Hats Rizzo had so many hats on his head that he could barely fit into his car. The hat on the top of the stack was more like a big green sleeping bag with a rim at the bottom. It stretched into the backseat when Rizzo took the wheel.
“This is your car?” Pinky asked.
“What? You got a problem with my car?”
It was a clown station wagon with a HANDICAP sticker on the window. The engine popped and churgled, rumbling Pinky’s whole body as he sat in the passenger seat.
“No, it just doesn’t seem like the kind of car I’d imagine you driving.”
“Shut up. It used to be my mom’s car, okay?”
“Can’t you afford to get a better one?”
“Can’t you afford to shut your face?”
Hats hit the gas.
“So where’s this prick live?” Hats asked.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Weren’t you in the same crew?”
“Yeah, but we really didn’t spend much time together. I don’t think he liked me.”
“Great…” Hats shook his head. “How the heck are we supposed to find him then?”
“Last time I saw him he was on cleanup duty at my mom’s establishment, but he would’ve finished that a long time ago. He could be anywhere now.”
Hats exhaled through his teeth, then pulled his cell phone from his coat pocket.
“Who are you calling?” Pinky asked as Hats went through the contacts on his phone and hit the CALL button.
“A friend,” Hats said, then he paused and thought about it for a second. “Well, not exactly a friend. He’s kind of an asshole, but he might be willing to help.”
Hats put his phone on speaker and set it on the dash. The engine rumbled the phone so much that it nearly bounced out the window.
“Yeah, what?” said the guy on the other end.
Pinky recognized the voice. It was a friend of Spotty’s who went by the name of Jackie the Grump.
“Hey Jackie, it’s me, Hats. I need a favor.”
There was a loud groan on the end. Hats yelled, “And don’t hang up, you prick!”
Another groan. Jackie sounded like he was on a toilet with the phone cradled in the crook of his neck.
“What do you want, Hats? I’m busy over here.”
“Listen, ya lousy mook. I got a black joker today. That crazy bastard Pogo is aiming to whack me.”
Jackie laughed into the phone.
“You think that’s funny?” Hats yelled.
“Kinda,” Jackie said.
“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you, too. I didn’t call to cheer you up. I need some help over here.”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“I need you to help me find Nicky Bowtie,” Hats said. “I’m going to kill that son of a bitch once I get my hands on him.”
“You can’t kill Nicky Bowtie. He still owes me fifty bucks. Wait until he pays me back.”
“Screw your fifty bucks. The guy’s a rat.”
“Says who?”
“Says me. Anyway, I need you to tell me where he lives.”
“How the hell should I know?”
“Because you’re a goddamn shylock. You know where everyone lives.”
“Yeah, but not that guy. He moved a while back.”
“And you didn’t bother updating your address book?”
Jackie shrugged so loud they could hear it through the phone. “I’ve been busy.”
“What the hell kind of loan shark are you?”
“So you’re going to insult me now?”
“Just find out. Call around.”
“When? Right now?”
“Yeah, right now.”
“Can’t this wait?” Jackie asked. “I’ve got stuff to do.”
“No, it can’t wait. What stuff?”
“You know, stuff. I’ve got company over. The mother-in-law wants me to bake her some snickerdoodles. I make the best snickerdoodles.”
“Are you shitting me? My life is on the line and you’re blowing me off for snickerdoodles?”
“They’re really good.”
“Just get me the damn address. Talk to Blue Nose. Buggy Buttons. Whoever.”
“Why don’t you do it yourself?”
Hats raised his voice. “Because they probably all want me dead, you prick! You’re the only clown I know who’s too damn lazy to care whether I’m a rat or not.”
“Wait, you’re a rat? I thought you said Nicky Bowtie was the rat.”
Hats wanted to strangle him through the phone.
“Are you going to help me or not?” Hats asked.
Jackie let out another groan. “I don’t know…maybe. I’ll see what I can do.”
Hats shook his head and said, “I’m going to kill him,” beneath his breath.
“Hey, did you hear what happened to Spotty?” Jackie asked.
“No, what happened to Spotty?”
“He was shot up pretty bad. He’s in critical condition at the hospital now. They think he’ll probably pull through, but still…”
When Pinky heard that, he sat straight up. “Spotty’s still alive?”
“Who the heck’s that?” Jackie asked.
“It’s Smiles,” Hats said.
“Wait…did you have me on speakerphone this whole time?”
“Yeah.”
“Goddamn it, Hats. You know how much I hate being put on speakerphone when I don’t know I’m on speakerphone.”
“So what?”
“I thought we were having a private conversation between the two of us,” Jackie said. “It feels weird knowing someone else was listening in the whole time. And what are you doing with Pinky anyway? I heard he’s a rat.”
Hats had reached the limits of his patience. “Just get me his address, ya mook.”
Before Jackie could groan again at the request, Hats closed his phone and put it back in his pocket. As he shoved the phone in his pants, Pinky thought about Nicky Bowtie. Nick was a master pickpocket. The guy could swipe the glasses from your face without you ever noticing.
“Turn around,” Pinky said.
“What? Why?”
“I think I know where Nicky Bowtie is.”
“Oh yeah? Where?”
“He’s going to hawk some jewelry.”