Jess had just dried off from a shower and was stepping into his jeans when someone knocked on the bedroom door. Quickly he dealt with the zipper, then shrugged into one of the chambray shirts.
Not bothering with the buttons, he slicked back his wet hair with one hand while opening the door with the other. The sight of Marina standing grim-faced on the other side instantly pricked him with concern.
“What’s wrong?”
The longtime cook of the Ketchum family shook her head to reassure him that nothing had changed for the worse with his daughter. “Victoria says for me to feed you. Your meal is in the kitchen.”
At one time, Marina had liked Jess. She’d gone out of her way to be friendly with him. But that was before Jess had left for Texas. Apparently she viewed his leaving as a man deserting the woman who loved him. The old woman probably didn’t have any idea that Jess had practically begged Victoria to go with him, but that she’d chosen to remain here on the T Bar K and hold her daddy’s hand.
“Thank you, Marina. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Nodding, she turned to leave, then glanced back at him, her expression sorrowful. “I’m sorry your little girl is sick. But Victoria will make her well again.”
The cook’s empathy surprised Jess and touched him more than he would have expected it to. For a long time he’d tried to tell himself that no one here on the T Bar K mattered to him, that they could all go to hell. But that had only been the scarred, angry part of him talking. Marina reminded him of his grandmother, who’d worked all her life for her family. The two women weren’t highly educated, but they were both ambitious, loving and full of the wisdom of life. He couldn’t help but respect and admire them.
“Thanks, Marina. And I believe you’re right. I believe Victoria will make her well.”
The woman’s narrowed gaze keenly roamed his face. “Is that the only reason you are here on the T Bar K? To get your daughter well?”
Jess thought for only a moment before he answered, “Yes. That’s the only reason.”
The older woman’s grim expression relaxed somewhat and her black eyes softened. “That’s good. I wouldn’t like for Victoria to be all hurt again.”
By him? Or by the law, Jess wondered. But he didn’t have the chance to ask. Already, Marina was walking away from him.
A few minutes later, in the kitchen, he’d just finished a bowl of stew and was starting on a piece of apple crumb pie when Victoria appeared in the room.
The sight of her made him immediately fear the worst. “Has her fever come back up?” he asked quickly.
Victoria came to stand beside the long pine table that filled up the center of the kitchen. It was scarred from years of use, but she preferred to take her meals on it rather than the expensive oak table in the dining room.
As small children, she and her brothers had spent many an hour here in the kitchen with their mother and Marina. Those precious memories always warmed Victoria. Too bad her memories of Jess weren’t as easy to digest, she thought.
“No,” she answered his question. “A few minutes ago I gave her another dose of fever reducer. And she managed to sip a bit of water.”
“Thank God,” he said quietly.
Victoria noticed he was dressed in her brother’s clean clothes, his face shaved clean, his sandy hair still damp and curled ever so slightly against the back of his collar. Fatigue shadowed his eyes and she wondered why that should bother her. Or why just looking at the hard line of his lips made her ache. Back in his room, he’d made it plain he wanted nothing to do with her. She should be glad. Relieved. Yet she felt empty and full of regret.
“I see Marina fed you.”
Nodding, he eased his stiff shoulders against the back of the chair. “She’s still one of the best cooks in these parts.”
Affection softened Victoria’s expression. “I hope you told her that. She doesn’t get enough praise for her work.”
“I did,” Jess said. “But I don’t think it scored any points with her. She’ll probably be glad to see the last of me.”
Barely concealing a sigh, Victoria pulled out a chair and sat down facing him. “You think everyone looks down on you, don’t you?”
“No. Just everyone on the T Bar K.”
“Maybe that’s just your guilty conscious rearing its head,” she couldn’t stop from saying.
His eyes narrowed as his fork sliced into the pie. “I don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”
A wan smile tilted her lips. “Then I guess you simply have a chip on your shoulder.”
Jess could see she was goading him. To pick up where they’d left off in the bedroom, he suspected. But he wasn’t going to play her game. Whatever that was. She was too tempting and he was a smart enough man to know she’d have him turned inside out if he gave her just the tiniest chance.
“Think that if it makes you happy, Victoria. But I won’t argue with you tonight.”
She’d not really wanted to argue with him or criticize him in any way. She simply wanted him to understand he’d not been hated or even disliked by anyone. Including her father. But that was all in the past, she thought wearily. She doubted anything could ever make Jess admit that their broken relationship had been partly his fault.
“I’m not in the mood for arguing either,” she said, forcing a brighter note to her voice. “And anyway, I need your help. I called Maggie a few minutes ago and she still has Aaron’s crib stored away in her garage. I need for you to haul it over here and set it up in my bedroom.”
She was going to a lot of trouble for his daughter and once again he wondered why. To be on his good side just in case the Ketchums were somehow connected to the unidentified body? Dear Lord, he couldn’t let himself think such a thing right now. Maybe later he’d be forced to deal with such a problem. But at this moment all he wanted was for Katrina to be well. Afterwards…well, he’d be a lawman again.
“Of course I’ll help you get the bed.” He tossed down his napkin. “Are you ready to go now?”
She inclined her head to his half-eaten pie. “You finish that while I go tell Marina to keep an eye on Katrina until we get back.”
Hugh Ketchum’s widow also lived on the T Bar K. The house, though modest in size and style compared to the main ranch house, would still be considered lavish by regular folks like Jess.
Being only a half mile away, the trip to Maggie’s took less than five minutes and was made in silence. By the time they arrived, Victoria’s sister-in-law had already opened the garage door. Jess and Victoria entered the darkened interior that was mainly used as a storage area and found the other woman wiping the dust off the intricately carved crib.
“Don’t worry about cleaning it now,” Victoria told her. “I’ll do all that after Jess gets the bed set up.”
Maggie, a petite redhead, chuckled wryly. “This thing hasn’t been touched since Aaron was three years old. There was so much dust on it, the wood looked more like pecan than dark oak.” She made a few more swipes across the footboard, then straightened from her bent position.
“Hello, Maggie, how are you?” Jess greeted her.
She gave him a warm smile, but Jess could plainly see the sparkle in her eyes was still missing. Six years had passed since Hugh had been gored to death by one of the ranch’s bulls. Obviously she still wasn’t over the death of her husband and Jess felt deep sorrow for her loss. Maggie had been one of the few people on the T Bar K who had never judged him for leaving San Juan County. Jess would never forget her kindness and he hoped that someday she would find happiness again.
“I’m fine, Jess.” She rubbed her dusty hands on the back of her jeans. “I’m sorry to hear your daughter is sick. Maybe the crib will help a little.”
“I do appreciate it, Maggie. Thank you.”
Maggie’s gaze swung curiously back and forth between her sister-in-law and Jess. No doubt she was wondering if the two of them had picked up their affair again, Victoria thought ruefully.
The notion filled her with uncomfortable heat and she cleared her throat, then said, “I guess it would be wishful thinking to ask if you had any crib sheets around.”
Her expression thoughtful, Maggie tapped a finger against her chin. “It’s possible. While Jess loads the bed, do you want to come in and help me search through the linen closet?”
Victoria glanced at Jess. “I’ll only be a few minutes,” she promised. “And we do need the sheets.”
He waved a hand at her and Maggie. “Go ahead. I’ll load the bed and wait for you in the truck.”
Inside the quiet house, Victoria glanced around for her young nephew. “Where’s Aaron?”
“He went to a friend’s house this evening after school. They’ll be bringing him home soon,” she said as the two women made their way down a long hallway to the east end of the house.
Victoria wrinkled her nose with disappointment. She’d always been close to her nephew, but since Aaron had reached the ripe old age of nine, he was getting more and more involved with activities outside the ranch and that meant Victoria got to see him less and less.
“Well, maybe it’s best he’s not here right now. He’d want a hug and I’d hate to pass Katrina’s scarlet fever to him.”
“Don’t worry,” Maggie assured her. “I won’t let him come over to the big house until your little patient has gone home.”
They reached the linen closet, where Maggie opened the door, then turned a keen eye on her sister-in-law. “Jess still looks the same, doesn’t he? Except maybe a little more filled out. A little better.”
Victoria’s gaze fell to the floor rather than let her sister-in-law read anything in her eyes. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Hmm. That would be impossible for any red-blooded woman not to notice. And you never were good at lying, Victoria. Everyone else might believe you’re over the man, but I don’t.”
Maggie was the same age as Victoria and from the very first day Hugh had brought her into the family, the two women had become like sisters. Maggie was well aware that Jess and Victoria had planned to marry and move on to the Hastings ranch. She also knew how deeply in love Victoria had been with Jess at that time. Even so, Victoria didn’t want to admit to Maggie, or even to herself, that she was still in love with Jess Hastings.
“This isn’t about Jess and me,” Victoria said bluntly. “His daughter is ill. That’s all there is to it.”
Maggie rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “So you say. But I can’t remember you bringing home any patients in the past.”
Frowning at the other woman, Victoria tried to defend her actions. “I didn’t bring this patient home. She was brought to me.”
With a knowing smile, Maggie began to search through a stack of colored sheets. “That’s true,” she blithely agreed. “But you could have sent her to a hospital.”
“I could have. But you wouldn’t want Aaron to be hospitalized unless it was absolutely necessary. Jess feels the same way about Katrina.”
“He has family, Victoria,” Maggie pointed out.
The only thing keeping Victoria from getting angry with her sister-in-law was that she knew Maggie wasn’t protesting her decision to care for Katrina here at the ranch. She was only trying to prove the point that Victoria was doing a special favor for Jess. And in Maggie’s eyes that could only mean Victoria still cared for the man. Well, that was okay if Maggie wanted to think that way, just as long as Jess knew the truth.
“He has grandparents,” Victoria granted. “But they have their hands full taking care of the Hastings ranch. They don’t need the stress of taking care of a sick baby.”
Tilting her head back, Maggie surveyed the shelf above her head, then stepped back out of the way. “You’re taller than me. Take a look on the top shelf.”
Rising on tiptoe, Victoria thumbed through the stacks of linen until she reached a printed fabric that looked as though it belonged in a little boy’s nursery. “Here’s something with teddy bears on it,” she announced. “And another with dogs.”
“That’s the crib sheets,” Maggie said with a wan smile. “I kept all of Aaron’s baby things because Hugh and I planned to have more children. But then…well after he was killed I gave most everything away. I guess I hung on to the crib for sentimental reasons.” Her little laugh was full of sadness. “Apparently I forgot about having the sheets. That tells you how often I clean out this closet.”
With the sheets safely down from the shelf and tucked under one arm, Victoria turned to her sister-in-law and gently scolded, “You sound like your life is over, Maggie. You’re still a young woman. You’ll have more children some day.”
Shaking her head with firmness, Maggie closed the closet door and motioned for Victoria to precede her down the hallway. As the two women walked, she said, “I can’t imagine letting myself get that intimate with another man, Victoria. Just the idea—” pausing, she shuddered, “—leaves me cold.”
“That’s only because you haven’t met the right one,” Victoria insisted.
Maggie shot her a fatalistic smile. “And I always believed Jess was the right one for you. Maybe we’re both destined to live alone.”
Victoria’s eyes darkened with sadness. “I hope not, Maggie. Life is too short to live it without love.” Trouble was, the only love she wanted was Jess’s.
Once the two women reached the door leading out to the garage, Victoria swiftly pecked a kiss on Maggie’s cheek.
“Thanks for letting me use these things,” she told Maggie. “Once Katrina goes home, I’ll get them back to you.”
“No hurry. Like I said, I won’t be having any need for baby supplies. Maybe you will,” she added slyly.
A hollow pain pierced a spot between Victoria’s breasts. At one time she’d needed the baby things. But the little life growing inside her had been lost. For over four years now, she’d carried the secret of her miscarriage without any of her family or friends knowing. And the thought of it never failed to cut her swift and deep. She could only wonder what, if anything, Jess might have done back then if he’d known she’d been carrying his child.
With a mental shake, she reminded herself that was all over and in the past. It was useless to agonize over what might have been.
“I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for that to happen,” Victoria tried to joke, then with a wave of her hand she left the house and hurried to Jess’s waiting truck.
Later that night, Jess woke with his heart pounding and a sense of foreboding smothered him like a heavy blanket of smoke.
Jerking upright, his eyes searched the shadows dancing across the strange walls. Where the hell was he? Something was wrong.
Adrenaline surged through him, instantly clearing his mind of sleep. Katrina. She was ill. But she was getting better. Victoria was taking care of her.
With a ragged sigh of relief, he reached up to rake the tousled hair off his forehead. As his hand came in contact with damp skin, he realized he was sweating. From his dreams, he supposed. The temperature in the room was comfortable.
Tossing back the cover, he slipped quietly to the bathroom where he splashed cold water onto his face and chest, then dried off with one of the thick towels Victoria had supplied for him earlier.
A glance at his wristwatch told him he’d been asleep three hours. He’d not expected to sleep at all. In fact, he’d only gone to bed because Victoria had insisted. And once she’d taken Katrina to her bedroom, there’d not been much sense in staying up alone. But now the need to see his daughter and reassure himself that she was all right had him reaching for his jeans.
Victoria’s room was across the hallway at a slight angle from his. He walked the short distance quietly, then paused on the threshold as he took in the sight of Victoria sitting on the side of the bed.
Wearing only a thin white nightgown, she had Katrina cradled in her arms. He could hear her humming a lullaby as she rocked his daughter in a gentle, soothing motion.
Jess’s first intention had been to knock and make Victoria aware of his presence. But that plan was swiftly forgotten. There was something about the heavy swath of dark hair falling against her cheek, the glow of the night-light on her face and the image of his daughter cradled against her breast that touched something deep inside Jess.
He didn’t want to feel it. Or even admit that there was such a place inside him. And he fought to push the unwanted emotions away as he stepped into the room.
Spotting him, Victoria put a shushing finger to her lips, then rising from the bed, she placed Katrina back in the crib.
After pulling a light cover over the toddler, she moved away from the crib to meet Jess in the middle of the room.
“How is she?” he whispered.
Victoria gestured toward the open doorway. “Let’s step out in the hall so we won’t disturb her.”
Jess inclined his head in a motion for her to precede him. Brushing past him, Victoria paused at the foot of the bed long enough to grab her robe.
Out in the hallway, she pulled on the silky white garment while Jess watched, a mocking twist to his lips.
“I don’t know why you’re bothering with that thing,” he said while eyeing the clinging robe. “You were already covered.”
Victoria shot a brief glare over his naked chest. He’d always had the fit body of an athlete and the sight of his hard muscled flesh decorated with a diamond-shaped pattern of curly brown hair made her feel like she was sinning just by looking.
“Well, you’re certainly not,” she snapped.
He shrugged as though her accusation meant little to him. “So? We’ve seen each other with much less on than this.”
Unable to meet his gaze, she drew in a shaky breath and crossed her arms over her breasts.
“I’ve been trying hard to forget that, Jess. I was hoping you already had.”
If there’d been even the slightest hint of sarcasm in her voice Jess would have found it easy to give her a brash retort. But there was none. The only thing he heard in her words was a lost, quavering sound that twisted the cords in his throat to tangled knots.
Soberly, he said, “I can’t forget something that beautiful, Victoria. Not as long as I’m alive.”
Stunned by his admission, her gaze jerked up to his face. And a strange, terrifying thrill rushed through her as she realized he was speaking the truth.
Her hands began to shake and her mouth went dry as the strong urge to reach out and touch him fought with the rationality of keeping her distance. It wouldn’t do for her to start wanting Jess Hastings again. But then, had she ever really stopped, she wondered wildly.
Clearing her throat, she said, “Katrina woke a few minutes ago and began to whimper for you.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?” he asked anxiously.
“Because I thought you needed to rest,” she answered simply. “And she didn’t fuss for long. I managed to get her to use the potty and drink a whole cup of water, so that’s encouraging. Along with the fact that her fever is minimal.”
She was changing the subject to Katrina, Jess noticed. But that was okay with him. He needed to be reminded of why he was here on the T Bar K. Rather than remembering the past and this woman he’d once loved.
“You don’t know how much of a relief it is to hear you say she’s improving.”
A faint smile curved Victoria’s soft lips. “Oh yes. I think I do.”
He released a long, pent-up breath, then pushed a hand through his hair. Victoria watched a short sandy lock fall carelessly over his forehead. Maggie was right, she thought, Jess hadn’t changed. He was still just as potently masculine as the first day she’d met him. And judging from her weak-kneed reaction to him, maybe even more so.
His gray eyes flickered over her face, then moved completely away to a spot in the darkened hallway. “Uh—I managed to get a little sleep,” he said. “I can sit up with her now, while you get some sleep.”
Victoria shook her head at his offer. “I expect Katrina to sleep for several hours now. Besides, I’m a doctor, remember. I’m used to getting only snatches of sleep.”
“And I’m a lawman,” he pointed out wryly. “I’m used to having my sleep interrupted.”
“Well, there’s no sense in either of us losing sleep while your daughter is resting,” Victoria reasoned.
And there was no sense in him standing here aching to put his hands on her, Jess thought with a measure of self-disgust.
“You’re right,” he said brusquely. “I think I’ll get a drink and head back to bed. That is, if it’s okay to prowl in Marina’s kitchen after hours.”
Her dark brows drew together at his notion that they lived so formally here on the T Bar K. “Of course it’s okay. Help yourself to anything in the refrigerator or pantry. On second thought,” she added, motioning him to follow her down the hallway. “I’ll come with you and show you where everything is kept.”
To be in Victoria’s company any longer than necessary was like tempting a person on a diet with a hunk of apple pie. Especially with the two of them secluded in a quiet house, in the middle of the night and no one around except his sleeping daughter. But he could hardly refuse to join her without making himself look like a fool.
The long hallway was dimly lit at regular intervals with muted night-lights. Without speaking, Jess walked alongside her until they reached the kitchen. Then he waited in the middle of the darkened room until Victoria flipped on a light over the range and another over the table. As his eyes adjusted to the brightness, he tried to look at anything and everything but Victoria.
Walking to the huge refrigerator, she said, “Marina usually keeps the place stocked with juices, milk and soft drinks. Or if you need caffeine I can make coffee or tea.”
He hardly needed caffeine. The sight of her in thin, silky lingerie was more than enough to set Jess’s heart to pounding.
“Plain water is all I need,” he told her.
With her back to him, she pulled out a jug of orange juice. “I would say you’re an easy man to please. But I happen to know better.”
He walked over to where she stood by the cabinet counter. Stopping a few inches from her left shoulder, he realized too late that he was close enough to catch the alluring scent of her hair and skin.
“Show me where the glasses are,” he muttered. “That’s all I need to please me right now.”
Pointing to the cabinet door directly in front of him, she said, “You’ll find a glass there. And bottled water in the fridge, if you’d rather have it.”
Scowling now, he jammed the glass under the tap. “Do I look like the bottled water type?”
No, Victoria thought, as she fought to keep her eyes off the naked expanse of his chest. He looked like a man who wanted everything raw and in its natural form. Especially women.
“Just offering,” she said.
Pouring herself a glass of juice, she carried it to the pine table and sank onto one of the long benches that served as seating. Before she’d taken two sips of her drink, her eyes began to betray her. As they dwelled on his broad shoulders and lean waist, her thoughts wandered back to the time when it would have been natural to go to him and put her arms around him, to kiss his lips and whisper how much she wanted him. But all of that had ended between them and she needed to forget.
“You know,” she said quietly, “it’s been a very long time since you’ve been here in the house like this.”
Swallowing most of the water, he turned to look at her. “What do you mean ‘like this’? I was here a couple of weeks ago.”
Her nose wrinkled. “That was in the capacity of undersheriff. You’re not a working lawman now. At least, not at the moment.”
His eyes fell to the squat glass in his hand. One thing about Victoria, she’d always respected his job and his desire to be a lawman. She’d never tried to take that away from him. He had to give her credit for that.
“No. I’m not working as undersheriff right at this moment. Nor will I be while I’m here on the T Bar K.”
The faint lift of her brows was barely discernible. “Exactly what are you trying to say?”
His gray eyes zeroed in directly on hers and Victoria’s heart thumped at the intimate connection.
“I’m trying to say that as long as I’m here with Katrina I won’t take advantage of your hospitality to gather information on your family members or ranch hands.”
That he thought it might even be necessary to gather information on the people closest to her was a chilling reminder that he was a peace officer first and foremost.
Closing her eyes, she shook her head. “I guess I should be thankful for that much.”
Seeing the anguish on her face, he moved around the table and took a seat opposite her. “Look Victoria, I’m not saying that this is only a pause and that once Katrina is well I’ll be back here on the ranch deliberately digging for clues. It might be as you said the other day. The man simply fell and the whole thing was an accident. For everyone’s sake, I’m hoping that’s what the coroner’s report will state.”
She opened her eyes to search his face and was shocked to find no mockery or sarcasm behind his words. It was the first time since the body had been discovered on the ranch that she’d heard him talk this way. “You sound as if you really mean that.”
He shrugged. “Why shouldn’t I? Just because I’m a lawman doesn’t mean I want a case to turn out to be foul play. In fact, the opposite always makes my job easier.”
A troubled sigh slipped past her lips. “Yes. But in this case we’re talking about the Ketchums. And I…know how you feel about us.”
Jess suddenly found it was easier to study the scars on the pine tabletop than to face the faint accusation in Victoria’s eyes. It was true, he’d always disliked Tucker, but he didn’t have anything against the rest of the Ketchums. Except her and the fact that she’d broken his heart.
“Do you honestly think I would be here with my daughter if I thought that badly of you?”
Moments passed without a reply from her. Jess lifted a questioning gaze to her face. She pressed moist lips together and thrust a hand through the heavy swath of hair dipping over her eye. As he watched the silken strands slide against her neck, he thought about all the times he’d seen those dark waves fanned out on a pillow, all the times he’d thrust his fingers into the shiny mass as he’d kissed her lips.
“I’m not sure what to think anymore, Jess. Why did you bring Katrina to me?” she asked softly.
Her blunt questions caused him to shift in the chair and clear his throat. There were several logical reasons he could point out to her, but none of them really described his motive for bringing Katrina to the T Bar K, he silently reasoned. In truth, he wasn’t sure what had prompted his sudden decision to grab up his daughter and head straight to Victoria. The moment he’d laid eyes on his feverish daughter, he’d been gripped with fear. All he could think was that Victoria would know exactly what to do to make his baby girl all right again.
The idea that he still needed this woman, even in the capacity of a doctor, thinned his lips to a hard, uncompromising line. “Look, Victoria,” he said finally. “If you’re expecting some sort of admission from me, forget it.”
Disgusted with his hot-and-cold attitude, she rolled her eyes. “The question I asked you is very simple. It doesn’t require a confession from you.”
“Confession,” he repeated with sarcasm, then mouthed a curse word for good measure. “I’m not harboring any thoughts about you that you don’t already know about. As for bringing Katrina here, I—” He let out a rough breath, then rubbed a hand over both sides of his jaws. “I wanted her to have the best care. And I knew you were the one to give it to her.”
Once the words were out, he felt like a fool. Especially when she continued to stare at him for long moments. But then suddenly a soft smile tilted her lips and her hand slid across the tabletop until her fingers were touching his.
“That’s all the reason I need to know, Jess.”