RILEY

While Dez gathers our coats, I make my rounds and say my goodbyes. My parents smother me with hugs and more exclamations of “good job” and “way to go.” It’d be annoying if it wasn’t so genuine. Sometimes I feel bad that no one else gets to know the joy of my parents. Really. They were meant to have, like, ten kids. When Mom hugs me one last time, I hug her back.

I head to the front to find Dez but Libby finds me first.

“Stellar performance in the film, Rye,” she says.

“Hey, thanks,” I say, with a chill that I can’t help. I still can’t believe the secret she’s keeping from me. “I’m glad you made it.” I try to warm up to her. She is, after all, one of my best friends.

“I’d never miss it,” she says, looking hurt. “You’d know that if you stopped ditching me.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” I tell her, and I really mean it. “It’s just been so busy with the film and everything else. It’s been pretty sucky lately. It hurts just being back here.”

“About that.” She moves closer to me, lowering her voice. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I think there was more to it than you think.”

“More to what?” I can almost see the wheels turning in her head.

“Your breakup with Emma.” Libby puts both hands on my arms, holding me there to listen. “I think you need to ask Dez about it.” She tightens her lips. “I see him talking to Emma all the time. Has he told you that?”

“Well, no, it hasn’t come up,” I say, feeling a fight brewing below the surface. “They have Trig together, you know. I’m sure that’s why you’ve seen them together.”

“I don’t think so.” Libby shakes her head. “They’ve looked pretty intense when I’ve seen them in the halls, and I watched them have a similar mini-blowout tonight.”

“Emma’s here tonight?” I was worried about running into her this whole time. Thankfully I didn’t even catch a glimpse.

“Yeah, she’s here, but I think she’s mostly been in the back. You should really ask Dez about it.”

“Libby, that’s ridiculous. No, I’m not going to ask him anything. I don’t even know what you’re saying. That they’re together or that they conspired in the breakup? Whatever it is, I don’t really care. I’m trying to get over it. Why can’t you let me?”

“I want you to get over it, but I also want you to know the truth.”

“I think the truth is that you’re just freaked out that I’m changing and that I might have a genuine interest in boys. I feel like you want to put me in a box that you understand. And at this point, I think you’d say almost anything to get me to reconsider.”

“That’s not it,” she says, shaking her head.

“Well, I shouldn’t have to remind you that it wasn’t Dez that got in the way with me and Emma. Maybe it was Marcus. I hear they’re a hot item.”

“I don’t think so, Rye.” She shakes her head, and I walk away.

As I leave, I try not to let Libby’s words get to me. That’s what she wants. To get in my head. To make me do what she wants: suspect Dez. That was her defense with Reed, too. After he dumped me the summer after sophomore year, Libby said, “I think Dez said something to him.” What she forgot to mention was the date she went on with Reed after we broke up. To this day, she still denies it.

I know she cares about me but I think she’s more comfortable if I stay in my place as her funny little lesbian sidekick.

Sorry, Lib.

I’m not going to do it.

Not this time.

Dez waits for me by the door, holding out my coat.

I slip my arms inside and move forward with him, leaving the rest behind.