I run off the field at halftime, look into the stands, and see my girls, Livy and Emily, watching me. And one more. My heart stops. Allie. She came. Nerves build in my stomach, and more than anything, I want to know that Emily and Allie are cool with each other. That Allie is cool with me moving on.
Allie smiles at me and pumps her fist.
I scan the stands until I find them. Mom, Dad, and Uncle Dave all raise their hands as I run back on the field. This is what it feels like to win. No matter what the score is on the field. Man, I’m getting way too in touch with my feelings. Good thing it’s time to dish out some punishment. On the field anyway.
The game goes better than any of our scrimmages—we actually win this one 5–1—but this isn’t Parkland, and I still want to make that Nate kid feel me get my hate on. I might be a better human being at this point, but I’m still no saint.
The locker room is filled with guys who have too much energy. Funny what a win will do for you. Parker stands on one of the benches.
“We are kings of the world!” He holds his hands over his head, and everyone cheers as if he’s said the most incredible thing. Then he points to our goalie, Luke. “So close to a shutout, man.”
And everyone starts chanting, “Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke.”
Even me.
The locker room door opens, and everyone gets quiet as Coach Gibson walks in, his arm resting around Pete’s shoulders. It takes me a second to register that Pete is here, actually here, and also that he’s with our coach. “Great game tonight, boys!” Coach Gibson says. “You played well. You stuck to the game plan and executed. It’s that simple.”
Matt moves closer to Pete, who is looking at the ground but smiling. Curiosity grips me, but there’s this good feeling that pushes everything out of the way.
“I’ve tried to talk to you boys about patience. Patience makes you a better lacrosse player. A better student. A better person. Patience will get you this.” He shakes Pete’s shoulder. “This kid, Pete, was on the first team I coached here. He’s had some tough breaks, but he’s decided he wants to move forward. Pete is going to be our junior varsity coach and strength coach for you varsity animals.”
Cheers erupt.
Pete sort of waves to the locker room. Awkward. Matt snakes his way through the crowd, hugs his brother, and, I swear, if a group of stupid-assed jocks don’t get all teared up. Now the room starts chanting, “Pete, Pete, Pete!”
Especially me.
• • •
By the time I make it out onto the field, I’m a little worried I’ve made Emily and Allie and Livy wait too long for me and they’ll be pissed, but they’re standing by the soda stand.
“Hey,” I say and break up their conversation.
Allie shoots forward, hugs me. “You played great.”
“I’m so glad you came.” She’s got her hair cut short and sort of cool looking with sharp angles. Even with her navy beanie on, you can see her dark-brown hair is painted with blue-and-purple streaks in the front. She looks like the artist girl she wants to be, and that makes me glad.
“Me too.”
Allie pulls my arm, and I follow her so we can have an off to the side conversation. “How are you? Really?”
“I’m good. Now. I think.” My eyes skate over to Livy and Emily.
Allie notices. “Livy is so cute. Oh my God, I can’t believe how cute she is. We’ve been talking about my adopting her. So to speak.” Allie laughs, and it’s good to see her happy.
“She’s something. How are you? Really?”
“I’m good. Waiting to hear from Rhode Island School of Design. So I’m actually very nervous.”
“You’ll get in. You know it.”
“Hope so.” Her eyes brighten, and she says, “Livy told me there’s some talk of you going to college.”
“I’m just starting to think about…”
“You should. Leah would be so proud of you. She really would.” Allie’s eyes fill with tears but don’t spill over.
“She’d be proud of you too.”
Allie looks at the ground. “Yeah, I think she would.” She elbows me and says, “Soooo…Emily seems very, very cool.”
“I like her.”
Allie links her arm in mine. “Good. It’s time you settle down, don’t you think?”
“You’re really OK with it?”
“I don’t know… Is she good to you?”
I nod.
“Does she take care of you?”
I nod.
“Good. You need someone to take care of you. You deserve it. Leah would want you happy.” Allie reaches up and kisses me on the cheek. “I’m going to let you two talk.”
Allie jogs ahead, wraps her arm around Livy, and pulls her toward the pretzel guy.
Emily waits for me. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself.”
“I was thinking, I’m feeling a little like getting serious about things in my life.”
She pivots away, faces the field. “Things or people?”
I come up from behind her, wrap my arms around her shoulders. “Maybe both.”
“Well, let me know when you figure it out.” Her voice is playful, and she pulls away from me, but I can tell she really wants me to pull her back.
“What if I told you I’m getting very serious about maybe going to college?”
“I would say awesome sauce.”
“And what if I said I might actually be serious about a girl I met?”
“Hmmm. I’d say good luck. To her.” She laughs, and I pull her so close, I can feel every part of her against every part of me.
I pull the hair away from her neck and whisper in her ear, “What if I said that girl was you?”
“I guess I’d say cool.”
I turn her around to face me. “Cool? Cool? That’s all I get?”
“You want a big parade?”
I wave her away, still playing. “OK, forget it.”
That makes her run after me, crash into me, climb onto my back piggyback-style. “I mean, I’d say that makes me very happy.”
I lower her to the ground, turn around, and take her hands in mine. I bring them to my lips. “I really am.”
Her smile starts small but spreads all the way to her eyes. “I’m glad.”
“So…does the lacrosse warrior get a kiss when he wins?”
She pulls away from me, gathers her hair into a ponytail. She’s got this crooked smile, and she pulls at a corded necklace that has a heart and three small circles on it. “You’re setting a dangerous precedent.”
“What?” I move closer to her. Close enough to move the stray hair behind her ears, but I leave a few to blow in her face as the wind picks up, because I like how wild it makes her look.
“You only want me to kiss you when you win?”
“I didn’t say that.” I lean in and kiss her. “I want to kiss you when I win.” I kiss her again. “And when you win.” Another kiss. “And when either one of us loses.”
“Because we’ll need to be consoled.” She leans in and kisses me this time.
“Obviously.”
“Ew. You guys are disgusting!” Livy pushes between us. “Allie wants to go for pizza.”
“Joey’s!” Emily and I say at the same time. Then, “Our place.”
Allie throws her arm around Livy’s shoulder. “Let’s give them their space, girlfriend.”
I watch the two of them walk ahead. Allie bends to listen to something Livy is telling her. My fingers interlock with Emily’s. I walk off the field feeling as happy as I have in a really long time.
When I get to the parking lot, I’m surprised to see Matt and Pete and Parker and Brandon waiting. “Where you guys heading?”
“Joey’s,” Livy answers.
I click my Jeep open.
“We’ll meet you there.” Parker winds his finger in the air, motioning to the rest of the lacrosse team, who, inexplicitly, have also been waiting for me. And this super weird feeling settles over me. Like maybe this is me actually moving on. Living my life. Because I can. Because I should.