The past two weeks have been interesting. Neither of us has slept very much, and I’ve made it my mission to help Lennon with Alison as much as possible. No matter how many articles or websites I read beforehand, I still don’t feel prepared. Lennon’s told me several times that most new parents have no clue what the hell they’re doing, and they just wing it. I’m learning how true that is every day.
I know this isn’t my baby, but I’ve helped take responsibility. Holding a tiny human is scary but also exhilarating and surreal. The nights are the hardest for Lennon because she’s exhausted, and I’ve been trying to take turns getting up just so she can sleep. We’re navigating our way through this together as best as we can. As long as Alison’s being held, she doesn’t seem to cry. Lennon is a natural at being a mom, and it’s such a beautiful thing to watch. I worry she’s not getting enough sleep or resting, but she insists she is between her yawns. Overall, though, it’s not as intimidating as I thought it would be. I was a little nervous about holding her at first, but I’m nearly at a pro-level now, especially after being a spit-up target a few dozen times.
Still, each time I look at Alison, a wave of guilt and sadness overcomes me. The grief of Brandon no longer being here hits me at the strangest times. Though I find myself thinking back about the stupid things we used to do in college and smiling, it doesn’t hurt any less that he’s no longer here. I really wish he could meet his beautiful baby girl.
Mrs. Locke is over the moon in love with her and has come over several times to help out. I’m glad I get to see his mom more now. It’s nice to have a reason for her to drop by and still be a part of our lives. When she talks about Brandon, I notice she smiles at the memories just like I do. We miss him, but at least he left us a part of himself in his daughter. For that, we’re all grateful.
It’s early evening on New Year’s Eve, and I can’t seem to stop yawning. As I’m standing in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee, Lennon rounds the corner like she’s on a mission.
Without saying a word, she grabs a mug from the cabinet and waits for the maker to beep. After it’s done, she pours it half-full, then fills the rest with creamer. Once it’s perfectly mixed, she takes a sip and hums with a grin. I’ve learned not to get between her and coffee unless I want to lose a ball. Yes, it’s that serious.
She has me laughing. “Baby sleeping?”
“Yep. I snuck out when I smelled the coffee brewing.” She lets out a laugh. “Also, has coffee always tasted so damn good?” She pulls the baby monitor from her back pocket and sets it on the counter even though our apartment is so small we’d hear Alison’s little cries from the farthest corner of any room.
I pour some coffee and let it sit for a minute before daring to drink it. The last time I did that, I burned the fuck out of my mouth. “I think you’re just extra sensitive to the taste because you’ve been off the hard stuff for nine long months.”
Lennon nods and smirks at me. “Probably.” She shrugs, then continues, “So did you think of your New Year’s resolution yet?”
Shaking my head, I walk out of the kitchen. For the past week, she’s asked each day what I plan to change in the new year. The only thing that comes to mind is wanting to change our relationship status, but I don’t dare say that. I keep that buried deep inside next to the sounds of her moans as she comes. “Nope. I’m gonna be the same smartass I’ve always been. And I’m not dieting and already work out when I can. So I’m out of ideas. Did you think of yours?”
“Sleep more,” she says without a beat. “And have more sex.”
My eyes meet hers. The air around us stills, and I clear my throat only for her to laugh.
“Kidding. Jesus.” She sits on the couch and tucks her feet under her body as she enjoys her coffee. I’m forced to adjust myself because my mind goes back to that night when she begged me to touch her. Fuck me if I’m not reliving that moment right now, wanting to lay her down on the couch and give her everything her body begs for. We still haven’t talked about it mainly because I haven’t found a way to bring it up without it being awkward as hell. Maybe one day.
As I open my mouth to say something, Alison starts crying. Lennon lets out a sigh.
“I’ve got it,” I tell her.
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “Absolutely.”
When I walk in the room, I instantly know Alison needs a diaper change. The first time I changed it, I thought I was going to puke. Nothing’s worse than baby shit, and I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me for it. Or maybe I’m being dramatic about it. I watched a dozen YouTube tutorials by dads so I could learn how to do it correctly.
After Alison is changed, I carefully hold her and sit in the rocking chair. She’s so precious and loved by everyone already.
“Did you think of your New Year’s resolution?” I ask softly, laughing. We have chats all the time, and this little baby knows all my secrets.
“Really?” I ask as if she answered. “No more waking up in the middle of the night all year long? Wow, turning a new leaf so soon.”
I hear Lennon’s soft laughter in the doorway. She’s smiling, and I notice the sparkle in her eye when she looks at me. “See, you’re the only one who’s not on board with resolutions.”
Lennon checks her phone. “Maybe I should go ahead and feed her since she’s awake.”
“Sounds good to me,” I say. Lennon holds out her arms, and I hand Alison over. Giving her privacy as she breastfeeds, I grab the clean clothes from the hamper and throw them on the couch. Turning on the TV, I notice the New Year’s Eve celebration has already begun and decide to text Hayden because I know he’s having a hell of a time being in the city with all those people right now.
Hunter: Surviving?
Hayden: KILL ME!
I burst out into laughter.
Hunter: Just saw the madness on TV. Holy shit. Times Square is packed as fuck.
Hayden: I can’t go anywhere. I’m basically trapped inside the apartment. Savannah planned a big party with all her theater people, and they’re going to be singing karaoke all night long. Seriously. Kill me.
Hunter: Better you than me. Happy New Year, bro. Next year is the wedding. Exciting things are happening.
Hayden: You too. Next year maybe you’ll actually grow some balls and ask Lennon out.
I roll my eyes.
Hunter: Shut the fuck up. I hope they sing nothing but show tunes all night for that.
He sends me a middle finger emoji, and I chuckle and lock my phone. As I’m matching socks, I can hear Lennon singing. The sound of her voice causes me to pause, and I mute the TV and listen. Hearing her sing to Alison never gets old. There’s so much passion in her voice that it nearly takes my breath away. After a while, she goes quiet, and soon, she’s stepping into the living room. Spit-up is on her shirt, and her hair is in a messy ponytail. She looks gorgeous as hell, but I try not to stare and bring my focus back to my clothes.
“I’m a hot ass mess,” she finally says, shaking her head. She looks at the TV and sees the countdown in the corner. Glancing at me with intent, she softens her voice. “Why aren’t you out having fun? There are tons of things going on downtown. I think Mason and Liam are throwing a party too. Why aren’t you over there?”
I shrug and give her a pointed look. “Because I’d rather be with you.”
“Me in all my glory? I’m not fun. You should go,” she insists.
Shaking my head, I throw her a smirk. “I know what my New Year’s resolution is. I just figured it out.”
“What’s that?” I watch her breasts rise and fall as she waits for my next words.
“I’m not going to let you say anything negative about yourself anymore. News flash. I love spending time with you, Lennon. Baby poop and all.”
She snorts, but I can tell she’s in her head. So I grab a beer from the fridge and give her a minute. When I come back, she’s playing on her phone, and I sit next to her. She moves closer, and I open my arms for her to lean on me. We watch the celebrations from the comfort of the couch, and I laugh at how miserable Hayden has to be.
Nearly every hour, Alison wakes up, and Lennon and I take turns unless it’s feeding time. We eat ramen noodles like broke ass college students, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world than right here with her.
By ten, we’re both falling asleep. We’ve already watched the ball drop on the East Coast.
“I don’t think I’m gonna make it another two hours,” Lennon tells me, and I’m relieved because I’m exhausted as hell.
“Me either,” I admit. “Let’s go to bed.”
I stand, and so does she. Before taking a step, I turn and look at her. Though I want to place my lips on hers, I kiss her forehead and tell her Happy New Year. When we wake up, we’ll be the same two people pretending nothing’s going on between us. The unspoken words say more than we ever could.
The next morning, the smell of bacon has me crawling out of bed. Lennon is up early cooking, and I’m starving, so it’s perfect timing. The coffee is already brewed, and the toast pops up as soon as I walk in. I step around Alison in her bouncer and make sure to speak to my sweet girl as I pass.
Lennon notices me and grins.
“Morning,” she says, and I can’t help but stare at the way her ass cheeks hang out of her little sleep shorts. Turning her head, she catches me gawking, but I’m not shy about it.
“Good morning,” I tell her as I pour a cup of coffee. Before I can even take a sip, there’s a knock on the door. Lennon shrugs, and I go to answer it. Thinking it will be Maddie or Sophie, because they’ve been randomly stopping by on the weekends to visit the baby, I open the door, ready to give them shit, but find myself face to face with Lennon’s parents. My grin falls, and I immediately build a wall, not allowing them in.
Mrs. Corrigan looks at me with hopeful eyes, but I don’t move. I’m too protective of Lennon and Allie, and what she did was hurtful. Lennon hasn’t talked about it much, but I know it hasn’t been easy for her when she was so close to her parents.
“I can’t let you in.” I cross my arms over my chest and stand firm. “Not after what happened last time.”
Mrs. Corrigan’s face softens. “We came…” She clears her throat. “I came to apologize. To make things right. I’m so sorry.”
Lennon’s dad puts his arm around her, and while I can hear her sincerity, I think he was the one who made all this happen. The man is stern and has strong family values, but he’s not a monster. I knew that the first time I met him, just as I knew he loved his family more than life itself.
Before I can even reply, Lennon’s voice interrupts my thoughts.
“Who is it?” Lennon asks from the kitchen. I step aside, and when she sees her parents, her eyes go wide. Shock and frustration are written all over her face. “What are you doing here?”
Her dad steps forward. “When your mother told me the truth, I wasn’t happy. I expected more from you, but Lennon, I’d never shut you out. I teach forgiveness and how we are not perfect creatures. My love for you and your sisters...nothing can erase that. The three of you are my pride and joy and always will be. I couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking we didn’t care about you or our grandbaby. So here we are.”
I move out of the way, allowing her mom and dad to step inside. Without waiting, her mother closes the gap and reaches out to Lennon. “Honey, I’m so sorry for being pushy. I know my girls are going to live their own lives, and I can’t control that anymore. You’ll understand one day what it’s like. We’ve just always wanted the best for you and your sisters. Ever since Maddie moved, it’s been hard letting go. You girls gave me purpose,” she admits. “I love you so much.”
Lennon nods, then flashes a small smile. “I love you too, Mom.” When they hug, Lennon accepts her apology and ultimately forgives her mother’s behavior. She wants her parents in their lives more than anything.
“I’m not going to lie, I was pretty disappointed when I found out you weren’t married,” her dad tells me. “It’s not too late for you two, so I’m not giving up. But…” He looks at his wife, and they hold a silent conversation before he continues. “When you’re both ready.”
My heart throbs hard in my chest when he gives me an encouraging wink. They could see how I really feel about their daughter, and even after everything that happened—the lies we told—they’re here hugging, loving, and, most importantly, accepting Lennon’s life choices.
“Do you want to meet Alison?” Lennon asks with a proud grin.
“Yes, please!” Mrs. Corrigan pleads. “We want to more than anything.”
Lennon takes Allie from her bouncer, and carefully places her in her mom’s arms. Mr. Corrigan reaches for her little hand and holds it while they both stare at her beauty. The love they have for their grandbaby is immediate. Tears stream down Lennon’s mother’s face and her dad looks at Alison with so much admiration, even I choke up. All of this takes me by surprise, and I can only imagine how Lennon feels. By the tears falling from her cheeks, it’s pure happiness.
Lennon’s mom notices our breakfast on the table and tells us to eat while they hold the baby. The two of us nearly inhale our food, and I don’t even mind that it’s cold. Them showing up was a nice and unexpected surprise. Lennon smiles at me, and I can tell by the look on her face that there’s so much she wants to say right now but doesn’t. Occasionally, she glances over at her parents with Alison and smiles wide. Once we’re finished eating, we join them in the living room.
As we continue to make small talk, Lennon’s mouth falls open. “Dad, you missed the first Sunday service of the new year.”
“It’s because I love you. We love you so much,” he says.
“I love you too.” Her bottom lip trembles. “Thank you.”
As I look around the room, all I can do is smile. I can see the love they have for each other, and it’s something that was always missing from my household growing up. Something that can’t be faked. It’s more than real, just as my feelings for Lennon are. Her parents see it. She knows it.
She takes Alison from her mother and smiles at me. Something streams between us, something unspoken and dangerous. That line she drew in the sand seems to be disappearing, regardless that I’ve tried to keep my distance and give her space.
Her dad asks if we’re dating, and I’m almost certain Lennon blushes. “No, Dad. Hunter’s my best friend, and we were just pretending. He was my fake husband, but we are roommates.”
He shrugs with a knowing grin. “For now,” he confidently says with a wink. I watch as Lennon bites her bottom lip, and pink hues hit her cheeks.
Maybe things will be different this year after all.
I haven’t given up on her—on us—and neither have her parents apparently.