DEZ

CUE THE DANCE NUMBER

Dance montage from (500) DAYS OF SUMMER, SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN, BIG, and NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

VOICEOVER:

DESMOND
The night is perfect and in my mind, I’m dancing. I am Joseph Gordon-Levitt dancing to “You Make My Dreams Come True” in (500) DAYS OF SUMMER. I am Gene Kelly swinging from lamp posts in SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN. I’m Tom Hanks playing “Heart and Soul” on that giant keyboard in BIG. I’m Jon Heder in a “Vote for Pedro” shirt dancing onstage in NAPOLEON DYNAMITE. It’s the best moment of my life.

I am completely and totally high and out of my mind. Our film, Riley, the night. It’s more than I deserve. But I don’t care. I’m going to enjoy every second of it.

Riley’s smile on the stage knocks me out and I know I’d do anything to hang on to it. After the final film is over and the crew takes their bows, I grab Riley, flip her over my shoulder, and run out the doors. I could run like this forever.

With her.

Or, maybe not.

I suddenly have an immediate need to see her face.

I duck under the awning where it’s dark and quiet and I let her down.

I move in so I can see her smile again, but it’s gone.

She swallows and stares up at me.

My body goes on autopilot. I have no control as I wrap her in my arms. I tip my head and kiss her. Slowly, gently, I try to hold back a little. I try not to think about how I’ve lived a lifetime of wanting her.

I stop and look at her. That’s when the guilt rises from the pit of my stomach. All the way up my throat. I can taste it.

I have to tell her. I’m going to end this now. I don’t want her this way.

“Rye, I need to tell you something.”

She laughs and deepens her voice. “He says, breathless.”

I smile, because I love when she plays this game and talks in director-speak. She’s perfect and this is perfect. How can I ruin it?

Then she looks at me, worried. “What? Am I doing something wrong?”

I shake my head and continue playing her game. “She looks up, pulling him forward.”

I move in, kiss her again, and whisper, “You are perfect.”

“He says with laughter in his eyes,” she answers back.

“I’m serious.” I rub her shoulders.

I messed up, I say in my head, because my mouth can’t form the words. I lied to you. I’ve hurt you.

“I don’t deserve you,” I continue.

That is what it really comes down to after all this time.

“Don’t.” She puts her fingers to my lips.

Then, I know it’s too late. I can’t tell her now. Not when she might finally want me too.