CHAPTER XXIV

At ten minutes to nine that evening Miles knocked on the area door of 16 Varley Street and Kay slipped out to him. He so very nearly kissed her that he spent the next five minutes in wondering, first, why he hadn’t, and after that, what she would have said if he had. It had seemed such an extraordinarily natural thing to do that he had nearly done it without thinking at all. Kay and he—he and Kay. There was a belonging feeling between them. That was it, they belonged. He didn’t know whether he was in love with her, but they belonged. He hadn’t felt in the least like that about Angela. Being in love with Angela had been a heady, exciting sort of affair. He had been all strung up—everything working at top speed—a restless, racing fever in his blood. No, it wasn’t at all like that.

He heard Kay saying in a reproachful voice,

“You know, you’re not listening, Miles.”

He laughed. He didn’t quite know why, but it was nice to laugh at Kay.

“No, I wasn’t. But I was thinking about you.”

Kay laughed too.

“I don’t believe you were.”

“Oh yes, I was. I was thinking you were a comfortable person to be with.”

“It sounds like a sofa cushion.”

“And very nice too.”

“Mushy!” said Kay.

“Reposeful,” said Miles.

They both laughed. Kay tugged at his arm.

“You didn’t listen—and I was telling you about rescuing the kitten from the cellar. Wasn’t it dreadful of Mrs Green to make it sleep down there? And oh, Miles, there must be rats. I think it must have bitten one, the little brave thing, because first of all I thought it had been bitten itself, and then I found it hadn’t, and—oh, Miles, do you think Mrs Green could possibly find out if I waited till she was asleep—it’s quite easy to tell, because she snores—and then fetched the kitten and had it in my room? Because in the morning she wouldn’t know I hadn’t just let it out—would she? Or do you think it would be very deceitful? It’s so tiny and young, and I can’t sleep when I think of it’s being down there with the rats.”

Miles put his arm round her and gave her something between a hug and a shake.

“Oh, Kay—you little funny thing!” he said.

“I’m not! Miles, do you think it would be very bad of me?”

He burst out laughing.

“I should chance it. If the kitten got eaten, you’d probably never forgive yourself.”

“No—I shouldn’t Oh, Miles, I’ve got something to tell you.”

He still had his arm round her. It seemed a good place for it to be. If Kay minded, she didn’t say so. The Square was dark and unfrequented.

“Miles, you’re not listening. Do listen! You know that man who spoke to me in the street—I’ve had a letter from him.… No, it’s quite a polite letter, and I don’t think you ought to say things like that, because perhaps it was silly of me to take it the way I did. He really did know Aunt Rhoda and—my mother. Come under a lamp-post and I’ll show you what he says.”

Under the next lamp Miles took the sheet of stiff white paper and looked at it curiously. It was one of the more expensive makes of paper, but it was not stamped with any address. Instead there was a typed heading with yesterday’s date. The body of the letter was also typed. It ran:

“Dear Miss Moore,

I fear I startled you yesterday, and I fear I offended you by using your name. I will not repeat my offense without your permission, but I saw you often as a child and it is natural for me to think of you as Kay. Your aunt, Mrs Moore, was a very old friend of mine, but it is as your mother’s daughter that I feel, and always have felt, the deepest interest in you. Some day, if you will give me the opportunity, I should like to talk to you about your mother. You are quite right to be careful about what acquaintances you make, but I happen to know your present employer, and if you will ask Miss Long, she will, I am sure, tell you that I am to be trusted. It would give me great pleasure if you would have tea with me on Sunday. I understand that you will be free then. There is not much time to get an answer, so I will call for you at four o’clock.

Yours sincerely

A. Harris.”

“It’s Sunday to-morrow,” said Kay. “How did he know I was going to have an afternoon out? He must have asked Nurse Long. I don’t really want to go.”

Miles stared at the letter. The signature was typed too. That was unusual. He said,

“I don’t want you to go, Kay.”

“But he’s coming for me at four.”

“And I’m coming for you at half past two,” said Miles firmly.

Kay gave a little gurgling laugh.

“Oh, Miles—how lovely! But won’t it seem rude?”

“Let it! You’ve got a previous engagement. You can tell him so. You can tell him you’ve got a young man who walks out with you reg’lar, as Flossie would say.”

Her colour brightened and her eyes shone.

“Oh, Miles—but—”

“But what?”

“I do want to hear about my mother.”

“Then he must ask us both to tea. You’re not going without me. I want you to promise you won’t.”

Kay said “All right,” with a sigh of relief. It was bad of her to dislike poor Mr Harris, but she couldn’t help it. The thought of having tea with him gave her a little cold shiver down her back. She put the letter away in her pocket, and they walked on.

“Kay,” said Miles—“who was your mother? What exact relation was Mrs Moore to you? If you were her own niece, your name wouldn’t be Moore—would it?”

Kay said, “I don’t know. Miles, isn’t that funny? I don’t know anything at all about my father or my mother. Aunt Rhoda always got very angry if I asked. She said wasn’t she enough for me? And—oh, Miles, you know what she was like when she was angry.”

Miles did know. He had a vivid recollection of Rhoda Moore’s white face and burning eyes, and the abuse which she had poured out during the odious scene in his mother’s hall when Kay was saying good-bye to them all. It was plain enough that the woman would tolerate no claim on Kay but her own. Poor little Kay …

He said, “Yes, I know. Never mind, darling.”

Kay pressed closer to him. His arm came round her again.

“Kay,” he said, “some rather odd things have been turning up. Do you know if your aunt ever had charge of any other children besides you?”

“I think so. She told me once that she knew all about babies because she used to take charge of them. She said she had a baby whose mother was in India, and another whose mother had died. She said it was a lot of trouble and people didn’t pay. And then she said what she was always saying, that she didn’t want anyone but me and I oughtn’t to want anyone but her.”

What a woman! Flossie had been lucky to be adopted by Flo Palmer. His poor little Kay! He held her close to him, but he did not speak. He did not feel as if there was any need for him to speak.

After a minute Kay said, “Miles, I want to tell you something. Aunt Rhoda was ill for some time. I think she knew she was going to die. She said she hadn’t any money to leave me, because what she lived on was an annuity, but she said I would be all right. She said some very funny things.”

“What sort of things?”

“Well, sometimes she spoke as if I was going to have a lot of money. Once she said, ‘Nobody will ever love you like I have. That’s better than money. Don’t you ever dare to look back and reproach me.’ It—it was—rather frightening, Miles.”

He felt her quiver.

“Darling—don’t!”

“No, I won’t. It was only for a moment. And another time she said, ‘You’ll be rich, but you needn’t think that’s everything.’ And she always ended up with, ‘Nobody will ever love you like I have.’ I—I’ve never told anyone else. I never felt I could.”

Miles was thinking more of Kay than of what she was saying. Rhoda Moore was probably wandering. Her jealous love for Kay had always had something crazy about it.

Kay went on speaking.

“And then she began to write. She wasn’t in bed all the time, you know. She used to sit up in a chair, and she made me fetch her old desk and put it by her, and then she wrote and wrote. She said, ‘I’m putting it all down, but you’re not to dare to read it till I’m gone.’”

Miles’ interest woke up. If Rhoda Moore had really left a statement of some kind, there might be something about Flossie Palmer in it. He said,

“She wrote?”

“Sheets and sheets,” said Kay. “I couldn’t stop her. And when she had finished she put them away in the secret drawer of her desk. It was a funny old thing with a secret drawer, and she showed me how to open it, only I had to promise that I wouldn’t as long as she was alive. She died about a week later.”

“Kay, what had she written?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Didn’t you read it?”

“No. That’s the odd part. I was going to, but I thought I’d wait till the funeral was over. I was so tired. I had been sitting up with her. I just wanted to lie down and go to sleep. I didn’t care about anything else. But afterwards when I thought about the desk and went to open it, it wasn’t there.”

“The desk wasn’t there?”

“No. Wasn’t that extraordinary? It was gone—just vanished. So I never knew what Aunt Rhoda had written.”

“But, Kay—who could have taken it?”

He felt her come a little closer.

“Miles, I couldn’t tell anyone else, but I do think Aunt Rhoda had some very queer friends. She said things when she was ill—bits of things, but I couldn’t help putting them together. Once she said, ‘It’s no good threatening me.’ And another time she woke suddenly with a dreadful start, and she said, ‘Is he here?’ I said, ‘Who, Aunt Rhoda?’ and she said, ‘It’s not his real name. He won’t tell anyone that.’ And then she said, ‘Don’t let him in. I know too much. It’s not safe to know too much, Kay. That’s why I never told you anything, but you’ll know all about it when I’m gone.’ She went on saying that sort of thing. And I don’t know, but I think perhaps someone came down and took the desk when they knew she was dead. It was quite an easy house to get into, and I’m sure I shouldn’t have heard anyone those first two nights, I was so tired.”

“Kay—you weren’t there alone!” his tone was a horrified one.

“Oh yes—I didn’t mind that. Mrs Ellery didn’t know, or she wouldn’t have let me. She’d been away, and as soon as she came back she made me come to them, and I stayed on as mother’s help. She was the Vicar’s wife I told you about. She was very kind to me.”

They walked on for a little while in silence. Rhoda Moore’s statement seemed to have been effectually disposed of. Kay’s explanation sounded likely enough. Her odd friends had doubtless considered it safer to make sure of her papers. He had a horrid vivid picture of the house that was “quite easy to get into”, with Rhoda Moore lying dead in her room and Kay sunk deep in an exhausted sleep, while some unknown criminal went soft-foot up and down. Perhaps he had ransacked the dead woman’s drawers and boxes. Perhaps he had stood looking in on Kay in her sleep. In the end he had taken the desk and gone. But why take the desk? Perhaps he had been disturbed. Perhaps … What was the good of speculating? The desk was gone, and Rhoda Moore’s statement with it. She might have saved herself the painful, fevered effort of writing those lost sheets. Her secrets, if she had any, had died with her. After all it didn’t matter very much. Kay was Kay. He didn’t need Rhoda Moore to tell him that. Let the dead past bury its dead. With every look, and word, and tone of her voice Kay was telling him about herself. With every passing moment his own heart was telling him about Kay. There was a living present and a living future. He didn’t give a damn for the past or Rhoda Moore.

He said, “Kay, do you mind?”

Kay didn’t mind anything in the world just then. To have a friend, and for that friend to be Miles, to be able to tell him all the things she had never been able to tell anyone before, was to feel a happiness and a security which were beyond words. She said with a little laugh,

“How do you mean, mind? There just wasn’t anything to mind.”

He laughed too.

“I’m afraid your riches have taken wings.”

“I don’t want to be rich.”

“I’ve got about six hundred a year besides my salary. It’s something to put one’s back against.”

To Angela it had seemed grinding poverty. To Kay it appeared to be a most impressive income. She said with a little gurgle of laughter,

“I haven’t got six hundred pence. But I don’t mind—not now.”

They were getting into deeper water than either of them had intended. The ground had shelved suddenly beneath their feet and the current ran strong. Miles had not meant to say what he had said, but when he had said it he did not wish to take it back, because it was the most natural thing in the world that he and Kay should be talking like this. He said,

“Why don’t you mind—now?”

Her answer was as quick and spontaneous as if she had still been only twelve years old.

“Because I’ve got you. Oh, Miles, it’s so lovely to have a real friend! I’ve never had anyone to talk to or to tell things to. You know, I couldn’t talk to Aunt Rhoda. She used to come in sometimes after I was in bed, and she used to sit on the edge of the bed and say, ‘You don’t tell me things. Why don’t you confide in me? I want to know your thoughts, and you hide them.’ But you know, Miles, when she talked like that I simply hadn’t got any thoughts to tell. She just made me feel all hollow and dry and empty. It’s dreadful to feel like that when someone is loving you and wanting you to love them.”

“Don’t let’s talk about Rhoda Moore,” said Miles.

“What shall we talk about?”

“You and me.”

Kay laughed. She didn’t quite know why.

“All right—you begin.”

“Kay—”

“Miles—”

“Kay—”

“Yes?”

The current took Miles off his feet.

“If—if I asked you to love me, would it make you feel all cold and hollow and empty?”

It made Kay feel the exact opposite. There was an astonishing warmth, a feeling of being fed and comforted.

“Oh, Kay, would it—would it?”

Kay didn’t answer, because something seemed to have happened to her voice. The breath fluttered in her throat, but it did not make any words. They were between two lamp-posts and the darkness closed them in. She turned with a childish unconscious movement and lifted her face to his. Her hair brushed his cheek, and in a moment he had his arms round her and was kissing her.