Stori asgwrn pen llo – calf’s skull bone story (an unlikely story)
Johnny and Tansy started getting themselves into a routine. Johnny would get up early to see to the stock, then would bring Tansy a cup of tea in bed and sit on the chair beside her and chat as she fed Gwennie. He would change Gwennie’s nappy and pyjamas and then disappear back outside. On his return they would eat breakfast together, then he’d put Gwennie in a sling made from a sheet by Nain and take her outside with him and let Tansy go back upstairs for a sleep.
Gwennie would snuggle up against him with his big coat zipped round the outside of her sling and he would do a few gentle jobs, checking on the cows or chucking a bit of straw around for the dogs.
Sometimes he would take her for a walk down the track, singing I don’t share your greed, the only card I need is the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades or We Plough the Fields and Scatter, these being the only two songs he knew nearly all the words to, or he would talk nonsense to her in a silly voice, all in a very un-Johnny-like way. He loved those times, when Gwennie was his sole responsibility and there was no one else but the two of them. He would watch her peeping up at him out of the top of his coat, or he’d sway her gently and share those few special seconds as she couldn’t help herself and drifted off to sleep.
Johnny reached the end of the track one morning just in time to see a cloud of smoke coming round the corner. HONK! HONK! HO—! Johnny laughed: that was obviously the last of Iestyn’s horn again. He could hear Iestyn swearing under his muffled scarf through the stuck-open window.
“This fuckin’ truck! That’ll be another day I have to spend with my head under the fuckin’ bonnet!”
Johnny sauntered over, unzipping his coat slightly so that Gwennie’s head poked out. “Gwennie, welcome to the world of shit trucks and swearing. All right, mate?”
“This bloody truck – always something falling off or arsing up or… Hey, is that your baby? I’d get out, but I have to climb through the back door at the moment…”
“Yes, this is Gwen. Cute, eh?”
“Yeah, she certainly is! And they let you out on your own with her? Make sure you don’t leave her somewhere whilst you pop off to service one of your ladies, will you!”
Johnny looked hurt. “Those days are over. I told you that the other night.”
“Yeah, but you always say that. This is it! This is the big one! I am a changed man!”
“Well, this time I mean it.”
“You always say that, too. Anyway, how’s it going?”
“Great. Tansy’s really well, very tired though as this little monkey wakes her mummy up at least three or four times a night, don’t you! Yes you do! Your poor mummy, eh Gwennie!” Iestyn looked concerned: it was as if his friend had been possessed by the spirit of Mrs Doubtfire. “But, apart from that, all well. The insurance company is going to fast-track Tansy’s house, so I’ll go and meet the bloke there tomorrow and then maybe we can start clearing it up. Couple of days’ labouring if you want it? Help me clear all the carpets etc out and into a skip? I’ll even pay you, how’s that?”
“Great, I could do with a bit of cash at the moment; I’ve got, er, a young lady preparing herself to come on a date with me… I’m amazed really – I dropped some clumsy hint about eating Chinese and she said yes!” Iestyn braced himself for a torrent of laughter, incredulity and then abuse. At least a Christ, she must be desperate!
“Hey, that’s great news! Is that the woman from the Internet? Fifi or whatever she was called?”
“Lulu.”
“Yeah, Lulu. Great. Good for you! About time you settled down, saw someone nice.”
“Hang on, I thought you said that you thought she was the one who gave you a blow job in some taxi? And aren’t you supposed to tell me that it’d have to be a blind date as I’m so fuckin’ ugly that no one who knew me would go anywhere near me, etcetera?”
“Well, probably – to both of those. But, good for you, Iestyn; that sounds really nice.”
“Fuck me: I’m off. You’ve turned Stepford Man on me and I can’t cope.”
“OK, but come here at nine tomorrow then and we’ll go to Tansy’s? Good. Right, I need to get madam here home; she’ll be needing a feed in about ten minutes. See you tomorrow!”
“Yep, t’da,” and Iestyn politely waited until Gwennie was safely out of the way before he started his truck again, otherwise he’d have engulfed her in black fumes: not good for little lungs…
Iestyn watched as his friend swung gently up the track, his arms enclosing the bundle strapped to his chest, protecting her as he crunched through the remaining snow. It just looked so strange. His mate, who usually only ever looked at babies if they were attached to a lactating woman’s breast, had been chirping and caring about someone else’s child. Perhaps it was different? Perhaps he really was in love with this Tansy woman? Whatever had happened had happened completely. He hadn’t used his phone once in Iestyn’s presence. Normally he would be constantly checking it, texting, making and receiving the tens of calls a week that were required to juggle his complex social life in the simple quest for lots of sex.
Iestyn had always thought that Johnny would be a serial conqueror of women throughout his life. He didn’t seem to have a settling down bone in his penis and that was the only organ he used to plan his life. Yet, here he was declaring his love for someone, looking after their baby while they slept and giving up his seduction pad for their comfort: he’d be wearing slippers next and then where would they all be…
Iestyn chugged away along the lane until he reached the village shop. He abandoned his truck alongside three others parked equally haphazardly, paying no attention whatsoever to the parking allocations, considered and marked out carefully at great expense by a man from the council.
He pushed open the door that was covered in posters about events that had happened weeks ago and a little bell signalled his presence. Everything stopped as he entered and the woman behind the till stood with her mouth open. “Perfect timing,” she said with a smile. “Now, Iestyn: what is happening with young Brechdan? We need to know.” The two other women and the one old farmer clutching a cardboard box full of groceries that effectively wedged him between the narrow shelves nodded. “Is it true that a woman has turned up bearing his love children and that he’s getting married next Saturday, otherwise he’ll lose the farm? Oh, and how’s your mother?”
Iestyn took a deep breath – he should have known that popping quickly into the village shop at a time like this would have been an impossibility…