HINDSIGHT 20/20
When an airplane takes off and flies into the horizon, it looks as if it’s getting smaller and smaller. But is it actually getting smaller and smaller? No, it’s not. It just looks that way from where you’re standing. Depending on your perspective, or where you’re standing, your perception can be skewed.
This has never been truer than when you see an old photo of yourself wearing some hideous “ouch-fit” and say to yourself, “What was I thinking? And why didn’t someone tell me how awful I looked?” Now ask yourself what it would have taken to get you to see then what you see now. Is there anybody currently in your life that you can trust enough to give it to you straight? It’s kind of a tall order for friends because they may have an agenda or they just don’t want to hurt your feelings. Your best bet is to educate yourself by getting to know what works on your body, much the same way a dedicated musician eventually gets to play Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice! If you’re serious about looking the best you can, assuming your body is in pretty good shape, you must do your homework.
Start by getting inspiration from the classic fashion houses: Yves Saint Laurent, Christian Dior, Givenchy, Valentino, and Chanel. Go online to Style.com and spook their current collections to see how shapes and colors are paired. Some combinations will speak to you immediately and others will leave you cold, which is perfectly fine. Then branch off into some of the more adventurous designers: Jean-Paul Gaultier, Alexander McQueen, John Galliano, Etro, and Vivienne Westwood. Remember, wardrobe is first and foremost there to complement the frequency you have worked so hard to clear a path for. Search for ideas that could enhance your frequency. You won’t become an expert overnight, but after a few months, your own aesthetic will emerge.
SNAP THE PICTURE, ALREADY!
OH NO, YOU BETTER DON’T!
YOU DID WHAT?!!
INVENTORY
Now it’s time to edit your existing wardrobe. The rule is if you haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it. Trash it or give it away. By doing so, you leave room for more to come into your life. Be a participant in the energetic flow. Hoarding stuff blocks energy and makes you stagnant. This is more than just symbolic. It’s an approach to life that will keep you vibrant and fresh with new ideas. I’ve never had a problem getting rid of old stuff, because I wear the hell out of everything I own. I change clothes at least three times a day. It’s the only way I can justify all the shopping I do. Prada to the grocery store? Yes! Gucci to the dry cleaner’s? Why not? Dolce & Gabbana to the corner deli? I insist!
A basic wardrobe is made up of just a few classic pieces. Of course, those pieces slightly vary between men and women, but the philosophy is still the same: quality clothing that fits well. Once you have the basics, you can build on the primary theme and add accessories to accent your personal style. Remember to never balk at spending the big money for the finest shoes, bags, and belts. That way you can accessorize an inexpensive pair of jeans and a plain white T-shirt to look like a million bucks. Having a talented tailor is also key to every sharp dresser. Ask your well-dressed friends or well-dressed people you run into on the street if they can recommend an awesome tailor. The good ones are expensive, but they could make the difference between an okay-looking outfit and a rockin’ showstopper!
You must do your homework
Once you’ve narrowed down your existing wardrobe to the pieces that really work for you, get out your digital camera and do an experimental fitting. Put different combinations of pants, shirts, scarves, and belts together. Photograph each combination, using the timer on the digital camera. Talk about having another set of eyes! It will be very clear to you what works and what doesn’t. Plus, it’ll save you valuable time the next day you don’t know what to wear. All you’ll have to do is look at your collection of digital photographs and decide.
PROPORTIONS
Ever wonder why store mannequins always look fantastic, even in rotten clothes? The answer is body proportions. Mannequins are built with the body proportions that are balanced and pleasing to the human eye—the same body proportions clothing designers cut patterns for. If you don’t have mannequin body proportions, you too can look fantastic in clothes if you learn how to choose clothes that direct the focus of the human eye. The human eye is looking for balance and symmetry. Until you fully understand this concept, it’s best to enlist the help of your trusted digital camera to give you an undistorted view of your body proportions. Photographs will show if your legs, neck, and torso are long or short. They’ll reveal broad shoulders, narrow hips, barrel chests, and knocked knees. Don’t be afraid to find out what you’re really working with. Identifying your weak areas is the first step to showcasing your strong areas.
I have very long legs and a comparably short torso and neck. To balance my silhouette in drag, I always wear hair that has a lot of height (even when I’m wearing it down) and I keep the area between my chin and breast bone clear of obstruction. No scarves or turtlenecks, and rarely do I wear necklaces. For me, an open-V neckline elongates the whole upper portion of my body. That way, it forces the eye to see my center of balance as lower than it actually is. The one exception to my rule is if I’m being photographed from only the waist up.
I PREFER ONE IMPORTANT PIECE OF JEWELRY PER OUTFIT.
Out of drag, I can wear turtlenecks, fitted T-shirts, and scarves because my center of balance is already lower from wearing flat shoes. But even then, I will throw on a hat with a tall crown or wear monochromatic colors to balance my proportions. Most men’s jean jackets are cropped much lower than where my waist falls—so that would make me look sloppy. A big optical no-no for men is a tucked-in shirt with short sleeves that are too long. Short sleeves must stop at least four inches above the elbow. If not, it makes the waist look abnormally short and disproportionate.
If your legs are short and your torso is long, bring the focus higher. Narrow shoulders need padding to compensate. This process of shifting the focus is made much easier with the keen eye of a terrific tailor. Make it your mission to find one.
NEVER PERM YOUR OWN HAIR!
Fashionistas can make anything work
ACCESSORIES
Call me old-fashioned, but generally I like to match the color of my shoes with my belt and bag. Obviously, there are exceptions. I’ve seen some really boss fashionistas make multicolored accessories work, but the general public not so much. I have the same philosophy when it comes to jewelry: gold with gold and silver with silver. Copper I will mix with gold. Again, the boss fashionistas can make anything work.
THE BASICS FOR MEN
a fitted blue suit
a pair of dark blue jeans
a white button-down shirt
a black button-down shirt
a skinny black tie
a black cashmere V-neck pullover
a red cashmere V-neck pullover
plain white T-shirts
a striped French sailor shirt
a fitted khaki trench coat
a blue peacoat
THE BASICS FOR WOMEN
a fitted blue suit
a simple black dress
a black knee-length pencil skirt
a pair of blue jeans
a white button-down shirt
a black button-down shirt
a black wool button-down
V-neck sweater
a camel cashmere button-down
V-neck sweater
a black wool turtleneck sweater
a striped French sailor shirt
a fitted khaki trench coat
a fitted black knee-length peacoat
SPIT YOUR GUM OUT, GIRL! YOU’RE ON!
RU-DIMENTARY SUGGESTIONS
1. Choose your colors don’t stumble upon them. Something magical happens when you hold certain colors up to your skin while looking in a mirror. The colors that make you feel a rush are the ones to gravitate toward. Trust the rush when choosing your colors.
2. Know your feet. Get to know the various shoe brands. Some are not built for your foot shape. If you’re not comfortable, you’re not going to look good or walk well.
3. When you put it on and it feels wrong—it is. Take it off.
4. If you’re dressing to please other people, you’ve lost yourself. Plus, other people are too self-absorbed to notice or care. I find the only people who notice I’m wearing something chic are the ones who work in boutiques.
5. When wearing all white, always wear a black bra and panties.
6. If you must buy a trendy item, buy the inexpensive knockoff. It’s not worth paying big bucks on a trend that will be over tomorrow.
7. Everyone needs The Gay in their life. Someone who says, “Kiddo, this look is not the one!” But don’t get it twisted! Gay men were not put on this earth just to serve as your personal stylist. We have our own wants and needs that have to be met on a human level. Friendship is a two-way street.
8. “Scrunch boots” make legs look short. Do not wear boots that shorten your legs.
9. Embrace the gift of height. Don’t avoid heels to make your date feel taller. It won’t work. Your height is not the problem; his ego is. Egos are in the business of being fragile.
10. Don’t ever take your heels off in public and walk around barefoot while carrying them. Quite frankly, it makes you look trashy. If you plan on being in heels for a long time, say at a wedding or an event, wear mules. They’re much more comfortable than closed-toe stilettos or strappy sandals.
NEVER EVER?
- 1. Never wear workout shoes or gym apparel outside the gym.
- 2. Never wear a T-shirt that advertises a business or a past event.
- 3. Never wear more than one designer logo at once.
- 4. Never wear pleated pants unless your stomach is flat.
- 5. Never buy something you haven’t tried on first.
- 6. Never wear a fanny pack.
- 7. Never wear pants that stop midcalf.
- 8. Never wear an oversize T-shirt to try to cover your big butt. It only makes it look bigger.
- 9. Never wear hair rollers or a do-rag in public.
- 10. Never wear stacked marshmallow flip-flops.
STROLL DOWN THE RUNWAY…ANOTHER PAYDAY.
THIS IS THE MAIN EVENT! ARE YOU READY?
FIRST TIME IN DRAG?
I wish there was a crash course in glamazon, but there isn’t. It just takes practice, practice, practice! Take pictures of yourself and learn from them. Also, be willing to make mistakes (and trust me, there will be some), but don’t beat yourself up over them—have fun! It is truly a matter of celebrating life with a sense of humor and savoir faire.
Here are a few tips for drag queens just starting out:
Choose a name
that flows and rolls off the tongue—something clever, but not too complicated.
Never wear your own hair.
If you have a nice hairline (one that is not receding), you can feature a hairpiece or a fall.
Always feature false eyelashes.
Never wear men’s attire while in drag,
for example, your daytime glasses, an overcoat, slacks (unless you are padded), sneakers, or flat shoes.
Always serve a
full-coverage foundation with powder.
Never let anyone
see you eating food while in drag.
Never respond to someone
who yells “Hey, slim!” out of a passing car.
Never lip-synch slow ballads unless you have at least three years of “showgirl” experience.
Shave your eyebrows off completely
and paint them on the way God intended! (Otherwise, see my eyebrow coverage instructions in “The Ru Routine” in chapter 3.)
Most important, be kind.
There are enough “bitchy queens.”
LIFE’S LESSONS ARE LEARNED THROUGH MISTAKES. DON’T BE AFRAID TO MAKE THEM.
GOOD GIRL GONE BAD
Whether you’re a nurse or a soccer mom, you can still add a degree of naughty to your nice. If you follow fashion, you’ll recognize that a constant theme is the soft brushing up against the rough, the feminine courting the masculine. If you always wear flats, indulge in a pair of high heels and a very tight skirt. Everyone should own a black smudge eye pencil. Break the monotony. Surprise that special someone with your alter ego. Show up one night in a black China doll wig, red lipstick, and high heels. Nothing is more of a turn-on than the unexpected. If you have to wear conservative clothes for work, go the black-lace lingerie route underneath. You’ll be tickled throughout the day knowing that you’re sitting on a secret. Conservative men can apply this same concept with a black motorcycle jacket, black boots, a white T-shirt, and a pair of Levi’s 501s. Throw on a pair of aviator sunglasses and instantly transform into James Dean.
DAY FOR NIGHT
Assuming you don’t have a change of clothes in your bag or in the trunk of your car, the easiest way to turn a day look into evening allure is with a few key elements: makeup, accessories, and high heels. Nothing says glamour more than a pair of well-applied false eyelashes (easy instructions in chapter 3). Hair worn down during the day becomes practically magic at night by styling an updo and adding drop earrings. Put lip gloss on your daytime matte lipstick and dazzle them with your smile. Add a touch of iridescent shimmer to your eyelids or cheekbones to catch the light. Use jewelry to spice up a pair of slacks and a blazer—broaches, pearls, and chains add sparkle!
MISS LADY BIGFOOT
In men’s shoes I wear a size 12, which means I’d have to find a pair of size 14 women’s shoes to walk that particular walk. Trouble is it’s very rare to find sexy women’s shoes in a size 14*. The best option is to find a pair of slip-on mules in a size 12 or 13. That way, there isn’t too much of a foot overhang, and it’ll be way more comfortable than closed-toe stilettos or strappy sandals.
Confidence. If you believe it then we can see it!
WORKING WALKING
In heels, I walk on the base of my foot, putting very little weight on my heels. I use the heel for balance while standing. When people are having problems walking in high heels, it’s because they’re distributing too much weight on the heel of the shoe. Keep in mind that the fiercest runway savages focus on what’s between their ears and not what’s on their feet. Confidence. If you believe it, then we can see it!
BAGGAGE CLAIM
I packed a bag and left my mother’s house when I was fifteen. The funny thing is I have yet to unpack. I’ve basically been traveling ever since. In all these years, the one prevailing rule is don’t overpack. I’ve got it down to a science. I know it’s better to wear the same thing over and over than to not wear something you’ve packed and didn’t even need—not to mention carried with you to the far ends of the Earth and back. Aside from essential clothing items needed for jetting around the globe, here is a list of nonclothing items that are always in my luggage.
LEAVE YOUR PROBLEMS AT THE FRONT DOOR.
BAGGAGE
Toiletries
baby wipes
(No explanation needed.)
ibuprofen and
sleeping pills
allergy medication
packets of Theraflu
emery board
nail clippers
tweezers
condoms and lube
dental floss
small scissors
face towel
(Some European hotels don’t have them.)
Electrical
100-watt halogen lightbulb
(Place in empty baby wipes box, wrapped in tissue paper.)
painter’s clip-on light fixture
(Remove reflective funnel.)
NOTE: Hotels are notorious for having bad bathroom lighting. This makes it difficult to create an illusion on your face when there are two 40-watt bulbs on either side of the mirror. I wish you could see some of the jerry-rigged lighting I’ve concocted in hotel bathrooms all over the world, from here to Booragoon.
voltage converter/transformer with adapters
(For overseas travel only. Don’t rely on adapters alone. The electrical currency must be converted.)
extension cord
power strip
computer with power cord
external hard drive
iPod
iPod/iPhone charger
two pairs of headphones
headphone adapter
(So two can listen at once.)
portable speaker system
THE JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION.
RCA “Y” cord
(It connects your iPod to a TV or stereo via an auxiliary jack.)
auxiliary iPod cord for your rental car
booklet of DVDs, homemade CDs, and
blank recordable CDs
digital voice recorder
digital camera
mini video camera
travel flashlight
portable folding alarm clock
Other
passport or driver’s license
sunglasses
reading glasses
paperback book
earplugs
matches
clothespins
safety pins
THE JET SET
The easiest way to consolidate your luggage is to first decide what color accessories you’re going to feature on this trip. Brown shoes, belt, and carry-on bag, or black? Gold jewelry or silver?
Then you’ll need the following:
a versatile carry-on bag
that can hold a computer
a pair of leather shoes
a belt
a white button-down shirt
a black button-down shirt
a blue fitted Prada
Techno Stretch suit
(pants or skirt)
a pair of black or blue jeans
a slim black tie or scarf
Don’t overpack
a red cashmere V-neck pullover
two plain white T-shirts
undergarments
socks or leggings
black workout top and pants
black swimsuit
black cross-training gym shoes
black flip-flops or ballet slippers
black scull cap
toiletry/makeup bag
Wear your wrinkle-free suit to the airport with a button-down shirt and leather shoes. In cold weather, wear an additional overcoat on the plane. Everything else will fit into one piece of checked luggage. The idea here is to have several clothing combinations that will accommodate every possible occasion without overpacking.
DESTINY IS MINE, ACROSS THE FINISH LINE.
STYLE SUPERSTARS
I think it’s important to choose the men and women whose style speaks to you. Emulate and learn from them. There’s a reason Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, and Jacqueline Kennedy are enduring fashion icons—they knew who they were and dressed the part. And their many incarnations were all slight variations on The Look that became their image and identity. These are the icons I have an affinity with—they’ve all helped me to define my own style.
DRIVER OF THE YEAR, CONQUER EVERY FEAR.
MALE FASHION ICONS
Tom Ford: That SOB is so effin beautiful and elegant! He has clearly dedicated his life to beauty and style. Cary Grant: TP, baby! The total package. The voice, the confidence, the silhouette. Everything he wore sang his praises.
Isaac Mizrahi: He dresses his body to fit his personality, which I love. Multilayered and textured. His style is classic and uniquely him.
John Galliano: Perfection, drama, humor, individuality. A true maverick. My hero.
Dolce & Gabbana: Even in jeans and a white button-down shirt, this dynamic duo look chic 24/7.
FEMALE FASHION ICONS
Ernestine Charles: Every time I get dressed I still hear her voice saying, “Always look your best, no matter what.” She taught me that less is more, and more is better. She was a seamstress and taught me to sew, as her mother taught her. My love of clothes and dressing up is one of the many gifts she bestowed upon me. Thank you, Mama.
Victoria Beckham: The fashion authority! The fiercest player in the game. Major style. You betta work! Nicole Kidman: She has absolutely amazing, impeccable taste. She chooses very wisely.
Sharon Stone: She’s very aware of what works and has a really good eye for color. A real movie star.
Dita Von Teese: She knows who she is and dresses the part. Marvelous!
Diahann Carroll: Very chic. Classic American sensibility. A striking silhouette.
Diane Keaton: Fantastic! She’s not afraid to transmit her own frequency. One of a kind.