I THOUGHT THE GRASS WAS HARD ON MY HEELS.” SUZE SHIFTED her suitcase to her other hand as they tiptoed their way through the graveled lot at the back of Mike’s. They had stopped by the parish office on their way over; met the new priest, Father Murphy; retrieved Suze’s bag and laptop, which Van was carrying; and were headed to the other Murphy’s.
Suze shifted the suitcase again.
“What do you have in there?” Van asked.
“Hard copies of a couple of books I couldn’t find online.”
“In case Mass got boring? Or maybe you were planning to send a few e-mails?” Van lifted the laptop.
Suze looked offended. “I’m going to stay at Dorie’s for a while. I need to visit with my parents, but I can’t get any work done at their house. And I’m under the gun.”
“I want to hear all about what you’re working on. In fact, we could ditch the reception. I’d be just as happy to drive to the nearest upscale bar for a gin and tonic. And look,” Van said with forced enthusiasm. “Here’s my rental car.”
“You parked in the pub parking lot to go to a funeral?”
“It was the only place I could find. Besides, funerals always end up at the pub.” Van shot a longing look at her car. “Last chance.”
“The heat’s making you cranky.” Suze grinned at her. “But I will put my suitcase in the trunk.”
Van popped the trunk. “I’m not cranky.”
“Well, well. What do we have here?” Suze raised both eyebrows at Van’s overlarge suitcase. “What’s under this blanket?” She lifted it up to reveal Van’s laptop and printer.
“I’m on my way to Rehoboth. Two weeks of vacation. Fun in the sun, who knows what in the moonlight.”
“Oh, meeting someone there?”
Van shook her head and pushed her suitcase over to make room for Suze’s.
“Going by yourself?”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing.” Suze hoisted her suitcase into the trunk. “Except it’s bound to be boring. Why Rehoboth?”
Van shrugged. “It seemed as good a place as any. And close enough to the city in case I need to get back to the business.”
“Doesn’t look like you left the business behind.”
“They might need me. And plus I’ll have time to work on some plans for expansion. I’m thinking about opening a branch in Boston or Philly.”
“Why don’t you stay here instead? I’m sure Dorie has the room.”
“But not the amenities of the four-star hotel I have booked in Rehoboth.”
“Probably not. But I bet her crab cakes are better than the ones in the restaurant there.”
“Probably.” The Blue Crab was famous for its crab cakes. For Dorie’s crab cakes. When they were the special of the day, she had to call in extra waitstaff. People lined up to get into the restaurant. Though Dorie always managed to put some aside for the staff to enjoy at the end of their shift.
Dorie was good like that. But it was dangerous to remember the good times. Because you couldn’t remember them without remembering the other times. And Van had no intention of revisiting them.
They were nearing the back door to the pub, when a dark gray truck careened around the building and onto the street.
Suze yanked Van out of the way. “Ass—oops. Guess I shouldn’t swear at a funeral.”
“Just a local baboon, drunk at high noon. Some things never change.” Van smoothed her dress and marched across the parking lot. Realized Suze wasn’t coming and turned around.
“You’re a poet.”
“What?”
“A baboon at high noon? It might not make any of the literary journals, but it made me laugh.”
“Come on. The sooner we get this over with, the better.”
Van stopped at the back door of the pub’s kitchen, exchanged a look with Suze, and opened the door.
Two women were standing across the room. Van didn’t recognize the one facing them, but she knew the other one without having to see her face. Scrawny in a black-and-white print pantsuit minus the jacket. Hair suspiciously the same color as it had been twelve years ago. The “Sunday” pearls she wore on special occasions, clasped at the back of her neck.
“Dorie?”
Dorie pushed the other woman into the other room and closed the door. When the pounding started, she turned and leaned back against it until the woman gave up and went away.
She’d been staring at Van with a blank expression. Now she crunched up her face, accentuating the wrinkles that had always been there, testament to the three-pack-a-day habit she’d acquired with the opening of the Blue Crab forty years before. “Do I know you?”
Van frowned. “Dorie? It’s me. Vanessa Moran. You sent for me.”
Dorie snorted herself into a laugh that Van remembered well.
“Had you going, didn’t I?”
“Not funny.”
“Hell, I thought it was funny. Did you think it was funny, Suze?”
Suze threw up her hands. “Neutral territory here.”
Dorie started across the room. Van braced herself, not sure if Dorie was planning a hug or a slap or if she’d just keep walking right out the door and into the parking lot. Van had gotten all those reactions from Dorie at one time or another.
“Whatever I think you need at the time,” she’d explained once after a particularly harrowing standoff. “Treat my friends and relations just like I play the piano . . . by ear.”
Dorie had been their surrogate mother. Kids who’d come for summer jobs and were staying in the hotel dormitory, or locals working at the restaurant and going home at night.
She had always been the one you went to when you were hurt. When you’d missed curfew and were locked out of the dorm. When your parents threw you out or you were too drunk to go home. When you were broke, or your boyfriend dumped you, or when you were sure everybody hated you.
Dorie was an equal opportunity comforter. Her house was a haven for those who had no place else to go.
It was Dorie whom Van had come to that night. Dorie whom she’d stayed with, wanting to tell her what happened and not being able to. Dorie who waited patiently for her to get around to talking, while she gave her a bed where she found no sleep and food that she couldn’t eat.
She’d left three days later, without having talked to Dorie, without a thank-you, without ever looking back.
Van smiled tentatively. Dorie shook her head and gathered both of them into a hug.
Dorie was tall, about five seven, a bit taller than Van, but much shorter than Suze, and much thinner. So they were clasped in a leaning tower kind of a hug. Awkward and off balance, soft and bony, familiar and safe.
“I wondered if you’d show up.”
The same thing Suze had said.
“I was just following orders.” Van gave Dorie a salute, but the gesture fell flat. “So why did you summon me? I already know they’re not that glad to see me. At least Aunt Amelia isn’t.”
Dorie looked at the ceiling, her idea of calling the saints to witness. “All in good time. Now you two get out there, say your sorrys and mingle, while I get these platters out to the party.” She raised her hand and shook a jangle of bracelets at Van. “And don’t even think about sneaking off again.”
“I can’t stay.”
“Of course you can. I have it on good authority that you’re on vacation.”
“How did you—”
“I called your office. I’ve kept up with the tech revolution. I’ve googled you. Anyone who looked for you over the last few years could find you.”
But Dorie was the only one who’d contacted her, and only because of the funeral. For some reason that made Van feel sad, which was ridiculous because she didn’t want to be found or contacted.
“Did you think I had to weasel your whereabouts out of Suzy here?”
That’s just what Van had thought. “Dorie, I really can’t—”
“So it’s settled. Now get on out there before people begin to wonder if you bolted again.”
“Not fair.”
“No? Prove it.”
Van shot her a look but started toward the door. “Suze, are you coming?”
“Not if you’re going out there angry.”
“I’m not angry.”
“Ha.”
Van started to open the door, but Suze grabbed it and kept it shut.
“Van. I know angry. I’ve studied the classics.”
Van forced a smile. “How’s this?”
“Maniacal and inappropriate, try again.”
“Oh God, I give up. Let’s just get this over with.”
Van pushed the door open. The party was in full swing. The noise level was typical for a postfuneral bash. Mike Murphy was dispensing beer from an aluminum keg. A bartender was mixing the heavier stuff. Gigi must have married rich, because this would be costing her a fortune.
She caught sight of her cousin across the way, standing in a loose reception line of family members. The crowd didn’t suddenly stop talking, or all turn to stare, though a few people did step out of their way as Van cut diagonally across the room.
“Like Moses and the Red Sea,” Suze whispered.
Van frowned at her.
Suze shrugged. “Funerals always put me in a biblical frame of mind.”
They were still several feet away when Gigi turned and saw them. After a moment’s hesitation, she shoved her glass into the nearest relative’s hand and ran.
She hit Van full force, both arms clasping around her as if she were afraid Van might slip away. Something Van wished she had the power to do.
“I knew you’d come. I’m so glad to see you.”
Van patted Gigi on the back. “I’m glad to see you, too. I wish it were under happier circumstances.”
“It’s just been awful.” Gigi burst into tears. Van could only stand there, while Gigi sobbed and gulped. Suze was being no help, and after a few uncomfortable seconds, she saw someone she knew—or pretended to know—and stepped away to talk to them.
“Gigi. Take it easy. I know you’re hurting, but you’ve got to be strong.” Empty words. And hard to say with Gigi choking her and half the attendees looking on. Van tried to ease out of Gigi’s ironlike grip but couldn’t manage it without causing a bigger commotion.
Van saw Amelia walking toward them, and she felt relief and a bit of trepidation. Amelia had always thought Van was a bad influence on Gigi. Somehow it didn’t occur to her aunt that everything Van did was just trying to stay alive.
Amelia took Gigi by the arm. “Gigi, pull yourself together. You’re making a spectacle of yourself.”
She switched her attention to Van. There wasn’t an ounce of any feeling showing on her face except consternation. This is why Van hadn’t wanted to come. She’d moved on, but it seemed as if others hadn’t.
“I suppose I’m glad you came but you could have given us a little advance warning and maybe we could have avoided this total breakdown.” Amelia gave her daughter a tiny shake. “Gigi. Mr. and Mrs. Salcani are here to pay their respects.” She peeled Gigi away from Van and herded her back toward the wall where the Dalys and Morans were lined up like a . . . firing squad, Van thought.
Van was left alone and embarrassed in the middle of the floor. The crowd that had been watching the reunion finally lost interest and turned back to their conversations. There would be plenty of fodder for talk at the bar tonight.
No one came up to say hello, and Van’s confident façade began to slip. She looked around for Suze. Saw her talking with a good-looking man, around thirty or thirty-five, and hoped to hell it wasn’t someone they knew. She’d never get Suze out of here.
She caught Suze’s eye, motioned to her to meet her in the kitchen. Then, nodding and smiling but not stopping to talk, Van retraced her steps through the crowd.
The kitchen was empty. And Van slumped against the table. She’d give Suze two minutes, then she was out of here. This had been a mistake.
But when the door opened, it was Suze and Dorie. She wouldn’t get away that easily.
“Dorie, don’t start. It was a mistake for me to come.”
Dorie pursed her lips, accentuating the wrinkles around her mouth. “It was a mistake for you to leave in the first place—at least not the way you did it.”
Van started to protest, but what was the point? “Suze, you want to have dinner before I leave for Rehoboth?”
Suze cast a look at Dorie, who looked innocent. “Dorie said Gigi and her children have been living with her mother.”
Dorie nodded. “The bank foreclosed on her house.”
“That’s too bad.” Van turned toward the door.
“Van, you wouldn’t leave her like this,” Dorie said.
Suze grimaced. “She does need a friend.”
“Then stay and be a friend.” Van didn’t owe any of them anything. Where were they when—when she needed them? Did she really have to ask herself that question? Suze had gotten her medical attention, let her stay while she recovered. Dorie had always been there for her, every time she didn’t have a place to stay because her father was too drunk for her to go home, and Gigi had handed over her college fund so Van could get away.
“We’ll never get a hotel room,” Van said halfheartedly. “It’s the end of the season and every hotel will be packed.” She’d had to sell her soul to get two weeks at Rehoboth.
“You can stay with me; I could use the company,” Dorie said, looking sad and forlorn.
Van didn’t buy it for a second.
“You can’t take a few days off for a grieving friend and a lonely old woman?” Dorie grinned. “I exaggerate somewhat on the second half of that.”
“What about Harold?” Van asked in a last-ditch effort to get away.
Another jangle of Dorie’s bracelets. “Don’t worry about Harold. He won’t be any trouble.”
Van rolled her eyes. She was trying to remain calm, strong, determined, but inside she was beginning to panic.
And then Gigi walked through the door, looking totally defeated and needy and hopeful, and Van felt herself giving in. She looked over at Suze.
“A few days,” Suze said.
Van blew out air.
Gigi sniffed and gave her a hug. “I’m just so glad you came. You don’t have to stay . . . for me.”
Van looked over her head to Dorie and Suze and caved. “Of course I’ll stay. I want to.” She nearly choked on the words. Because the truth was she’d rather be anywhere but here.
Van didn’t return to the reception. She figured she and Gigi had made enough of a scene to keep everyone talking for the next few days. After Van promised Gigi to come visit her the following morning, Dorie took Gigi back into the party room.
“Whew,” Suze said. “Such a scene. Really, Van.”
“I didn’t do it.”
“I know. And even though it was a bit embarrassing, I’m glad you promised to stay. Gigi is a mess. Do you know anything about her husband? What was he was like?”
“Nope. One of the Daly clan. I don’t remember him. It’s not like Whisper Beach is actually a small town.”
“Just gossips like one,” Suze said. “Guess that’s why they call it Whisper Beach.” Suze grinned at her.
“Until the whispers turn into the roar of the latest scandal; kind of a microcosm of every town on the Jersey shore.”
“Not like my town,” Suze said, leaning against the counter, and resting her hand in a spill of marinara sauce.
“That’s because only rich people live in your hometown.”
“Mostly,” Suze said, licking the sauce from her fingers. “Where the scandals are worse, and hidden more deeply,” she intoned.
Van tossed her a dish towel and watched while Suze wiped her hands.
“What?”
“Just thinking . . .”
“About what?”
“About how you always fit in even though you hired on at the Blue Crab on a lark, not because you needed the money.”
Suze laughed. “So that I could spend my summer at the beach, not commute to New York to intern in an office.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t have to work at all.”
“Are we really having this conversation? Everybody has to work. Else you end up a brain in a bowl.”
Van laughed. It was one of Suze’s favorite expressions, taken from some Star Trek episode they’d watched one late night of reruns. The landing party had discovered a planet where the people were so advanced they no longer needed their bodies so their brains were contained in bowls. Only it turned out they needed bodies to survive. And the brains were dying. There were only three left.
“That brain-in-a-bowl thing really appealed to your imaginative sense, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, and think of all the fun we would have missed if we hadn’t worked at the Blue Crab together.”
It had been fun. And look where it had gotten Van; after the disastrous beginning, her life had turned out pretty well.
She looked around the kitchen, warming ovens, an old Frigidaire—did they even make those anymore? Linoleum that had seen the feet from who knew how many birthday parties, anniversary celebrations, funeral receptions. Van had been to a few, worked a lot more.
And here she was right back where she started. A shiver racked her body.
“Oh hell, it isn’t that bad.”
Yeah, it was. Van already felt the ache deep in the pit of her stomach. The same feeling she’d had when she jumped on the train with Gigi’s money and cut her ties to the past.
Only they weren’t cut. If she’d had any doubt, Gigi flinging her arms around her in front of the entire room had put an end to that idea. Suze was right. Van had some unfinished business in Whisper Beach. Maybe this was as good a time as any to finish it.
The image of the Rehoboth hotel and spa rose momentarily in her mind. Maybe she could make the second week. “Do you think it’s rude if we just cut out without saying good-bye?”
“So what? You didn’t even say hello. But first a little sustenance.” Suze found a foil container and began filling it with food. She pinched the top onto the container and put it in a bag. Held up a package of unopened crab puffs. Looked a question at Van.
“Why not. We’ll pay her back. Are you done? Can we get out of here before someone else wanders into the kitchen?”
Suze dumped the crab puffs into a shopping bag. “Okay, let’s go. Just stop by the Save a Lot. I don’t mind staying for a day or two, but I refuse, absolutely refuse to drink white zin.”
Van stopped. Narrowed her eyes at Suze. “How do you know Dorie drinks white zin?”
Suze shrugged. “I don’t. But I bet she does, and I’m not going to. Now come on.” She bustled past Van. Van followed more slowly. “Have you stayed in touch with Dorie?”
“Off and on. But I didn’t spill any secrets if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not.” But she was.
They hurried back to the car. Van unlocked the door and was hit by a blast of hot air. “Just stand outside while I turn on the air conditioner.”
“You are such a sissy. Lower the windows. It’ll be just like the old days.”
They got in. Van lowered all the windows. She didn’t want to remember the old days.
“Yeow!” Suze jumped out again. “The seat’s hot. Okay, forget the old days, turn on the air.”
While they waited for the car to cool off, Suze said, “Remember that old Pontiac, it belonged to . . . what was his name, the guy with the stringy hair and big nose?”
“Johnny.”
“Yeah, Johnny. We drove it down to the marina, only we took a wrong turn and ended up in the marshes.”
Van smiled in spite of herself. “Had to get it towed out and then pay for getting it cleaned.”
“I forgot that part. But I do remember the guy who drove the tow truck.”
“As well you should, since you went out with him the next weekend.”
“Now what was his name?”
“Can’t help you there.” They got in, and Van put the car in gear and pulled into the street and a stream of cars. “Ugh, I forgot about traffic.”
“It’s the last throes of summer,” Suze said.
“It’s worse than I remember it.”
“It can’t be as bad as Manhattan.”
“I don’t drive in Manhattan.”
“Don’t you ever get to the shore? Ever? I mean maybe not here, but somewhere?”
“Jones Beach. Once a year maybe. I’ve been busy. This was going to be my first vacation since starting the business.” She sighed. “My extremely efficient staff threatened to quit if I didn’t go away. I guess I run a pretty tight ship.”
“Strangling, I bet.”
“So I’m thorough and expect the same of my employees. I pay them very well.”
“I’m sure you do.”
“Do you ever get back to the beach?”
“Van. My parents live at the beach. Yeah, I get back. A lot. That’s why I’m staying at Dorie’s this time.”
They drove in silence for a few minutes. If you could call it driving. More stop, start, stop, start as traffic inched toward the beaches.
When they finally got to the discount liquor store, there was not a parking space to be had. “Okay, just let me out, drive around the block, and pick me up back here. I’ll hurry.”
“Not a problem; you’ll probably be out before I get back.” Van tossed her purse over to Suze. “Take some money.”
The driver behind them honked, then sat on the horn.
“Jackass. We’ll settle up later.” Suze jumped out of the car, gave the driver an emphatic hand gesture, and went inside the store.
Van inched her way to the corner and made the turn. When she stopped in front of the store ten minutes later, Suze was standing at the curb next to a gawky stock boy and a hand cart loaded with two boxes. Suze opened the back door and he slid both onto the backseat.
Suze handed him a tip and jumped into the car. “Romeo.”
“What?”
“The tow truck driver. His name was Romeo.”
“You would remember.” She quirked her head toward the backseat. “Plan on moving in? I’m only here for a few days max.”
“And you’re probably still a stingy drinker.”
Van sighed. “Considering my family history, I try to stay on top of things.”
“On everything,” Suze mumbled.
“I heard that.”
“Of course you did or I wouldn’t have bothered saying it.”
Van laughed. She couldn’t help it. Suze was eccentric and brilliant, clumsy and absentminded, told it like she saw it, but never let you down.
“So what did you buy?”
“Three reds, two whites, a magnum of white zin for Dorie, a bottle each of gin, vodka, and rum, a couple of bottles of girly mixes in case we’re inclined to have something pink and sweet with a little umbrella in the glass. And two bottles of Moët & Chandon. It was so cheap I couldn’t resist.”
“And we would be celebrating what?”
“I don’t know. We’ll think of something.”