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AS A WAY OF SECURING the wedding postponement in good faith, Theo had agreed to a schedule of what the councils were calling ceremonial advisory meetings. I was reluctant at first, until I realized we got an hour of personal time together, free of direct oversight from guards or chaperones. Suddenly, that hour became precious, coveted time.
The meetings took place in a secretive room buried deep in the center of the palace. The first time I was escorted there, I couldn’t help thinking there must have been a reason it was kept so far under the radar. Were they about to turn on me and reveal that they had been double-crossing all along? Maybe this was all part of Theo’s sinister plan.
Then I walked into the room and found him there waiting, and my suspicions lifted. Two chairs sat kitty-corner to one another in the middle of the space, each facing a third seat. The third chair was occupied by a silver-haired woman so tiny her toes brushed the floor. She and Theo both turned to watch our entrance. They smiled.
“Why, hello dear.” The woman leaned forward, holding out her hand. “How wonderful to meet you at last.” I accepted her handshake very carefully as I took my place beside Theo.
“Ambrose, this is Madame Trinessa Gale. She is to be our nuptial adviser.” Something about the title made me want to cringe, but I pasted a matching smile on my lips.
“A pleasure,” I said. “Thank you so much for your time.”
“Oh, it’s an honor!” She beamed. “An absolute honor. I’ve known Theo since he was an infant, and I couldn’t be happier to see him settling down now.”
That makes one of us. But Madame Gale was so nice that I couldn’t stay too upset, even as the counseling session started. Her earnest sweetness took the edge off a volley of questions much too personal for me. What types of roles did we envision for ourselves within the marriage? How were we going to manage our considerable personal assets? Had we negotiated the exact political and military terms of our union yet?
Okay, so that last one wasn’t what one might consider standard premarital counseling fare. Nonetheless, I felt woefully unprepared to answer in any meaningful fashion. No one had sat down with me to hash out what I was expected to say, what I wanted to say, what I needed to say. I supposed that was a good thing, in a way—at least I wasn’t coached on my responses. But by the end of the discussion, I came away more convinced than ever that I was simply way too young for an endeavor this serious.
We’d talked about kids! How many, whether we wanted boys or girls, how we planned to raise them. Madame Gale assured me that the in-depth discussion of family planning could be saved for a later date, but my head was still spinning. Frankly, the idea of having a son or daughter was terrifying. I kept that to myself, though.
In fact, I kept a lot of things to myself. Theo seemed willing to carry the bulk of the dialogue, and so I kind of sat back and allowed him to do that, which struck me as a bad decision in hindsight. The last thing I wanted to do was set a male-dominated precedent. On the off chance that Theo actually became my husband, he was never going to be my boss.
What was the point of returning to claim a long-lost throne if I was just going to hand it over to a man the courts made me marry?
Say more next time, warned the voice inside my head. Whomever Madame Gale is reporting back to will think you’re spineless and easily moldable. You’re losing ground for Evrion in future negotiations.
I grimaced at the way my thoughts had become barely recognizable. Despite my misgivings, all the royal teachings I’d received were making steady inroads into my subconscious. It was second nature to place the needs of my constituents—I still couldn’t call them subjects—above my own, or to shame myself for failing to do so.
They were depending on me. They needed me. Sometimes the pressure was suffocating.
“Well, I think we’ve made quite a bit of progress today!” Madame Gale declared cheerfully. She hopped down out of her chair. “Enjoy your talking time together! I look forward to continuing our conversations next week.” With yet another wide smile, she bustled out of the door, her short strides pattering like raindrops across the tile.
Theo looked at me. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I wondered if there was a hint of condescension in his tone and decided to ignore it for the time being. “I guess not. But we can’t let it continue for too long.” Although it appeared that the guards had instructions to respect our privacy, I kept my voice lowered just in case. “I’m afraid sooner or later we’ll pass a point of no return without realizing it. And then we’ll both be in trouble.”
“That’s a valid concern,” Theo said gravely. “However, there’s not much we can do on the surface, If they suspect scheming in any form, we will be heavily investigated. And I don’t know how well you think you can keep your secrets, but it’s probably not well enough.” He paused, his words sinking in slowly. Then he spoke up again. “That being said, I have news for you.”
My ears perked up. “I’m listening.” There was something vaguely exhilarating about the current situation, anxiety and paranoia notwithstanding. Like living in a fantasy-thriller all the time. Would I have chosen it of my own volition? Absolutely not. Still, in the rare moments I was able to step back and embrace the absurdity, I found it a little bit exciting.
“Last time I spoke with Sarena, I passed on your concerns.”
I frowned. “Which concerns?” At that point, there were too many to list. I hoped he wasn’t talking about Colvin, who was constantly chief in my mind. With dawning mortification, I realized Theo’s Seer girlfriend must know all about the pitiful state of my heart. My cheeks reddened.
“About your past.” Theo raised an eyebrow, seeing the color creep up into my face. “Your family.” The edge of his lip tilted gradually toward a smirk. “What did you think I was going to say?”
Enormously relieved, I shook my head. “Not important. Please go on.”
“Right. So, she sympathizes deeply with your strife, and she has agreed to a consultation.”
“Really?” For the first time in a depressingly long while, something akin to hope bloomed in my chest. The quest to uncover my true identity had struggled to stay relevant in the face of so many other pressing matters, and now I was desperate to rekindle that flame. After all, in order to unravel the knot between Theo and me before it was tied forever, I needed to know more. Everything I couldn’t remember. I almost jumped out of my chair.
“Yes.” Theo smiled. He placed his hand on my arm, a tacit warning to keep a lid on my bursting emotions. No doubt he could sense the energy crackling off me like lightning in a bottle. “Obviously, this will need to be a highly clandestine arrangement. We may be able to disguise it as a necessary part of our meetings, but I’m not sure how far that excuse will carry us.”
“That’s fine,” I said quickly. “We managed to sneak out once before. I’m willing to do it again.”
Theo chuckled. “Considering how things went last time, perhaps you shouldn’t be. But I do admire your brazen courage.”
“Is that code for my stupidity?” I half-joked.
“I would never say such a thing.” Theo gazed solemnly into my eyes. “My admiration for you is genuine, Ambrose. Just not quite in the way the councils desire.”
“It’s a mutual feeling,” I said. “Thank you for this, Theo. I can’t tell you how long I’ve been searching for answers, whether I knew it or not. Even back on Earth, there was always a missing piece. It’s weird to look back on your life and realize your memories have a stopping point. There’s been a wall there for eight years.”
He squeezed my arm. “Soon, I hope we can start to take that wall down. For your sake more than mine.”
“No, for yours too. We both deserve to be equally happy.”
The rest of the hour was filled with comfortable conversation about random things—the breathtaking, arid deserts of Talyad that I wasn’t allowed to see, the quality of my stay so far, our joint hope for the success of the operations currently taking place in Evrion. I tried not to talk about anything involving Colvin too much; it was torture to imagine him embroiled in conflict.
The anticipation of consulting with Sarena put permanent butterflies in my stomach. I had so many questions already, but Theo didn’t bring her up again, and so I followed his lead. As we parted ways at the end of our session time, he kissed the back of my hand.
“I’ll see you soon, Princess.” Theo winked at me.
“I can’t wait,” I said.
