VIVIANA
When I returned to the apartment I was so thankful my mother and her boyfriend, Martin, were not there, because I really didn’t feel like answering a bunch of questions about why my face looked the way it did. My bottom lip was split down the middle, and my face was bruised in several places. Most of the damage could be hidden with makeup, so in a way I was thankful for that. I went into the bathroom, took a shower and went about the business of hiding my war wounds. When I was finished I stared at myself in the mirror. All of my blemishes were well concealed, but I didn’t like my reflection. I felt as if I were a train wreck that no one really cared about. I got angry and let out a scream.
“You’re such a lost cause, Viviana!” I spat at my own reflection.
Wringing my hands I said, “Maybe you should hurt yourself. Perhaps then someone would care.” The thought of allowing my mind to slip into madness was a tempting one.
When I finished mentally beating myself up, a feeling of claustrophobia came over me. I suddenly felt as if the walls were caving in on me. The musty odor of the apartment made my stomach turn sour and my skin felt as if there were millions of tiny ants crawling all over it. I began scratching my arms, my hair and my stomach with my fingernails. I shouted at the top of my voice again as I walked out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around my body, feeling as if I were about to lose my mind. I decided to stand still in an attempt to calm myself.
“Get a grip, Viviana,” I said, trying to reassure myself that I was safe and that I was okay. I took a few deep breaths and said, “I have to get out of here.” I rushed back into my bedroom and put on some clothes. Racing out of the apartment, I took the back stairwell, and left through the rear exit. Without giving much thought to what I was going to do or where I was headed, I started walking east toward the lakefront. Mindlessly, I walked, not really thinking about much of anything except that I had to keep moving. I made it to the shoreline of Lake Michigan and sat on a sandy beach near the Museum of Science and Industry. Kicking my shoes off, I placed my feet on the hot sand. I coiled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Listening to the roar of the water as it crashed against the shoreline was calming. I glanced around at all of the people there. It was mostly parents playing with their kids and the family dog. I thought about my father again and about how much I missed him and how I wished I could turn back the hands of time and talk to him. How I longed to hear his voice laughing. I wanted to dance with him in the middle of the floor and hug him so I could feel safe and protected.
I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through my photos until I found one of the two of us together. It had been taken several years before. Around the time our lives begun to spiral out of control. He didn’t smile as much as he used to. In fact, he hated for anyone to take a photo of him, but he took one for me because it was my birthday. I scrolled to the next picture I had of us. I was about eight years old. My mom came into my bedroom and took a picture of my dad and me playing with my Lilo and Stitch dolls. We were both sitting on the floor making the dolls walk and run and jump and play. He always made the dolls talk for me, and he was talented in giving them different voices. I scrolled through and found one last family photo taken at Walmart. I was two years old, and my parents and I were wearing matching Chicago Bulls championship T-shirts from 1996. I remember my dad being a huge Michael Jordan fan. I forced back tears by shutting my eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment I opened my eyes and closed my phone and forced myself to stop thinking about my dad. He was gone and no amount of wishing was going to ever bring him back.
The following day I caught up with Toya, who wanted to know how much money and merchandise I’d scored. We went into her bedroom so that I could give her the details of how I’d gotten jacked up. When I told her what had gone down, her mouth opened as wide as the ocean.
“Are you serious? Two chicks chased you onto a city bus and jumped you?” Toya was intrigued by the brawl I had.
“Yeah, and if it hadn’t been for the stun gun you gave me, I’d probably be in an emergency room all messed up.”
“Damn. That’s jacked up,” Toya said sympathetically. “Sometimes stuff like that happens, though. You just have to learn from your mistake and move on, that’s all.”
“Yeah, that’s easier said than done,” I said. Toya moved closer to inspect my bruises.
“What did your mother say about your face?” she asked me.
“Nothing. She doesn’t know. Even if she did notice, I don’t think she’d care much. She’s too busy trying to keep her new man happy. She’s not very concerned about me, and I can pretty much do anything I want to as long as I don’t bring another mouth in the house to feed.” I paused in thought for a moment. “I wish there was a way for me to have a normal life.”
Toya chuckled. “People like us will never have a normal life. We’re from the ’hood. The moment we were born, our lives jumped on an express elevator to hell. We’re never going to get out of here, so we’ve got to make the best of it and do what we’ve gotta do in order to survive. Don’t you agree?” Toya asked.
“Of course I do. My father told me the same thing,” I said.
“You want to know what I was thinking?” The tone of Toya’s voice was suddenly upbeat.
“No?” I answered.
“We could probably make a killing if we were to go downtown and target businesspeople. We could get all types of credit cards and cash. Plus, I’m sure they’re not going to chase us onto a city bus.”
“That does sound like a sweet plan,” I said, thinking about the possibilities.
“So, are you down with doing that?” she asked.
“Yeah, count me in. I don’t have anything else to do anyway,” I said, allowing the weight of my misery to dictate my decision.
“Cool, we’ll hook up tomorrow and take the bus downtown.”
“Where will we go? I mean, we can’t just walk into an office building.”
Toya laughed. “Oh, yes we can.”
“What? Are you crazy? I’m not going to walk into an office building and pick someone’s pocket.” I thought for sure Toya had lost her mind.
“No. I’m not saying that we’re going to do it. I just know of people who are brave enough to do that kind of job. They dress up like regular businesspeople and walk from floor to floor acting like they’re trying to raise money for a cause. You’d be surprised at how easily people will give up money when you say it’s to help build a community center or some other nonsense about making a neighborhood better. I know this one girl who made two thousand dollars in a matter of a few hours.”
“Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe someone had made that type of money off of a scam.
“Yeah. She wants to bring me in on it, but told me that I needed to learn how to speak better.”
“Speak better?” I asked, confused.
“You know. Sound all proper and stuff. I told her, ‘I can’t be talking like I got a college degree or something. I’m a high school dropout and proud of it.’ She told me that she dropped out of school in eighth grade, but she can sound like she has a degree from Harvard when she wants to. Anyway, I told her that I didn’t like talking to strange people that much and preferred to just take what I needed from them. It’s simpler. I’ll introduce you to her one day. Her name is Elva, but every one calls her Penny.”
“I would like to meet her. She sounds like she’s really cool,” I said.
“She is. Penny has an entire crew that does stuff like that,” Toya explained.
“How do you know all of these people?” I asked.
“I know all types of people. It’s like we have our own secret social network.” Toya beamed with pride. “Anyway, I hate to put you out, but I promised my grandmother I’d go with her to church. She’s trying to save my soul.” Toya laughed.
“I don’t believe you go church,” I said.
“Yes, I do. You’d be surprised by how much money I get when I go there,” Toya joked.
“Isn’t that like sacred ground?” I felt like that was a line I’d probably never cross.
“Oh, don’t worry. I do thank Jesus for placing people with money in my path.” Toya laughed out loud.
“Okay. On that note, I’m going to head back upstairs.” I rose to my feet and headed toward the door.
“I’ll send you a text tomorrow morning to let you know when I’m ready to head downtown. I’m thinking we could hit some of those really busy food courts during the lunch hour. Women are always leaving their purse draped on the back of a chair for one reason or another. That’s a perfect time to move in and slip it off the chair without them noticing.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” I nodded in agreement before heading toward the front door.