenan smiled. “I didn’t think so.”
“We’re just...coworkers who have to kiss.”
Keenan laughed. “Let’s do coffee after rehearsals on Monday. Will that work?”
“That’s perfect.”
By the time Jeremy was on the subway headed to Brooklyn, he’d transitioned from thinking about the weight of kissing Keenan onstage to thinking about Max. He got home from rehearsals—and wasn’t it funny that he was already starting to think of Max’s place as home—and found the apartment empty.
Maybe he should wine and dine Max, put a little romance into their Thursday evening.
He’d had all day to contemplate if this was what he really wanted. And, sure, he’d allowed his mind to wander over to what it would be like to get naked with Max—he’d very much liked the images his brain had conjured, although he’d had to push that aside so as not to embarrass himself during rehearsals—but he’d thought the whole subway ride home about what it would be like to be with Max. They’d spent so much of their lives together, but they’d never been a couple; what would that be like? Would it be like what they had now, just with more touching and nudity? Maybe they’d cuddle together when they watched TV instead of sitting side by side. Maybe they’d kiss each other good-bye as they left for work. Maybe they’d argue about stupid things or important things, then negotiate, then make up. Maybe they’d buy little gifts for each other, or cook for each other, or dance with each other.
All of it felt novel. Jeremy hadn’t had a ton of relationship experience prior to Ryan, but there was something fun and familiar about the early bloom of a new romantic relationship. Jeremy had felt all day like his blood was charged somehow as it rushed through his system, and thoughts of Max were so distracting that he kept forgetting his lines during rehearsal—much to the consternation of Alex, who’d had to tell him three times to get his head out of the clouds—but Jeremy loved that, loved how exciting it felt.
And now that he was home, he couldn’t wait for Max to get here, too.
He could text Max to ask when he’d be home, but that felt needy, so instead he opened the refrigerator door. Jeremy was no great chef; he could do the basics and had two good dishes in his arsenal, neither of which he had the ingredients for on-hand. He and Max could go out—a new sushi place had just opened down the block, and Max had expressed interest in it—or Jeremy could order something and keep Max at home, all to himself. The latter, of course, required knowing when Max would get home, so Jeremy went ahead and texted him.
It was like being nineteen again. It was crazy. It was Max.
Max responded that he was about to leave the studio and should be home within the hour, and he had a craving for pizza, so that was easy enough. The best pizza in the area was a decent distance away, so it would take that long to get delivered anyway. Jeremy ordered, then went about picking up his detritus from the living room.
He really had just moved right in, hadn’t he?
And Max had never said anything. Never acted put out. Never reacted like he was upset by have Jeremy invading his space. Well, he’d been a little awkward at times. Jeremy understood why now, though at the time, he’d guessed Max was interested in some guy but just not saying anything. Instead, he was Max, sweet, thoughtful Max, and he smiled and welcomed Jeremy and had a crush on Jeremy, and how had Jeremy never known that?
Maybe he hadn’t wanted to know that.
It didn’t matter. They’d be together now. And they were already friends, so they’d skipped a few steps in the courting dance, but Jeremy was still excited for where they could go together.
He buzzed around the room until the intercom finally rang, and Jeremy put the pizza box on the kitchen counter and got down a couple of plates. There was beer in the fridge, and diet soda, and anything else Max could want.
He wished he’d thought this through better. Maybe he should have gotten flowers. Maybe he should have bought some candles or come up with some kind of romantic lighting scheme for the room. Maybe he should—The metallic scrape of Max’s key in the lock made his heart pound.
Max came in and looked around the kitchen. “What’s all this?”
“Pizza. From the place on State Street you like. There’s beer and soda in the fridge. I wanted to do something nice.”
Max grinned. “Thank you. This is amazing. I’m starving.”
Lord almighty, but Max didn’t smile enough. When he meant it, that smile lit up his whole face.
Max put a hand on the box. “Oh, it’s still warm, even.”
“Got here about three minutes before you did.”
Max nodded. He picked up a plate and put it back down. “Jer, I—”
“I’ve been thinking about you nonstop all day,” Jeremy blurted.
Max turned to face Jeremy. “God, me too.”
Then they were in each other’s arms and kissing like their lives depended on it. Yes, this was the right choice. They couldn’t make out like this in a restaurant. Couldn’t probe each other’s mouths with their tongues or grasp each other’s shoulders or he couldn’t hitch a leg up on Max’s hip because he had to get closer. Max groaned, and the kiss was so intense Max might have been trying to suck Jeremy’s very soul out of his body, and Jeremy would have happily let him.
Then someone’s stomach growled. Max pulled away gently and laughed. “I am really hungry. Let’s eat, then revisit this, okay?”
“Yeah,” Jeremy said. “Fuel up for later.”
Max raised an eyebrow. “What’s later?”
“I don’t know yet, but more of what just happened is definitely on the table. I kind of want to make out with you like we’re teenagers hiding from my mom in the basement.”
Max picked up a plate and seemed very intent on putting a slice of pizza on it. “Did that ever happen?”
“Once. Tommy DiMarco.”
Max tilted his head. “You made out with Tommy DiMarco in your parents’ basement? I didn’t even know he was gay. Isn’t he married to a woman now?”
“Yes. I think he’s bisexual. We were working on an assignment for Mrs. Kroger’s English class, and we had a very intense discussion about Death of a Salesman, and then we were making out. Over-the-clothes action only, and he pretty much avoided me after that.” Jeremy pressed his lips together. “Why are we talking about Tommy DiMarco?”
“You brought up making out in your parents’ basement.” Max leaned closer to Jeremy again.
Jeremy inhaled Max’s scent. “Mmm. I meant it as a metaphor. I want to make out with you, is what I’m saying.” He met Max’s gaze and studied it for a moment as he trailed a hand down the side of Max’s face. Jeremy’s body felt charged, ready for action, and he wanted Max, right here in the kitchen.
Max smiled. “I think we can make that happen.”
Max had some kind of complex. Letting himself be jealous of a boy Jeremy had made out with ten years ago was nuts.
He pushed it aside as they sat beside each other on the sofa and watched the evening news. Jeremy kept up a running commentary on his opinions of all the issues of the day, and Max was content to listen to him talk.
But he couldn’t turn off the part of his brain that had been tuned toward the opportunity for sex. With Jeremy.
How long had he wanted this? How many hours had he spent cataloguing every detail of Jeremy’s beautiful body? Jeremy had been a tall, awkward boy, but he’d grown into a long and lean man, strong but not intimidating. He had soft hair and glowing skin; if the mess in the bathroom was anything to go by, he had an elaborate moisturizing routine. He’d spent the day at rehearsal, so he currently wore what Max had come to think of as movement clothes—fitted T-shirt and jogging pants, the sort of thing Jeremy could dance in if needed. Jeremy moved gracefully always, even if he was just picking up a slice of pizza and biting off a corner of it. His movements were always smooth, as if they were part of a dance.
Would he move that way in bed?
Jeremy’s hair was the color of raw honey, his eyes were light, like sapphires, and Max knew a long litany of facts about him: he had a scar on his knee from a time he’d taken a big fall during a play rehearsal in tenth grade; he had a birthmark on his lower back, just above his swimsuit waistband, and he might not even know it was there, but Max did; and though he wore socks, but Max knew his toenails were currently painted iridescent blue, because Max himself had painted them one night when they’d both been a little bored.
“We’re finally represented by a gay senator, and he’s a goddamn Republican,” Jeremy said as an image of Senator Livingston talking on a Sunday show showed on screen.
Max mumbled his ascent.
“You okay?” Jeremy asked.
“Preoccupied.”
Jeremy put his plate on the coffee table. “Yeah?”
“Are we really doing this?”
Jeremy tilted his head as if he had no idea what Max was talking about, and Max’s stomach flopped over.
“Are you...you seem nervous.”
Max let out a breath. “Do you really want to have sex with me?”
Jeremy looked startled and Max immediately wanted to take it back. He should’ve just let things unfold. He should’ve left it alone. He should not have put himself out there. He should have—“Of course I do,” Jeremy said. “God, I’ve been trying not to think about it all day.”
“Trying not to think about it?” Could Max really be hearing this? It felt too good to be true. Because Max had been thinking about it all day, too, but he couldn’t imagine...
Jeremy reached over and ran a hand lightly down Max’s arm. Max shivered and leaned into his touch. He stared at Jeremy, studied his eyes. He knew those eyes, had looked at them thousands of times, knew every nuance of color in them, and yet it was like seeing them for the first time now. It was like Jeremy had opened the door to a room Max had never been allowed in before.
“You tried not to think about me,” Max murmured.
“These pants don’t really hide anything.” With his other hand, Jeremy pinched some of the fabric at his thigh.
And now he was thinking about Jeremy having an erection because of Max, and it being right there, in touching distance. Heat flooded his face.
Jeremy grinned, and Max nearly died from looking at his perfectly straight teeth. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you blush so much.”
Max sighed and looked at the TV. The anchor was saying something about North Korea, and that was enough to quell Max’s ardor.
“Is this okay with you?” Jeremy asked.
“I... Yes. I just... I don’t know. I told you I have a crush on you, but I never expected anything to happen. I’m having some trouble wrapping my head around all this. That you could really want me.”
Jeremy leaned close to Max. He put a hand on the side of Max’s face and applied enough pressure to make Max look at him. Their eyes met again. They had little green flecks in them. Had those always been there?
“Please believe me,” Jeremy whispered. Then he kissed Max.
They’d kissed so much now that Max had lost track of how many kisses there had been, and still, a thrill rushed through Max, made his heart pound. Max put an arm around Jeremy’s shoulder and pulled him closer, while pressing his other hand to Jeremy’s chest. He had to touch Jeremy before this dream ended.
Then he pulled away again. “I should tell you, I’ve actually had a crush on you for quite a while, and if this is just some rebound thing because of Ryan, I don’t think I could take it.”
Max hadn’t planned to say that much, but he didn’t regret it exactly. He watched Jeremy’s face for a reaction. Jeremy seemed to be thinking hard, some storm brewing behind his eyes, but then he smiled and said, “Forget Ryan.”
“I know, but—”
Jeremy put a finger on Max’s lips. “Max, you’re my best friend. You have been for years. We’ve braved storms together. I care about you more than any other person in my life. That there’s the potential for even more between us is exciting to me.” He grinned. “I know it’s in your nature to be cautious, but let’s...let’s see how this goes. Sure, it’s possible things won’t work out between us, but I’m willing to try, because things could be really great, don’t you think?”
Max sighed. “Of course I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t feel the way I do about you. I just... I’m still getting used to this idea that you could want me. Because you do. Want me.”
“I do. And I want to see where this goes.”
“You want to have sex. With me.” Max hated himself a little for asking for this much validation, but he had a hard time reconciling what was happening with the way things had always been. Jeremy hadn’t been interested in Max until they’d kissed the night before, and sure, some relationships had probably started on shakier ground, but it had all happened so fast, Max still didn’t believe it.
“Yeah, I do. Do you not? We don’t have to tonight or anything. Whenever you’re ready.”
Max had been ready since tenth grade. “I want to. It’s not that, it’s just...”
“Do you need me to romance you more?” Jeremy dropped his voice an octave and ran his hand down the side of Max’s face.
Max laughed. “That’s not even it, either.”
“What do you need, Max? I’ll do it. Anything.”
“You’re doing all the right things. It’s just...that feeling you had when you got the call that you’d been cast in See the Light. That’s kind of how this feels for me right now. Like I’m finally getting something I’ve been wanting a lot for a long time. I need a minute to process it.”
Jeremy tilted his head. “I take that to mean this crush you’ve had on me isn’t a totally recent thing. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“You were with Ryan.” That was plausible, at least. It didn’t make Max sound like too much of a coward.
Jeremy nodded as if that made perfect sense. “Ha. Imagine if you and I had hooked up before I even met Ryan.”
Max had to look away then. On the TV, there was some human interest story about a woman in Illinois who ran a sports program for homeless kids.
Jeremy gave his shoulders a squeeze. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. Unless you want to, of course. Because I’m totally game. But I can wait, too. Whatever you want, Max.”
Max wanted Jeremy, but his head and his heart were still catching up to this situation. A dozen scenarios played out in his head, but all of them required Jeremy in Max’s personal space. “I want you to sleep in my bed with me tonight. Not on the sofa.” There. Good start.
“Oh, thank God. Sleeping on this sofa is going to give me scoliosis.” Jeremy cleared his throat. “Not that I mind!”
Max laughed. “It’s fine, I get it. But tonight, please come sleep in my bed.” Jeremy hadn’t even set foot in Max’s room since he’d moved in, but Max wanted him inside his room, inside his body.
Jeremy’s face went serious, his gaze intent on Max’s. “I will.”
Max faced Jeremy and stared at his lips for a moment. They were near perfect, a little feminine, even. He didn’t have much of a philtrum—that dip above the lips, a word Max only knew because faces were a key part of his job. It was shallow, and his top lip had a gentle shape like the top of a heart. Jeremy’s lips looked soft and well-moisturized. Then his tongue flicked out and licked his top lip, and Max’s pulse picked up.
Max couldn’t keep himself from running a hand along Jeremy’s cheek, then up into his hair. He pulled Jeremy down for a soft kiss that quickly deepened.
Was he really trying to talk himself out of this?
Max ran his hand through Jeremy’s hair, then along the side of his face, down his neck, and across his chest. Suddenly, his blood rushed through his body—probably headed south—but Max couldn’t keep his hands off Jeremy.
Jeremy broke the kiss and pulled away gently. “You don’t still doubt I want you, do you?”
“No, I—”
“Here’s the evidence.”
Jeremy took Max’s hand and put it on his crotch.
And there it was. Jeremy’s cock, hot and hard beneath Max’s hand. Irrefutable proof, and also a dance right over the line from friendship into something more explicitly sexual. Max had never seen Jeremy naked, had no idea what his penis looked like, but it was...well, it was substantial if Max’s grip was anything to go by. He traced it possessively with his fingers, and his skin tingled when Jeremy groaned.
“Yeah,” Jeremy whispered. “I definitely want you.”
Max kissed Jeremy as his own arousal grew, warmth spreading through his chest, his own cock just as hard as Jeremy’s.
“We could go to bed now.”
Jeremy grinned. “That is an excellent idea.”