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I couldn’t keep my composure; my knees started to shake. Even though I confronted him, he didn’t back down. He didn’t avert his eyes. It was almost as if he had challenged me and the ground on which I had built my sexy stance, was crumbling beneath me. My next move was to see his appendage, but I was stifled in my movements and I didn’t know what to say, how to transition into that. I feared that if I opened my mouth only desperate moans would escape.
When the door opened, he lost the sensual gaze in his eye as he turned his head to see who was coming in the house. Kira dropped her bag by my shoes as she closed the door behind her.
“Hey.” I smiled, following her with my eyes. She crossed the room with a deep sigh, stomping into the kitchen and slamming cabinets. She was letting me know that she wasn’t expecting company.
“I—I should go,” Carson mumbled, darting his eyes back and forth from me to her.
“Yeah, you should,” Kira said slamming another cabinet door after getting a glass from it and clanking it on the surface of the counters as she put it down. “Since I don’t know who the hell you are.”
“Kira!” I tried to convey in my eyes that she shouldn’t take that tone with him, but I don’t think she cared.
Carson headed toward the door quickly.
“Wait!” I called, grabbing my phone and following him toward the door. I caught up to him by the time he opened the door. “What’s your number?” I asked, handing him my phone.
He let go of the door handle and took my phone from me typing quickly then handing it back to me. He glanced up at me once and then left.
I was jarred completely for a moment as I watched him walk away. Every step he took with his barely bowed legs and perfect jeans widened my small smile. I shook off the tantalizing feeling that watching him walk away gave me and quickly programmed his number in my phone under Moon with one hand as I held on to the doorknob with the other. Pushing my phone into my pocket, I shut the door as I eyed Kira who was drinking orange juice and leaning against the counter.
“What the fuck was that attitude, Kira?” I marched over to her, swinging my arms.
“You’d better not have had sex with him in the living room. I’m tired of all these different guys. Now you’re bringing them home?”
“It’s not like I just bring anyone here,” I said, with my hands in the air beside me.
“Seems like that’s going to be the new ‘norm,’” she said, sitting the glass, forcefully, yet carefully on the counter behind her and folding her arms. Her dark hair swooshed across her chest every time she moved. Her thin frame was cute and petite, underneath a cotton crew neck shirt and straight legged jeans. Her hazel eyes were fiery with contempt, and I didn’t know why. Of all the people in the world, she was most accepting of my choices. So how could she be so pissed?
I frowned. “I know I’ve slept with a lot of guys. But so what? You don’t usually have a problem with it.”
“Do you even know him?”
“Y-e-a-h...” I said, darting my eyes in many directions as I bit my bottom lip.
“You’re lying.” She narrowed her eyes at me.
Yeah, but, I thought gazing toward the door, he’s different than any other guy I’ve met.
“So what? He’s really cute and—we haven’t had sex yet. I’ve literally only known him for two or three hours—don’t you think he’s adorable?”
“If you like skinny Asian dudes,” she said dryly, folding her arms across her chest tighter, still with tapered eyes.
“Let’s get one thing straight. There’s a difference between thin and toned. He is toned. If it wasn’t for you, I would have been sliding my tongue up and down his toned body right now.” I huffed, stomping my foot and angling my chin at her. “Why are you so angry?” I put my fists on my hips.
“I’m not angry.” She sighed, hopelessly, hunching her shoulders as her arms fell to her side.
“Are you jealous?” I screwed my face up.
“Of course not,” she laughed, mockingly. “It’s just lately you haven’t been as vocal about stuff. Like, who is this dude?”
“I literally just met him. And yes I have. Everyone else you know about. I know it might seem like I’m just fucking anything that walks, but I’m not—okay, I totally was freshman and sophomore year, but not anymore. You met Sawyer, right?”
A thoughtful stare came to her eyes, “He’s bi, right?” she said, grabbing her glass of orange juice from the counter and taking a sip as she carefully walked over to the sofa.
I followed her and sat down in the chair as she sat on the couch.
“Yeah.” I smiled, tucking my legs underneath me and leaning on the arm of the chair.
“And you guys have never been in a real relationship together?” she asked, suspiciously.
“No. He took my virginity and we’ve sort of always had a ‘more than friends’ relationship, but that’s all it’s ever been. He does his thing. I do mine.”
“And you’re fine with it? You’re supposed to lose your virginity with someone special.”
“I mean...” I bowed my head and twiddled with my fingers, staring down at my lap unseeingly, “it was special. Believe it or not, he’s a good guy. He does what I ask him to do and he’s up for anything. And I feel safe with him,” I said, pouting my lips.
“Okay. You guys have known each other for a while, so I’ll buy it, but you’re not sleeping with just him,” Kira said intuitively.
“True. But you know about Owen,” I remind her.
“Oh, the senior, randomly taking a freshman class? I bet he wasn’t even in that class.”
“He was taking it as an elective.” I smile, innocently. I glance across the room, thoughtfully. “Didn’t you date one of his friends?”
Kira scoffed. “No I didn’t. I was going to, but it seemed pointless. Even when we talked on the phone he didn’t seem interested, so I just blew him off. Doesn’t matter—it’s not like he or Owen go here anymore.”
“What was his name? Collin? Cole?”
“Who cares?” She frowned. “We’re seniors now. I’ll be finishing out my college career not worried about having a steady boyfriend. I’ve already started looking for telecommunications positions. I want to have a job as soon as I can.”
I should probably start looking for something too. I wonder what Carson’s major is.
What about you?”
I heard her, but my mind was thinking back to the very first moment Carson locked eyes with me. Experiencing the feeling of your heart dropping into your stomach and slipping out onto the pavement was a memory I would always have. I don’t know if that is good or bad.
“Kin?”
“Oh. I’ll probably start looking for teaching positions. I’ve got some observations at some elementary schools coming up. Maybe I’ll choose one of them.”
“Sounds good.”
“Anyway. Back to you calling me a slut.”
“I didn’t call you a slut. You are one, but so what? Don’t take offense.”
“I’m not offended... I’m just saying. For the last few months I’ve just been hooking up with Sawyer and Owen. Carson is a different type of guy, or at least it feels like he is. Owen is quiet and manly. That’s it. Sawyer is way over the top and always up for anything.”
“So where does Carson fit into all this?”
“I don’t know. As soon as I laid eyes on Carson, I wanted him. I thought maybe I’d rock his world, but he’s got layers.” I smiled to myself as I let my dirty thoughts travel to what he might be hiding in those nice jeans.
“What do you mean ‘he’s got layers’?” She turned up her lip.
“I mean—it was really what he said and how he said it—and I know a guy like him would never actually be with me, be with me—but he said he might be the one corrupting me, it’ll be fun to find out what he meant by that. I took it as a challenge.” I giggled devilishly as my eyebrows wiggled.
“So, he’s your new boy-toy?”
“For lack of a better term.”
“You okay with that?” She smirked.
“I’m fine with it. It’s easier this way.”
“Is that what you think?”
“Yeah, that’s why Carson is a good thing. I’d never get to experience being with a guy as kind and genuine as he is. I know I just met him, but I can see it in his eyes. And even just how he treats me. I feel different around him. I definitely don’t deserve to have someone as amazing as he is, but at least I’ll be able to play with him for a while... until someone tells him how much of a slut I am, then... you know, he’ll just gracefully disappear.” I smirked, sadly.
An affectionate smile swept across Kira’s face. “I told you when I met you back in freshman year, I like who you are. You’re so free and completely own up to all the dirty things you like. Maybe even a little too much.” She frowned. “Which is why I guess I was so irritated when I saw a random guy here. You never brought any of the other guys here. I just don’t want you to get lost.”
“I won’t. Well, I think you should have been worried about that a few years ago. Now I’m way more tamed. You don’t have to worry; I’m not just bringing random guys home. I promise. Carson was a special case.”
“I know. Sorry I gave him the cold shoulder.”
“Doesn’t matter. We’re just friends. That’s all we’ll ever be. “
“So quick to put yourself in a box. That’s not like you. The McKinzi I know is free spirited.”
“Uh, thanks, I think.” I hesitated. “What do you mean, exactly?”
“You know. You do whatever the fuck you want to.”
“Excuse me?”
Kira rolled her eyes. “Oh, relax, I meant it as a compliment. Sure, every now and then you think you’re not good enough for something, but it doesn’t stop you from going after it no matter what the outcome.”
“That doesn’t sound like a compliment. So what are you trying to say?” I glared with narrowed eyes.
Kira flinched. “Exactly what I said. I want you to have everything you want, even if you think you don’t deserve it. Now when you figure out what you want, things’ll be easier.”
“I know what I want.”
“Do you?”
“Whatever,” I said, lowering my eyes to the floor. I didn’t have a follow up for that statement.
“So. You like this guy?”
“He’s ... okay. Super adorable, you know?” I sighed anxiously, “It doesn’t matter, though, because you know I’m not looking for any type of exclusive relationship. I’m happy the way things are. Adding Carson to my daily dick, until he finds whatever he’s looking for, is just fine with me.” I stared at her, shifting uncomfortably.
“Is that what you guys talked about?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did he say he was looking for something?”
“N—No.”
“Then how do you know he’s not looking for you?”
Her sincere stare, with a conviction I couldn’t handle, was heavy on me. It forced me to look away.
“That’s stupid.”
“It might sound stupid to you, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.” She smiled in a motherly way.
I could do nothing but blink hard and stare down into the sofa cushions. My eyes hurt from the pressure of not entertaining that thought at all. “If you say so.”