“I’m not in the mood to study right now. I’m going to have a snack first and then start.”
“I’m going to get going on my homework after I check Instagram.”
“Just one more YouTube video! Then I’ll take out the trash. Promise!”
I hear these excuses constantly, whether you have an exam to study for, homework due the next day or even a quick chore around the house. I get it. It’s tough to always be in the right frame of mind at the right time of day to do what is basically . . . the right thing! But I know and you know that eventually you need to get in the mood to get done what you don’t want to do.
And some of you believe that “if I do one thing first that makes me really, really happy, I’ll be in a better mood and then I’ll be able to get going on those things that don’t make me happy.”
So you want the good news? What you’re feeling has validity.
A lot of research conducted in the last few years shows that some types of procrastination are mood-based. (This is actually really cool research, so listen up!)
Timothy Pychyl, an associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, and head of their Procrastination Research Group, explains that procrastinators often attempt to avoid the anxiety, fear or boredom brought on by a tough task with activities aimed at “repairing their mood” or, as he refers to this pattern, “giving in to feeling good.” We assume we need to do something that will put us in a good or better mood, such as checking social media or watching a favorite television show, before we can tackle what we’re putting off.
Guilty as charged.
Now the bad news. No, you won’t feel like doing it later. When you put something off and tell yourself you’ll do it later, you feel good at that moment. “Yay! I don’t have to do the damn thing right now!” But when later comes, you still don’t feel like doing it. And this pattern makes you feel worse when you realize how much time you’ve wasted or you never accomplished what you intended to.
So what does this theory look like in your life?
So how do we break this cycle and get you motivated? Truthfully, this is a tricky one. Because not all reasons for a lack of motivation are obvious or an easy fix. No time management skills? A learned skill. Lack of study tools? There are loads of them for you to pick from.
But what if your lack of “being in the mood” goes deeper? Perhaps you have perfectionist tendencies. Or you simply don’t like what you need to do. Maybe you’re not confident in your abilities and fear doing poorly. Or you think you’re lazy. And possibly you’re confused or overwhelmed about getting started.
We’re all wired to put things off for different reasons, but we also have the capacity to overcome them.
There’s a reason I opted to have this chapter as the book’s last. All the tips and tools, all the suggestions and strategies, everything we’ve covered in the previous chapters can help you override some of these behaviors and hopefully help you figure out what might be truly getting in your way.
So let’s dive into some of the more common emotional reasons why you might feel unmotivated and go over some essential strategies to help you put those tendencies to rest. (Alert! There are a few repeats from previous chapters.)
How many times has the fear of what might happen prevented you from taking action on something you need to do or should be doing? The result? Up went your guard and out poured the excuses.
“I did a really crappy job on this project, so I’d rather not turn it in than turn it in and get a really bad grade.”
“I’m afraid to email my professor and ask for an extension on my paper. What if he gets angry?”
“I don’t want to apply for that job because I know other kids are more qualified than me and I’m afraid of getting rejected.”
“I’ve already fallen so far behind in my reading and I’ll never catch up. Why bother?”
Fear is messy and uncomfortable, and it makes us feel like crap. So our usual go-to is to avoid things we’re afraid of at all costs. BUT we also know that the buildup or anticipation of something we fear is usually way worse than the fear that results from the task or situation itself, and that we pay a lot more in consequences for a head-in-the-sand stance. The good news is that knowing that is half the battle, because if you know that you’re powerless to prevent feeling fearful, then YOU can also be intentional about changing your relationship to it.
It’s time to get real and face your fears. As best-selling author Tim Ferriss explains in his powerful TED Talk (Google it!), we are better off fear setting, or visualizing all the bad things that could happen to us, so we become less afraid of taking action. This strategy helps us overcome self-paralysis and spurs action, because what we fear most or find uncomfortable is exactly what we actually need to be doing. He encourages clearly defining both costs and benefits of our fears to lessen their power.
So the next time you find yourself unmotivated and fearful of the “what if?” ask yourself the following questions:
“How bad will this really be?”
“What’s the worst thing that can happen?”
“And if the worst thing happens, what can I do to lessen the severity?”
And my favorite, “What’s worse? Doing something that’s hard or that I’m afraid of? Or not doing it at all?” Where will YOU pay the biggest consequence?
An honest answer just might fuel a positive breakthrough.
Are you spinning in circles? So overwhelmed that starting something has you doing anything but? Here are some of my suggestions:
Make getting started simple. Begin with something so easy and so small that success is literally guaranteed. One sentence to write. One math problem to solve. One page to read. You get the idea. Chances are that once you get started, you’ll keep on going. The dread that drives procrastination is almost always exaggerated. So when you see that you can do the task or assignment you were avoiding, you’ll usually gain the confidence to keep going.
Break it down. Way down. I can’t stress this enough. We know that breaking things down into manageable parts makes working through them less overwhelming. It also provides multiple opportunities for smaller successes. And with success comes the acknowledgment to stay motivated. So instead of putting “write paper” on your homework to-do list, try writing, “find five sources,” “craft outline,” “begin opening paragraph.” It’s much easier to accomplish each one of these steps, which makes it easier for you to initiate and finish!
Get your GPS on. You need to figure out where you’re going before you get started. I’m talking about creating a road map to help you find your way. Write it down. Get it out of your head and onto paper where YOU CAN SEE IT. Research shows that if you WRITE it, you are more likely to commit to DOING it. It holds you accountable and makes it real.
Separate the setup from the task. If you make setting up for the task a task of its own and only focus on getting that done, it will make getting started easier. So what does that look like? Say you want to study for your economics midterm. Focus first on collecting your notes and old homework. Gather any study guides or tools you have previously prepared. Figure out what study methods you are going to use to prepare for this exam. Merely starting gives us a small sense of accomplishment and the confidence to keep going.
I hate this word. How can such a small word carry so much weight? It produces shame. Guilt. Competitiveness. We live in a culture that awards busyness and frowns on idleness. Busyness has become a badge of honor. Being busy must mean you are being more productive.
SO NOT TRUE.
Let’s chat about what laziness isn’t. Lazy isn’t curling up on a comfortable chair and reading. Lazy isn’t taking a nap. Lazy isn’t going for a walk to clear your head. Nor is it just being.
I also don’t believe anyone is truly lazy. That doesn’t mean we don’t all have a few lazy moments sometimes. However, I think there is always some conscious thought and self-perception going on underneath the surface that produces that feeling of laziness. We’re tough on ourselves.
Some say laziness is an absence of action. But I don’t agree. I feel laziness is an action, as you are making a choice to do one thing (or nothing) vs another. A wise man once told me that making a decision to NOT do something is still making a decision. And, therefore, you are taking action.
Laziness is good for the body and mind . . . when done right. We need time to repair and renew. To put gas back in the tank. To sit with our thoughts.
The perception of laziness truly resonates with me. For the longest time I felt that if I wasn’t in constant motion, that I would be perceived as lazy, unproductive, even unworthy. But keeping up that pace completely depleted me. It was essential for my well-being and my productiveness to give myself permission to schedule my lazy time. Or as I like to call it: scheduling the unscheduled. And I encourage my students to do the same. Here’s Ethan’s story.
Let’s face it. Sometimes we just have to do what we don’t like. Here are my two favorite tricks when I’m faced with a dreaded task:
Pair something you love with something you don’t. There is a reason why I do laundry Monday nights while I watch the Bachelor. I hate folding laundry and find it much easier while indulging in my favorite reality television program. Remember my student Sam and his beloved popcorn? Pairing something you love with something you don’t just makes that pill so much easier to swallow! What tasks that you dislike can you pair with ones you enjoy doing?
Reward yourself. Don’t underestimate the power of an anticipated reward. Frozen yogurt. An episode of the Bachelor. Poking around on Nordstrom.com. (OK, that’s my list.) Build in rewards! When you complete something that you truly don’t want to be doing, that merits celebrating. Like marching-band-worthy celebrating! You’ve earned it.
Get clear expectations. Nothing will kill your motivation more than if you don’t have a clear idea of what needs to be done and the steps needed to get there. So whether it’s working on your science project or cleaning up the backyard, you will be able to activate if the expectations, instructions and timelines of the task are specific. To the extent that you can, get clarity on your tasks and what it will take to complete them. This will truly help you eliminate the confusion, perform optimally and ultimately stop procrastinating. And build some self-activating skills in the process.
Let’s get a few things straight. No one is perfect all the time. Can we just get that out of the way?
Not your friend posting the perfectly crafted Instagram picture. Not your physics classmate who seems to know the correct answer to every question asked. No one.
Sometimes striving for perfection is a good thing. Some of you may use your perfectionism to stay motivated. Others work to achieve goals and strive for achievements that require extraordinary effort, skill and detail. Your perfectionism is synonymous with being driven. And you certainly know how to keep your eyes on the road. There’s nothing wrong with that.
However, can we also agree that perfectionism can derail you? It can make you stuck. Set you up for unrealistic expectations and standards that are impossible to achieve. Make it impossible for you to make a mistake and, therefore, not have an opportunity to learn from it. Or do I dare say . . . cause you to procrastinate?
I’ve heard all the perfectionist comments there are.
“If I can’t do it perfectly, then why do it at all?”
“I can’t get this paper to be perfect, so I’d rather quit.”
“My parents expect perfect grades and that’s impossible for me. So I won’t even try.”
“What will people say if my performance is not perfect? It’s easier if I just don’t audition.”
Any sound familiar?
Here are a few strategies to help:
Get comfortable with making mistakes. Work on trying to change your mind-set. Not easy, I know. Refer back to the fear-setting exercise earlier to help you through. And remember, no one will remember you made a mistake. They’ll remember how you handled it.
Work with a deadline in mind. Real or fake. It doesn’t matter. If your tendency is to keep editing, keep tweaking and keep studying, then setting a date or time to finish and move on is critical. This is where your timer or calendar are extremely useful!
You need to create a structure that forces you to curb that tunnel vision. Repeat after me: it’s good enough.
If your perfectionism is keeping you from starting, call in the troops. Tell a friend you want to have the first draft of your paper completed by Wednesday or your audition monologue memorized by Saturday. Ask them to hold you accountable. Knowing you have a check-in date or time for completion is a sure way to get started.
Forgive yourself. We get super angry with ourselves when we procrastinate over and over. Research shows that all that negativity is making the problem worse. We need to be kind to ourselves or forgive ourselves for our procrastination, so we focus on trying again instead of beating ourselves up about it. That’s a strategy I can get behind!
**I want to be careful here with my advice. If your perfectionism is truly getting in the way of your health and well-being, please talk to your parents, counselor or coach. They can offer guidance and support.