ONE MONTH LATER
I gently push open Lennon’s door and see her swollen belly sticking out from her rolled up shirt as she shifts in her sleep. I ache to touch her, to feel her soft skin, and to show her my feelings are so damn real, it’s painful, but I won’t. As I’ve done for the past two years, I push them down and pretend they don’t exist, especially now that I’ve told her the truth and she walked away.
With summer break officially over, today is the first day of school, and I know she’s nervous for her first day back to work. She didn’t tell her co-workers she was pregnant, but at five months along, she won’t be able to hide it anymore.
Ever since I confessed my true feelings to her a month ago, things have slowly gone back to our normal. We thought it was best not to sleep in the same bed, and honestly, I’m not sure I could handle it now that she knows how I’ve always felt. Kissing her—for real—was the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced, and then it was ripped away just like that. I knew the second she pulled away she was going to say those words. I can’t.
I’d been fooling myself to think she’d be able to see me as anything more than a friend. Even if she claims she felt the chemistry that first night we met, too much has happened, and it doesn’t matter now. She’s carrying Brandon’s baby, and now that she knows I can’t have kids, why the hell would she even consider being with someone who can’t give her the family she wants? My dad’s words of being a failure repeat in my head, and it brings me right back to the dark place I’ve tried so hard to stay away from.
Guilt. Anger. Insecurity.
Lennon’s truly the only reason I’ve been sane these past four months since Brandon’s death. Even if I wish things had happened differently between us, I can’t let her go. I’ll take her in my life in any way she’ll allow.
“Lennon,” I whisper, brushing her hair off her face.
“Mmm?” she mutters, stirring lightly.
“I made you breakfast,” I tell her softly.
“Sleep,” she mumbles, pulling the covers to her chest. “More sleep.”
Chuckling, I look at her sleepy face and smile. “Not today, sweetheart. Back to work,” I remind her.
Her eyes pop open, scaring the shit out of me. Lennon looks around, and it’s as if she’s just now remembering it’s the day.
“I forgot what getting up early felt like.” She groans, finally sitting up. “Though I have a feeling I’m about to be reminded very soon,” she says, looking at her stomach, then pulling her shirt down. “No way to hide it.”
Furrowing my brows, I hold out my hand and help her to her feet. “Shouldn’t hide it anyway. You’re not the first teacher to get pregnant,” I reassure her.
“It’s not that.” She shrugs. “It’s the pity looks that are gonna return.”
Grabbing her hands, I envelop them between my palms and hold them against my chest. Lennon looks up at me, waiting.
“Ignore the comments and the looks and just remember how far you’ve come. Brandon is so proud of you,” I tell her sincerely. “So am I.”
A tear slips down her cheek, but she doesn’t move to catch it. It falls to her mouth, and she licks it from her lips. I study her, watching her, wanting her to know how amazing she is.
How special she is to me.
“Thanks, Hunter. I appreciate that.” I release her hands, and she snakes her arms around my waist. “You always know what to say to make me feel better.”
I wrap an arm around her, then kiss her forehead. “Haven’t you figured out by now that I’m a very philosophical person?” I tease with a smile.
Lennon laughs and leans back, putting space between us. “You’re something else, Manning. That I know for a fact.”
Before I can ask her what that means, she grabs her phone and walks toward the kitchen. “Is that bacon I smell?”
“Sure is,” I confirm, and my smirk deepens when her face lights up.
We each make a plate of eggs, toast, and, of course, bacon. My favorite morning routine includes us having breakfast together, so now that she’s back to work for the school year, I’m glad we’ll get to do it again.
Just as I’m about to get up and rinse my plate, Lennon stands and comes toward me. “I need to post on Instagram today for the first day back!”
She sits on my lap and wraps an arm around my shoulders, bringing our faces together. “We need to look sad.”
I snort, furrowing my brows. “What? Why?”
Her shoulders slouch. “Because I’m going back to work, and we won’t get to spend as much time together.”
Fuck, that is sad and sucks if she’s being real.
Lennon holds out her phone, clicks on the camera, and gives me a two-second warning. She pouts with her lower lip sticking out, and I do the same before she takes the shot.
“Okay, one more,” she says after checking the photo.
We get back into position, and right before she clicks, she presses her soft lips to my cheek, surprising the shit out of me. Then just as quickly as it happened, it’s over.
“Super cute.” She looks at the photo, then shuffles off me.
And now I need to sit here for just a second.
I don’t know how long she plans to update her Instagram or pretend we’re married, but I continue to go along with it for her sake even though she knows my true feelings. At this point, I’m a pro at pushing them to the side to protect my own heart.
“First day back to work and going to miss my honey pie,” she speaks as she types, then looks up at me and winks at the nickname she always hated. “Hashtag newlyweds, hashtag wifey, hashtag bae.”
I raise my brows at her ludicrous hashtags. Even though it’s all an act and she’s doing it for her parents’ benefit, she’s been posting pregnancy shots and anything baby and married life related. All of the clothes her mother bought, our rings, dinners she’s cooked, basically anything and everything. Part of me wonders if it’s overkill with all the posting because she really wishes those things were for real—but with Brandon.
“Adorable, right?” She sticks her phone in my face and swipes her finger to show me she posted both pictures.
Fuck me. Doesn’t she know this is torture?
For the past month, we’ve acted as if that night never happened, so I plaster on a smile, and reply, “Definitely.”
I clean up the kitchen while she hops in the shower. Once the dishes are cleared, and I wipe the counters, I walk down the hallway and hear Lennon singing. Pausing, I stand outside the door and listen.
It’s a new one today. Straining to hear the lyrics, I eventually recognize the song. Lennon flawlessly belts out the words to “I Hope You Dance.” As always, her voice captivates me in every way. She sounds so passionate and sweet, and I’ve come to love getting this front row seat every morning.
As Lennon sings about giving faith a fighting chance, I lean my forehead against the wood door and inhale a deep breath. I wish I could say how I want to fight for her, how I wish she’d fight for me, how it should’ve always been her and me—even though it feels wrong. I push all those feelings aside and ignore them, not allowing them to bring me to the dark side.
Willing myself to walk away, I go to my room and dress for work, hoping to get to the office early. I have plans to meet Mason and Liam during my lunch break and have a feeling it’s going to take the full hour. It’s been a while since we’ve hung out, and I haven’t told them the whole story on going to Utah with Lennon. I could only imagine what they’d say about it, and I didn’t need their bullshit attitudes while preparing for the trip, so I know it’s only a matter of time before it comes up in conversation.
“Hunter?” Lennon knocks on my door.
“Yeah?”
I’m buttoning up my shirt when she enters. The sight of her nearly takes my breath away. She’s wearing a black pencil skirt, stockings, and a maternity tank. She bought it last week when I finally forced her to admit she needed new clothes, especially for work. Luckily, Sophie and Maddie dragged her to the mall, and then she reluctantly showed me everything once they got back. It was adorable the way she pouted about it, but honestly, she looks amazing. Maybe it makes me a sick son of a bitch, but she’s only gotten more gorgeous with her pregnancy.
Yeah, I’m going to hell.
Pregnant with my dead best friend’s baby.
Straight to hell.
“Which top?” Lennon asks, breaking me out of my trance. She holds up two shirts on hangers and puts each one over her body. “They both suck, so which one sucks less?”
Chuckling, I examine the almost identical patterned blouses and point at the one on the right.
“Really?” She narrows her eyes at it and frowns.
“No?” I stare pointedly at her and the way she’s looking at it. “I meant your right.”
Lennon drops her shoulders and scowls at me. “Liar.”
“Stop worrying so much,” I tell her, closing the gap between us, then grabbing the shirt in question. “It’s pretty. Let me see it on.”
Sighing, she takes it, then slips it over her head. Her breasts rise, and I quickly avert my gaze until she’s dressed.
“Well?” She raises her arms, then lets them fall to her sides with a slap. “I look fat.”
“No,” I say slowly, knowing I need to tread lightly. She’s sensitive to her body’s changes, and while I’d love to be able to tell her she’s so fucking beautiful, I know I have to restrain myself. “You look pregnant.”
Lennon rolls her eyes at me, then marches to her room, and I follow. She stands in front of the full-length mirror, turning from side to side. Her bump is only visible in that shirt when she rests a hand over it.
“I may be biased, but I think you look cute,” I tell her honestly, my voice hoarse at the truth of my words. “I can’t even tell you’re pregnant from the back.”
“Oh great. I’ll just walk backward from now on.”
Her serious expression has me laughing. Walking up behind her, I rest my hands on her shoulders and squeeze. “Lennon. Relax. Maybe you aren’t giving your co-workers enough credit. I bet once they find out, they’ll want to be there for you and support you in any way they can.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She shrugs, making my hands move up, and I quickly drop them. The longer I touch her, the harder it is to walk away.
“Lennon.” I look at her through the mirror, and she meets my eyes. “What’s this really about?”
She drops her gaze and swallows hard. “I’m not sure. I should be glad for the change of pace and going back to my students. I know it’ll keep my mind busy, but it brings me right back to the week Brandon died and how everyone looked at me. Hell, how they treated me.”
“How?”
Lennon turns around and faces me. “Like I was damaged goods.”
Before I can think better of it, I pull her into my arms and hug her. She wraps hers around me, and we stay like that for longer than we should. Her heart is racing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she can feel mine thumping hard. Anytime she’s close, it goes out of control.
“You’re not, Lennon. What happened to you is tragic, and oftentimes people don’t know how to react to that kind of news. It makes them feel uncomfortable, so it comes out in weird ways.”
I pull back slightly when I hear her sniffle. “You want me to be your fake husband at school too?” I ask, then wait and see if she’ll crack a smile at my pathetic attempt to make a joke out of this situation.
“Hmm...maybe, but it’d also come with even more questions.” She chuckles, which puts a wide grin on my face.
“Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” I flash her a wink, and I swear her cheeks redden.
“I know. Always ready to save the day, Hunter.”
“Fake husband to the rescue,” I say, pretending a dagger isn’t shooting straight into my heart.
She smiles sweetly at me, and I take the awkward silence as an opportunity to leave. “Well, I’m gonna finish getting ready and head to work. Hope you have a great first day.” I kiss her forehead, then slowly release my arm from her waist. “Text me if you need me, okay?”
“You know I will.”
Fifteen minutes later, I’m on the road and almost to the office. Now that it’s getting closer to fall, projects are wrapping up, and new contracts are being signed. I’m up to my elbows in paperwork, so I spend the entire morning at my desk until it’s time to meet with the guys.
Mason and Liam are both in a booth with drinks by the time I arrive at Rob’s Burgers.
“Couldn’t wait for me, huh?” I sit next to Mason and grab the menu.
“We were thirsty,” Liam taunts, holding up his beer, then taking a swig. “Your bitch ass was late anyway.”
I look at my watch. “Three minutes, asshole.”
“You’re lucky I was able to hold him back from ordering,” Mason says.
“Hey, I’m starving, okay? I have a busy week with work, so today is my only downtime,” Liam explains.
“I kinda lost my appetite after the shitstorm I’ve been dealing with today, but I have to eat,” Mason tells us. He’s interning to be a forensic investigator and works part-time for his dad, who’s the district attorney. I can only imagine the shit he’s seen and heard working so closely to crime scenes. In fact, he’s told us about a few cases, but I’ve purposely blocked them from my memory. I don’t know how he does it, but shortly after he graduated from college, he took up boxing. Now he continues to do it because he needs an outlet from the shit he has to see and deal with on a regular basis. You wouldn’t know it by looking at him, but he’s strong as fuck, and even I wouldn’t want to get in a ring with him.
Liam makes a face, and I chuckle and shake my head as I look over the burger options. After the waitress comes over and takes my drink and food order, Liam almost immediately gives me a pointed look.
“What?” I ask, grabbing my phone from my pocket. I sent Lennon a text before I arrived to see how her first day is going so far, but she hasn’t responded yet. I hope that’s a good sign.
Before Liam can respond, the waitress arrives with my water, and just as I take a sip, he speaks up. “Where’s your wedding ring?”
Choking on my drink, I clear my throat and blink. “What?”
Mason shakes his head at me, then slides over his phone. On the screen is Lennon’s fake Instagram feed of The Mrs. Manning.
I study it, looking over this morning’s pictures and the rest of the photos she’s posted this summer. “So I guess you know.” I slide the phone back to him. “So what?”
“So what?” Liam’s voice goes louder as his tone deepens. He’s pissed.
“It means nothing. It was a favor to her.” I shrug, taking another drink of my water.
“Except it’s not nothing,” Mason chimes in. “We all know how you feel about her even if you don’t want to admit it, and—”
Slamming down my glass, I narrow my eyes at him. “I have, okay? I know it’s fucked up, but when the situation arose, I did what I had to do for her. It wasn’t for me. Trust me, it’s killed me every single day.”
“So why didn’t you say anything?” Liam asks.
“Because I knew what you fuckers would say, and I didn’t need to hear it. Brandon was my best friend too, and I have to think of what he would’ve wanted me to do to protect her, and that’s all it was.”
They study me as if they’re waiting for me to crack some secret. I debate whether or not I should tell them that I opened my heart to her, told her how I truly felt and that she ultimately walked away. Regardless of knowing why she did, it doesn’t hurt any less. We act like that moment never happened, and if that’s what we have to do in order to keep things platonic for the sake of the baby and her emotional health, then I’ll suffer through it. The last thing I need is for Liam and Mason to be on my ass about it even more, so I keep it buried away.
“How’d you find out anyway?” I ask.
Mason gives me a side-glance and smirk. “How do you think?”
“Maddie slipped up,” Liam confirms. I notice the way his throat tightens when he says her name.
“The four of you still going on double non-dates?” I chuckle in amusement. Their whole awkward situation cracks me up.
“No, Little Romeo.” Liam snickers. “We were hanging out, and they happened to show up.”
I snort, knowing that was no coincidence. “Right.”
“Sophie confirmed it after Maddie’s word vomit,” Mason adds, the vein in his forehead about to pop as he talks about her.
Those four give me a headache.
Something about the way he acts when Sophie’s around or even when he talks about her makes me wonder if something’s already happened between them. There’s way too much tension in the air when they’re in the same room.
What is it about these Corrigan sisters that keeps us all tied up in knots?
Our food finally arrives, and I hope it’ll change the subject, but after two minutes, Liam continues. “So you bought her a pretty expensive ring.”
“It had to be convincing to her parents,” I say. I haven’t told them about Brandon’s plan to propose or the engagement ring burning a hole in my nightstand. As I promised him, I’m taking that to the grave.
“And you couldn’t do that with a smaller diamond? Damn.”
I glare at Liam, knowing his mind is running with ideas. Setting my burger on my plate, I look him in the eyes. “Why don’t you just come out and say whatever you wanna say?”
“Alright.” He takes a quick sip of his beer, then holds my gaze. “I think you two are treading a fine line that’s become too blurred to realize the ‘friendship’ you two have is inappropriate. If the roles were reversed and Lennon was your girl first, how would that feel knowing your best friend is swooping in?”
My jaw clenches, frustration building inside me as I resist the urge to deck his pretty boy face.
“For starters, if the roles were reversed, it wouldn’t matter because I’d be dead. However, I’d trust my best friend with my life, so whether he was being there for her during a really fucking rough time or if he was swooping in because he’d always had feelings for her, it wouldn’t matter. All that would matter is her happiness. If he made her happy, that’s all I’d ever want. Why the fuck do you think I stood on the sidelines this whole goddamn time? If I were the asshole you’re trying to paint me to be, I would’ve stepped in a long time ago when Brandon was still alive. So instead of running your mouth, maybe try to realize that we’ve leaned on each other during this shit time, and even if she only wants me as a friend, that’ll be enough for me. And I don’t need your blessing for that.”
Mason’s tense as a board next to me while Liam’s stance doesn’t waver. I know he’s tough as nails and always has a point to prove, but I’ve had enough defending what Lennon and I have. Whether it’s a friendship or it becomes more, I shouldn’t have to constantly be armed.
“You’re right.” Mason breaks the awkward silence with a pat on my shoulder. “She needs someone like you in her life through this, and only you understand what’s happening between you two.”
“Then why all the secrets, man?” Liam finally speaks.
“Because I knew how you’d react. You think I have an ulterior motive in all of this because you know how I’ve always felt about her, but that was never the case. Since the moment Brandon died, I’ve only ever wanted to just be a shoulder for her to cry on. I didn’t expect things to escalate the way they did.”
“Sophie and Maddie told us about their parents,” Liam says.
“Are they as evil as they sound?” Mason asks.
I shrug. “They were actually really nice, which was a surprise. However, their expectations and old-fashioned values were crystal clear. Lennon’s worries were merited once I heard the way they talked about doing things in order. Even though, deep down, I think Lennon always planned to get married and then have kids because she knew they’d never accept anything else. Especially not living with Brandon and getting pregnant before marriage. This little white lie keeps them in her life and the baby’s.”
“For how long?” Liam asks.
Shrugging, I look down at my food that’s getting cold. “That’s the million-dollar question.”