"Hold on!" I ran ahead, grateful that I'd taken off my corset, and stopped the group before they freaked the animal out. "We have to ask first."
The man closed the gap, his skunk wriggling in what I hoped was excitement.
"It's alright," he said. "Babette here is totally tame."
"This is Mitch Webb." Eddie motioned to the man. "It's his farm now. And by coincidence, he has a pet skunk who will be playing the part of Orville."
The man looked to be in his fifties, average height and reasonably fit. He had brown hair and an easy smile.
"Go ahead." Mitch grinned. "You can pet her. She's more like a puppy than a wild animal."
The girls didn't need to hear anything past "go ahead" as they dropped to the grass and basically molested the skunk. Babette shivered with glee as ten pairs of hands pet her. The girls couldn't get enough of the little beast. And apparently, she couldn't get enough of them.
"Thanks again, Mitch," Eddie said. "For letting us use your land."
Mitch waved him off. "It's my pleasure. Really. Happy to be part of history."
I started to tell him that this wasn't history, but Kelly, sensing my words, hastily introduced us. I studied the meadow. It didn't look at all like a practice battle had just taken place.
"How'd they clean it up so fast?" I asked.
"Ah." Eddie explained, "We have some volunteers from Bladdersly handling that."
"Bladders know how to clean something up?" I asked in surprise.
Bladdersly was home to the Raging Bladders and was a major rival for the Whorish—the high school football team from Who's There. Yes, Whorish is almost as bad as the Raging Bladders, but it basically was a combination of Who's and the original Irish settlers to the area.
Sometimes I wondered about this state. You want a dumb name? Ask an Iowan. We've come up with Who's There (named after a failed game show), What Cheer, and my personal favorite goes to the least creative, Iowa City, Iowa, home of the University of Iowa.
Mitch looked surprised by my outburst, and Kelly shook her head.
"What?" Did I say something wrong? Was Mitch from Bladdersly? That would be unfortunate. Not because I was rude, but because that meant he was an idiot.
"We should head back." Eddie shook the man's hand.
"See you girls around!" Mitch winked.
Babette whimpered, reluctant to leave the girls, but with a tug on her leash, she turned and followed her owner.
"I can't believe you said that!" Kelly hissed as we made our way to the camp.
"What?" I repeated. "Have you ever met anyone from Bladdersly who was even remotely competent?"
"No," she said. "But maybe Mitch was from there!"
Eddie shook his head. "No, he's originally from Des Moines. You know, I had trouble understanding the rivalry with Bladdersly. That was before we arrested three generations of men from one family for making moonshine from pickle juice."
Kelly and I laughed out loud.
"But I do have to warn you," Eddie muttered. "The Ladies Aid Society for the Confederate side?"
"Oh no," I groaned.
"Yup. Born and bred in Bladdersly."
We made a trip to the sutlery when we got back. It was like a shopping trip if you travelled back in time more than one hundred and fifty years to a place where you had only one brand of everything and were limited to stuff that could kill people.
The girls decided we needed souvenirs but couldn't agree on what they should be. Half the girls wanted to get nineteenth century canteens while the other half wanted kepis—the slouchy hats the soldiers wore. Betty wanted a machete, which I kind of thought would be cool. Kelly outvoted her. It didn't stop Betty and Lauren from wandering to the far side of the tent to check out the rest of the weaponry.
"How about this?" One of the Kaitlyns held up some money.
"You can't buy money!" Ava scoffed.
"That's Confederate money," Kelly said. "Useless now, but not during the war."
"Not necessarily," a young man in a period suit said. "My dad's the sutler. I'm Billy."
"What did you mean by not necessarily?" I asked.
"Well, it's collectible. You know?" The young man took the money back from the two girls. "Some of it's quite valuable. Some of it isn't. You have to know which is which."
"Do you know which is which?" Ava asked.
The teen laughed. "Yes, I do. There are some serious collectors out there who'd pay a lot of money for these bills."
A horn blasted at us from the back of the tent, and all interest was lost in the Confederate money. Betty had found a bugle and was attempting to play it. The sound was what you'd expect from an outraged elephant stuck in a washing machine. And no, I don't really know what that means.
The girls surrounded Betty, encouraging her to try again. I saved everyone's ears by snatching the bugle out of her hands.
"You need to ask before messing with anything in here," Kelly said.
"I think I need that," Betty stated.
"Oh sure." I turned the instrument over in my hands. "It's only $500."
Betty thought about that. "I think I can pull that off." She reached into her pocket and pulled out some wadded-up money. "Mom gave me $35. How much more do I need?"
The thought of Betty blowing that bugle day and night made my heart skip a beat.
"How about you find something else?" I suggested.
"Mrs. Albers?" one of the Kaitlyns asked. "They have paper and pens. Since we need that to work here, can we buy some?"
The whole herd of girls moved over to a table where Billy was showing the other Kaitlyns how pens of that era worked.
"You dip the nib of the pen into a bottle of ink." He demonstrated. "Then you write on the paper. You keep dipping the pen into the bottle to get more ink."
"That's silly," Inez scoffed. "Why not just use a regular pen?"
The other girls murmured in agreement.
"Because they didn't have the kind you're used to back then."
"Well." Another Kaitlyn turned to us. "We're going to need a lot of pens, ink jars, and paper if we're going to write letters."
"Ink?" Kelly bit her lip. "I don't know if that's a good idea with these dresses."
"You said," I pointed out, "that we had to be authentic."
"Fine," Kelly sighed.
As Kelly paid for the supplies, I asked Billy, "Is your dad around?"
"Oh yeah. We got here very early. He's meeting with someone. Has some business to do." He handed me a box of paper and pens. "Thank you for coming in."
We spent the rest of the afternoon setting up the Ladies Aid Society tent. The girls set up little sewing and knitting stations, and the Kaitlyns worked on their penmanship with dip pens and ink. Kelly worried over them, afraid they'd drip ink on their dresses. She should've known better. These girls were obsessed with their new clothes. They were probably going to be more careful about things than I was.
I took a little break and slipped into my tent to call my husband.
"Wish you were here," I said when he answered. "We have a skunk and a guy who bloats and an amputation tent. It's like nineteenth century Disney World."
Rex chuckled. "I wish I was there too. Did you know you left a Union cap here? Philby's been wearing it all day."
I wasn't surprised by that. My cat, who resembled Hitler and was named for a Communist spy, loved dressing up ever since she had found a werewolf mask last Halloween.
"Sorry about that. But hey, put it on and come out here."
He sighed. "I wish I could. But we have a briefing in Des Moines. Some government employee is missing."
"Really?" My voice may have been a bit too eager. "A spy? Or a Fed? I miss all the good stuff."
"I don't think so. I'm sure it's nothing. Anyway, you have fun, and I'll try to stop by later on in the weekend." He hesitated. "And no dead bodies. At least you're in Sheriff Carnack's jurisdiction if you do find one. But let's try to keep this a family friendly weekend."
I hung up and shoved my cell in my pocket. Rex had all the fun. I was stuck here demonstrating sewing and helping Kelly cook over a fire, which would be great if we were camping. Well, in a way we kind of were. The problem was no zipline, canoeing, ropes course, or anything fun like that.
Oh well. I could hold on for a few days. Maybe things would get interesting after all. Still, it would be fun scouring the countryside for this missing person. I knew my way around the county, from every field to each gravel road. Would Kelly let me slip away to help with a manhunt?
Probably not. Maybe he'd still be missing when we wrapped up. I let that thought tickle my brain as I left the tent and returned to the Ladies Aid tent, where Kelly was stamping out a fire. Inside.
"What happened?" I looked around at ten little waaaaaay too innocent faces.
"The girls," Kelly said as she tucked a stray wisp of hair back into her bun, "were a little disappointed that all of our fires have been started for us."
"Who did it?" I asked.
Kelly shrugged.
"Line up, ladies." I waited until they'd formed a semi-circle around me, which was sort of a line. "Guys, we can't do this." I waved my arms around. "None of this belongs to us. I promise, you'll start the fire from here on out, but not inside any tent."
"Okay," they said collectively.
"You're not going to tell me who did this, are you?" I asked.
Ten little girls shook their heads at the same time. It was cool that they were so loyal to each other. But the look on Kelly's face kept me from saying it out loud.
"Time for dinner," my co-leader announced. "Caterina and Hannah, since you've caused the least trouble since we arrived, you ladies get fire duty."
Caterina and Hannah high-fived each other as we filed outside. The two girls were my sweet kids. Oh, they could be as bloodthirsty as the others. They were just nicer about it.
Back at our campsite, we began the arduous process of prepping for dinner. Kelly had some salt pork for us to fry, and we were using a cast iron skillet to make cornbread. I'm not much of a cook, so this was a bit challenging for me.
"We don't have a backup if it's burned," Kelly warned. "This is all we have. So be careful."
Technically, we did have pizza delivery. There was a place in Who's There that delivered anywhere in the county. But I kept that to myself.
The girls embraced this task with a glee usually reserved for finding a basket of kittens for no reason. Or maybe they were just really hungry. It was hard to tell. At any rate, the smell was amazing once everything was cooking. We ate every last crumb. Nothing was spared.
A couple of soldiers wandered by, gazing longingly at our feast. But they turned us down when we halfheartedly offered to share. One of the men said they were going to have hardtack, and two others had been hoping for some tree bark soup.
Kelly expressed interest in the recipe until she found out it was literally tree bark and water. I was pretty sure she wouldn't be asking that question again. Betty told the men they were "balls-out hardcore."
"What did she say?" Kelly's eyebrows went up.
"Tall bout hardcore," I lied smoothly after a quick glare at the child.
"Tall bout?" My co-leader looked at me dubiously.
"Yeah." My mind raced. "It means really, really hardcore."
She seemed to accept that explanation, but I gave Betty a look saying we'd be discussing this later. I was fairly certain the kid was suppressing laughter.
"Where are you going?" Kelly asked as she supervised cleanup.
"Security measures!" I shouted over my shoulder as I headed for a small copse of trees.
Twenty minutes later, I was back at the tents setting things up. First, with two sharpened sticks and some twine stretched across it, I made a short sort of clothesline about two feet high in front of the tent. I tied six plates to the line in front of each tent. Flicking them, the aluminum dishes made a bit of a racket. Good.
Kelly wouldn't let me set punji stick traps with the pointed sticks I'd made. She drew the line at something that would really hurt people. The girls were fascinated, watching and even offering to help. It made me proud.
The sun was setting, and we got the girls inside, ready for bed. Once my tent was down for the count, I made sure my trap was set before taking off for the medic tent.
Inside, Soo Jin seemed to be arguing with Doc. The tent was very dark, lit only with kerosene lamps. All of the cots were empty, as the soldiers had been "resurrected" and rejoined their units. I guess that actual death was a line not to be crossed.
"Where's the soldier?" I asked Soo Jin.
Doc excused himself.
"Gone." She sounded angry. I'd never heard her angry before, and I didn't like it. "I told the doctor he had heatstroke and should spend the night here, but the soldier took off."
Doc reappeared, and even in the darkness, I could see he was pale as a sheet.
"What is it?" Soo Jin asked. "Did you find the man? Is he alright?"
He shook his head, beckoned us to follow, and took off into the night. We trailed him to the amputation tent, which was slightly more well lit. Doc pointed at a table, to a fake leg covered in blood.
"What is it?" Soo Jin started to ask before her eyes went wide.
"What?" I closed in on the table. "It's just a mannequin leg wearing pants and a shoe."
"No," Soo Jin said softly. "It's not."
The doctor seemed to tremble slightly. "I just came in here, and there it was. Lying there on the table."
"I don't get it," I said as I poked the leg. Instead of plaster, my finger sank into cold flesh.
The leg was real. The pant leg was a dirty brown, a color I'd seen soldiers on both sides wearing. The brown shoe was just like many of the others around camp. There was nothing to identify it.
With a heavy sigh, I got out my cell phone and called Sheriff Carnack. He agreed to join us momentarily. Soo Jin had called Eddie, who was there in a flash.
"Whose is it?" Eddie asked the doctor.
He shrugged.
"There's got to be someone out there missing a leg," I reasoned, feeling a little stupid saying it out loud.
"That's a fatal cut," Soo Jin said quickly. "Whoever lost it needs immediate care. Doc," Soo Jin ordered, "you and Eddie come with me. We're going to find out who this belongs to."
"What should I do?" I asked.
"Stay here with the leg," the medical examiner said. "Wait for the sheriff."
Great. I ran through the tent gathering all of the lanterns I could carry. Returning to the table, I set them up around the leg. It appeared to be that of a man, due to the large size and clothing.
It wasn't bleeding like I thought it would. But then, the flesh had been cold to the touch. How long did it take for a body to go cold? That must be why Soo Jin was in a hurry to find the owner, but it didn't look like he'd be found alive.
Still hopeful, off in the night I could hear Eddie and Soo Jin calling to people, asking if anyone had been injured.
That's when I heard the jangling of aluminum plates. The girls! I raced out of the tent to see five little heads looking at the trap from the doorway. They spotted me and shrugged. Maybe it was just a squirrel or something. If that was the case, those plates could go off all night long. I was regretting setting them up as I raced back to the tent.
I burst through the flaps to find the table empty. The lanterns surrounding it still blazed in weak fury, but the leg was no longer there!
"Where's the leg?" Soo Jin asked as she rushed inside and stared down at the table. "Merry, you know you can't move it!"
"I didn't!" I protested. "It was here. And then I heard the trap I'd set by the tent go off and ran outside. I was gone ten seconds at the most! When I got back, the leg was gone!"
Sheriff Carnack and Doc entered the tent as Eddie returned. I told them the whole story.
"It was right here." I pointed. "I'd gotten all the lanterns together for better lighting, and it was still here when I ran out," I insisted.
Sheriff Ed Carnack was a large, bear-like man with a friendly disposition. He'd been involved in cases with me before. At least I knew he'd be on my side.
"Where did you put it?" Doc shouted hysterically.
"I didn't do anything but step away for a moment!" I insisted.
"If Merry says she didn't take it," Soo Jin soothed, "she didn't." The woman studied the table. It was spotless. "The table shouldn't be this clean. There should at least be some residue."
"Could you get skin samples for DNA?" Eddie asked.
She bent down, eye level with the table. "I doubt it. It smells like antiseptic."
"It would be expensive to bring the forensic team here from Des Moines if there's no evidence to collect," Carnack noted.
Soo Jin told the sheriff that she and Eddie had searched the camp for a one-legged man but found nothing.
Carnack looked at the table then walked the perimeter of the tent. Finally, he rejoined us. "Without any evidence of foul play, there's nothing I can do. I've got my hands full with a serial arsonist in Bladdersly. Someone keeps setting fire to all the dollar stores."
We stared at the big man, but he did have a point.
"Are you sure someone wasn't just playing a prank?" he asked. "Maybe it was a lifelike movie prop or something."
We all turned to Soo Jin. She was the expert here on things like that. If she said it was real, it was. But the medical examiner didn't speak. Was she confused? Doc blinked in her direction but didn't speak either.
"Give me a call if you find it," Sheriff Carnack said with a tip of his hat before walking out of the tent.
"Was it fake?" I asked Soo Jin.
She shook her head. "No way. I know a dismembered leg when I see one."
"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked.
"It was gone. And I didn't want a formal investigation to shut down the event."
I smiled. "But an informal investigation is okay, right?"
Doc threw his arms up in the air. "I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll find out that this was all a dream."
As he left, I wondered where to begin. How does one go about trying to find a human leg that doesn't seem to belong to anyone?
Eddie found a slate and piece of chalk, which he handed to me. "Can you draw it? Do you remember the dimensions?"
"I'm not very good…" I shook my head.
Soo Jin took the slate and drew a leg. She added dimensions. "I think it's from a middle-aged Caucasian man who's about 6'2" and just under 200 pounds."
"How do you know that?" I marveled. And her drawing was way better than anything I could've done.
"It's kind of my job to know that," she said.
I stared at the drawing. "And no one is missing an appendage? Or even one shoe and one pant leg? You asked everyone?"
"Everyone except for the girls." Soo Jin shook her head. "I figured that this was the last thing they should know about."
"Good point. What about the other guy? The one who was weird to me earlier?"
"He still had his leg when he was in the medic tent. He disappeared—probably back with his unit. Could you recognize him?"
I thought about it. "I don't think so."
"He had a mild form of heat stroke," Soo Jin added. "He was probably delirious when he spoke to you."
"So what now?" I asked.
"It's getting late," Eddie said, taking the slate. "I suggest we get some sleep. It'll be easier to look for the leg or its owner tomorrow. The men will be offering military drill demonstrations in the morning."
We agreed and headed to our respective tents. Rex texted to say good night, and I responded back. There wasn't much point in telling him about the leg. Not yet at least.
A bugle call woke us up at the crack of dawn, and we struggled into our clothes. The girls seemed oblivious to last night's events, and I wanted to keep it that way. Kelly was already making scrambled eggs and bacon over the fire. It smelled wonderful as we settled in to eat.
I couldn't stop thinking about the soldier's leg. The bright sunshine made me wonder if it had even been real. Did I dream it? Maybe I should call Soo Jin and ask. I pulled my cell out from beneath my skirts, but Kelly shoved it back into my pocket.
"Merry," she warned. "We promised to do this by the book."
"But I…"
Kelly cut me off. "No excuses. I need you to fill the girls in on today's itinerary so that I can get things cleaned up."
"But Kelly! Last night there was a…"
She cut me off again. "I need your help. Tourists will be arriving any moment. The girls need to be told what's going to happen."
"I know, but…"
She gave me a look that shut me up. She didn't know about the leg. Kelly was worried about managing the girls. And since she'd done all the cooking and cleaning, I really did owe her and the girls my full attention. Besides, the leg was gone. There wasn't anything I could do about it.
"Okay, girls." I waved for their attention. "Today the real fun begins. There will be maybe a hundred tourists around. You are to be on your best behavior."
"Mrs. Wrath," Inez asked, "do we have to sit in the Ladies…whatever tent?"
"Yeah," Betty added. "We want to check things out."
I looked at Kelly.
"I guess we could set up a kaper chart," she said slowly. "Who wants to help in the tent this morning?"
All four Kaitlyns' hands shot up in the air.
"Okay, you girls get morning shift." Kelly confirmed. "Hannah, Ava, and Caterina can work the afternoon, and Betty, Lauren, and Inez can do the morning shift tomorrow."
The girls eagerly accepted these terms and were about to race off when I stopped them. "You ladies will be with me until your shifts." Hopefully Kelly wouldn't mind that. When she said nothing, I continued. "I don't want you running around on your own. It isn't safe."
I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to check out the camps to look for the soldier with a missing leg. Or at least the guy who said the creepy stuff to me.
"Yes, girls," Kelly said. "Be sure to stay with Mrs. Wrath."
I turned to her. "Seriously?"
"Seriously what?" She looked confused.
"It's bad enough that the girls call me Wrath, but you too?"
Kelly laughed. "Alright, Mrs. Ferguson. Just help me get the dishes done, and then you can go."
I helped the girls as they worked, my eyes darting around, hoping to spot something—anything—that would explain the leg from last night. Was it a prank? It could've been. But what would be the point of leaving a real leg for Doc to find, only to snatch it away later?
"Your dress is pretty," Inez said to me. "Blue is a good color on you."
"Thanks." I smoothed down the white dress covered in blue flowers.
I still didn't like the corset (and yes, I was wearing one for reasons I didn't fully understand), but the hoop was growing on me. It allowed air to circulate under the skirts, and in July, this was a godsend. I even liked the wig. No need to wash my hair because, with the wig, it was always perfect.
The girls were in little versions of the adult clothes but had on pantalets and crinoline petticoats instead of hoops. I envied them their ease of movement, especially without corsets. And they'd been very good at keeping them clean. That was a good thing, since these things were borrowed and, most likely, irreplaceable.
Now that I thought about it, borrowing these clothes was starting to look like a bad idea. How could we keep them clean for three days of making fires, running around in the dirt, petting animals… It seemed like an impossible task.
Oh well. I'd leave that one for Kelly.
A number of tourists began walking over to us. They stopped and watched the little girls work.
"Aren't they adorable?" a heavyset woman with badly dyed red hair exclaimed. "Can I get a picture with you?"
Betty looked her in the eye. "Five dollars."
The woman was just about to hand the money to the kid when I pushed it away. "That's not necessary."
The six girls stood in front of the tourist as what I presumed to be her husband, a tall man with buck teeth and hairy ears, took the picture.
"Now." The woman bent over with considerable effort. "Tell me what you're doing."
Inez spoke up, "Just standing here."
"Oh!" The lady clapped her hands. "And your hair is so cute!" She reached out to touch one of Inez's brown curls when the girl stepped backward out of her reach.
"Lady," she said, "you are a stranger. My mom says I can't let strangers touch me."
What kind of wacko thinks you can touch a child's hair? I moved forward, ready to fend the woman off.
"And if you did touch me," Inez continued, "I'd have to hit you in the head with a brick." She looked around. "Only…there aren't any bricks here."
Ava walked over and handed her a large rock. "Use this."
"It would be better if we had our cannon," Betty suggested. "We could shoot her."
"No one is shooting or bludgeoning anyone," I said. "The woman didn't actually touch you."
The tourist shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Apparently, no one had ever threatened to shoot her with a cannon. I, on the other hand, had been threatened with that before. And a rusty cheese grater, a rather large hot glue gun, and a pair of irritable wolverines who hadn't eaten in a couple of days. I would've taken the cannon over that any day of the week.
"Yes," Lauren said. "But if she did, we could definitely fight back. It's in the Constitution."
I decided not to correct her. For all I knew, the tourist would be dumb enough to buy that.
Betty squinted at the woman. "Well, she did attempt it. That would make it justifiable touristicide."
"I'm…I'm sorry," the woman stammered before grabbing her husband by the elbow and hurrying him away.
"That was totally creepy," Lauren said as she hung the last dish to dry, using a dunk bag. This was one of my favorite camping tools—a mesh bag that you put your plate inside and hung up.
"Elias warned me about that," Betty shared. "He said tourists are the worst and to stay away from them."
My eyebrows went up. "Elias? Who's Elias?"
"He's one of the Union soldiers I met last night." Betty shrugged.
"When did you meet soldiers?" I asked. "You were supposed to be in your tents!"
"I did a little recon when you were asleep," the girl said matter-of-factly. "Met a lot of the guys. By the way, they really get into character. It's weird."
"But kind of cool too," Lauren added.
"Did you go with her?"
She looked at me in surprise. "Of course! We have to use the buddy system."
It was disturbing how I agreed that that made it all okay.
"You guys are to stick with me. Understand?" And that's when I realized that Inez, Hannah, Caterina, and Ava were missing.
"Where did the other girls go?" I started to panic.
We didn't know anything about these men. There could be pedophiles or serial killers here. Who knew what kind of guys enjoyed dying in a field on their weekends?
"They went to see the horses." Lauren pointed toward the collection of tents.
I took off running, which wasn't easy in my clothes. There were three Union regiments at the reenactment, each with about twenty men. The 166th Iowa Artillery was the first group. There was the 47th Iowa Infantry close to the creek, and between them was the 23rd Iowa Infantry, who also had a couple of horses.
I passed several tents before finding the makeshift corral. Sure enough, the girls were there, petting a horse that looked strangely familiar.
"Ladies!" I wheezed as I joined them. "You can't mess with these horses. We don't know who…"
"It's Cookie!" Caterina exclaimed.
Sure enough, Cookie the horse stared back at me, chewing some grass. We'd all met Cookie years before at camp, where the Horse Program director had told the girls they were getting rid of the beast because he didn't do well having a different little girl on his back every hour.
The girls had read glue factory between the lines and were inconsolable for an entire year. Every craft project featured Cookie. There were drawings and stories about Cookie, as well as epic, tragic lamentations. When we went to camp the next year and saw Cookie in the field, I asked the director what had happened.
"Oh," she'd said, "we decided to keep him after all."
By that time, I wanted to kill Cookie.
I've mellowed on the animal since then, and I ran my hand over the horse's soft nose as two more horses approached us, much to the girls' delight.
"Hello there, little ladies." Riley appeared in uniform. With his longish, wavy golden hair, he kind of resembled Custer.
"Riley," I said. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm the officer in charge of the 23rd of course." He shook his head ever so slightly, implying that this was something I should've known.
"Since when have you been interested in the Civil War?"
Riley had been my handler at the CIA. We were friends and even dabbled, for like a minute, with a relationship, but we were still close. Over the past few years, he'd been a thorn in my side, lying to me about various trouble he'd gotten into. After the CIA, he did a stint with the FBI, but eventually, he moved to Who's There to start a private investigation firm.
"I've always been interested." He gave me a wink. "My fifth great-grandfather fought on the Union side. Have I never mentioned that?"
I rolled my eyes. "No. You haven't. Ever."
He shrugged. "Anyway, I couldn't resist the opportunity to give it a shot."
Something in his inflection wasn't right.
"You're on a case!" I said a bit too loudly.
The girls, still entranced with the horses, ignored us.
Riley narrowed his eyes. "How did you figure that out?"
"I know you pretty well," I said. "What is it?"
He took me by the elbow and led me a few feet away, out of earshot of the girls. It was a useless gesture because the girls only had eyes for Cookie, who only had eyes for weeds.
"I can't talk about it," he said quietly. "Very hush-hush."
"Oh please." I shook my head. "We're not spies anymore. Did you know Kelly is here?"
He looked around. "I saw you guys yesterday."
"What's the case, Riley?" I folded my arms over my chest. No way was he getting out of here without telling me.
"It's confidential," he sniffed.
"You know what? This whole ridiculous sham has just started, and I've seen what I thought was a dead body, been warned off by a fake wounded soldier, and found a real severed leg that vanished within minutes last night. I don't need any more mystery! Just tell me what the case is!"
Riley's eyes bulged. "You found a severed leg?"
I nodded. "Yes. And Soo Jin and that Doc guy saw it too. Unfortunately, it disappeared." I left out the part about how that was kind of my fault—something Riley did not need to know.
"How could something like that vanish into thin air? Wasn't someone watching it?"
"Yes, I mean, no…" I stumbled over my words. "I stepped away for one second because my security measures went off. I checked on the girls, and when I got back the leg was gone."
He looked skeptical. "Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"
I was just about to clock him when a group of tourists surrounded us expectantly.
"Oh look, honey!" The rotund, redheaded tourist from earlier spotted the two of us and ran over. "A couple of ill-fated lovers!"
Ill-fated what?
Riley took me into his arms and, in an exaggerated New England accent, said, "I can't bear to be parted from you, Janie! But this is war! And I must go and serve my country." Then he planted a kiss on my lips. I bit his lower lip, and he pulled back.
"Can I get a picture with you two?" the lady asked.
Before we could answer, she stood next to Riley, her arm around his waist. Her husband wearily took a picture. He scratched at his hairy ears and began to wander away.
"Tell me about yourselves!" the lady demanded, ignoring her husband's flight.
"Of course, madam." Riley gave a deep bow. "My name is Beauregard Vanderbilt, and this is my fiancée, Janie Peckinpah."
Janie Peckinpah? That was a terrible name. And it was one I'd used undercover once during a sleet storm in Iceland. I hated that name.
"My family is a fixture in Boston society and ardent abolitionists. I met Janie here in the slums of Chicago. That's where this little ghetto sparrow claimed my heart."
Oh, he was a dead man.
"You poor thing." The lady clucked at me sympathetically. The fact that she didn't seem to recognize me from a few moments ago was weird.
"Poor indeed," Riley continued solemnly. "Her family had all died. She was an orphan trying to sell her father's gold watch just so that she could eat. She's been with me ever since."
"That's so tragic!" the tourist squealed, still unaware that her husband had now completely disappeared.
"I daresay"—Riley assumed a darkly serious tone for maybe the first time in his life—"that if I hadn't found her, she might have had to resort to the world's oldest profession."
"Shepherdess?" the woman guessed.
"No," he answered. "It's too sordid to say in front of a delicate flower such as yourself."
The large redhead swooned, but I was going to kill him. I wondered if Kelly had brought that men's uniform. I'd love to run Riley through with a bayonet on the field.
"And the children she's with?" the lady asked.
"All orphans," he said, bowing his head and holding his hat over his heart.
That's when I realized the girls were standing next to me. And they remembered the woman from earlier. Betty stepped in front of Inez.
Other tourists started to surround us, each eager to hear our story. If I listened to any more, I'd probably disembowel Riley with his own sword.
"Come on, ladies," I said to the girls. "We must get back to work."
"God's work," Riley added. "They're good Christian girls who excel at prayer."
Ava opened her mouth and then closed it. Then the girls followed me as I turned back to see Riley standing on the fence of the corral, telling more tales to the gathering crowd.
He probably had no idea that I was going to murder him.