Chapter Twenty-One

 

The Thawing/ Gabriel Is Summoned

 

Wednesday, August 10th

 

The past few days have proven quite the reprieve from the monotony I penned previously. Indeed, the happenings within my life as of late have shown themselves to be anything but monotonous. I’m still trying to process everything, for knowing what it means changes a lot of things. Truth be told, I was actually quite comfortable in my routine. Safe in my world of self-imposed isolation, separated from others and convinced of my superiority over humanity, these “flesh beasts” as I have long called them. I have found something within myself changing, and though at first I was unsure of my liking of this change, it continues to work itself within me regardless of my opinions. It illuminates parts of me that I hid in the darkness so very long ago. I find my thoughts to be more introspective, something that I was not prone to doing, even as little as a week ago. Though some of the things which bring their faces up to the light of my self-pontifications aren’t too easy to gaze upon, it’s something I feel has needed to happen for such a very long time. Having been so long overdue, the process is somewhat uncomfortable, if not painful. Most of the things I’m beginning to illuminate with the light of understanding are things that I buried long ago, telling myself I should never revisit them. I’m actually quite surprised I’m not more resentful of the process, but instead I find it most welcome, despite the discomfort.

It’s all because of her, Miss Annaleah Grace. Her entry into my life has shaken it so completely that I am most certain things will never be the same again. Only a few days ago I was unsure of her, resentful even. She was going to change my teaching life, possibly take my job, and I couldn’t bear her for it, though I don’t think I treated her any differently than I treated any of the others.

She isn’t like the others though, oh no, not by a very long shot. She is something altogether different; though I am not sure she knows it. In fact, I’m fairly certain this creature is unaware of who, or really, what, she is. This makes her one of the most innocent beings I have ever come across. This innocence is rare, and it is beautiful. I must protect it, for even though I have been damaged so deeply by the event I have come to refer to as “The Betrayal,” I have found that I still have the ability to process and understand emotions. For too long I have kept all but the most mundane emotions locked tightly away. Those that made me feel too deeply or made me show others I had anything to do with any form of weakness were avoided at all costs. I saw strong feelings as a sign of a weak fortitude, and even a display of foolishness. But I was the fool, though I hate to admit it. Self-preservation was all that mattered, as well as being respected. I didn’t mind that it segregated me. I even enjoyed the fear. It protected me.

I think dreaming of her as I did is what began the illumination. Knowing that Gabriel, the Dream Keeper, had sent the dreams heightened my realization. His involvement told me that there was much more going on than I allowed myself to see. Such a dream he sent as well! Never have I allowed myself to take part in what I perceived to be the ultimate in human idiocy; love. There was a time when I loved far greater than I deemed any mortal able to love. Loving so deeply and completely had borne me the greatest wound I have ever been inflicted with in all my many, many years. It pained me so deeply that it wounded the fiber of my soul, making me lock it away from sight, from others as well as myself. Most importantly, myself.

I awoke today with a sense of impending…something. I was unable to put my finger on it. I was still being haunted by the dream I had of Miss Grace earlier. As I mentioned, I have never allowed myself to dabble in the more elaborate of emotions, but something about the whole situation left me unsettled, in more ways than one. That I was unable to toss the dream, and what it aroused within me aside also pointed to its greater meaning, and so I allowed myself to linger in it a bit. I told myself it was only to understand its place in my life and to prepare me for what was coming.

Having placated my sensibility, for the first time in so very long, I was able to feel what it was that made one’s life, separated from the Creator, bearable on this earth. Letting it settle in upon me was like opening Pandora’s Box. Hope rushed forth, holding hands with Trust and Faith. These three faces I hadn’t seen in many eons. These flesh beasts. I began to pity and envy them both at once. I thought they could never come close to the deep love known in the Heavens an eternity ago; the pure, deep love for the Creator. It is something none of them can ever know, until their time here on earth is done. This is why the Creator made life on earth a bit more enjoyable, for they had to trust in the existence of the Creator, without knowing it as a certainty, as we did. These humans, (I can no longer call them flesh beasts, out of my new found compassion toward them, as well as the fact that I have lived for so long among them as a human myself) were given love, a physical body to enjoy and express it with, and the ability to bear offspring. These things were not given to my kind, for what is better than seeing the face of the Creator every day and basking in the pure, radiant love therein?

I digress, yet again (sigh!) The day began with rain. After a cup of coffee and a shower, I decided it was time to contact Gabriel and ask him what was taking place. Angelic invocations are not the easiest rituals to perform, and must be done with the utmost care and attention to detail. What is called today “Enochian Magik,” can be terribly dangerous if not done with supreme accuracy. Of course, I have a bit of an edge on my human counterparts, though having been separate from my angelic brothers and sisters for so long, I too, must submit myself to ritual to gain an audience with them. I have misplaced my original sigil of power, but it didn’t take me long before I had another constructed and ready to use. I had to do another ritual prior to this however, for one such as me can’t remain in full human form easily in the company of another angel. It disrupts our illusion. This pre-ritual was to ensure the glamour of my human form was not torn apart, leaving me in my true, shameful, “fallen” reality.

It is always an amazing thing, to have an undisguised angel appear before you. The energy of the room was at once purified, thrumming with the energy of purity and grace. It began with a tiny ball of light, one so bright that I could not look upon it with my pupil-devoid human eyes. Yes, this is why my eyes appear to be black. I can't disguise the fact I have no pupils from humans. It is much easier to just make the entirety of my iris black, knowing most people would see them as very dark brown. I know that looking too long into my eyes can produce quite interesting effects as well. From this lustrous, fiery spark, Gabriel grew in his beautiful glory, until his stunningly bright form illuminated the whole of the bedroom into which he had been summoned. Tears spilled down my cheeks, as I stood within my summoner's circle. It had been millennia since I had seen my brother, and he has not changed. I told myself it was because of the radiance and intensity of the light that I wept, but I knew the lie I was telling myself. I can't recall the last time I shed a tear, let alone many.

In a few moments, Gabriel adjusted the intensity of his glowing brilliance to a comfortable level I could more easily endure. His long blonde hair flowed loosely down his silver-blue winged back, his eyes a deep shade of indigo which flashed brighter every so often with the power of holy, divine love. Like most of our brothers and sisters, his face was angular and lean, his skin pale and lit from within with arcs of light. As he stood before me, his face bore the expression of deep love, as well as a sorrowful, paining sadness.

"Hello Seraphael. It has been too long, my brother." I hadn’t heard Gabriel speak in so long that time had ceased to be meaningful. I wasn’t sure what to say, the tears still flowed freely down my face.

Smiling, he opened his wings and arms to me, and I went to him as a human would, in a manner of supplication.

For a moment, brother held brother, thoughts and emotions conveyed wordlessly. After a short while, Gabriel whispered in my ear, "All is not lost to you, as you think Seraphael. It’s good to see you, and to see that you are weeping warms my spirit. There is so much hope for you. Do not supplicate yourself, you are my brother and my equal."

"Your equal?" I asked, not unkindly, but rather incredulous. "Surely you have not forgotten!" I drew away from him then, confused, but unwilling to become angry. He simply continued smiling at me with serene compassion.

"Not everything is as it seems, Seraphael. However, it is not my place to show you this. I believe you have summoned me for another reason?"

"Yes, Gabriel I have many questions, but first, what is happening to me?" I touched my face to indicate what I meant, wetting my fingers with my tears. "I have been in human form for thousands of years now. I know how to move among them, as well as how to avoid any suspicion from them. I know how to live without any fear of getting caught up in human emotions or petty dramas. Yet within the space of a few days, so much has changed."

Gabriel regarded me for a moment, compassion in his indigo eyes. "You must have lived too long with the humans, dear brother. Time has no meaning; it is of no consequence in the greater scheme of things. It is an illusion created by man to put their understanding of reality in order. Having said this, Seraphael, many things are happening. You are evolving, changing as you must. Though you have seen tears as a weakness for most of your human existence, you are beginning to see that they are not a weakness at all. Tears are cleansing and purifying, brother. As you cry, you are allowed a moment to contemplate that which makes you weep, and perhaps to rectify things. Suffice to say Seraphael, it has been long coming."

I nodded, digesting with my heart the words that he spoke.

There is never a lot of time when spirits are summoned, but I felt my time with Gabriel was running short so I continued.

"What is the nature of this Annaleah Grace? Why is she so important that you sent me such a dream of her?" I inquired.

"Annaleah's father asked me a long time ago to watch over her, and so I have. She is a very important little one." I thought I noticed a look of deep affection cross Gabriel's face as he spoke of her. "Have you felt yourself finding it harder to remain in human form around her?" he asked.

I took a moment to ponder this, not really knowing if I had or not. "I'm not sure I have," I answered honestly, "though she does evoke in me a sense of strangeness, as well as a sense of familiarity. I feel as if she hides something."

Gabriel must have found this funny, for he began to laugh merrily. "She herself does not know, it is part of what makes her so special and so innocent. She is here for a reason. Those of the darkness seek her, and if they find her, they will devour her without mercy. Some already know she is here. If you have not seen them yet, rest assured, you soon will. War is coming, my brother, and this time, you are going to have to fight."

I felt anger at this last remark, an old terrible pain beginning to burn in my chest once again. I loved my brother still, and it was because of this that I fought to repress it.

"I don't wish to upset you," Gabriel continued. "There is so much you still don't know. Annaleah is part of that. I can't stay for much longer. I will be needed soon. You don't have to protect her if it is not your will to do so. I will tell you, however, that it is in your very best interest to make sure no harm comes to her." As he spoke the last sentence, his image began to lose the edge of its luminosity, a sign he was ready to leave. I didn't have enough time to remain upset in his presence, so I abandoned my anger at what he had said. Instead, I embraced him one last time before releasing him from the circle I had invoked him into.

When he was gone, it felt as if he had taken the air itself from the room as well. I hadn't felt so utterly dejected and alone since "The Betrayal" itself. Seeing Gabriel, I had also seen a reflection of the Creator, and felt comforted by it. Now he had left, taking that reflection with him, I felt the old, ancient sting of abandonment again. I fought the desire to weep, forgetting the tears that were already streaming down my face. I wiped at them, tempted to lose myself in them for a while, wondering at the last time I let myself openly cry. I realized then what great strength it took to allow oneself to weep, especially when every atom of your existence told you to bury everything deep inside.

I glanced at the clock instead, noting that I would be needed at the University soon. It was time to put all this away, and get back to mundane life. Or so I had thought. Everything seemed to go as if it were a normal day after I left my apartment, though only for a little while. The fearful glances of the humans as I walked across campus to my classroom were evident, as usual. Previously, it had never bothered me that others never looked at me with more than a passing glance. Today, it made me feel invisible and inconsequential.

And so I entered the building, shaking the rain off my black umbrella before placing it in the umbrella rack near the door. I could keep up the facade, I told myself, even knowing how things had changed. I had only been walking down the hall for a moment or two when I heard a commotion behind me. When I turned, I saw Miss Grace, looking confused and quite pale. Alarmed, I went to her side, and at first, was going to ask as to her condition. It became quickly apparent, however, that she was not herself and in fact rather ill.

A curious thing happened then. I noted that even though she was in a bad way presently, she was quite beautiful. Despite her whitened pallor and the sheen to her pale green eyes, she was a lovely creature. I began to feel her mind reaching towards mine as well. I could tell in her eyes that she was glad to see me, though I couldn't fathom why. Instead of fear, intimidation or loathing, for the first time I could remember, a human looked at me with open affection. I felt her fondness towards me fall upon my heart as if she had sent lightning to strike me.

I could see she was still at risk of falling, as it became apparent she was going to pass out at any moment. I gathered her in my arms, telling myself it was so she would not hit her head on the hard floor when she lost consciousness. When I had settled her in my arms, she turned her pixie like face towards me and smiled the sweetest smile anyone has ever smiled at me. Her eyes were blinking rapidly, and I knew she wasn't going to stay with me much longer. Curiously, before she blacked out, she looked me right in the eye, without any sense of discomfort on her part. This in itself is rather alarming! I have seldom, if ever, known of anyone to look deeply into my eyes without either looking quickly away or falling into a strange sense of a trance. With a sweet smile, almost like that of a child, "Leather and summer rain." I sensed the adoration she felt transfer from her soul into mine as she spoke this, though I haven't a clue as to what it means. I wanted to ask her, but after she spoke, her eyes closed, and consciousness left her.

Class has, of course, been canceled for the day. I stayed with her as the ambulance arrived, though they wouldn't let me inside with her. The Chancellor assured me that Annaleah's next of kin would be notified, and that she would be well taken care of. I didn’t miss the Chancellor's look of curiosity at my concern for a woman whom I had openly despised only a few days ago, though she also seemed quite happy to see my concern.

I’m going to have my lunch and then head down to see Annaleah. I am not certain what has happened to her, but if my hunch is correct, those of the darkness are behind it. My spirit has just begun to rekindle itself, and I am fairly certain Miss Grace is the reason behind this. If Gabriel says war is coming and I must fight, then fight I will.

I will fight for her.

~SB~