The first week back to work is all conferences and getting my classroom set up. Students arrive next Monday, and I’m still not sure where my head is at being back here. I know it’s only been a few months, but it brings back so many memories of how things were before the summer break. Luckily, I’ll have these next five days to transition back to what was once my happy place.
“Lennon?” I turn around at the sound of my name and see Brenna, the art teacher. “So glad to see you!” She walks in and immediately gives me a hug. When she pulls back, I smile.
“Great to see you too. How was your summer?” I ask politely.
“Wonderful. Too short as usual,” she says with a chuckle. “How about you?” Her expression softens. “I mean, I hope you were able to have some much-needed time to deal with everything.”
And there it is.
“I did, thanks. Doesn’t make it any easier, of course, but due to some great friends, I made it through.” I purposely rest a hand on my stomach, knowing the word will eventually get out anyway. The blouse is flowy, so unless I bring attention to it, you can’t really see it.
Her eyes follow, and it takes her a second to realize I have a bump. “Are you...pregnant?” She whispers the last word as if it’s a curse word.
“I am,” I say with a smile. “Found out only a few months ago.”
“Oh my gosh, Lennon,” she whisper-squeals, then pulls me in for another hug. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I say appreciatively. “It was hard at first to come to terms with it all, but I’m happy to be carrying his baby.”
“We have to throw you a shower when it gets closer!” Her eyes widen in excitement, her hands on my shoulders as she waits for my approval.
“Oh, um…”
“Lennon, please. You know we like any excuse to eat cake and sweets, so let us do this for you.”
I can’t argue with that.
Nodding, I give her a smile. “Okay. I’m due in December, though, so…”
“We’ll figure out a day, so don’t even worry.”
By noon, the entire staff knows, including the principal. She poked her head in just before I left for the day to congratulate me. She asked how I was doing and inquired about my maternity plans. I hadn’t thought too much about it, considering I’d been living mostly day to day, but now that I have a baby on the way, I have to think ahead and plan accordingly. I told her my due date, and that I’d hopefully be able to make it until Christmas break. That means I can take a full twelve weeks off for maternity leave and not return until sometime in March.
Hunter texted me to see how I was holding up, and I was so happy to see his message, knowing how hard today was going to be for me. I texted him a Friends GIF of Ross in the episode where he says “I’m fine” in a high-pitched voice. He came back with another Friends one, which started the GIF battle of the past six hours.
We’ve certainly come a long way.
The next day of conferences is boring, but knowing I have an ultrasound appointment later keeps me motivated throughout the day. I get to see my baby again, some new pictures, and will finally find out the gender. I’m beyond excited.
Sophie and Maddie are meeting me there. I mentioned it to Hunter and told him he wasn’t obligated to go with me since my sisters were coming.
He insisted he’d be there anyway.
I don’t argue it, of course. I appreciate that he wants to be here for me, but after the doctor assumed he was the father the first time, I wasn’t sure he’d want to join me again.
Sophie: We’re five minutes away. SOMEONE made us late.
I snicker when I see a group text with my sisters.
Maddie: I couldn’t find my shoes, sorry! Want me to show up barefoot?
Sophie: She had three other pairs to pick from. Don’t let her fool you.
Lennon: I just got here and am about to check in. Meet me on the third floor.
Maddie: Don’t find out what that baby is without us!
I snort-laugh.
“Did Soph tell you she’s online dating now?” Maddie says a second after they arrive. “Should see some of these creeps she’s meeting.”
They both give me a hug and rub my belly before sitting on either side of me. I haven’t seen Maddie since her dance recital two weeks ago. Things have been crazy getting ready for the baby and going back to work.
“Online dating, huh? Finally gave up on Mason?” I ask, chuckling.
Sophie rolls her eyes. “If I wait for that man to make up his mind or make a move, my ovaries will be dried up, and I’ll be wearing bifocals.”
“By your driving, I’d say you need them now,” Maddie teases.
Sophie glares at her. “What was that? You wanna ride the bus home?”
“Is this what sex deprivation does?” Maddie asks me. “Once you have it, then no longer have access to it, does it turn you into a hormonal psycho?”
“Look who you’re asking,” I mock. “I’m both sex deprived and hormonal.”
“Fair point.” She slouches back into her chair. “You should see some of these messages, though. Their pick-up lines are cringe-worthy.”
“Yes, please tell,” I turn and say to Sophie with a shit-eating grin. “Amuse me.”
“Ugh, thanks, Mads.” Sophie groans, then grabs her phone, clicking open the app.
“I bet those braids are useful in the bedroom. Wanna bend over and find out?” she reads aloud, then gives me the side-eye.
I burst out laughing. “What the hell?”
“Oh, it gets way worse. I learned the hard way not to post a picture with braids now.”
“Who knew?” I snicker. “Okay, more.”
“Violinist, huh? Guess that means you’re good with your fingers. How about you come over and play my instrument?”
I crack up all over again. “That’s kinda creative.”
She reads another one. “Are you a vegan because I wanna nut all over you.”
“Ew!” I laugh. “Are they all sexual innuendos?”
“Ninety-nine percent, yes.”
“Tell her about Cale,” Maddie says with a smirk. “He’s my favorite.”
“Cale got blocked,” she says matter-of-factly.
“Oh c’mon! I was having fun with him.” Maddie cackles.
I look back and forth between them. “Oh God. You let Maddie talk to him?”
“She couldn’t handle Cale, so I handled him for her. Turns out Cale didn’t have as big of balls as he said.”
“What did you do, Maddie?” I ask pointedly.
“He asked to see a picture of my tits and ass.”
I cringe. “And?”
“I sent him a picture of a chicken’s breast and a donkey. He wasn’t amused.”
Shaking my head, I laugh. “Then what?”
“I told him if he could name the US state capitals in alphabetical order, he would earn the right to see one nipple,” Maddie explains.
Furrowing my brows, I can’t even imagine where this is leading. “And?”
“He asked how many capitals there are,” she deadpans.
“Ha!” I snort-laugh, about to pee myself.
“I told him sixty-nine, and then he started listing off random ones, and when I told him he failed, he started calling me all kinds of names. Then I said I liked being called those things in the bedroom, but too bad he’d never get to do that since he probably couldn’t find my clit even with a map.”
“What are they teaching you at dance school? Geez.”
“I was born in the social media era, Lennon. I’m not a dummy.”
Sophie snickers, and I pray for the guy who ends up with Maddie. She’ll make them fight hard and test them at every corner. Part of me is proud that she won’t give herself up to just anyone, but I’m also protective of her. I want her to stay as innocent as possible.
A minute later, Hunter walks in wearing his professional work clothes, and I swear everything inside me comes alive. Ever since he told me how he feels—how he’s always felt—a month ago, it’s been hard not to react around him. I’ve actively had to stop myself from imagining him next to me in bed, touching me, cuddling like we did in Utah. I won’t even admit how many times I’ve had to resort to my vibrator when fantasies of him take over.
The day after Hunter confessed his feelings, things were awkward between us. I didn’t know how to act around him without creating tension. Knowing how he felt—how he’s always felt—made me feel guilty as hell because I can’t return those feelings right now. My and the baby’s well-being have to come first right now. Above anything, I don’t want to hurt him. I wasn’t sure we could move on from this even though I wanted to more than anything. We need each other, but I wasn’t sure how to go forward after that confession—our confessions.
Hunter, being the resilient and amazing man he is, sat me down and told me there was no reason for things to be weird. We promised each other our friendship could go back to how it was before Utah happened. In an effort to do just that, I’ve tucked them away for when I’m brave enough to relive them.
But as soon as those thoughts hit me, guilt floods in, and I feel sad all over again.
“Hunter,” I say almost breathlessly. “You came.”
“Of course.” He stands in front of us and shoves his hands into his pockets as Sophie and Maddie openly eye him. “Sorry, I’m a few minutes late. I had to go by the apartment quick.”
“No worries. They should be calling me back anytime now,” I tell him. “But since you’re here…” I stop myself, knowing it’s a bad idea to bring it up.
Hunter doesn’t let it go, though.
“What?” He pulls on his black slacks before kneeling in front of me. “What do you need, Lennon?”
The way he focuses all of his attention on me has me sucking in a deep breath. Hunter’s gaze is so intense, I have to remember to breathe and act normal. He reaches a hand out and rests it on my knee.
“Um, well...I was just thinking since you’re here we might wanna take a picture,” I finally tell him. “To update the Instagram,” I add. “My parents will be expecting to see a new baby bump picture.”
“Oh.” His expression deepens. “Sure, we can do that. You wanna do it right now?”
“Yes!” Maddie answers for me, clapping in excitement. “I’ll take it.” She holds out her hand, and I drop my phone in her palm.
“Probably just a couple and then maybe another one once we’re in the ultrasound room,” I tell her. Ever since I told them about Hunter confessing his feelings for me, they’ve found any opportunity to bring us closer together. Not that it matters. After walking away from him, I notice the way he looks at me.
Half heartbroken. Half understanding.
I hate thinking about how this tortures him, but he’ll never admit it aloud to me. I try to keep space between us, but since we need to keep up the act for my parents’ sake and update the Instagram account, I don’t argue the idea.
Hunter stands, and I follow him. Almost without a second thought, Hunter reaches for my hand and grabs it. We stand in front of one of the hospital windows with a fake plant in front of it.
As he wraps his arm around my waist, I move closer and fit perfectly into his side, molding together. I barely reach his shoulder because he’s so much bigger and taller than I am.
Maddie snaps a couple of pictures with a huge smile on her face. “So cute!” She takes another handful. “Okay, now...Hunter should put his hand on your belly.”
“Maddie—” I start, but he cuts me off.
“No, it’s fine.” Hunter looks down at me. “If it’s okay with you, I mean?”
My throat tightens, knowing this isn’t easy for him. Pretending to be my husband is one thing, but pretending to be the father of my baby has to be fucking torture.
“Sure,” I croak, sucking in a sharp breath. Instead of resting his hand over my bump like I expect him to, he kneels and wraps both arms around me with his head on my belly.
“Oh my God!” Maddie gushes, and I know she’s losing her cool. “Freakin’ adorbs.” She takes a million more pictures. Some with Hunter kissing my stomach, with us looking at each other, and others us laughing at Maddie’s lack of a filter, saying whatever comes to her mind.
Then Hunter reaches for my face.
“For the ’gram,” he whispers with a wink. Then he cups my cheeks and kisses me.
I melt into him, forgetting we’re in public and that this kiss isn’t supposed to be real. So softly, his mouth brushes against mine, and his tongue slides in just enough to part my lips. I fight the urge to moan as I hear the camera clicking. I know Maddie is getting all the pictures—ones I probably won’t be able to look at.
We’re startled apart when a tech calls out my name. Quickly clearing my throat, I blink and look around Hunter.
“Right here,” I say, grabbing her attention, then glance up at Hunter. “Thanks.”
He licks his lips, his gaze intense as it burns into me. “You’re welcome.”
“I think I just got pregnant,” I hear Maddie mutter to Sophie, and I give her a scowl to shut her mouth before Hunter overhears.
He follows me and my sisters down the hallway. The tech introduces herself and makes small talk with me as we walk into an ultrasound room. After her instructions, I lie down on the exam table with a cloth tucked into my pants. My shirt is folded all the way up to my chest, and when the tech puts the gel on the wand, I know we’re close to seeing my baby again.
“Do you want to find out the gender today?” she finally asks ten minutes later after taking all kinds of measurements. When she says the heartbeat is strong and everything looks healthy, I smile so wide.
“Yes!” a resounding wave of voices echo. Sophie and Maddie are just as excited as I am.
Hunter stands next to my head, and I look up and see that his eyes aren’t glued to the screen like my sister’s; rather, they’re laser focused on me. He shoots me a wink and a classic Hunter smirk.
Damn the guy’s swoon-worthy looks.
“Alright, time to find out, Mama…”
My eyes snap back to the screen as she lowers the wand to find the legs. “Any guesses before the big reveal?” she asks with a little tease in her tone.
“Girl!” Maddie immediately blurts out.
“I actually think it’s a boy,” Sophie says.
“What about you, Hunter?” Maddie asks, drawing our attention to him, and I immediately want to interrupt and protect him. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for him knowing his secret, which is why I was so surprised he came today. He’ll never get to experience this with his own child.
“Oh, um...I have no idea.” He shrugs. “I’m excited either way.”
Ugh. Fuck up my heart.
“I have a feeling it’s a girl,” I say.
“Well, let’s find out for sure…” An image appears, and I see the cute little butt on the screen and then…
“There’s no penis!”
“Maddie!” Sophie and I both scold.
“How would she even know what one looks like?” Sophie snorts, making Hunter and me laugh.
Maddie only rolls her eyes.
“Well, she’s right,” the tech announces. “It’s a girl!”
Hunter arrives at the apartment a few minutes before me. I lug my bag and purse in and am ready to sit on my ass after today’s activities.
“Hey, wait…” Hunter says as I walk toward my room. “I have a surprise for you in there.”
I cock my head and narrow my eyes at him. “You do? What kind of surprise?”
“C’mon, you know I’m not gonna tell you.” He comes up behind me and wraps a hand over my eyes. “Okay, you can walk now.”
“Oh, okay sure,” I reply dramatically. “I can’t see a damn thing.”
“I’ll lead you.”
I hear a door open and the click of the light switch flicking on. “Okay.” He removes his hand, and I blink a few times before I see it.
“What’s that?” I walk toward it, shocked. “Oh my God. You got me a rocking chair?”
“Yep, figured you’d need one.”
I look over my shoulder at him, and he’s grinning.
“I can’t believe you did this.” I close the gap between us and wrap my arms around him. “Thank you, Hunter.”
“You’re welcome.” He kisses my forehead, making those damn goose bumps appear again. “Go take it out for a test drive.”
I sit and rock, the chair soft and comfortable. “It’s perfect.”
Hunter crosses his arms over his chest, standing tall and proud. His smile is genuine and sweet, and I wish I could express how much this means.
“Hopefully, you and baby girl make a lot of memories rocking together.” His face lights up.
“I can’t wait,” I tell him, beaming. “My mom used the same rocking chair for each of us, and it now creaks after years of being used. But it always felt special.”
Hunter watches me with a look of pride. “So now that you know the gender, do you have any names picked out?”
“I’ve narrowed it down to a few, but nothing concrete.” My head falls back as I rock back and forth, the motion causing my eyes to close. “Oh shit.”
“What?” Hunter’s brows furrow.
“We have to do a gender reveal announcement.”
“What the heck is that?”
I snort. “It’s exactly as it sounds. You reveal the gender on social media basically or, in our case, the fake Instagram page. But I should call my parents first and tell them.”
“How do you want to do that?” he asks. “Reveal it?”
“Hm...Maddie probably got a good picture of us today, so I’ll probably just use one of those shots and attach the sonogram picture.”
“Oh, okay.”
I stand and walk toward Hunter. “There’s someone else I need to tell.”
He nods as if he’s been thinking it too.
“I don’t know if it’ll destroy them or give them some peace of mind. Either way, they deserve to know they have a grandchild on the way.”
An hour later, Mr. and Mrs. Locke arrive at the apartment. They’re all smiles and hugs as soon as they see me. I haven’t seen them since Brandon’s funeral, and I feel awful for not staying in touch. We’ve all been grieving in our ways.
“Lennon, sweetheart. I’m so glad you called. Thank you for inviting us over,” Mrs. Locke says, her wide smile giving me the courage to tell them the news. I purposely wore a loose-fitting shirt, so it wouldn’t be obvious right away.
“Thank you both for coming,” I say. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”
“Oh nonsense,” Mr. Locke chimes in. “We know things have been tough.”
“Are you back at work now?” Mrs. Locke asks as I lead them into the living room.
“Yes, started yesterday,” I reply just as Hunter comes from his room. He’s dressed in casual clothes, the soap from his shower still lingering throughout the air.
“Hunter!” Mrs. Locke beams the moment she sees him. He gives her a big hug, tells her how pretty she looks, and soon she’s chuckling at his charm. Mr. Locke gives him a handshake and side hug, telling him how good he’s looking.
“So glad you two stayed friends,” Mrs. Locke says as the four of us sit.
“She’s kinda stuck with me,” Hunter jokes. “Or I’m stuck with her?”
“Ha!” I burst out laughing. “It’s a mutual agreement we’re stuck with each other.”
Hunter and I lock eyes, and he flashes me a shit-eating grin and a wink.
Damn him.
“Well, there is a reason I asked you guys over,” I start, and the room goes eerily quiet. Hunter walks across the room and stands next to me. I look up at him, and he gives me a nod of encouragement.
Swallowing down my nerves, I clear my throat and begin. “After Brandon died, I found out I was pregnant.”
Both of them gasp, neither saying anything, and I’m not sure if I should continue or if this announcement is too much for them.
“You’re pregnant?” Mrs. Locke asks just above a whisper, and I already see the wetness in her eyes.
With a closed smile, I nod. “Yeah, I just found out today that it’s a girl.”
“Oh my gosh.” Mrs. Locke comes toward me with her arms out, and I stand to meet her. “A true miracle, Lennon.” She wraps me in a hug; her voice is strained with emotion. “I can’t believe this.” She pulls back slightly, then looks down between us.
“I can show you pictures,” I say, then ask Hunter to grab them from my purse for me.
“We’d love to see them,” Mr. Locke says, giving me a hug next.
“You look so tiny still,” Mrs. Locke comments.
“I don’t feel that way.” I laugh, then press a hand to the top of my bump so they can get a better look through the baggy fabric. “Trust me, she’s in there.”
Hunter grins as he passes me the sonogram pictures. We sit back down as I pass them out.
“Oh goodness.” Mrs. Locke gasps, then covers her mouth. “Her nose.”
“Looks just like Brandon,” Hunter chimes in, and we all nod.
“She looks a lot like him already,” I say with tears in my eyes.
They inform me they have a lawyer for Brandon’s case and plan to sue the person who hit and killed him. It’s painful to hear the details of the accident and see how this is weighing on them—on all of us. Mrs. Locke tears up when she says the case could take years if the other driver’s insurance fights it, but if they can get a wrongful death win or life insurance money, they want to save it for me and the baby. It’s completely unexpected, but I tell them thank you anyway. I never knew so much had to be dealt with after the fact, but I was mostly out of it for those first couple of months. Either way, I hope they win the case so they can get some closure. I think it’ll help them the most.
We chat for close to an hour before they make their way to the door. I give them a few pictures to keep, wanting them to have some. I’m so relieved by their reactions and feel bad for waiting to tell them.
“Thank you, Lennon. You have no idea how this will help us cope and give us some closure. We miss him every single day, but knowing he’s going to live on through your child gives me hope that life can go on.” Mrs. Locke tears up as she gives me a hug, and I never want to let go but, eventually, do.
Mr. Locke pulls me into a hug, and I promise to keep them updated. Once they leave, I walk to the living room where Hunter is sitting on the couch. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I rest my head on his chest as he rubs a hand over my back. I need some kind of comfort after that emotional meeting because the heartache is almost too much to deal with.
“You okay?” he asks softly.
I nod.
“That went well,” he says.
I nod again, thinking about everything that was said tonight.
We stay like this for a few minutes before I pull back and look at him. My vision is blurry from the tears threatening to fall. “Thanks for being here.”
“Of course.” He brings his thumb to my cheek and wipes away a rogue tear. “I knew they’d be happy.”
“She’s probably going to be the most spoiled kid ever,” I say with a halfhearted laugh. Brandon was the Locke’s only son, so this will be their only grandchild.
“Oh I can bet on that,” Hunter agrees with a laugh. “Not just them, though. She’ll be spoiled and loved by everyone around her. You’ve impacted more people in your life than you even realize, Lennon.”
My heart thuds hard in my chest, his words casting a spell that has my emotions magically suspended.
I wish I could kiss him right now.
If only things were different.