25
Out on the deck, Audra studied her son from across the table, visualizing the impossible. She added a dozen years to his face, put pilots’ goggles over his eyes, dressed him in a flight jacket marked with a Nazi patch.
Jack looked up at her curiously. “Mom? What is it?”
She squashed the image, outrageous in every way. “Sorry, I was just zoning out.”
“Got the chef’s special for two here,” Robert announced, delivering a plate of veggie patties. His timing was impeccable.
“Wonderful,” Audra said. “Thanks for making those.”
“You betcha.” He wiped his hands on his apron, the caricature type that transformed his torso into that of a bodybuilder. “Buns will be right over.” He swooped back to the barbecue, where he plated the meat patties for him and Meredith and the toasted bread for them all.
Audra was grateful the weather allowed them to celebrate outside. Helium balloons were tied around the deck, adding a rainbow of color to her in-laws’ backyard. Special occasions of any kind could be rough after a loss; that’s why Audra was determined to make this a bright and cheery event.
“Are you excited to see your cake?” she asked Jack.
“Uh-huh.” He took a gulp of his fruit punch, staining his mouth with a joker’s grin.
She stage-whispered, “I hear Grandpa got you something super special this year.”
“Really? What is it?”
“I don’t know yet. Apparently it’s Top Secret.”
He smiled and bounced his legs dangling off the seat. Audra reveled in his delight until he snagged a baby carrot from the veggie tray. Combined with the setting, the sight reminded her of Isabella and her rabbit on a blanket by the garden....
Audra brushed away the thought to make room for anything light. Like an old favorite game.
“I see ... Geppetto,” she said, indicating Robert as the target.
Jack twisted his lips, thinking. “Super Mario.”
“Hmm, good one. How about ... Elmer Fudd with a mustache.”
“Papa Smurf.”
Tied, two to two. Audra was pondering more mustached characters when Meredith returned from the house. She joined them at the table with a bowl of potato salad.
“This one’s a new recipe, so I hope it’s okay.”
“I’m sure it’s great,” Audra said.
Robert brought the last of the items over and settled in his chair. “I say we have at it. Okay with you, Mama?”
Meredith hesitated only a moment before nodding. “Let’s dig in,” she said with a smile. She was skipping the blessing on account of her guests. While part of Audra found this refreshing, the rest of her sank with guilt. Her commentary about harps and wings must have spurred the change.
Jack, on the other hand, didn’t seem to notice. Though he was accustomed to prayers before meals here—as Audra never discouraged him; he would discover the truth on his own—he appeared just as pleased to dive into his burger.
“Careful now, Jack,” Audra said. “Try not to get ketchup on your cast.” She took care in articulating his name. Ever since last night, when calling him Jakob had distinctly soothed him, she feared making the same mistake—almost as much as she feared the reason it had worked. On the drive over, she had asked him about the name, undeniably similar to his own. As usual, he shook his head.
Whose idea had it been to call him Jack in the first place? Hers or Devon’s, she couldn’t remember. It wasn’t a family name. No specific actor or athlete or character in a book sprang to mind as the inspiration.
Not that it mattered.
“So, Robert, how’s business going?” she asked while scooping up fruit cocktail.
“Pretty well,” he said. “They tell me no walls have fallen down this week. So far.”
“That’s always good news.”
Meredith said, “What about you, Audra? Any word from your interviews?” She seemed more interested than investigative, a welcomed difference from before.
“There might be an opportunity. Nothing set yet.” In actuality, as of this morning, a solid option had materialized. But she would save that for a private discussion. She diverted the subject, perpetuating small talk as they all enjoyed their lunch.
To Meredith’s credit, her mentions of Devon were limited, her efforts for levity clear. Always a teacher, she entertained Jack with fun facts that ranged from the formation of Multnomah Falls to squirrel-proofing her garden with mothballs and cayenne pepper.
When the time came, the couple went inside to prepare for the finale. Audra transferred gifts from the car to the back deck, where Robert assembled a mound of presents. On this day above any, Audra saw the value of a grandparent’s duty to spoil.
They all sang “Happy Birthday” as Meredith carried out the cake. It was shaped like a moon, with candles surrounding a big wax 8. A sign protruded from airbrushed craters: Happy birthday to our shooting star!
Robert snapped his camera. “Make a wish, Beanstalk.”
Jack’s concentration rivaled that of a surgeon. The candles dripped into puddles of color. He blew out the flames and the group applauded. It seemed they all shared a common wish, based on the quiet that set in like a low-lying cloud. The tearing of wrapping paper helped hide the tension, as did Jack’s pleasure over his toys, books, and clothes.
Audra had just finished her cake, chocolate with raspberry filling, when Meredith rose to clear the table. “Audra, would you mind grabbing the bowls?”
“Not at all.”
As Audra assisted in gathering, Jack salvaged crumbs from his plate. He chuckled at the frosting that fringed his grandpa’s mustache. The sound, though brief, was powerful enough to make Audra contemplate her plans; there was much to gain from a drastic relocation, but there also would be loss.
“Holy Toledo, I forgot to bring out the best gift yet,” she heard Robert say as she stepped into the house.
In the kitchen, Meredith rinsed off plates and cups for the dishwasher. Without being asked, she shifted away from the sink, giving Audra access to the trash can below. Audra deposited a wad of dirty napkins and closed the cupboard with her foot. The routine here, together, filled her with a rush of the familiar. A choreography she missed.
“Looks like Jack’s still having bad dreams,” Meredith said, without turning from the sink.
“Yeah. He is.”
The drooping of his eyes, or Audra’s, must have given them away. After all, she had provided few updates since the festival. She hadn’t deliberately avoided the woman’s calls, but neither had she raced to return them.
Meredith’s demeanor told her this hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“I’m sorry we’ve been out of touch lately,” Audra said.
“There’s just been some issues with Jack, and I’ve been trying to figure it all out.”
“Well, you know Jack’s welfare always comes first for us.”
“I do.”
Meredith scrubbed at a grill spatula, the charred pieces not budging. Her skin grew splotchy from the intensity of her efforts.
Soaking the tool in suds would be better, letting the grime ease gradually rather than forcing it clean. But who was Audra to say as much? The same advice could apply to her own life.
Maybe Meredith was right; distance from family could prove more damaging, and not just for Jack, but Audra too. Her parents were prime examples.
“Meredith,” she said softly. “I could really use your help.”
At this, Meredith shut off the faucet and turned. Her expression underscored how long it had been since Audra had confided in her about anything.
Meredith nodded, encouraging her to continue.
“I got a call this morning from the interviewer in Boston. I guess he wanted to tell me before he went on a trip tomorrow. Anyhow, it’s unofficial until they can sort out some details when he gets back, but basically, they’re offering me the job. If all goes well, I’d start in August.”
Meredith’s look of concern grew dim. She seemed to have aged ten years since their last visit. She picked up a kitchen towel, wiped her hands. “And ... you’re going to take it.”
“I am—was. I’m not sure. There’s been a lot going on. More than you know about.”
A pause. “I’m listening.”
Audra heaved a sigh, too tired to filter her words. “All right, then. Here goes.”
Once her internal gate opened, the details rolled out in a long, breathless string. The drawings, the therapist, the book, the soldier. Nazi spies and wartime subs, plane crashes and electric chairs. A German phrase and inscription, the name of a man who remained a mystery.
Even if she wanted to, Audra couldn’t stop purging. Every admission was a burden lifted, a shackle unlocked. When the entire summary had run its course, Meredith leaned back against the counter, her shock betrayed only by her eyes.
“And you believe ... Jack has been reincarnated?” Her tone dragged with the same disbelief Audra had initially directed at Dr. Shaw. The word reincarnated in itself conjured visions of infomercials reserved for airings at three in the morning.
“I know it sounds crazy. To be honest, I first thought it was all from Jack watching war movies at your house—even though you said he didn’t.” In hindsight, Audra wasn’t proud of those doubts. “But now, given everything that’s happened, I think there’s more to it. There has to be. I just don’t know what.”
Silence expanded between them, filling every cranny of the room.
Meredith stared at the dishcloth in her grip, as if waiting for it to crawl away. Finally she lifted her gaze. “I need to ask you a question,” she said, and Audra readily nodded. “Has this man ... this soldier ... when he comes over ... has he had anything to do with Jack getting hurt? His bruises and the like?”
Audra was so startled by the question, her voice faltered. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”
“You said he’s been to your apartment.”
“He has, yes. But only once.” Nothing about the guy conveyed a con man or serial killer. “He was just looking for our help.”
“So Jack’s injuries,” Meredith went on, “they’re all from you, then.”
“Yes, I told you that. I ...” The realization came slowly at first, then hit with the force of a grenade. “Meredith, are you accusing me of something?”
Meredith struggled to answer.
That alone said it all.
Just then, Jack ran into the room. “Mom, look!” he exclaimed, raising a rifle in the air. “Check out what Grandpa gave me.”
Now it was Audra’s turn to be shocked. “That was the surprise gift?”
Robert entered with a prideful grin and ruffled Jack’s hair. “It’s just like the one I grew up with. Mere and I happened across it at an antique store in Sellwood last week.”
Audra kept her voice neutral in front of Jack. “I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want him hunting, for birds or anything else.”
“Oh, well, sure. But it’s only a BB gun. Harmless as pie.”
Audra had removed enough BBs from the bodies of defenseless cats to know this wasn’t the case. Besides, the last thing Jack needed was a weapon to amplify his wartime confusion. At the very least, Robert should have asked her first.
“You know what, Jack?” she said. “It’s getting pretty late. We should get going.”
“But Grandpa said we could go shoot at soup cans.”
“Another day.”
His shoulders dropped along with his smile, tempting her to give in. But a single glance at Meredith eliminated the notion.
It went without saying that Audra had made her decision about moving, and now there would be no delay.
She immediately packed up Jack’s gifts, except for one. “We’ll keep the BB gun here where it’s safe. Okay, buddy? Now, say good-bye to your grandparents.”
He obeyed without protest and followed her to the car.
While driving away, Audra looked at Jack in the rearview mirror. How could anyone, much less a family member, believe she would ever abuse her son?
A single thought tamped her outrage: the chance that Meredith wasn’t alone in her suspicions.
Audra’s craving for a solution had never been greater.
She had lost her chance to save Devon. If she’d examined each of his symptoms to uncover the truth, the outcome could have been different. She wasn’t about to repeat her error, not with Jack. If necessary, she’d search the earth, the sea, the sky for the answer.