It was much harder to move the next morning. Hand-to-hand combat isn't like they show in the movies. You know the ones where, when the fight is over, the hero doesn't have shredded knuckles or bruises and is able to carry on with his day—which usually includes a triathlon or chopping wood or getting into another fight.
In my younger days, I recovered more quickly than I did now. But even then, I needed the next day off. And right now, I felt like I'd been run over by my own cannon while it fired repeatedly.
I woke to an empty tent and the smell of bacon. Kelly must have taken pity on me. I reached for the soldier suit but changed my mind. This was the last day of the reenactment. I wasn't much closer to solving the case and the body hadn't turned up, so I might as well play the part for everyone's sake.
Maybe there wasn't anything to solve. This whole mess could've been some sort of creepy prank. Hmmm…was this what Juliette was up to? Did she do this so that I'd spend the entire reenactment chasing things that weren't really there? If it was her, it was elaborate and impressive. I wouldn't tell her that though.
There was something that she and Mary Gold conspired about. But so far it hadn't manifested itself. Maybe they knew I was watching and that was the prank—to make me crazy. I've fallen for that one before, once in Antarctica and once in Katmandu. I never did forgive Riley for either of those.
I dressed slowly with a lot of complaining and whining and then joined the others.
"Good morning, badass!" Ava shouted.
The other girls nodded approvingly.
"Ava!" Kelly snapped. "Don't encourage her, and don't swear."
"See what I mean?" a child with a fake Southern accent said.
The Magnolia Girls were walking past. No doubt they'd heard Ava.
"Those girls are absolute pigs!" Brooke squealed.
My entire troop turned to Betty, as if she was the enforcer. But Betty didn't move. She didn't even say anything. I put my hand on her forehead to see if she was alright.
"Manners," I said to my troop, "are very important." I pointed at Brooke. "And that is an excellent example of how not to behave. A lady doesn't insult people. Ever."
Brooke and the rest of the girls blushed furiously. Their leaders appeared and looked confused.
"What's going on here?" Mary demanded of me, as if I was the problem.
"Why don't you tell your leaders, Brooke?" I asked.
The brat shook her head and ran off with the rest of the girls hot on her heels.
"Mrs. Wrath…" Mary narrowed her eyes. "You are a terrible influence over these girls. Miss Juliette was right about you."
Kim, her co-leader, nodded but said nothing. The two women started to walk away.
"Ladies," I shouted. "If one can truly call you that…"
Mary stopped and spun on her heel.
"At least I'm teaching my girls to be respectful and confident. Your confidence only comes from tearing others down," Kelly spoke up.
"Yeah!" the four Kaitlyns added in unison.
That seemed to say it all. I watched as the women retreated.
"I don't know what you were going to say, but I figured I'd better stop you," Kelly said.
"That was a good idea," I agreed, taking a plate and filling it with bacon.
She wasn't wrong. I was going to say something about them crawling from the pungent, muddy swamp of Bladdersly and something about putting dresses on weasels. But Kelly's was better, and I didn't really want to insult weasels.
"Betty!" Ava stood in front of the girl. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Or do something!" Caterina added.
"Oh, you know." Betty shrugged. "I'll get around to it eventually."
"We don't have much time before the last battle," Kelly said later as we cleaned up.
"It's in the morning?" I scowled. "I didn't know that."
All the other skirmishes had been in the afternoon. I didn't see any tourists around.
"Alister moved it up because he was worried people would complain that there wasn't enough time to get ready for the Blue and Gray Ball." Kelly's eyes sparkled.
"That!" I pointed at her. "That right there! You sparkled when you mentioned the provost."
Kelly snorted. "Sparkled! Really! What does that even mean?"
"Look, I'm not going to say anything to anybody." I tried another tactic. "But you do need to tell me what's going on!"
A bugle call came from the battlefield.
"It's starting!" Hannah was tugging on my hand. "Come on! This time Babette will be there!"
We headed down for the very last skirmish. As tired as I was over all of this, I was kind of looking forward to seeing the skunk "spray" the Rebels as they ran away. And maybe Mitch would let my troop take Babette for a walk or something later.
Obnoxious Redhead Tourist was standing right next to me on the sidelines once we settled in. Who was this woman? The other tourists were a blur, but this one kept showing up near me. A little spark of electricity shot through me. Was she a suspect?
I hadn't considered that! This woman had popped up near me all weekend. There had to be something to that, right? Very slowly I studied her. She was dressed in a tank top, shorts, and sandals like she had been every other day. Her sunburn was a bit more pronounced, but not decidedly worse, and it looked like her husband had trimmed his ear hair. Other than that, I didn't see anything suspicious.
A cannon fired, startling me back to the scene in front of me. The battle had begun. I made a mental note to get a picture of the woman afterward. I could show it to Riley. Had he noticed how often she was around?
The ground thundered as men from both sides ran toward each other, the Rebels making that strange, strangled yodel sound. The men clashed at Idiot Creek, and I worried that it was in danger of being trampled into extinction.
Soldiers fired their pistols and clubbed each other with their muskets. It was actually pretty interesting for complete and utter nonsense. Maybe the Historical Society could secretly rewrite the history books. Who besides me would care? Of course, this would mean more reenactments, and I wasn't sure I wanted to take this crap on again next year.
Still, this battle actually had some flow. The clashing blue and gray fought back and forth over a small stretch of land, sometimes toward the Union camp, sometimes toward the Rebels. The fighting was very realistic. Either they were holding back at the previous battles or the South had risen again and we really were at war.
Riley bounded off his horse and joined the fray. He hadn't done that before. Maybe with this being the last fake battle, he'd wanted some battle scars. His sword flashed in the sunlight, and I had to admit he was doing well. Then a group of men led by Embry broke off and surrounded him.
My former boss fought valiantly but was about to be overpowered. Even though he could sometimes be a jerk, the odds should be more even. Riley did have one thing on his side—his CIA and FBI training. I watched with a little bit of pride as he employed more modern means of combat against the men around him. Sure, they probably didn't have Krav Maga or Brazilian jiu-jitsu back in the day, but since the odds had changed, surely the rules did too.
Maybe he wasn't on a real mission. After all, who cares that much about Confederate money fraud? Well, besides collectors and maybe one or two government agencies…
It hit me like a lightning bolt. Riley and even Rex had given me clues, and I hadn't seen them. Obviously putting on a corset cut off the oxygen supply to my brain. Where were Eddie and Soo Jin?
As my eyes panned the battlefield, I spotted her. A tiny Union soldier with a small group of men. Betty and her little guerilla band. Who were these guys? It startled me that I'd never even tried to find out. She'd been so entertaining, and with Juliette trying to flush her out, it hadn't occurred to me.
I glanced toward the provost, but he and Juliette had their heads together, talking. Good, she hadn't seen them yet.
The little soldier drew her sword and attacked the Rebel drummer boys. Kaitlyn's brother and the rest tried to defend themselves with their drums, but they were clearly terrified.
"Oh crap," Kelly muttered. "Alister will not like this."
"I don't know…it's kind of creative. Like in Henry V when the French killed the boys in the baggage."
"This isn't the same and you know it!" Kelly growled.
"You're right. Those boys were innocent. These guys…well…"
The Magnolia Girls were a few feet away from us, screaming at the field. They'd noticed that their drummers were being targeted, and they weren't happy about it.
"Those girls are going to get Betty in trouble." Kelly looked around.
"Major Smith! Miss Dowd!" Brooke and the others were shouting to get their attention.
On the field, Betty's little band had hog-tied the boys together. I was sorry I'd missed that.
"Major Smith!" the Magnolia Girls cried out.
At any moment Betty would be dragged off the field and who knows what? I had to do something. Stop the Magnolia Girls or warn Betty somehow?
Mary Gold gave me an icy grin. She knew her troop of female junior Nazis was about to bust mine. My mind raced. At any second Betty would get fake arrested, or fake shot, or worse.
A cannon went off, and I looked to see a small group of Union soldiers about to be overrun. That gave me an idea…
"What are you doing?" Kelly shouted as I tore the crime scene tape and ran for the cannon.
One of the Union soldiers was slumped over the huge gun. I shoved him off and looked for the way to light it.
"Stop her!" Mary shrieked.
I ignored her. There was a precedent for this. For example, women like Molly Pitcher took over in the heat of battle and the old lady who brandished knitting needles at the original version of this reenactment. The big thing was that the attention was all on me and directed away from Betty.
Turning to look, I saw the girl dressed as a boy give me the thumbs-up before disappearing into the fray.
What I didn't see was the rifle butt that clocked me on the shoulder. Spinning on my heel, I discovered that Mary Gold was attacking me.
"Death to the North!" she screamed as she swung the gun at me again.
I stepped back, out of reach. So this was how it was going down, huh? I snatched the rifle away from her and threw it away. She was no match for me in hand-to-hand combat, and it would be unfair, if not completely satisfying, to kick her ass right here right now.
"You're ruining everything!" she snarled as she lunged for me.
I stepped aside, and she fell facedown into the mud. The woman screamed and rolled around, trying to get up while wearing a corset and hoop skirt. She kind of looked like a flailing tick on its back. I pulled my cell from my skirts and took some very unflattering photos.
After a few seconds, I grabbed her by the arm and hauled her to her feet. The look of pure hatred in her eyes would've ended the war.
"I'll kill you!" she screamed. "You are destroying the memory of a noble battle!"
"Hey, there was no noble battle to destroy. And…" I held my hands up. "You attacked me."
"Women like you," she panted, "give ladies a bad name!"
I wanted to point out how rich it was, coming from a woman covered head to toe with mud.
"Well, if you are a lady, I'll take it as a compliment."
Once again, she came at me. I didn't have the heart to throw her in the mud. I stepped aside, grabbed her right arm, and brought it up sharply behind her back. As she grunted in pain, I frog-marched her over to the crowd who, I realized, had gone silent watching us.
"That ain't right!" one of the Rebel soldiers shouted as I pushed the muddy woman toward her group.
The Magnolia Girls glared at me as my troop erupted in cheers. The battle began again as the reenactors remembered what they were there to do.
"Subtle," Kelly said.
"Well, Betty got away."
"Got away from what?" The child looked up at me, dressed in her finest.
The fighting continued as the Union began pushing the Rebels back over the creek. To my delight, the Magnolia Girls and their leaders left the field. A few gunshots had the Confederates on the run.
"Babette!" Hannah shouted, pointing at the field.
Sure enough and right on time, Babette trotted over to the Rebels. The group of men stopped in their tracks. The little skunk turned around and raised her tail. The reenactors, even though they knew she'd been descented, began to run south toward the barn.
The Union troops stopped and cheered. The third and final (and totally made up) Battle of Idiot Creek was over.
The skunk turned around and trotted back toward the barn as the Union soldiers limped from the field. She was pretty well-trained. I wondered if Mitch would come over and train my cat.
There were some bodies scattered around, and men were moaning and screaming. The Kaitlyns ran onto the field and began writing letters.
Provost Smith approached.
"Mrs. Wrath." He tipped his hat to us. "Kelly." He winked.
"Sorry about that," I apologized. "The spirit of the event moved me, and I wanted to do my part."
The major laughed. "Oh, I don't mind. It was pretty entertaining."
My jaw dropped. "You're not going to chew me out?"
He took off his hat and wiped his forehead with a white kerchief. "Miss Dowd wanted me to, and I'm sure I'll get an earful from the Southern Ladies Auxiliary, but I think it went okay."
That was a relief. But even better, he didn't mention Betty's antics, so maybe I had covered my tracks.
"In fact," he continued, "I think you've added a unique aspect to the story."
"Thanks. But I have the sneaking suspicion that you didn't come over here to thank me," I guessed.
"No, ma'am, I didn't." He smiled. "I was wondering if I could have a moment of Miss Kelly's time?"
I did everything I could not to roll my eyes. "Of course. I'll help the girls."
There were more "dead" in this battle than the other two. I suppose that since it was over, more men were okay with dying. Inez and Caterina were walking around with canteens to give the men their final drinks of water. Betty and Lauren were giving first aid to the bloating guy, who looked pissed because obviously he was dead and bloated. The rest of the girls walked around asking the men on the ground if they were alright.
Ava was talking to two men about how this was a perfect example of why people needed life insurance. She made a pretty good argument.
The wounded moaned, waiting for the order to resurrect. I looked over at Stumpy, who was laughing at something Kelly had said. Juliette marched over to them and grabbed his arm, pointing at the field. The major blushed before shouting the order to resurrect.
I was proud of my girls as they helped the men to their feet—some of whom seemed a bit more sprightly as they rose. Maybe they were excited about the ball. Farther afield, one man stayed prone. He wasn't moving at all. Maybe he'd gotten a concussion, I wondered as I approached him.
"Hey, buddy," I called out. "Time to get up."
He didn't move.
"Private!" I tried yelling in a gruff voice, even though I had no idea what his rank was.
His skin was white with a tinge of blue. My blood ran cold.
This man was dead.