CHAPTER 1

Thanks, but No Thanks

Renata Wolfman wore the same thing every day. She wore a white T-shirt, overalls and sneakers. She never wore anything else.

One Saturday morning, her mom asked, “Renata, how about going clothes shopping today?”

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Renata answered. She was curled up in a comfy chair, reading a book on sea turtles.

“Wouldn’t you like something different to wear for a change? Something pretty?”

“Not particularly.”

“Hey,” said her dad. “Why don’t we all go shopping? You can buy whatever clothes you want.”

“Whatever I want?”

“That’s right.”

“Okay,” Renata said. So she went shopping with her parents and bought three new white T-shirts and two new pairs of overalls. She put them away in her closet and picked up her book on sea turtles again.

Sea turtles, she thought, were a lot more interesting than clothes.

Renata didn’t have any friends.

Not even one.

Did this bother her? No, it did not. Renata didn’t want any friends. She thought that other kids were annoying. Other kids whined or talked too much or told stupid jokes or wanted to play boring games. Other kids weren’t interested in the same things as Renata. They just got in the way.

Friends? thought Renata. Phooey!

“But everybody needs friends,” said her mom on the following Saturday.

“Not me,” Renata said. She didn’t bother to look up from the book on sharks she was reading. She crunched on some dry cereal. She drank some milk from her glass. Renata liked to keep things separate.

“It isn’t healthy to have no friends,” her mom insisted.

“I’m perfectly healthy,” Renata said. “Friends have germs. Their noses drip. They cough all over you. I’m much healthier without them.”

“I have an idea,” said her dad. “How about inviting over that nice boy from next door. What’s his name?”

“Livingston,” said her mom. “Livingston Flott. I think that’s an excellent idea. What do you say, Renata?”

“We don’t have anything in common,” Renata said.

“You’re both human beings,” said her mom. “And his parents say he’s very smart. And creative.”

Renata groaned. “Creative people like to make things up. I prefer real things. I prefer facts.”

“I know you do,” her dad said. “But it would be nice to invite Livingston over. I don’t think he has many friends, either. Renata, are you even listening?”

“Ocean life is just so fascinating,” Renata said, turning the page of her book.

Her parents gave up. They went off to discuss new wallpaper or whatever it was parents did in their spare time. Renata smiled. Once again she had gotten her way.

On the next Saturday afternoon, her mom said, “Let’s go, Renata. We don’t want to be late.”

“Late for what?” Renata asked. She was examining one of her sneakers. She wondered if it would be possible to make your own sneakers. Out of duct tape, maybe? Duct tape was good for just about anything.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten. Today is Uncle Bob’s retirement party. He finished his very last day of work at the Perfecto Toaster Company.”

“Your uncle is going to barbecue steaks,” said her father.

“I don’t eat meat,” Renata said.

“Since when?” asked her mom.

“Since this morning. I read a book on being a vegetarian.”

“Then you can have toast,” her dad said. “Uncle Bob has every model of toaster the company makes.”

“I’m kind of busy,” Renata said.

“Sometimes,” her dad said, “you just have to do what you’re told.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Do you hear your father?” said her mom. “You’re coming and that’s an order.”

Her parents left without her.

Renata nodded with satisfaction. She had the house all to herself, just as she liked. The question was what to do first.