I’m all too familiar with feeling nervous for weeks before a speaking engagement. I remember having hideous dread hanging over me along with some seriously irrational thoughts and feelings. It sounds dramatic, but part of me used to wonder if I’d make it back from the talk; it seemed impossible to imagine a time when the talk would be over.
These days, I still get a tickle of nerves before I speak, which is totally normal, but it no longer stops me from agreeing to speak. I’ve actually come to, dare I say it, enjoy public speaking. There’s always something a bit scary about putting yourself and your ideas out there, but there’s something a bit magical about it, too. When you’re speaking, you have an opportunity to educate, inspire, reassure or give important information to the audience. You don’t know all the ways you might be helping someone.
It’s often reported that public speaking is our biggest fear, over and above our fear of death, so it’s in no way a small challenge. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel and instead of fighting against your nerves, go with it. There is a lot to be said for accepting it’s OK to feel nervous. Surf the waves of anxiety, knowing the sea will be calm again soon.
Some nerves beforehand are normal – it would be weird if you had no feelings. But obviously you don’t want fear to keep you at home, quivering under the bedcovers. These nine techniques will turn self-doubt into self-confidence and help you overcome your fear of public speaking, whether it’s to an audience of one or of one thousand.
In a study at Harvard Business School, participants were asked to bust out the eighties banger ‘Don’t Stop Believin’’ by Journey, on stage in front of their peers. Researchers found singers performed better when they labelled their nervous feelings as excitement, rather than trying to calm themselves down.1 Simply say out loud to yourself, ‘I’m excited.’ Or write yourself a little message saying, ‘Get excited!’ This will shift your perspective so you view the situation as an opportunity rather than a threat. You can also tell yourself that a little bit of nervous energy will fuel your performance, helping you embrace the experience rather than fighting against it.
Knowing the environment you’re going to be speaking in will help put your mind at ease. If it’s possible, do a recce of the room, so you can get to know it. Stand on the stage or at the table where you’re going to be speaking. You could do a dress rehearsal of your speech too. Along similar lines, as people come into the room, before you start your talk or speech, introduce yourself to a few of them. Getting to know people, even briefly, will mean you’ll see more friendly faces as you look out at your audience.
A long, deep exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system, also called the rest-and-digest system. This is the primal part of your brain and body that kicks in when there’s no danger around. To turn on its calming effect, simply lengthen your out breath. Before you step up to the podium, or before it’s your turn to introduce yourself around the table, take some deep, belly breaths. Make the out breath slightly longer than the in breath; I suggest you count to three for your inhale and five to exhale.
Nothing will make you feel more nervous than being underprepared. As you get more experienced at speaking, you’ll learn to trust in your ability to think on your feet and find the right words. You’ll develop the confidence to find your flow. But until then, practice is the most helpful component in ensuring you feel self-assured. Practise in the mirror and to a friend or a trusted colleague. Being certain you know your stuff will build your confidence – and before long, you’ll be able to speak off the cuff, too.
Now this might sound incredibly daunting: film yourself or record your voice, then watch or listen back to it. Nobody likes the sound of their own voice (well, OK, some people do!). Yes, your voice will sound weird … to you. Yes, you’ll think, ‘Is that what I sound like?! Argh!’ There is a reason for this; on a recording, you are hearing your voice with just your eardrums instead of also hearing it conducted through your skull and jaw bones.
Recording yourself will give you such useful insight. When I first started The Calmer You Podcast, I could not believe how often I said the word ‘and’ when it wasn’t needed, and the phrase ‘you know’ when I was thinking of what to say next. Once I knew, I could stop. Though you may find it cringeworthy to hear yourself back, if you don’t know you constantly say ‘um’ how will you ever be able to change? Be brave and record yourself speaking. You soon get used to it, I promise. Knowledge is power!
If you’ve got a big challenge coming up, maybe giving a speech at your best mate’s wedding or a work function, work up to it slowly. Start with a small test such as raising your hand to ask a question in a meeting, asking for help in a clothes shop or telling a story during a big family dinner. Now, think about what the next challenge could be, the next step up the ladder of public speaking bravery. Working up to the big one, step by step, each bold act will desensitize you to fear, allowing your confidence to build slowly.
Think of all your years of experience, all the education you’ve had to get you to where you are today, all the valuable skills and abilities you have learned. Now imagine that within you there is a dial controlling your level of confidence. Imagine turning it up and, as you do, feel every cell, muscle and fibre of your body being infused with confidence and self-assurance. To supercharge your confidence, imagine doing this on the train ride to work before your talk, or before you get out of bed in the morning.
When I started working with clients one on one for public speaking, I discovered speed is an issue every … single … time. We speak too fast, sometimes with machine-gun speed, because we don’t believe we deserve the airtime and we want to make it be over as quickly as possible. However, with more speed comes less precision; we’re more likely to muddle our words or lose our train of thought. And it’s hard for the audience to absorb what’s being said when it’s presented too fast. Practise speaking slowly and leaving appropriate pauses. These might be longer than you’d think. Slowing down gives you more impact and gravitas, allows for what you’ve said to land and be absorbed. Taking a few deep breaths before you start and a single deep breath between each section of your talk will create a pause and help you slow down.
Mental rehearsal is a technique used by athletes before big competitions and by top public speakers. It involves visualizing the event beforehand in great detail, and imagining it going well. When we vividly imagine in this way, the same areas of the brain are activated as if we were doing it for real. It trains your brain to feel prepared.
Start with this simple visualization. You can do this at home – all you need is a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed.
Close your eyes and relax. Take some deep breaths and allow yourself to settle a little more comfortably into your seat.
Now use all of your senses to play a movie in your mind of you, feeling poised and at ease, exuding self-assurance, making eye contact and pausing when needed, speaking clearly and slowly. Imagine your upright posture, your feeling of excitement and how much you are enjoying saying what you want to say.
This detailed mental rehearsal will help you face your next public speaking opportunity with increased confidence, preparing you for success.
★ Public speaking is something many people dislike but it’s a skill you can develop – and learn to enjoy.
★ Practise: challenge yourself and remember to slow down and breathe deeply.