It was the night Jimmy Bozo was promoted to capo. All of the Bozo Family was gathered together at Uncle Jojo’s estate, and the party was hopping. Vinnie arrived in his nicest blue suit with his wife on his arm. Samantha, as always, felt uncomfortable being the only vanilla in a crowd of clowns.
“I only have to make an appearance and then I can leave, right?” Samantha asked as they traversed the crowd of drunken clowns.
“Yeah,” Vinnie said. “Just get a strong drink, say hi to the other wives, make a little small talk, then come up with some excuse to leave early. It’ll take ninety minutes tops.”
Samantha sighed with relief. “Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving you here by yourself?”
“I’ll be fine,” Vinnie said. “If it was any other event I would leave with you, but it’ll look disrespectful if I don’t stay. I’m one of the few supporters of Jimmy’s promotion.”
Samantha nodded. She’d been with him enough to know his job came first. She’d learned to live with that.
“Vinnie!” Jimmy Bozo yelled from across the party. He charged through the crowd to get to him, a goblet of whiskey in his hand. The clown was already clearly drunk, staggering over his giant feet. “Vinnie, you stuck-up blue bastard. Where you been?”
“I was picking up my wife,” Vinnie said. “Have you met Samantha?”
Jimmy grabbed her by the hand and squished his red nose into her knuckles to kiss her fingers like she was some kind of princess. “How did such a boring prick like you win yourself a gorgeous dame like her?”
“A pleasure to meet you,” Samantha said, wiggling her hand away from the drunken clown.
Jimmy leaned into Vinnie’s chest. “I’m finally rid of you, you son of a bitch. No more of your bullshit orders. No more managing who I keep on my crew. I’m my own man now, Blue Nose. I’m a capo, same as you.”
Then the clown prince wandered away to attack the busty clown waitress carrying a platter of drinks.
“So that’s what you had to deal with these past few years?” Samantha asked.
They watched Jimmy grab the waitress around the hip as he snatched someone else’s drink from the platter. Then he mumbled into the woman’s ear; it was probably some kind of obscene proposal judging by her facial expression.
“Yeah,” Vinnie said. “Good riddance.”
Then they moved as far away from Jimmy as they could. Who knew what the clown would do if he got any drunker.
When Don Bozo saw Vinnie, he had a large smile on his fat clown face. It was as if somebody had told him he was becoming a grandfather or something. Vinnie had never seen the big guy in such a merry mood. When he reached them, he went straight for Vinnie’s wife.
“Samantha, how have you been, doll?” The boss hugged her against his belly and kissed her on the cheek.
“I’m doing great, Mr. Bozo,” she said with a nervous smile. “It’s a lovely party.”
“Mr. Bozo?” the boss chuckled. “Please, we’re family. No formalities.”
She just nodded and smiled.
“Mind if I borrow your husband for a moment?” he asked Samantha.
“Sure,” she said. Then she turned to Vinnie and kissed his neck. “I’ll be at the bar.”
When Vinnie was alone with the boss, they embraced each other.
“You did a good job with my boy,” Bozo said. “I can’t believe how far he’s come in such a short time. I thought he’d never grow up.”
They looked at Jimmy stumbling over himself on the other side of the party. Bozo clearly wondered if he’d spoken too soon.
“He still has a long way to go,” Vinnie said. “But the extra responsibility will be good for him.”
“Not a lot of people were in favor of promoting him so young. Thanks for helping with that.”
“He’s become a hard worker and surprisingly reliable when it counts. The main thing I’m still worried about is that temper of his. And the fact that he gets out of control when he drinks.”
Don Bozo nodded. “I know. That’s why I want you to still be responsible for him.”
“How so?” Vinnie asked.
“I’m promoting you again,” Bozo said.
“What do you mean? I’m already capo. Are you making me your underboss? Is your brother retiring or something?”
“No,” Bozo said. “I’m making you street boss.”
“The Bozo Family’s never had a street boss before.”
“Well, there’s a first for everything. You’ll be the top capo, the third in command. That doesn’t mean you’ll have extra responsibilities. It just means you outrank the other captains. It means Jimmy still has to listen to you.”
Vinnie was happy to be promoted, but he’d thought he was finally done with taking care of that unruly clown.
“You don’t have to order Jimmy around or involve yourself with his affairs,” Bozo continued. “Just give him advice from time to time. And put him in his place when he needs to be put in his place. Capisce?”
“Okay,” Vinnie said, nodding. “I’ll keep him out of trouble.”
“Good boy,” Bozo said, patting him on the back. “Now go have a good time. It’s a party.”
Vinnie made his rounds and then met back up with Samantha. She was with the other clown wives, standing in the back of the group, faux-smiling at their jokes. She looked over at Vinnie with a please-get-me-out-of-here face.
“Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow?” Vinnie asked his wife with a wink.
She looked down at her watch. “Oh yeah! I completely forgot. I need to get some sleep.”
She was a terrible actress, but the other wives didn’t seem to care.
“Here,” Vinnie said, holding out his keys. “Why don’t you take the car? I’ll get a ride home with Spotty later.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I can take a cab?”
Taffy, the boss’s bitchy niece, rolled her eyes as she heard Sam’s phony performance.
“Yeah, it’ll be fine.”
Jimmy Bozo burst between them holding up a pair of keys. “Take my car.”
“What?” Samantha said, stepping away from the slobbering drunk.
“The boss won’t let me drive home in my condition, so I’m staying here tonight,” Jimmy said. “Just take my car.”
Sam shook her head. “No, thank you. It’ll be okay.”
“I insist,” Jimmy said, pulling the woman through the crowd.
Vinnie followed. He didn’t like the way the clown was getting so touchy-feely with his wife.
“I’ll escort you out,” Jimmy said, wrapping his arm around her waist.
Outside, Jimmy gave Samantha his keys and kissed her on the neck. Vinnie pulled him away.
“That’s enough, Jimmy,” he told the man, holding him by the arm.
Samantha walked away from the boss’s son as fast as she could. She unlocked the door of the clown car and hopped inside.
“I’ll call you when I get home,” she told her husband from the car window. “Try not to be out too late.”
“You know me,” Vinnie said.
As Vinnie turned away to head back to the party, Samantha put the key in the ignition and turned it, but the engine wouldn’t start. It made a strange grinding sound. She tried it again.
“Get out of there!” Jimmy cried.
Vinnie looked at the clown prince, wondering why he was racing for his wife at top speed. Then he saw the look of panic on Samantha’s face. Something was wrong.
“It’s a bomb!” Jimmy yelled.
Vinnie Blue Nose knew there were a lot of people in the Bozo Family who were against Jimmy’s promotion, but he had no idea they’d actually try to stop it by planting a bomb in his car.
Time slowed almost to a stop. There was nothing Vinnie could do but watch. His eyes met his wife’s. He read her lips as she mouthed the words I love you. Vinnie realized that was the end. He’d lost his wife. He got the love of his life killed because he insisted on taking her to a Bozo Family party, which she didn’t even want to attend.
But before the bomb went off, Jimmy Bozo pulled Samantha out of the car and threw her to the ground, dropping himself on top of her to protect her from the blast. The explosion could be seen down the street and Jimmy had to be rushed to the hospital with third-degree burns on his back.
But Samantha walked away unharmed. That asshole brat of a clown saved her life.
Nobody ever found out who exactly put the bomb in Jimmy’s car, but most suspected it to be the underboss—Jimmy’s own uncle. There was no way to prove it, though. The boss had a sit-down with his top men, made a few threats, and there was never another attempt on his son’s life.
After that night, Vinnie had a newfound respect for the clown prince. The prick hated Vinnie and he hated humans, yet he put his own life at risk to save Vinnie’s human wife. Maybe it was just because he was drunk, but Vinnie saw a side to Little Bozo that not many had ever seen before. There was actual heart buried in that clown’s rotten white flesh. And Vinnie would never forget what he did for him. If he’d lost Samantha that night, Vinnie wouldn’t have been able to live with himself.