Jeremy spent the entire ride up the elevator trying to keep from hyperventilating. Auditions for a show called See the Light were held at a dance studio on the seventh floor of a tall building in the theater district, and riding that elevator up was like heading toward his fate.
All he knew was that he was auditioning for the role of Benjamin, a seventeen-year-old high school student tangled up in events that happened at his school, and that he’d been told to prepare a monologue and a song.
He paced in a little reception area, surrounded by a dozen other actors in their twenties, both male and female, likely here to populate this cast.
Jeremy had gone through this process every season for the last six years. He’d done plenty of Off-Broadway theater, he’d gotten some big parts in touring casts, and he’d managed to crack the Broadway world by scoring some bit parts in the ensemble. But he’d never been a principal in a Broadway cast, and it was what he’d dreamed of since the moment he’d applied to drama school when he’d been seventeen himself.
He loved to sing. He was a pretty good dancer. He could do this. It was just a matter of finding the right part.
“Jeremy Reynolds?”
Jeremy swallowed and followed the assistant into the studio. Three people sat at a long table. He recognized one of them as Terry Lewis, a big deal casting agent who had worked on a couple of the shows Jeremy had been in before. That this guy had seen Jeremy perform before was slightly encouraging. Assuming Jeremy could get through the audition without vomiting.
Because this was a major opportunity. Jeremy had been on dozens of these auditions, and he went to open calls whenever he saw a part he remotely thought he could play, but he’d never wanted a role as much as he wanted this one. He could feel it in his gut; this character was perfect for him. His voice was in the right range, the description from his agent indicated the show would deal with some important issues, and the production wanted unknowns to populate the cast. Conventional wisdom was that you couldn’t put on a Broadway show without a big name actor in the lead, but recent successes had belied that, and Jeremy wanted to prove he could helm a show like this.
But his hands shook. He took a deep breath and tried to steady them as he set his messenger bag down off to the side.
“I’m auditioning for the part of Benjamin.”
The woman behind the table—a middle-aged woman with a riot of black curly hair, identified as Regina Morris by a nameplate in front of her—nodded. Jeremy knew her by reputation to be a very hands-on producer. “Let’s see what you got. We’ll see the monologue first.”
Jeremy had picked an older piece, a monologue from the point of view of Jack climbing the beanstalk. He’d used the same monologue for his theater school audition, and for the first part he’d auditioned for after college, and it had worked in the past. He launched into it, acting out the part with all the flair he had; in Jeremy’s interpretation, Jack was a gay teenager and the Giant at the top of the beanstalk was a metaphor for coming out—a process that was at once exciting and terrifying, with the potential to change the future in ways he could never anticipate. So the performance went a little camp, but Jeremy was a little camp, so he figured he’d leave it all out there.
The panel was stone-faced as they made notes. Then Regina Morris smiled and said, “And the song?”
“I’m singing ‘Waving Through the Window’ from Dear Evan Hansen.” He cleared his throat. “I bet that’s a popular choice.”
“Actually, no,” Terry Lewis said. “I am so glad you’re not singing anything from Les Mis. If I have to hear ‘Bring Him Home’ or ‘Empty Chairs at Empty Tables’ one more time...”
The other man, whose nameplate identified him as producer Jack Hampton, laughed and said, “Or anything from Hamilton. That’s a great show, but it’s very different from the one we’re casting for.”
“Oh. Good. Well, guess I’ll get right into it.”
He was gearing up to sing it a cappella, but then a man sitting at a piano he hadn’t even noticed played the opening bars of the song. So Jeremy launched into it. By the chorus, he was feeling it, and he threw everything he had into the song, the show’s yearning song. It seemed like a good choice for a musical about teenagers; the song was about wanting to belong.
Something Jeremy had some experience with. He’d been a gay teenager once, too, after all.
When he finished, the pianist played a little flourish, so Jeremy took a bow.
The panel clapped, which surprised him.
“That was great,” Terry said.
Regina nodded. “Yes. Can I ask you a few questions?”
“Of course!” Jeremy was perhaps a little too effusive, but he’d nailed the song. He couldn’t imagine ever singing it better. He was just so relieved to have gotten through the hard part of the audition that he would have answered any deep, probing question the panel felt compelled to ask.
“Why did you decide to play Jack the way you did?”
So Jeremy explained his theory on climbing the beanstalk being like coming out.
Regina and Terry glanced at each other, and Jeremy began to worry again. There’s no way this production team could be homophobic, was there? Surely they’d seen a dozen gay men parade through here for auditions.
“Thing is,” Regina said, “Benjamin is a gay character. The play is largely from his point of view. Without giving too much of the plot away, something traumatic happens at the beginning of the show, and Benjamin decides to live as his authentic self, so many of the musical numbers are flights of fancy from his head. And we’re ideally looking for a gay actor to play the part. Not enough gay parts go to gay actors.”
Jeremy couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He was so perfect for this role. “I couldn’t agree more. And I came out to my school when I was seventeen, so I have some experience with that.”
Everyone nodded and jotted down a few notes.
“You’d have a male love interest,” Regina said. “I hope you don’t have any issues with kissing him onstage.”
“I’ve kissed a few boys in my days.” Jeremy winked.
He couldn’t believe he’d been so bold, but Regina laughed. “Good, good. All right. Well, we’re seeing a few more Benjamins today, but we’ll be in touch.”
Jeremy practically floated out of the studio. He knew it wasn’t a done deal, but he couldn’t have done a better audition, and this part was as good as his. He could feel it.
Anthony leaned his face up, and Max carefully painted on his eyebrows, putting a little curve near the bridge of his nose to denote confusion. Max had never realized how much emotion could be conveyed with eyebrows until he’d started painting new ones on drag queens.
They were at Frocks, a gay bar in Hell’s Kitchen. Anthony was the MC for the Monday show, and though he was perfectly capable of doing his own makeup, he liked it when Max did it for him, even if they were recent exes.
“So Jeremy’s staying on your sofa.”
“Don’t say it like that. Nothing’s going to happen. He literally just broke up with a guy he was with for three years, and he’s really preoccupied with audition season. Also, remember how he doesn’t like me in that way?”
“Remind me again how that conversation went.”
Max sighed. “When I told him I wanted to move out, I—”
“Right, you did not confess your feelings but instead told him you wanted your own place.”
“He was with Ryan. It wasn’t the right time. And I implied—”
“Max, you’re a man, right?”
Max put the brow brush down and picked up an eyeshadow palette. “You’re wearing the purple gown tonight, right?”
“Yes. Answer my question.”
“Am I a man? Sure.”
Anthony grinned. “Then you know men are dense. I highly doubt Jeremy pieced together that you wanted to move out because you were hopelessly in love with him.”
“I told him. I said full-on that I was developing feelings for him.” Well, he’d said that, then he’d softened it a bit by saying that it wasn’t the reason he was moving out, but rather, he didn’t want to mess with their friendship. “He said he saw me as a friend. I don’t see how that’s ambiguous. And it doesn’t matter anyway. He’s just sleeping on my couch until he can find another place to live.”
“Developing feelings, my Black ass. You’ve been in love with him since you were kids.”
“Shut up and hold still so I can do this without poking your eye out.”
Anthony smiled but did as he was told. Max painted around his eyes, using a bit of purple that he knew matched the color of the gown Anthony planned to wear. If he were doing makeup on anyone besides a drag queen, he wouldn’t make it so matchy-matchy, but Anthony preferred looks that pulled all of his elements together. Max switched brushes and added a teal accent near the outside of Anthony’s eyes. When he finished, he took a step back to admire his handiwork.
“I’ve got that glitter stuff in my bag if you want to add more sparkle.”
“Nah,” Anthony said. “Let’s not overdo it.” His gaze settled on something behind Max. “Oh, speak of the devil.”
Max turned and saw Jeremy strolling into the bathroom that had been temporarily converted into a dressing room for the performers to get ready. “Hi, ladies,” he said, waving to everyone.
“Hey,” Max said. “How was the audition?”
“Oh. My. God.” Jeremy pressed his hands to his chest. “It went so well. I totally nailed it. And get this. They want an unknown gay actor for the part. Which, hello.” He gestured toward himself. “Unless the producer’s cousin shows up to try out for the part or something, it’s mine. My agent said he talked to the casting director and they loved me.”
“I’m happy for you.” And Max was. He was even happier when Jeremy threw himself at Max and wrapped Max up in a tight hug.
Jeremy stepped away. “Oh, hello, Anthony. Or should I say Sarah.” Anthony’s drag name was Sarah Moaney.
“That’s Miss Moaney, if you’re nasty.” Anthony raised an eyebrow. “Hello, honeybunch. Big audition today, I take it.”
“Brand-new Broadway show. They’re being coy about plot details, so I’m not sure entirely what it’s about except that the character I auditioned for is a gay teenager. I guess they want to avoid spoiling the audience before it’s in production.”
“Teenager, huh?”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I can totally play a teenager.”
“Or a narc.”
Anthony stood up. He posed dramatically, raising an arm in the air and cocking his hip. “How do I look?”
“Gorgeous as always,” Jeremy said. “I like how Max did your contouring. Cheekbones for days.”
Anthony winked and shot Jeremy a sultry smile. “That’s what I’m going for.” Then he signaled one of the other girls and asked for help getting into his gown.
When Anthony had moved to the other side of the room, Jeremy said softly, “And you broke up with him because...”
Max didn’t really want to get into it. He shrugged, trying to seem casual. “Mutual decision. He’s great and I love doing his makeup, but I don’t really think we had what it took for the long haul.”
Jeremy grimaced. “That whole long haul thing. I don’t think I know what that means anymore.”
Max supposed the logical question was whether Jeremy thought he and Ryan would make it forever, but Max had never thought so and didn’t want to know Jeremy’s answer.
“I hope it’s cool that I’m back here,” Jeremy said loudly enough for Anthony to hear. “I was going to hang out at the bar until the show, but I had to tell someone about the audition.”
Max wanted to hug him, but he fiddled with his supplies instead, starting to put things back in his kit.
Anthony called out from across the room, “It’s fine. You’re basically family.”
Max sighed. He looked up at Jeremy, who was beaming. “I’m glad the audition went well. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks. Clean up and I’ll buy you a drink.”