As the gunfire erupted in the church, the pony freaked out. He threw Taffy off his back, dropping her headfirst into the floor, flattening the elegant hairstyle that she’d spent all day preparing. Then the pony kicked Jojo in the ribs and he fell on top of his wife, who was still cursing and smacking him. She didn’t seem to care or realize that the church had been turned into a war zone.
Within two minutes, the French clowns tore through the clown security Jojo had hired to protect the wedding. Then they turned their fire on the rest of the church. Old women dove under their seats, mothers used their own bodies to cover their children, and ushers dropped to the floor, while members of the Bozo Family pulled guns out of their suits and returned fire.
“Get down!” Vinnie Blue Nose yelled to the crowd while loading a clip of happy bullets.
Reverend Jellybottom knocked over the shrieking bridesmaids while trying to get to safety, pushing women and children out of his way to the back exit.
“Taffy!” Pinky Smiles cried as he saw his bride tangled up in her own wedding dress, right in the middle of the chaos.
The groom ran down the aisle, pulling a pistol from an ankle holster and firing as he went. He shot flower bullets, which caused roses to grow from the wounds of the clowns he hit. Pink and blue roses bloomed throughout the room, which coincidentally matched his wedding colors.
He got in front of his bride to act as a shield, taking two popcorn bullets to his upper back as he helped Taffy to her feet. But even as the bullets exploded in his body, they didn’t stop him from saving the woman he loved. He didn’t even realize red spots were forming on his pink tuxedo until he’d gotten her to safety. The clown who was supposed to be his best man, Captain Spotty, came to his aid to stop the bleeding. Taffy screamed at him, begging him to save the boy.
The French clowns threw pies into the pews, which exploded on impact, sending bits of wood and shredded suits into the air. As the explosions died down, Don Bozo blew up a collection of balloons and twisted them into the shape of a machine gun. He stood up, pointing his balloon weapon at the pie throwers, and filled them with bullets before another exploding dessert could be tossed.
Jojo stayed on the ground, hiding his face beneath his drunken wife’s fists. He wanted to run, but could hardly move after getting kicked by the pony. He thought at least two of his ribs were broken. No matter what happened to him, he was relieved that the groom got his daughter to safety.
“You dirty bastard!” his wife cried, clawing at his face.
But even with his wife on top of him, he couldn’t remain hidden from the enemy.
“You’re a dead clown, Jojo,” Daddy Longlegs yelled, stepping through the church on his massive stilt legs.
The chef capitaine of Le Mystère carried a bottle-rocket launcher—a device that wasn’t normally used as a weapon. It looked like a cross between a Gatling gun and a rocket launcher, only the mini rockets it rapidly fired were supposed to be used in firework displays.
Jojo grabbed his wife and rolled out of the aisle, between two rows of seats, as Daddy Longlegs fired dozens of rockets at them. The room lit up with colorful explosions as the rockets burst above Jojo’s head. Some of the fireworks created shapes as they went off, such as hearts and stars. Jojo would have been in awe of the colorful lights if they weren’t meant to kill him.
“Would you cut it out already?” Jojo said to his wife as she continued smacking him.
One rocket bounced off the back of a seat and exploded near the orchestra. Bingo Ballbreaker looked down. The explosion had created a scratch on his violin. It was the tiniest scratch that probably wouldn’t even be visible to the naked eye, but Bingo could see it. He could almost hear his beloved crying out in pain.
“Melinda…,” he cried.
Then Bingo looked up at the clown who’d injured his precious violin. His eyes tightened around the sight of Daddy Longlegs. He put his violin back in the case, straightened his suit, and charged the clown on stilts.
“You killed my sons, you miserable bastard,” Longlegs yelled at Jojo, creeping toward him like a spider.
“It wasn’t my fault,” Jojo cried. “I’m sorry.”
Jojo had a gun on him but couldn’t reach it with his wife still beating on him.
“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to my sons.”
Longlegs got right up to Jojo’s hiding spot and aimed his weapon at the clown’s head. Gianna finally sobered up to what was going on around her. She got off her husband and crawled away.
“I’ll send you to Hell so you can tell them yourself,” Longlegs said.
Then Bingo Ballbreaker barreled through the seats and tackled Daddy Longlegs. The brawny clown went straight through the Frenchman’s stilts, breaking them in half. Then he threw him to the ground.
“This is for Melinda,” Bingo said, as he punched the legless clown in the mouth.
Jojo used that opportunity to escape. He held his broken ribs and forced himself to his knees. Then he crawled under the gunfire and escaped into the bathroom.