Chapter Fifteen
Sam rang the doorbell and waited. He shouldn't be here. He should have already left. But he needed to see Wendy and something kept him here.
The one thing he worried over was that Wade might come back and threaten her. For that, he wanted to be here. He had to protect her, no matter what. Maybe once he knew she was going to be alright, he could leave.
But when Wendy opened the door, his heartbeat quickened, his palms sweated, and he felt himself caving. God, he loved her. How could he fall so fast and hard for a woman he had always known shouldn't be his?
"Hi, Sam." Wendy smiled. "Come on in. I'm almost ready."
Dressed in western gear, she looked gorgeous. She looked like a beautiful doll. The urge to sweep her up against him made him almost shake with restraint.
"Are you sure you are up to dancing?" she asked as she came down the stairs with her suede jacket clutched in hand.
"It's been a couple of weeks. I think it is safe. I'm gonna be awful lazy if I don't get back to work soon." Sam smiled at her. "You look beautiful."
Wendy smiled. "Do you like my new boots?"
Sam glanced down at them and smiled. "Red boots. Wow. On you, they look great."
"Are you going to teach me to line dance?" she asked as his eyes stared intently into hers.
"I'm gonna try." He smiled; the intensity of his admiration for her magnified every time he saw her. His heart knew her, his soul called out to her.
Wendy chuckled, a melodious sound that he wanted to listen to always.
During the ride to the Hacienda, Sam was notably quiet. Wendy noticed it easily as she glanced at him, perplexed.
"Something bothering you, Sam?"
"No, no, everything is great. You're here."
Wendy grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Immediately, a current riveted through him. He didn't want to react to her every time she touched him. He simply wanted to soak her in, for their days might be numbered.
Sam looked down at their hands intertwined and slowly smiled. Despite his blue mood, he wanted to enjoy this night with Wendy.
The place was crowded when they got there. They picked a corner of the room that was lit only with candles and ordered soft drinks. The mood of the evening was set by his choice of seats. He didn't want to encourage it, and yet he couldn't quite kick the idea that he was basking in his own feelings.
"Are you hungry?" he asked, watching her face as she took in the crowd and her eyes flitted shyly back to him.
"Yes, but not for food." Obviously her mood was in the right gear, but something told Sam to slow down, to not take things to the next level. This was a McKay and although the temptation to indulge in his own fantasies was real, he knew exactly where it was headed. Disaster.
When he didn't say anything, she grabbed his hand again. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."
"I know that," Sam replied, looking into the softness of her brown eyes. "It's funny, Wendy. Sometimes you don’t even have to say anything, and I know how you feel. Must be some kind of radar."
"I just meant it's been a while since we have been out together," she tried to explain. "And…I've missed you."
For a split second, Sam frowned, then took her hand into his, studied them again and looked back at her. "Honey, you don't have to explain. I feel the same way."
"You do?" She gulped.
"I do." He smiled. Sam suddenly realized with full clarity that he was in love with Wendy McKay. He'd vowed it would never happen. It was just dating. Just another female. But he knew better. Wendy was not just another female. She was the only woman he'd ever truly fallen in love with, and the ironic part of it was, she wasn't for him.
He'd known it from the start. But her dilemma with Wade had brought them together, and now it was too late. He was hopelessly in love with Wendy.
His heart did a quick nose dive. Why couldn't it work? Why did it have to be the end? His feelings were real. His senses told him she was the right girl. But his logic told him she could never be. He fought logic and sense.
Because he wanted her more than anything in his life, he knew that the only right answer was to let her go.
So where was his courage tonight?
Why did everything she say go straight to his heart?
The band playing was a well-known local, and they had little trouble rousing everyone to the dance floor. Sam took Wendy's hand and led her there.
The instructor for line dancing led the line and Sam told Wendy just to follow him. Before long, they were dancing together as though they belonged together. Everything they did said they belonged together. He wasn't a coward, he wasn't going to let the best thing in his life go, was he?
They danced until Wendy gave out and then they stopped and listened to the band. All the while their hands intertwined, their smiles aimed at each other, and a silent message lay unspoken between them.
When the band played a love ballad, Sam took her into his arms and whispered, "You don't have to do much, but let me hold you."
"I’d like that…" she whispered, coming into his arms.
Sam swayed her and clutched her. He never wanted this night to end. He had Wendy in his arms, where she felt so right to him.
When she didn't say anything, he looked into her eyes. "Have I worn you out?"
"No, I'm having so much fun. But then I always have fun with you, Sam."
Sam nodded. "Me too."
One of her friends spotted her and bumped into her on the dance floor. "So…who's the new guy?" Sally Chambers wanted to know.
"Oh, Sally, this is Sam Jamison." She introduced them.
Sam didn't want to turn loose of her now. He had his arm possessively around her and tipped his hat to the girl.
"So this is what you've been hiding down on the ranch," Sally teased. "Can I cut in?"
Sam shook his head. "Maybe later."
Wendy looked flustered as Sally backed off and found herself another partner.
"She just wanted to dance with you," Wendy said lowly.
Sam put his cheek against hers. "I know, but I'm not ready to give you up."
Wendy pulled away just enough to look into Sam's eyes. She blushed, and laid her head on his shoulder.
For the rest of the evening, they danced together and talked.
It had been an evening of sweet dreams and neither wanted it to end.
But as he took her home, he was silent again.
Wendy fumbled with her clutch.
"Is something wrong, Sam?" she asked innocently. "I feel some kind of tension in you that hasn't been there before."
"No…and yeah…"
He pulled up in the drive and stopped the car. For a long moment, he gripped the steering wheel like a vise. His eyes were trained forward. For he'd cave if he looked at her now.
"Tell me about it, Sam…please."
"I've enjoyed taking you out, Wendy. I've enjoyed being with you. I like you a lot. But I would be kidding myself if I thought anything would come of us."
"What are you talking about? I don't understand." Wendy moved away from him to look at him.
"I'm just a cowboy…" his voice trailed off from harsh to a whisper. "And I know I sound like Hank. But I'm really just a cowboy. The low man on the rung, so to speak. I got probation staring me down, and well…."
"So…what's wrong with that? I’m just a cowgirl." She smiled.
"No, you are much more than that, you are a McKay," he affirmed.
"Oh my God. You are sounding just like Hank now."
"I didn't want to bring this up, tonight. I wanted tonight to be special. But, it's got to be said and I've got to have the guts to say it."
"Say what?"
"I gotta leave here, Wendy."
"Leave? Why?" she demanded to know, as tears were close to falling.
He saw those tears shimmering in her eyes and he wanted to wipe them away forever, but what he was doing was best for her.
"Why do you have to leave?" Wendy's eyes searched his.
"'Cause I'm falling in love with you and that's not right. You deserve more than just some cowboy on probation."
"Sam…." She closed her eyes for a moment and smiled. "I love you too…"
"No." His hand reached to pull her chin up to the moonlight as he stared into her lovely young face. "I won't let you do that. You don't understand. You are a McKay. You and I, we are from different backgrounds. You are going to be rich, and it isn't the money that interests me. It's you, just you…" he cried, wanting to take her into his arms and love her. "But if we got married, you would always wonder if it was the money or not."
"Don't do this, Sam. Please, don't do it. I love you too. So don't you dare run off and leave me. I'd die."
"No, you wouldn't…"
But as he touched her cheek to wipe a tear away, he bent to take her lips. The kiss was soft, sweet, and made him want her all the more. His lips brushed hers like a feather at first, gently. He started to pull away, but she pulled him back to her and his mouth took possession of hers.
"Don't leave me, Sam…." she whispered as his kisses ran over the bridge of her nose, the tip of her lashes and back to her waiting lips.
The heat from their bodies fused them together.
"You are the most beautiful person I've ever known," he whispered in her ear as his teeth played against her lobe.
He pulled her so she was almost in his lap, as the kisses heated the truck and steamed the glass.
"Oh Sam…" she whispered. "I've missed you so much."
His fingers were laced in her hair, pulling it against his fingertips.
And then…he gently put her away. "I can't…"
"Can't what?" she asked.
"Make love to you, and then leave you."
"Why do you think you have to leave?" she cried.
"Because I'm crazy about you, and I have no right…" Sam explained.
She smiled. "You are?"
"You've known as long as I have, that what we have…well, it just can't be. I'm not some rich rancher. I'm just a poor worker, that's all. And I don't want to keep repeating this. It sounds so Cinderella." He nearly laughed. "I'll never have the kind of money you are accustomed to. And although I think the world of you…it can't go on. I refuse to break your heart, Wendy. You've had enough of that." Sam's voice was low, and drawling.
"Don't pull a Hank on me."
"I can't help it, Wendy; it's true…"
"Hank, he said practically the same thing to Letty. She didn't listen, and neither will I."
"Hank has a good job here. He makes pretty good money," Sam insisted.
"He does now. But you can too."
"I appreciate you thinking that, but you are dreamin'. I wanted to help you when I first met you. I knew you had some problems and I thought I could be of help. Now…I'm just hurting myself by staying here. If you were an ordinary girl, I'd ask you to marry me, but Wendy, you aren't. You'll never be ordinary. And I guess…well, I got too much pride to let my wife be the provider. Can you understand that…?"
"Are you telling me you are leaving? Because of the money?"
"No…not until I’m sure you are safe from Wade," he amended. "I won't leave you in danger. I couldn't cope with that. I have to know you are safe. Believe it or not, you will meet someone someday that befits your station in life. You will marry and have children and be happy."
When she pooched out her lip, he nearly caved.
"I've got nothing to offer you. And I won't offer it unless I do. I'm still on probation…you know that. One wrong move and I go to jail. I could have gone to jail for trying to defend Caleb, don't you see that?"
Wendy crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.
"I just want to warn you, so we don't get so involved," he assured her.
"Don't get so involved? What have we been doing, dating every night almost? You protected me and Caleb and now you want to walk out of our lives, all because of money."
"I'm not some gold digging ranch hand who sees dollar signs, Wendy. I see a girl, a girl I could love and live with the rest of my life. But I also see it wouldn't work. And I don't want to hurt you like Wade has. I wish the money and your position had nothing to do with all of this, but it does. I'd be lying if I said it didn't."
Her eyes stormed at him. "You've already hurt me more than Wade ever could…"
"I didn't mean to…" he began.
She opened the door to get out. "Go on…go back to work and stay away from me…until you can grow up and realize that love is a two-way street and that there is no out for it. I don't want to even see you again…."
"You don't mean that…but it is best this way!" he nearly screamed at her.
She was crying as she ran into the house and slammed the door.