DEZ

INT. BERNIE’S OFFICE—NIGHT

DESMOND sneaks into BERNIE’S office once again. He begins typing on BERNIE’S computer and stops when he finds MARCUS’ rap sheet. He reads it and moves on to the file that says “Notes.” These are the notes from the attack at the Frost house. Then he finds the quotes from people brought in for questioning.

DESMOND reads through the night.

Once all the questioning is done and the PD is getting ready to close the case, I hack into Bernie’s files once again, to read all about the guy who killed Ms. Dunn. The boy who wanted to kill Riley. Who almost killed me. I find out that since Marcus Flynn was eighteen when he killed Ms. Dunn and held me and Riley captive, he’ll be tried as an adult when the case goes to trial.

I discover that Marcus’ parents are divorced. I look over his school tests scores—he’s smart, really smart. I read testimony from people who called him a liar and a cheat. People who describe him as controlling and intense.

They could just as easily be describing me.

I learn that Marcus had a pattern of violence with the girls he dated. Never enough to send him away or get him in any real trouble, but a pattern that escalated.

So many of his crimes were secret for a long time.

Again, like me.

The moment is like a slap in the face, a kick in the balls. It’s a jolt out of a dream. A shock, a surprise. A wake-up call. A realization.

I sob.

Hard, snotty cries that haven’t come from me since I was a kid. I’m afraid that because I’ve finally released them, I’ll never stop. I keep seeing Riley beaten, bound, and terrified. In some way, I feel like I put her there with Marcus.

I wonder how far I would’ve gone to control her. How many more times would I have fucked things up for her?

Am I really any better than Marcus?

I’m not sure I’m strong enough to hear the answer. I’m not sure I want to know.