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THINGS WERE DIFFERENT in Talyad from the start, and not just because I was a protected foreign dignitary who was currently engaged to their prince. The escape act Theo and I pulled off in Evrion had earned me a constant surveillance detail, and we hadn’t been able to see each other since touching down at the palace. Most of the time I stayed in my chambers anyway. It seemed like too much effort to try and get accustomed to a whole new place.
Or maybe—probably—I was just depressed. In a matter of days, life had spun out of control. I felt like all my agency was gone, even though I was the only one in line for Evrion’s throne, the only living member of its ruling family. A permanent haze colored every minute, from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. And when I dreamed, my visions were murky and threatening.
The only real visitors I got were Colvin and Daria, and Colvin almost went out of his way not to be much in terms of company. Despite the way we had talked before, the breakthroughs I thought we had made, he was uncomfortable being alone together. Most of the time, he’d stay just long enough for Daria to arrive and get settled, and then he’d slink out into the hallway, muttering something about guard duty.
“Is everything okay between you two?” she asked once, having watched him make his exit. Her voice carried a hint of knowing that set me on edge; as far as I understood, our feelings were closely protected, but Daria could be shrewd in unexpected ways.
I shrugged as casually as I could manage. “I mean, I think so. If something’s wrong, he hasn’t said anything about it.”
She sighed. “Of course he hasn’t. That’s never been his way.” Daria paused. “I’ve known Colvin since he was young, and I still can’t always read him.”
“I worry about him sometimes,” I admitted. My eyes rested on the door he had closed on his way out.
“Is that so?” Daria smiled slightly. “He has a hard time saying so, but he worries about you too.” She raised her eyebrows. “I believe it would benefit both of you to work on better communication. A princess needs to be able to speak to her personal guardsmen.”
The blush came on so quickly I didn’t have time to try and conceal it. Instead, I just stared at my lap, faintly mortified. Could she tell how much any mention of Colvin affected me? The state of our relationship pained me greatly. I wanted to fix it more than anything. But I didn’t have any idea where to start, and neither, I suspected, did he.
“We talk,” I said lamely, my tone unconvincing. “I’ve had a lot going on lately.”
Daria regarded me without saying a word, although I could tell she was thinking. “That’s certainly true,” she acknowledged. “He’ll come around. He needs time to sort things out for himself.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Me, too.” Then I sort of snapped out of it and looked at her, alarmed. Maybe she had keyed into frequencies I assumed were too subtle for her eyes and ears. Maybe she was simply waiting for one of us to confess.
Well, it’s not gonna be me. I pulled in a deep breath and let it out, willing all the extraneous thoughts to depart my mind. My marriage loomed on the very near horizon, utterly inevitable for all intents and purposes. Which was extra frustrating, because from my perspective, Evrion no longer stood to benefit from my union with Theo. I could just imagine the rebels running wild over the castle grounds, tearing the place apart.
And here I was, lightyears away, sitting in a guest room with Daria. The sense of helplessness was palpable. I despised it.
“What’s going to happen now?” I asked her, half to change the subject and half because I really wanted answers. “Am I supposed to just hang out here until things calm down at home? What if that never happens? The rebellion could keep growing in our absence.”
“The council discusses it every day,” Daria told me. “Those who made it here, that is.” She gave me a look. “And don’t start asking if you can come to meetings again. They’ll veto it before I even bring it up.”
I frowned, but we both knew she wasn’t wrong. I had proven myself to be brash and reckless, a little too willing to step out onto the front lines. Evrion was old-fashioned enough to want its queen to lead from safety with a cool head on her shoulders.
Too bad they ended up with me.
“I need to go back,” I said. “Sooner rather than later. The situation can’t stay unattended. That’s exactly what Raven and her cronies want.” At the same time, the notion of returning to the city terrified me. The circumstances of Hamion’s death were no longer a dark, shameful secret. They could use it as ammunition against me. And I was afraid of how well it might work.
“Not necessarily.” Seeing that I was on the verge of protestation, Daria held up her hand. “Hear me out, Amber. I’m not saying I want you to stay out of Evrion forever. That’s your home. You belong there.” Her gaze met mine. “It’s your birthright.”
“But?” I prompted.
“But it’s too damn dangerous right now. I’m not kidding when I say they’d kill you on sight. And frankly, that’s the best-case scenario.”
The grim reality of her words made me shudder. I sank back against the couch a little bit. “I can’t afford to act scared, Daria. Not in front of my people while the kingdom is in crisis.” Pulling my composure together, I sat forward. “They need a strong leader. I’m the only one who can fill that role.”
“I agree,” Daria said. “As long as you’re alive to do it.” She crossed one leg over the other. “Our best option at the moment is for you to stay in Talyad. You’ll still have a decent amount of oversight, and of course we will do everything possible to keep you informed. We’re working on a plan to infiltrate the rebellion somehow. Get those channels of intel flowing.”
“Okay...” I sensed there was something objectionable coming.
“There is one caveat,” Daria added. “And it’s fairly significant.” She hit me with it before I had time to formulate a response. “Your Talyadian residency would be contingent on your marriage to Prince Theo. As in, you’d have to be married to stay.”
I grimaced. “They couldn’t give me, like, a tourist visa?”
Daria folded her arms. “Amber.”
“Okay, okay.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’ll be honest; this still freaks me out. I’m seventeen!”
“Eighteen tonight,” Daria replied. “In a matter of hours.”
“Oh God, you’re right.” I covered my face with my hands. “Also, it’s weird that you know the exact time of my birth.”
She shrugged. “It’s a royal thing. We all know it.”
I tried not to think too hard about that. “So what you’re saying is, I could get married to Theo tonight, and that would give me the option of staying safe here and still somewhat connected to the warfront.”
“That’s correct. It isn’t a bad choice, if you want my opinion. But it must be your decision, in the end. I’m here to advise, not to pressure you.”
“Despite the fact that I’m legally a minor?”
“For a few more hours.” She narrowed her eyes. “Besides, has legality ever mattered to you before?”
“Not much,” I said sheepishly. “If we’re being technical about it, I’m the one who makes the rules now.”
“That is not completely true,” Daria shot back.
I dropped my hands into my lap and stared at the floor for a minute, a whirlwind of thoughts sweeping my brain. Why was it that all the most crucial decisions leapt at me in the shortest timeframes? Should I choose him, Theo would be my husband for the rest of our lives—and I was simply supposed to accept that? Yet again, I found my eyes drifting in Colvin’s direction. Even when I couldn’t see him, he was practically right in front of me.
“Can I talk to Theo?” I asked, still gazing wistfully toward the door. “Face to face?”
“Yes, but you’ll have to have a chaperone at all times.” The corners of Daria’s mouth tugged downward. “Not my decision, but it stands nonetheless.”
“That’s fair,” I muttered. “I’m fine with it. I’d just like to see him.”
“That’s wise.” She got to her feet. “This is a big step, for you and for your kingdoms.”
But is it the right step? I wondered, watching her move toward the exit. As she opened the door to the hallway, Colvin turned, and I caught a brief profile of his face. My heart hurt. Or am I about to make the biggest mistake of my life?
