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THE ONE THING DARIA refused to do was set a deployment date for my impromptu operation. “What I said about trust goes both ways,” she told me sternly. “I’m trusting you to handle this. And in return, you have to trust in our ability to hold the line until you get there, whenever that turns out to be.”
She was right and I knew it, so I just nodded and kept my mouth shut. But damn, it was hard. I had never really felt the urge to pull rank until then. There was a part of me that wanted to forgo the training entirely and make my triumphant return to Evrion as soon as possible, metaphorical guns blazing, to retake the palace.
On the flip side, I was getting to spend more one-on-one time with Colvin than we’d had since leaving Earth, and I couldn’t deny how much I loved it. The fact that we were almost always fighting each other in that huge gymnasium didn’t matter. It was just nice to be together in any capacity.
“Your form is sloppy.” Colvin tapped the flat of his training sword against my lower leg. “Move that foot back. The way you’re standing, I could knock you over in half a second.”
I frowned at him. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try it.”
“Is that a challenge?” Colvin’s gaze sharpened, and I should’ve known something was coming. But I wasn’t ready when he charged me, shoulder down, grabbed me by the waist, and planted us both into the training mat behind me. “Consider it accepted,” he said. His face hovered inches from mine.
“Hey!” I struggled in vain in his arms. “That wasn’t fair. You distracted me.”
He smirked. “C’mon, Amber. I was just standing there. You need to work on your stances.” He paused. “Especially because we both know Raven fights dirty.”
A scowl crossed my face at the mention of her name. “Ugh. That’s truer than I want it to be.” At that point, we both should have gotten up. Neither one of us made a move to do so. We sat there on the edge of the training mat, sort of embracing. He still had his arm around my waist.
Throwing caution to the wind, I lifted my hand and rested it on Colvin’s chest. After the first couple sessions, he had made the choice to ditch his armor entirely, a decision I thoroughly appreciated. The contours of his muscles beneath my palm made me feel something other than hyperactive anxiety and dread.
“Hey.” He pulled me a little closer. “What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing,” I said automatically. Then I backtracked. “A lot of stuff, actually.”
Colvin spent a moment looking at me closely, his dark eyes examining every inch of my face. They lingered on my lips, and I dared to hope he might kiss me. Instead, he shifted to the side. “Want to take a break and talk about it?”
I chuckled. “Not really. I already know what you’re going to say.”
“Try me.” He unwound his arm from my waist, propped himself up on his hands. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and wondered what kind of higher power thought it was fair to create a man so fine.
“It’s nothing you haven’t heard before.” I reached up and pulled some sweaty flyaways back into my ponytail. “Just me wishing things could be different. For us.” For some reason, it didn’t feel like such a transgression to be putting my feelings out in the open while we were in the gym. As if he was my personal trainer rather than my bodyguard. Maybe all the combat training took away some of that royal mystique.
Colvin must have sensed that too, because his answer surprised me. “You’re the one who’s getting married.” The way he said it was tongue in cheek, but I heard the hidden sincerity. It was the first time he had ever brought up Theo at all during these sessions, let alone willingly.
“I told you, I’m trying not to.” The words came out much more sharply than I had intended, and I instantly wished I could take them back, or make them softer. It wasn’t right to be mad at him over circumstances neither of us could control.
“I’m sorry,” Colvin said after a moment of tense silence. “It’s a touchy subject. I should know better.”
I groaned and moved my hand up my face. Everything felt so exhausting, especially trying to navigate the inhospitable swamp of too many emotions. “Let’s just say it’s not going super well. And I’d love it if you would stop somehow getting me to let my feelings out instead of trapping them safely below the surface.” The total safety I felt in Colvin’s presence was freeing, but it also seemed dangerous.
“Yeah, I don’t think I can do that.” He was facing me now; I had his full attention. And again, part of me freaking loved it.
I let out a deep sigh. “Look, nothing’s been undone yet, and I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep, okay? Suffice to say Theo and I are on the same page about marriage, by which I mean we don’t want to marry each other, and we might be looking for some way to make a graceful exit. That’s all. Nothing you don’t already know.” I turned to him. “There’s been zero progress made. I can’t stress that enough. As far as the courts are concerned, we’re still tying the world’s biggest knot sometime in the near future.”
“But you told him you don’t really want to,” Colvin said. “And he... agreed?” He seemed baffled. “I don’t know, I guess I thought he’d be way into it.”
I pursed my lips. “Do not repeat this to anyone. Anyone.” I leaned in close. Confused, Colvin did the same. “Theo has a girlfriend.”
Colvin stared at me. “Is this real life?” he asked, after a protracted bout of stunned silence. “Am I hearing any of this, or am I going to wake up in the morning with only vague memories of weirdness?”
“It’s true.” I kept my voice down even though we were pretty much alone, just in case. “He took me to meet her.”
“All right, you’re joking” Colvin laughed.
“I’m not!” I insisted.
He stared at me. “Oh my God, you’re not joking. This is what you refused to tell me that day in the hall, isn’t it?” I nodded. He actually took a step back. “Why the heck would he do that? Was he like, ‘Oh hey, babe, this is my fiancée. Do you want to come to the wedding?’”
“I mean, he didn’t invite her to the wedding, but yes, more or less.” I took a deep breath. “She’s a seer. I had questions. You understand where this is going.”
Suddenly, Colvin’s demeanor shifted. “The prince’s girlfriend is a divinator?”
“Yeah?” I tilted my head. “What’s wrong with that?”
He exhaled slowly. “There are some who think their word is basically divine law, but in my experience, most people don’t trust them.” He shook his head. “I hope the guy knows what he’s doing.”
I tried not to remember the decidedly spooky vibes Sarena had given off. “I thought they were cute together.”
“Hmm.” Colvin glanced away. His brow furrowed. I started to feel uneasy about whether or not he could keep this a secret.
“Colvin, I’m serious about not telling anyone. I don’t know what the implications would be for Theo, or how it could affect the way the rebellion goes. I need to have full Talyadian support when I go back to Evrion.” I took his arm. “At least wait until I’m back on the throne before you go spilling any tea.”
He smiled softly. “I won’t lie to you, Amber. I don’t particularly like it. But my allegiance lies only with you. If you say to hold my tongue, I will.”
I couldn’t have told you what it was about that moment—not while it was happening, nor after. All I know was that, in an instant, Colvin and I were kissing passionately, pressed up against each other. My hands were in his hair; his arm snaked back around my waist. All the passion and intensity I’d been pushing down came flooding out in that kiss. I burned from head to toe.
As we eased apart, each of us catching our breath, I braced myself against him. We might as well have been teetering on the edge of a fog-shrouded cliff, about to leap off the edge into the unknown. The unspoken risk weighed heavy on me. Just because Theo has a partner on the side doesn’t mean you need one too.
And yet, he was right there in front of me. The absolute man of my dreams.
“Daria can’t find out about this,” I said finally.
“Of course not,” Colvin answered. Then he kissed me again and I forgot about everything else in the world.
