DEZ

“This is a chemical burn.”

That’s what Tyler Durden says in Fight Club as he pours lye on the narrator’s hand. It’s this deeply disturbing part in the movie when Tyler says that without pain and sacrifice, we would have nothing. It’s something I used to believe. Something I now think is complete bullshit. Meanwhile, the narrator’s skin melts right off the bone. Tyler Durden calls it premature enlightenment. He waits until the narrator can’t take it anymore. Then he douses his hand with vinegar to neutralize the burn.

After Riley leaves with Stella, I wonder who will neutralize my burn. Everyone is glaring in my direction—everyone but Tori. She smirks and gives me a fake sympathy pat on the shoulder. Our cast and crew heard the whole thing. I can feel their contempt, disgust, anger, even pity, as well as the silent insults they’re all hurling at me. One after another. As I walk to the guys’ dressing room, everyone looks away and whispers. Even Jonah shakes his head at me.

I am officially scum. Worse than the dog crap you scrape off your shoe.

And I’ve hurt Riley.

I stomp out to the parking lot, open the car door, smash the flowers I got for Rye, and head home in silence.

She’s gone.

This is my chemical burn.

There’s only one way to salvage the mess I made, so I pick up the phone and make the call.