Jess pulled his vehicle to a stop beside the dark green sedan parked near the front yard gate. The car looked vaguely familiar, but since he’d come home to New Mexico, he couldn’t remember seeing it here on the ranch. And then he saw Victoria walking out the front door with Katrina in her arms.
His daughter’s arms were tightly wound around Victoria’s neck and their cheeks were pressed together. The sight of their closeness didn’t surprise him. Back on the T Bar K he’d seen for himself how much Katrina adored Victoria. What did shock him was the idea of Victoria being here on his turf.
Slowly, he left his truck and walked up to the house. By then Victoria had spotted him and set Katrina down on the ground. His daughter ran straight to him, while Victoria lingered on the front porch.
“Daddy! Daddy! Toria’s here. See!” She pointed in Victoria’s direction.
Jess lifted his daughter into his arms and gave her a fierce hug before he turned his gaze on the woman on the porch. She was wearing a yellow-flowered dress and the wind was causing the hem to flutter around her shapely calves. Her nearly black hair was tousled in loose shiny waves around her shoulders. He’d never seen a more beautiful woman. That had to be the reason his heart was beating like a drum in his chest.
“Yes, Katrina, I see. Now how’s my little sweetheart?” he asked her.
She smacked a sloppy kiss against his cheek. “I wanna ride Pokie, Daddy. Can Toria ride, too?”
“I don’t think Victoria came here to ride a horse,” he said to his daughter. In fact, he wasn’t at all sure why she was here. Especially after their stiff parting three days ago.
He set Katrina down on the ground and the child raced back to Victoria’s side. Slowly, Jess followed his daughter and stepped up on the porch.
“Hello, Jess.”
Jess’s eyes met hers and for a moment all he could think about was taking her in his arms and tasting her lips. But he couldn’t do that. Especially now, he thought ruefully.
“Hello, Tori.”
Her heart ached as she looked at him. “I hope you don’t mind me stopping by to see Katrina.”
“Wait here,” he said, then reached down and took Katrina by the hand. The child began to whine in protest as he led her away.
Stunned, Victoria watched the two of them disappear into the house. Apparently she’d been wrong, she thought sickly. Now that Katrina was well, he didn’t want her around his child. He despised her that much. And Alice had almost persuaded her to stay for supper! What a horrible joke that would have been!
Desperate now to get away, Victoria stepped off the porch and walked quickly toward her car. She had almost reached the front gate, when he called to her.
Turning, she saw Jess striding toward her, his face stern, his jaw set. Katrina was nowhere in sight.
“I told you to wait,” he said, obviously annoyed that she hadn’t obeyed him.
Victoria bristled. “I know we’ve had our differences, Jess. But I never dreamed you disliked me this much.”
Jess watched angry color bloom in her cheeks and, if possible, the passionate explosion of dark pink made her face even more beautiful.
“What are you talking about?” he asked with a blank innocence that only managed to insult her more.
Victoria stared at him. “You know what I’m talking about! Katrina. I came by this evening to see her. But you had to hustle her into the house and get her away from the bad woman just as fast as you could.”
Disgust suddenly tightened his features and roughened his voice. “You must really think I’m a monster.”
“Monster might be too good for you,” she said between gritted teeth.
“Look Victoria, I realize you and Katrina became close while we were at the T Bar K. And you’re wrong. I don’t mind you spending time with her. Like you said, she needs female companionship.”
Emotion balled in her throat. Swallowing, she turned her head away from him. “I love Katrina,” she said quietly. “I guess that’s hard for you to understand.”
He stared at her and wondered why he felt so helpless and angry that things had went so wrong between them. “What’s hard for me to understand is that you could care that much for a child of mine.”
Outraged, Victoria’s head jerked back around to his and, as her gaze ripped over him, her hands clenched tightly at her sides.
“You’ve always been blind, Jess Hastings! So blind that you didn’t have any idea I could have been raising your child these past few years!”
Long moments passed as he stared at her in stunned confusion. Then his eyes turned steely and his jaw tightened to an unyielding ridge.
Closing a hand around her upper arm, he clipped, “Come with me.”
Her heart pounded with dread as he led her around to the back of the house where a huge gnarled juniper shaded several wooden lawn chairs.
“What are we doing back here?” she demanded.
He answered in a voice so smooth it chilled her blood. “I thought we ought to have a little privacy while you explain what you just said.”
Victoria could feel all the blood draining out of her head and knew her face had turned as white as paper. The ground felt as if it was tilting beneath her feet and for one horrible second, she thought she was going to faint. Dear Lord, why had she opened her mouth like that, she wondered wildly.
Turning her back to him, she prayed for her heart to slow its frantic pace. “There’s nothing to explain, Jess.”
His fingers pressed into the flesh of her arm and dared her to look him in the eye. “Don’t lie to me, Tori.”
Her gaze froze on a limb of the juniper as her mind leaped here and there for a logical reason to give him. But her senses were so scattered she couldn’t think, much less come up with an excuse for her loose tongue.
“I was speaking in general terms, Jess. I just meant that if you and I had stayed together—we—we could have had a child.”
“No,” he said, his voice soft and dangerous. “You weren’t generalizing. You flung each and every word at me like a pointed dagger. Now tell me. What did all of that mean?”
Shaking her head, she dared to glance at him. “It doesn’t matter,” she whispered raggedly.
His hands suddenly gripped her shoulders. “If I thought it didn’t matter, I wouldn’t be asking. And I’m not going to let you go until you explain yourself.”
“Jess, please—”
“Even if it means we stand here all night.”
He wouldn’t back down, she thought sickly. He was too bullheaded and determined to get what he wanted. Especially now that he was convinced she was hiding something from him.
With a defeated sigh, she turned to face him. “All right, Jess, you want to know, so I’ll tell you. Two months after you left for Texas, I learned I was pregnant.”
Stunned and in total disbelief, Jess stared at her. “Pregnant!” he repeated as though he never expected to hear her say such a word. “So—where’s the child? Our child?”
Closing her eyes, Victoria grimaced as painful memories gripped her with an awful emptiness. “I didn’t give birth. I suffered a miscarriage in the fourth month of pregnancy,” she said dully.
He didn’t say anything and Victoria opened her eyes to see all sorts of emotions flickering across his face, shadowing his gray eyes. In the past four years they’d been apart, she’d often imagined telling him about their lost child. There had been times that she’d longed to tell him. Just to see if he would express the same crushing grief that she had suffered, just to see if he might care the least little bit. But somehow she’d never gotten the chance until now.
When it became obvious he wasn’t going to speak, she decided she had to or she was going to break apart from the ache in her chest.
“I didn’t tell anyone about the baby,” she said, her voice trembling with the need for him to understand. “Not even my family. The only person who knew I was pregnant was the doctor who attended me after the miscarriage.”
Anguish twisted his features as he suddenly dropped his hold on her shoulders and turned his back to her. When he finally spoke, his voice dripped with accusation. “Four years! When were you going to tell me? Never?”
Maybe she had been wrong to keep her pregnancy and miscarriage from him, she thought. But that didn’t mean he had the right to rake her over the coals. Not after the devastation he’d put her through!
Victoria opened her mouth to defend herself, but before she could utter a word, Jess whirled back around and his eyes were furious as they raked her white face.
“That was my child, too!” he practically shouted. “Why did you keep it a secret from me? From everyone? Were you that ashamed to be carrying my baby?”
Tears pooled in her eyes and trickled onto her cheeks. “I wasn’t ashamed! I was proud! Thrilled that even though you were gone, I still had a part of you.”
Mockery twisted his lips. “Yeah, it really sounds like it.”
Ripped by the condemnation in his eyes, she stepped forward and wrapped her fingers around his forearm. “If you’ll stop being angry for a moment and listen, maybe you’ll understand,” she pleaded. “I loved you desperately back then. But I didn’t want you to return just because of the baby. I wanted you to come back to San Juan County for me.” She paused to swallow as emotion threatened to choke her. “I was waiting, hoping and praying that you would come home before my pregnancy grew advanced enough to show. But then the miscarriage happened and it didn’t seem to matter—our child was gone.”
Dark pain filled his eyes. “But it did matter!” he muttered roughly. “It does matter!”
Her head swung sadly back and forth. “Lay all the blame on me if you must. But just so you know, I was making plans to get in touch with you to tell you about the pregnancy when I got the news that you were married. Can’t you see how I felt? You had a new wife. You obviously didn’t want me in your life and I didn’t want to interfere in yours. And then the miscarriage happened and telling you didn’t seem all that important anymore.”
Pain such as Jess had never felt before blindsided him. Not until the barbed wire on the pasture fence stuck him in the chest did he realize he’d turned away from Victoria and started walking.
The physical sting jerked him back to reality and he cursed loudly. At the fence, at himself, and the cruel loss of it all.
Across the yard, Victoria watched his fist close around the top wire of the fence, watched as his head bent and his shoulders sagged as though she’d just handed him a load too heavy to carry. In all the years that she’d known him, she’d never seen him react to anything like this. And it shocked her to think he was so devastated to learn of their lost child. What could it mean? Would he have loved their baby as much as he loved his little Katrina?
The notion squeezed her heart and filled her with a desperate need to comfort him. Walking across the yard, she came up behind him and placed her hand on his back.
“I’m sorry, Jess,” she whispered. “Truly sorry.”
Slowly his head turned and her heart winced at the loss and confusion she saw in his eyes.
“Why did it happen?”
“The miscarriage?”
He nodded grimly. “Weren’t you taking care of yourself? As a doctor—”
“Of course I was taking care of myself! It was just one of those things that can’t be medically explained. I suppose a higher source decided that it wasn’t time for you and I to have a baby together.”
His head bent as a long breath drained out of him. “If I’d been here it might not have happened.”
Victoria shook her head. “No, Jess. Your being here wouldn’t have changed anything.”
Jess wanted to throw his head back and shout at the unfairness of it all. He and Victoria had lost so much. Not just each other, but a child, too. His decision to go to Texas had done all that.
Suddenly guilt was pouring over him, filling him with a dark weight. He’d made such a mess of their lives. Far worse than he’d known. And for what, he wondered bitterly. His pride? He’d hated the idea of being one of Tucker’s cowhands, but looking back on it now, that job would have been a hell of a lot better than losing Victoria and their child.
He never thought he would ever admit such a thing to himself. But he’d just been slapped with the truth and the jolt had shattered him.
“You’re probably saying that to make me feel better,” he mumbled.
“No, I’m saying that because it’s the truth. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. And there wasn’t any damage. I can get pregnant again.”
When Jess had first walked up on the porch he’d wanted to kiss her, but now as he took in her solemn green eyes and sad face, he simply wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her close, feel the reassuring beat of her heart against his. If that meant he loved her, he couldn’t help it.
His features softened. “I…wasn’t thinking the other night when we…could you be pregnant now?”
In spite of their strained relationship, Victoria wished there was a possibility she could be pregnant. To be given another chance to have Jess’s child would be a precious gift. But the appearance of her monthly cycle had doused that hope. “You don’t have to worry about that,” she assured him.
He didn’t say anything for a few moments and then his hand lifted and he brushed his knuckles gently against her cheek.
“I could think of worse things happening to me, Tori.”
His reply took her by surprise. So did the gentle shadows in his gray eyes. But just as she was wondering what it all could mean, he turned and walked a few steps away from her.
Bewildered by the abrupt change in him, she stared at the back of his broad shoulders. Then after a moment of indecision she went to stand in front of him. “Jess, why did you hustle Katrina into the house?”
“Not for the reason you think.” He lifted his head to look at her and wondered how much worse things could get. “And if you’d not leaped to conclusions, you would have heard my explanation. I had something to talk to you about and I didn’t want Katrina overhearing anything or being a distraction.”
Even though the evening was comfortably warm, the grim expression on his face caused icy chills to run down her spine. There was something else on his mind besides everything she’d just told him about the baby. “What’s wrong, Jess? Why are you looking at me like the world is about to come to an end?”
Deciding there wasn’t anyway to soften it, Jess didn’t hesitate. “We received the coroner’s report back from Albuquerque this afternoon and the news isn’t good.”
She went still, her senses alert. “What do you mean ‘not good’? Do they know the identity of the person?”
Jess shook his head. “Unfortunately, no. He’s still a John Doe. The case is going to require a lot more investigating before we uncover his identity.”
Her eyes widened as she caught his last words. “He? Then you know the remains were that of a man?”
“A man. White and somewhere around the age of sixty-five.”
Clearly confused, Victoria made a palms-up gesture. “Well, as far as I’m concerned that should be good news. At least you know a bit more than you did before.”
Taking her by the elbow, he led her over to the shade of the juniper and urged her to take a seat in one of the lawn chairs.
Jess pulled a chair up closely in front of Victoria’s and took a seat himself. Resting his elbows on his knees, he leaned toward her. “We know more than that, Victoria. The coroner discovered a bullet hole in the victim’s skull. The case has been declared a homicide.
Her mouth fell open. Her head swung back and forth in denial. “No, Jess! Oh no! That can’t be true!”
“I’m sorry, Victoria. But someone—a man—was murdered on the T Bar K.”
Devastated by the news, she stared at him. His suspicions about the body had been right all along, she thought sickly. Jess hadn’t been throwing ungrounded accusations at her just as a way to get back at her family.
“How can that be, Jess? Murder seldom happens in San Juan County! And certainly not on the T Bar K!”
“I don’t have any answers yet,” he said flatly. “But I will get them. I can promise you that.”
Fear, wrapped in myriad questions, swirled wildly through Victoria. Once Jess started digging into this evil act, there was no telling what he might uncover, or who might try to stop him. And how was this going to affect her family and the survival of the ranch?
Suddenly shaking, she leaned forward and reached for his hand. Gripping his strong fingers for support, she said, “Jess, this is…scary. Murder isn’t some petty misdemeanor. For all we know the murderer could be close by! If you start uncovering the truth, he might come after you!”
Was she really concerned about him, he wondered. Or was she worried his digging would uncover that someone in the Ketchum family was involved in John Doe’s death? He despised himself for even asking himself such a thing. More than anything he wanted to believe her concern was all for him. But now that the case had turned into a homicide, there was too much at stake with his job, and his heart, to simply trust her.
“Give me some credit, Victoria. I am a professional lawman. I know better than to take unnecessary risks. Is it me that you’re really worried about? Or maybe you’re more worried about your family being involved in this.”
Victoria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Especially after what she’d just shared with him about their lost baby. But then she should have known that nothing could soften Jess for very long. Especially where she was concerned.
Her features stiff, she pulled away from him and rose to her feet. Lifting her head with pride, she said quietly, “No one in my family is a killer, Jess. But I understand that you have a job to do and you can’t leave any stone unturned. I just hope while you’re looking that—you’ll be careful.”
As Jess watched her walk away, he wondered which part of her words he wanted to believe the most.