Confession Halloween
I’ve always held a grudge against Halloween. I never go out on Halloween or wear a costume because, besides all the drunk people giving me the creeps, it’s amateur night. My resentment stems from the hypocritical concept that it’s okay to dress up one day of the year, but not okay any other day of the year. So I’ve always chosen to protest by dressing up every day except that one. Listen, I know it’s ridiculous, but I can’t help it.
Confession Shirttails
I like to tuck my shirttails into my underwear to keep my shirt flat to my body. Hip-hugger men’s underwear works best because the band is much lower than the waistband of my slacks.
Confession Wearing a Tie
To keep my tie from moving around, I adhere the tie to my shirt with double-sided tape. I prefer to use toupee tape because it’s much stronger than regular double-sided tape. Who needs a bulky tie clip when you’ve got toupee tape?
Confession Driving
I take my shoes off while driving so as not to mark up the heels.