Chapter Twelve

One must be cunning and wicked in this world.

—Leo Tolstoy

 

THOMAS OPENED THE drawers on the dresser, pulled out a pair of shorts, and slid them on. Ryan was resting, eyes closed, and lightly sleeping. Thomas tied his hair back in the bathroom with one of his own hair ties. Smiling over that, he made his way outside, got the rabbit, more wood for the fire, and then barred the door. He found a knife in the kitchen and skinned the rabbit. After washing the pelt, he found a place in the below-ground stone room to stretch it out for now. He would have to deal with it later.

Thomas tried to turn off his mind and everything that had happened, everything that was about to happen between himself and Ryan. To distract himself, he took an account of the limited perishable food in Ryan’s refrigerator and decided the rabbit was meant to be stored. Rabbit stew sounded far better to Thomas. He quickly butchered the meat, saving the larger pieces. The rest, he put, bones and all, into a pot of stock to boil. Thomas found other items he’d need and began a homemade soup on the woodburning stove. He was chopping vegetables when the heavy dining room chair scooted across the floor behind him, and Ryan carefully eased himself down into it.

“You look different,” Ryan said, his voice sleep-rough.

Thomas opened the cabinet and found a cup, then pumped the water handle and filled it. He sat it on the table in front of Ryan and went back to the chopping block, not quite having the nerve to look him in the eyes yet without losing it.

“I am different,” Thomas said. “I died. Sort of. It’s very complicated, but I was bitten by a Wolf in order to save my life after the transport van crashed. I was dying. The Wolf bite changed me—obviously.” Thomas scraped the onions and carrots into the pot. He took the remaining rabbit carcass from the pot and scraped it clean from the bones. Then, he cut the saved meat into smaller bits and added seasoning, a little flour, and browned it in a skillet.

“I’ve lived as a Wolf for nine years, and I know you’re very angry and upset with me, but there are laws and rules I can’t explain because you are a human. I wanted to show myself to you the second you came here, but I thought you had moved on with the man you were with. I didn’t want to interfere. There are also complications with the Wolf pack I belong to. Those things prevented me from coming directly to you. Well, coming to you as a human anyway.”

Thomas raked the browned meat and pan gravy he’d made into the pot. He stirred and sniffed and tasted. Thomas frowned and rummaged through the cabinets until Ryan spoke.

“Down in the pantry, third shelf.”

Thomas hid his pleasure at not even having to ask and retrieved the spices he craved. When he was satisfied, he put the lid on tight and stoked the fire. He then sat down across from Ryan and stared at the heavy grain in the wood tabletop.

“But at the same time,” he continued, “I couldn’t make myself leave you again either. So, I built a den on the hillside. I live there. I hoped, over time, you would come to like my Wolf. He likes you.” He paused and sniffed, and Ryan said nothing as Thomas reached up and wiped his cheeks with his hands. Thomas sucked in a ragged breath. “I just wanted to be here to keep you safe and not interfere. Until today. Today changed things.”

Ryan nodded. “You saved me and nearly killed that other Wolf.”

Thomas sniffed again but laughed a little. “Always remember this—it’s very complicated.” Thomas sighed. “I didn’t save you, Ryan. My Wolf saved you. In a way, we saved you, but no, that fight was all him.”

“So you are two separate beings?” Ryan asked, confused.

“No,” Thomas said slowly, then, “Yes.” He shrugged. “I am Wolf.” He motioned to himself and then his heart and mind. “I am Wolf. When I shift, when I am Wolf—” Thomas touched his heart and head again. “—I am Thomas. But when Wolf is upset or his mate is threatened…all Wolf,” Thomas said and bared his teeth at Ryan. He stole one quick glance and looked back down.

“Mate?” Ryan coughed on his water.

“To us, you are our mate, even if we are not yours,” Thomas said and nodded once. “I will feed you, tend to you, and then return to my den.” And his heart hurt at the thought of leaving here now that he was this close to Ryan at last. Wolf recoiled as well.

“Like hell, you will,” Ryan said and shot Thomas a dirty, mean look when Thomas glanced up again. “You aren’t leaving.”

Thomas smiled.

“Not until all my questions are answered,” Ryan added. “Then you can go sleep out in the cold.”

But it was a lie. Thomas grinned harder with tears in his eyes.

“Don’t do that,” Ryan snapped.

“Lies,” Thomas whispered.

“Don’t do that either. You don’t look like you, but I know you are you,” Ryan muttered and rubbed his hand down his face in frustration.

Thomas got up and went to the bathroom. He brought back the red box, rummaged through it, and pulled out several bottles. He handed Ryan three pills and refilled his water. Then Thomas carefully removed the stained bandages, checked Ryan’s wounds, and applied fresh, clean gauze and tape.

“Much rest,” Thomas said. “I will keep the fires going and help until you have healed.”

“Your wounds are gone.” It was clear Ryan was trying not to see the rest of Thomas, bare-skinned and so very different. “And go put a shirt on,” Ryan muttered.

Thomas grinned wickedly. “Never.”

“I don’t want to look at you like that when I’m mad.”

“That is the best time to look at me. I know how to make you forgive me.”

“No,” Ryan said, and Thomas grinned wider at the biggest lie of all. “Stir the stew.”

Thomas nodded and did as asked, checking on the stew and deciding it needed more time. “A few more minutes.” Then, he rummaged around again, looking for something. “No bread?”

“No, I don’t know how to make it,” Ryan grumbled.

Thomas could hear the disappointment in Ryan’s tone. Clearly, he missed bread. This, Thomas could fix. He smiled over the strange happiness at being useful and went down into the pantry to retrieve what he would need. He came back with a large jar and explained what he was doing. They didn’t have bread now, but Ryan would have bread soon.

By the time Thomas finished and left the jar on the counter, the stew was ready. He served up two large heaping bowls and poured himself a glass of water. Then he sat down, and Ryan asked more questions as the stew cooled enough for them to eat.

“There will be trouble now?” Ryan asked.

Thomas nodded. “I will need to go speak to them.”

“Them?”

“The pack,” Thomas said and took a bite. He smiled to himself; it was good, and he noticed Ryan trying to hide that he was pleased as he ate, as if he hadn’t been eating things that tasted very good lately. “I left my pack and became a Lone Wolf.”

“Why?”

“You,” Thomas answered. “Humans aren’t allowed. They’d agreed that when you were released, I could find you and turn you. But they never thought it would really happen. You would have been much older by then. When you escaped and came here, it changed things. They didn’t want to honor the agreement they’d made with me. So I left the pack. Someone sent a hunter to solve their problem.”

“Turn me?” Ryan asked.

Thomas nodded. “Turn you Wolf and make you my mate. But since you have another mate—” Thomas glanced at the necklace around Ryan’s neck and then the shrine at the window. His star necklace hung there. Stones from his childhood collection were displayed along the sill next to crystals Ryan had collected, thinking of him, and they sparkled with the love they had absorbed as Ryan had gathered them. Thomas glanced over at his framed picture on the bookshelf and lifted an expectant brow at Ryan.

“Tristan,” Ryan said.

Thomas indicated the calendar hanging on the wall behind him and the numerous squares with his name written in Ryan’s familiar script, one for each time he’d visited the glade and thought of him. Thomas nodded and put his spoon down. He leaned back in his chair and lifted his hand to his bare chest. And Ryan tracked the movement just like Thomas knew he would. Thomas rubbed his thumb over his left nipple, hardening it with a few flicks and a slow pinch. Ryan licked his lips, spoon held midair.

“Tristan, huh?” Thomas whispered, inhaling the air between them, and nodded at the distinct smell, the hint of Ryan’s arousal. “Alright then.” Thomas picked up his spoon and ate as Ryan got himself back under control and resumed eating.

It had been a dirty move, but Thomas had his answer. Ryan was still his. And Thomas was pleased he always had been, from the evidence around them and the anger. Nothing had changed for Ryan either. Thomas’s heart beat wildly, and he and his Wolf silently sang together. He just had to wait out the anger and work for Ryan’s forgiveness.

After they finished eating, Ryan yawned. Thomas helped him back into bed and returned to the kitchen, where he stored the rest of the stew for the next day, cleaned up, and put things away. Thomas took in the neatness, the way Ryan arranged things just so. Thomas nudged the coffee maker with his finger, making it sit slightly askew, and found himself quite pleased with his move. This old game of theirs.

When he’d finished, he checked on the fires, ensured everything was secure, and headed into the bedroom. Ryan was asleep already. Thomas decided to take advantage of Ryan’s bathing pool. He cleaned himself using Ryan’s things and then crawled into bed next to Ryan, ignoring the faint smell of another man. He would wash the sheets first thing when they woke.

Ryan groaned in pain as Thomas carefully pushed him onto his good side and then plastered himself against Ryan’s back, connecting every point of skin that he could to his mate. Wolf was pleased. And even more pleased when they wrapped a protective arm around Ryan, buried their face into his soft curls, and inhaled.

“Are you sniffing my hair?” Ryan mumbled.

“Yes, I missed your hair; I missed you,” Thomas said against him and nuzzled into the back of his neck. He smiled at the goosebumps that appeared there and all across Ryan’s skin. Thomas felt Ryan’s hand twitch, but he kept it still.

Still mad at you, Wolf rumbled.

“Yes, still mad at us,” Thomas replied.

“What was that?” Ryan asked.

“Nothing,” Thomas whispered. “Sleep; I’m just arguing with my Wolf.”

“Arguing over what?”

Thomas sighed. “He thinks you are only mad at me, not him. I think you should be mad at both of us equally. We are one. We are the same.” Thomas tried to explain their coexistence.

“I think I am madder at you,” Ryan murmured.

And Thomas lightly trailed his fingers over Ryan’s bare chest, leaned up, and breathed near his ear. “Don’t be upset with me, love.” Thomas planted a soft kiss on Ryan’s neck before settling in against him.

Ryan sighed and slid his hand up his own chest, where the tip of his finger barely touched the tip of Thomas’s pinky. Thomas smiled against Ryan so he’d feel it.

God, it was like starting over.

They were quiet for a while. Thomas was almost asleep when he felt Ryan shudder and shake.

“You died; you died, and you left me,” Ryan whispered through a sob.

“I never left you, and you know that,” Thomas soothed. “I will never leave you in this world or the next. You are my soulmate.”

“I buried you,” Ryan said quietly.

“That was heartbreaking to watch,” Thomas admitted and held Ryan tighter, sliding a leg over his calf and holding him tight without hurting anywhere that was injured. Thomas’s own voice cracked. “But that wasn’t me, only ashes from the accident, probably several bits of everyone in the crash. It was horrible, Ryan. They all died, and then they burned. I lost your letters in that fire.”

They were both quiet, absorbing it all, and they cried together.

“I am so sorry, Ryan. I wish—” Thomas shook his head and heaved. “I wish there was a bigger word than that. I know ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it, but I am.”

“It’s a start,” Ryan whispered brokenly.

“Get some rest now, shh. I can finally breathe again. And I will never leave you again.” Thomas stroked and played with Ryan’s hair until he settled and slept.

Thomas lay awake, spooned to Ryan, and thought about a plan to win him back. In his youth, he’d been recklessly aggressive with Ryan, too fast a pace for such a shy, reserved boy. This time, Thomas would be patient and let Ryan make a move. He would go at Ryan’s pace. With a satisfied smile, Thomas closed his eyes and held his mate tight—safe and finally back together—through the night.