I prepared hard for that Akeelah role and my mother made it a family thing, lol. As I mentioned earlier, we all read the script together—my dad, lil’ bro and sis, and older sister. Then my mom would put on spelling bees for my sister and me to compete in for junk-food money, hahahaha. It was her way of helping me learn those big words for the auditions.

I actually had to go through seven auditions, which was exciting and entertaining and nerve-racking. We knew it would be a powerful movie and an important role for me, so I was stressed too. But I learned to work with that energy as an actress, instead of against it. Working on the film was mostly fun.

There was this one huge memory from a day on set when we were shooting the scene where Dr. Larabee tells Akeelah about his daughter and opens up about why he left Akeelah hanging for her national spelling bee competitor. Well, Laurence Fishburne scolded me because I was laughing during his close-up. It really hurt my feelings and turned into a huge thing on set.

Years later, I realized that, even if he had been assertive, he was truly trying to show me that it’s necessary to give respect to our fellow actors. Which is something that I take very seriously to this very day. #THANKS. I also remember they weren’t too worried about my schooling on the set and my mom threatened to take me away if they didn’t let me get my mandatory hours. But it was mostly fun on the Akeelah set because I was finally around kids again.

When I’d first moved to Cali it was about a year and some change without a school type of setting where I was surrounded by other children. The other kids really thought I was some special being to be cast in the starring role. I thought if only they knew where I was really from and what my life had really been like. I hated being put on a pedestal.

Once I filmed Akeelah, word quickly spread around and something happened that I hadn’t expected. I became a spokesperson of sorts for the community. Literally, everywhere I went even strangers were telling me things like “You are a beacon” and “Thank you for helping my child.” I would hear these things and I would appreciate them, but I think they also kind of scared me. I didn’t want to take them too seriously or let them hit me too deep. Something made me afraid, even though I loved touching people and had been connecting with people way before anyone knew who I was.

I realized later that what scared me at first is that people were thinking of me as some sort of a role model, and I didn’t yet feel ready for that; I didn’t feel that I was qualified. I thought being a role model meant being perfect and as far as I knew I was a regular kid with regular problems and insecurities. I had always loved making other people happy and helping them forget their pain, but this was a whole new level and it made me anxious at times.

Looking back, I was uncomfortable because of the responsibility I felt went along with that. I thought about regular people who had become celebrities and inspirational leaders, and how some of them, like Michael Jackson and Tupac and the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr., were attacked because of it. It used to scare me! I started to take on their story line in so many ways. Our minds have nothing to draw from but what we’ve already seen. The heart can see manifestations of a different future, but sometimes we scare ourselves with what we have seen before. I was afraid someone would make up lies about me or shoot me. I was afraid of losing my identity, and losing the magic that came with it.

I was still figuring out who I was and that made it strange to have other people telling me I was an inspiration to them. I wanted to be able to relate to others like a normal person. I realized much later that maybe some would ridicule me, but there would be others who’d love me. It was part of being in the light. That’s where you live when you are living in your truth, following your purpose, and to live in fear is to live in the dark.

People also are often struggling with things you couldn’t fathom and that’s why we show mercy and empathy and never forget that it ISN’T PERSONAL. All the people who are living their truth went through s%^t. I was afraid to face that, but nothing good happens when you hide your truth and live in the dark. We all have to face dark times and challenges, but that is part of life. When you fight through and make it to the light, it makes life all the better because you feel better inside. Looking back, I realize that back then I just needed to keep living and have enough experiences to draw from and better understand the importance and value in living out front and not being afraid to shine my light fully. Things take time, I think so often we rush things instead of just letting life happen. #ALLWILLBEREVEALED.

STAYING GROUNDED

My mother helped me get a handle on that. In fact, after Akeelah and the Bee, she focused on getting me a publicist to make sure the community knew my name. Mom would get really upset with this one publicist because she didn’t understand the value of me being a positive force in communities like the one I’d grown up in.

My mother was often approached by others who wanted me to come into the community and give talks or speak about my experiences. Sometimes she asked organizations and groups if they would allow me to speak to the kids. I just told my story of growing up and working to become an actress. She saw the importance of me reaching out to those who were still living in poverty. My mom knew that if other young people back home and in similar poor communities knew that I was one of them and saw that I had been successful in following my dreams, they could do it too. That one publicist didn’t get it, because she’d never been in our situation. She was clueless.

After my speeches, those in the audience would come up and, again, they were using words like hope and inspiration when speaking about me. As I said, I knew what they meant but I didn’t quite understand exactly how I was “all of that” by just living my life. I understood only as much as I knew, not as much as there was, if that makes sense?

I truly did enjoy going and hanging with the kids in those neighborhoods. When I was younger it was the best because they felt I was famous but not that famous, so they could relate to me and we could talk like normal. As I got older and busier as a performer, my favorite part about giving talks at schools started to change because kids weren’t always able to see me as being just like them and someone they could relate to.

I slowly became more of this “celebrity” person and I took it personally that they didn’t accept me as their own anymore. That skewed my judgment for a while because I allowed their feelings of separatism to separate us. I honestly felt that there was nothing I could do to change that so if that was what it was, then that’s what it would be about: my “fame.”

For a long time, I was a slave to that.

Those were the True Jackson years, when I was dealing with problems at home and some depression, and it became a lot easier to give in to what people thought than to practice giving them another perspective. I just wanted to be left alone because I let my inside voice get silent, so I closed myself off for a while.

It wasn’t until I got on social media that I realized I could kind of humanize myself so others related to me a little more. I tried it with Twitter first, then Instagram, and it really helped for a while. Then, as I noted earlier in the book, I got unbalanced in the area of social media and had to take a step back and work on myself.

During all that time spent working on myself, I was getting rid of things that were weighing me down and blocking me from being my best. All of my work to be a better person was creating a light, a way for my purpose to shine through. When we work on ourselves to be clearer “thinkers” and more AWARE of following our hearts and our intuitions, we start to realize that all of the things we’ve been looking for were always there. We accept who we are, which makes us more willing to put ourselves out there and serve others within healthy boundaries because we are no longer taking things personally.

A HUMBLE MENTALITY

This is called a “humble mentality”—a way of finding fulfillment and happiness by thinking less about your material needs and more about the emotional intelligence of those around you. It’s about using your gifts and talents to better influence others forward in positive ways. When I live with that attitude, it seems to benefit everyone, me included. I feel better about myself when I reach out to people, just like my father did. He worked to instill that concept in me.

A little before my True Jackson years, and then during them, my parents encouraged me to do community outreach with Bernice King, the daughter of the Reverend Martin Luther King, who dedicated his entire life to elevating the lives of others. When we worked together, Bernice and I would tour museums to learn about the history of slavery, the Civil War, and the Civil Rights Movement. There were photographs and stories of old slave ships before the Civil War as well as videos of the riots and demonstrations in the 1960s.

It was both eye-opening and heartbreaking for me. It all felt SO close even though I was only a child (that speaks to collective consciousness and energy that lives on past death, whether it be positive or negative). I felt the suffering of the people even though I’d never met any of them. During these trips I would usually be on the road with my dad and he would always say things about how the people from his time—like the acting couple Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis—did more for the community than just entertain them. They were activists, bravely fighting for equal opportunity and against discrimination.

I think he believed they could be role models for me because they were devoted to a cause bigger than themselves, and they were respected and admired for standing up for those who were oppressed. Dad also spoke fondly of the late Muhammad Ali. I loved how my father talked so warmly about how that great man made him feel. I could feel his love and admiration. Even though my father never met Muhammad Ali, he never forgets how Ali made him feel. I recognized the importance of that and never forgot it. I mean, here my father was teaching me positive and useful tools from inspirational people he’d NEVER met. That’s POWERFUL and it works the same way with negative and nonuseful tools. #YOURBRAINISACOMPUTER. #BECAREFULWHATYOUFEEDIT.