FINDING A BALANCE 
Bruce explained that we have to allow ourselves to experience life in the moment. It’s about exploring the world around us rather than rushing around all the time. He said if I didn’t do that I would miss out on life and wear myself out physically. He advised me to stay off my phone and social media so I could enjoy more of life.
I took his advice. I kept my phone down and tried to experience more of each moment and each day as it happened. I actually went out in New York with the little time off I was given. I walked around the city, enjoying the sights, and went to movies with my mom. She and I spent a lot of time together and it was good to get to know her as an adult.
Yep, it can be a little scary when you make the decision to take a break, but I looked at it like this: Taking a break gave me the time to make the people and opportunities in my life a priority, which is no small deal. Also remember, a tech break doesn’t mean stopping cold turkey. It could mean simply not posting or reading other’s posts until you’ve showered and had breakfast in the morning. Imagine enjoying a meal without the tech invasion, which then gives you the opportunity to be mindful, deliberate about what you eat, and to be present in the moment before you start the day.
We all need moments to simply rest our minds. You can take the time to doodle, think, create, exercise, and get clear. Every day, people put much more effort into taking time to check on social media than they do checking in with themselves, and that’s when it’s unhealthy. This allows past hurts, fears, or complacency to keep you on the same monotonous page in life, as you scroll through your never-ending newsfeed.
FINDING A BALANCE My twenty-first birthday was August 26, 2014, and with that big step into young adulthood, I began to feel more mature and confident as an actress and as a person. By the time I finished performing in Cinderella in early January 2015, my feelings toward social media changed. Through prayer, meditation, and time off my phone, I was able to see a little clearer. There was still work to do, of course, but I felt the change and I shared it with my followers my last night onstage. 
Shortly after my Broadway run finished, I was cast on the new television series Scream Queens. I was so excited as I prepared for the pilot. I really wanted to be good for it, so I knew I had to remain focused and in tune. I went on a meditation retreat before we began filming for the first season. I also had my first experience with Reiki massage, and boy was it an experience. It was not gentle. Reiki begins like a light beating and gradually becomes more like a mugging.
There is a reason for the roughing up. The theory behind Reiki is that there is energy blockage in the body caused by a memory or a heartache or something in general you are holding on to that you don’t need to. So the point is to work it out.
My Reiki massage was a very spiritual experience and it did call to mind certain hurtful things that I had forgotten. I was able to cry and let them go in that moment.
It was a beautiful experience and I was happy to have my feelings validated. While working on that first season of Scream Queens I also meditated, read into more spirituality and self-help books, and ate well. As a result, I had less anxiety than ever before. It also helped that my phone and social media were not playing such an important role in my life.
I wasn’t checking my phone or texting all day every day. With much practice and concentration, lol, I spent more time talking to the people around me. I realized that I’d missed out on a lot of great experiences because I had been all into social media on my phone.
I’d finally begun to understand the point of life BALANCE. My creativity vault was expanding because of it. For the whole first year of Scream Queens, my relationship with social media went through a transition. I became more compassionate and forgiving of the hurtful or thoughtless things said about me.
I also became more of my own person. I took responsibility for my own happiness instead of expecting others to provide it. By the time I finished the show’s first season, I had an ex-boyfriend and an ex–best friend, and I was back in counseling. I was doing even MORE self-work, as well as working on my spiritual side.
I decided to double up on self-discipline, forcing myself to face my issues head-on instead of creating situations that forced others to confront me with them. I didn’t give a damn at that point what anyone had to say. I was just so happy to be getting help and realizing that it was accessible to me. 
I was so happy to be doing everything to help myself while gaining a better understanding of what it meant to love myself.
LOOKING BEYOND THE HIGHLIGHTS As my career has grown over the years, so has my need to use social media to reach the kids. But that reality doesn’t mean I’ve strayed that far away from my basic decision to only post certain things about my life.
Think about it: Nothing is exactly what it seems, even on Instagram. It’s pretty much all an illusion, even if you consider celebrities. The flawlessly beautiful, shamelessly rich, and famous people whom we follow aren’t telling their followers the entire story of their lives day in and day out. They are showing us the highlight reel—the best of the best of their days, and a lot of us are buying directly into that while trying our best to follow in their footsteps. For the majority of us that’s a winless battle that takes a toll on our self-esteem in the long run. And even if you can “keep up,” how exhausting. #NOTHANKS.
Not only is it important to me to keep certain aspects of my life close to the vest, it’s also really important to take time to think about what I’m saying and how it might impact someone else. I took action over my social media life by deciding where I’d draw the line when it came to talking about the people and places that meant the most to me. Just as I have boundaries with people in relationships, I have boundaries with social media that I won’t cross and won’t let anyone else cross when it comes to my online existence.
Still unsure? Maybe you need a bit more clarity to redefine your social media identity, and the only real way to get that is by taking a step back from tech devices while appreciating the many other ways you can stay connected in the world. I am as guilty as everyone else on some scale of creating a highly filtered presence on social media. I get it. I really do. But I try to remember not to compare.
When I see the posts and photographs of others, I remind myself not to compare my life to theirs because their journey is fit for them, as mine is for me. When you see your favorite celeb living a life full of star-studded parties, award shows, and around-the-world trips, also remember that isn’t their entire life story. They are offering a highly edited version of their lives, one limited to just those aspects they want to share.
I remind myself that everyone experiences pain and hardships, no matter how rich or famous, and most would rather not broadcast that to the world. We can’t get sucked into the vortex of “their lives are so much cooler than mine.”
Cutting back on my own posts and social media helped me realize this. I’d written a song, “I Don’t Belong to You,” shortly after I filmed the pilot episode for Scream Queens. Others had convinced me to hold off on releasing it, but after cutting back on social media, I gained courage and made positive changes. I became better at expressing myself. I was relentless in communicating to my label the importance of letting me release this song.
When I released “I Don’t Belong to You” in October 2015, my relationship with social media had reached an even better balance. I was really starting to understand myself. I found so much freedom in that. I was happy to be myself in each moment.
FILTERING OUT NEGATIVITY, FOCUSING ON PURPOSE I gained such compassion for and patience with myself. Through that, I became much more creative and productive. I wasn’t bothered by negative comments. I took encouragement from both the negative and positive. I delighted in others enjoying the performance and when they hated it, I loved that it moved them period. How it moved them depended on the seat they saw the show from. #KNOWWHATIMSAYING?
I was filtering negativity from my thoughts, catering less to my ego and more to my purpose and the importance of why I do what I do. I’m not responsible for how people perceive things—that’s their job. I’m only responsible for my intention—and my intention had become crystal clear.
My continued practices and my discipline put me in a position to be able to trust myself. I am not perfect. I still make mistakes always. But as Aristotle was summarized, “We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then, is not an act but a habit.” That rings true to me.
The quality of our lives is all about the habits we choose to keep and practice. Even when I fall off, there is muscle memory, and when I get imbalanced I know exactly what to do. As long as I am trying a little at a time I know I’m moving forward!
As the dark veil in my personal life started to lift, the personal work I did made the positive aspects of the Internet clearer. I focused only on productive ways to use the Internet. It all came from finding a better balance in my real life.
When we are balanced we are able to use things to our best advantage, and really that’s the point I’m making. The Internet is such an amazing, magical tool in connecting us to all the things and people we had no access to before. That is powerful! In order to use it best, sometimes we need to take a step back and look at ourselves, making sure we are seeing clearly, through clean goggles.
Sometimes being able to use special gifts like social media means being responsible enough to put it to the side more often and appreciating other gifts that we may take for granted, like our bodies and nature—the grass, bees, food, water, and trees that allow us to breathe and thrive. We need them too to remain BALANCED. Without balance or making a conscious effort to be balanced we are not giving 100% of ourselves.
Being grateful for life and all we have in this world gives us a greater appreciation also for the online world that connects us to other humans. It reminds us why it is so important to treat each other with respect—online and off.
