She was getting closer to Marcus every day. I was standing by and watching it happen. Telling myself it was for the best. Marcus could be a part of her world. They were similar. They worked together. They lived in this town.
But it was the hardest thing I’d ever done.
I didn’t want her with Marcus. I didn’t want her laughing up at him or climbing into his truck every evening. Did he kiss her when he took her home each night? Did he get to touch her? Had he felt her body pressed up against his? Did he know just how soft her skin actually was? Fuck! I slammed my hand against the window frame and growled in frustration. This summer was supposed to be relaxing. I was supposed to be free of all stress. I couldn’t leave now, and I wasn’t going to make her leave. This was all one big train wreck waiting to happen. I was either going to cave and go after her or she was going to end up with Marcus.
Everything stayed the same. Ms. Mary still gave me a smile and a hot breakfast every morning. Mr. Greg told me stories of his time in World War II and beat me at chess. Marcus and I still talked on our way home at night. I even went waterskiing and kneeboarding with Marcus, Preston, Rock, Trisha, and Dewayne on Sunday. But even with new friends and a job with people I really cared about, my life seemed to be missing something. There was a void, and I knew why. The frustrating part was that I missed him. I’d forced myself to come to grips with the fact that I’d lost my heart to Jax Stone that night in the grocery store. The night in the library when he’d admitted to having an interest in me put another nail in my coffin. He starred in my dreams both day and night. My heart raced at the chance of a glimpse of him. His words haunted me. I thought of those times when I couldn’t believe Jax would ever notice me enough to want me. I remembered the sadness in his eyes when he walked out the door, and I really believed he meant it.
Nothing changed the fact that I worked in his home. He signed my paychecks. If nothing else, for those two reasons anything between Jax and me would be impossible. Yet those weren’t the only two. I would never fit into his world.
I sat out on the beach, waiting for Marcus to finish his shift so he could take me home. Mr. Greg had left early due to his not feeling well. It left me with nothing to do. I pulled my knees up under my chin and enjoyed the view. The waves were smooth tonight. I let myself think about Jax and his face when he smiled. It helped to remember him smiling and happy, instead of the expression he’d had on his face when he left me in the library. It was depressing enough to be a Shakespearean tragedy. The girl who never thought she would fall for a guy falls for the one she can never have. Somehow my sitting here comparing my life to Shakespeare proved just how badly I’d fallen.
Footsteps drew my attention out of my Jax-centered thoughts, and I realized Marcus must be finished. I didn’t turn around. I stayed put and waited until he stopped behind me.
“Beautiful view, isn’t it?” he said.
“Yeah, it is. Are you in a hurry to get home, or can we enjoy it together?”
He shrugged and sank down beside me. I smiled to myself when I realized he wasn’t very graceful either. I was more on common ground with Marcus than with Jax. Even if he didn’t make me get goose bumps and go all warm and tingly. Those feelings were addictive, and they couldn’t be healthy.
We watched in silence for a few minutes before Marcus turned to me. I met his gaze and smiled. My friend. That thought made me smile even bigger. He sighed and shook his head.
He gave me a sheepish grin. “Sadie, when you smile at me, it makes my heart do crazy things.” He blushed and flicked his gaze back toward the water. “I know I’m three years older than you, but you seem so much older than your age.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, here goes. I’m trying to prepare myself for the letdown, so bear with me.”
This could not be happening to me. I didn’t know what I would say. Would this mess up our friendship? If I said no, would he still be my friend? I stared at him, waiting for the words I feared would change our relationship forever, while a sick knot formed in my stomach. I didn’t want this to happen. It seemed so unfair. First I’d lost Jax, whom I never really had to begin with, and now I was going to lose my friend, the guy who always made me laugh when I needed it the most.
“Sadie.”
A voice I only heard in my dreams these days broke the silence, and I turned around. Jax was walking toward us. I wanted to cry tears of joy. I wasn’t sure if they would be from seeing the object of my obsession or from hearing him say my name again.
“Jax,” I said, a little too breathless as I stood up and faced him.
His gaze brushed past Marcus. “You can go. I’ve arranged transportation for Sadie.” He dismissed Marcus as if he were angry at him.
I glanced at Marcus. A challenge flashed in his eyes, and I realized I would have to deny myself what I wanted most, time alone with Jax, in order to save my friend his job.
“Thank you, Jax, but I would really rather Marcus took me home.”
Jax’s eyes left mine, and he frowned at Marcus before turning back to me. “Please, Sadie, I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.”
My resolve cracked at hearing him say please. I didn’t think I could tell him no again. I looked back at Marcus, his face angrier than I’d ever seen him, and it brought me back to the reason I’d said no to begin with.
“Jax, this really isn’t necessary. Marcus takes me home every night, and we were in the middle of a conversation we need to finish. You have better things to do than take your kitchen help home.” I hadn’t meant for my words to come out sounding so harsh, and when Jax winced, I hated myself.
He stepped aside so Marcus and I could pass. “Of course,” he said, his eyes on the water instead of on me.
If hearts could shatter, mine just did.
Marcus took my hand and gently pulled me away from Jax and toward his truck. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. As if he heard my thoughts, Jax turned toward me, a haunted expression in his eyes. I stopped walking, and Marcus dropped his hand from mine.
I heard Marcus’s frustrated sigh before he said, “I hope you know what you’re doing, Sadie. He’s only gonna hurt you.”
I nodded because I knew he was right. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Marcus deserved an explanation, but I wouldn’t give him one. This was between Jax and me. I turned and left Marcus there and walked back to Jax. A relieved smile spread over Jax’s face. I almost laughed when he took a deep breath as if he had been holding it, waiting to see if I would come back.
Jax squinted against the glare of the setting sun. “You were right. You should’ve left with him.”
I shook my head. “I tried, but I couldn’t do it.”
He reached out and took my hand in his. A warm, tingly sensation coursed up my arm and through every other limb of my body.
“Come on, Sadie. Let’s go for a walk.”
We held hands as we walked along the edge of the water. Neither of us spoke. I’d returned to him because I couldn’t walk away. I needed to know why he had come for me, but I didn’t ask. I just waited. Finally he stopped and stared down at me.
“Do you know why I didn’t want Marcus to take you home?”
Allowing myself to believe he missed me wasn’t a safe path for my thoughts. I shook my head.
Jax let out a small laugh. “I’m jealous, Sadie.”
I stood there trying to let his admission sink in. If he said he missed me, I could believe him. Jealousy, however, seemed too hard to comprehend. “I’ve stood in my room watching the two of you drive away for the past week, and it killed me each time I watched you leave with him. I would sit in my room and contemplate how I would handle it if you fell for him. How could I stay here and watch you look at him with those breathtaking eyes the way I wanted to see you looking at me?”
He ran his hand through his long dark hair and sighed. “Tonight I couldn’t stay in my room. I watched you out here all by yourself and fought the urge to come to you. Then he came walking out, and I watched the two of you together for longer than I should have. My resolve to stay away from you broke, and I made my way out here before I could stop myself.”
A frown creased his forehead, and he turned away. “He seems like a man who knows what he wants, and the problem is, he wants what I want. If it were anything or anyone else, I could stand back and let him take it.” His blue eyes gazed back at me. “But I can’t let him have you.”
If he only knew how my every thought wrapped around him. “Marcus will always be just my friend. My feelings for him will never run any deeper than that.”
Jax reached out and twirled one of my loose curls around his finger. I held my breath and watched him. Finally, after a moment, he tucked it behind my ear. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to sit back and watch you from a distance anymore. Trust me when I tell you I have tried hard to push you from my thoughts.” He stepped toward the water, focusing on something far off. “My life hasn’t been normal for years. This is the only time I get to be just me. The rest of the time, I’m on the road, and sometimes I am in the air on my way to Tokyo, Paris, or Rome. I travel constantly. My name is all over the magazines with pictures of girls I am supposed to be in relationships with, but the fact is, I have no time for a relationship. If another famous female teen is in the vicinity, our pictures are taken together. It is just what is done and expected.”
He spoke of a guy I didn’t know. I hated being reminded that he was this untouchable idol. He turned back to me and smiled sadly.
“It’s selfish of me, but I don’t think I can stand it anymore. What little time I have for an average life, I want to spend with you. Well, as average as my life can get . . . .” He spread his hands out at the house and beachfront property around him and gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “When I’m on the road this year, traveling from city to city, I want to have the memories of my time with you to keep me warm.”
He held out his hands as if offering himself. “I don’t want to beg or promise you things I can’t give you. There isn’t much of me to give, but what I have is yours. This is all up to you, Sadie. If you want me, I’m yours. If you can’t do this, then I’ll walk away and leave you alone. I swear.”
I stood and stared at the guy standing in front of me, and I knew I should tell him no and walk away. My heart reminded me with a loud thump in my chest that I would always regret not saying yes. I doubted I’d ever feel the same way about anyone ever again. I stepped forward, and he immediately reached for me and pulled me against him. We stood there, me wrapped in his arms for a while, before moving or speaking. I knew it wasn’t the smartest decision, because when September rolled around and summer was gone, I would just become the summer girl. But right now that didn’t matter.
Loud enough for him to hear me, I whispered against his chest, “I want whatever part of you I can have.”
His arms tightened around me. This might eventually shatter me. His lips touched my head, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sweetness of the moment. No one else’s arms could ever feel this right.
“I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I don’t want to waste a minute,” he said, and I nodded against his chest, then leaned back and smiled up at him. “Tomorrow will you go deep-sea fishing with me?”
I faltered at his question. I worked every day but Sunday. He knew my hours.
“I still have a job,” I reminded him.
Jax frowned and shook his head. “You’re not still going to work for me.”
I stiffened. “Jax, I’ve got to work. If you don’t want me here, I have to go find another job.”
He placed a finger over my lips and shook his head. “No, I’ll take care of your bills and needs.”
I stepped back, away from his arms. My stomach clenched. I would not be like my mother. I didn’t need a man to take care of me. He wasn’t going to pay me to spend time with him. I took a deep breath, hoping I could explain this so he understood.
“Jax, listen. It’s important to me that I earn my own money. I can’t be paid to spend time with you, because that would make it cheap somehow. I want to be with you. There should be no money involved. I need to be an equal, and as crazy as it sounds, the only way I can hope to achieve that in any way is to work for the money I earn. Please. I enjoy working with Ms. Mary and Mr. Greg, and Marcus, too. I could go somewhere else if you don’t want me working for you, but I really like it here.”
Jax sighed and reached out to take my hand. “I’m sorry. I’m used to people taking my money with no reservation. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known, so I should’ve realized you wouldn’t be comfortable with that kind of setup. You can remain here as long as you want. It’ll give me a reason to visit the kitchen more.” He winked, causing me to blush.
“Thank you,” I said through the tightness in my throat from fighting back tears of relief and joy.
Jax smiled. “I should be the one saying thank you. I don’t deserve you, but I’m damn lucky you don’t realize it.”
I laughed at him.
“Come on inside with me while Kane gets our ride ready.”
We walked up to his house. I realized he was taking me through the family’s entrance, and I stopped.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I, um . . . I need to go in through the side entrance.”
He shook his head. “I am agreeing to your working for me, but you are not going to be confined to using the servants’ entrance. You’re with me, Sadie. When you’re off the clock, you’re not my employee. You’re my . . . air.”
I frowned at him. “Your air?”
He grinned. “Well, ‘girlfriend’ seems too shallow a word for what I feel for you. These past two weeks it’s been as if you control my breathing. When I watched you with Marcus, my chest would tighten, and it became hard to breathe. But then I would see you smile or laugh, and I could take a deep breath again.”
No wonder this guy wrote songs. My eyes stung, and I hated that I always seemed to get all weepy with him.
“Wow,” I whispered, for lack of better words. I wasn’t gifted with his talent for weaving words so beautifully.
“So does this mean I win? Will you do me the honor of accompanying me into my house as a guest instead of the hired help?”
I grinned. “As long as I’m off the clock.” He sighed in defeat. “I’ll take what I can get.” He took my hand and led me into the house. I wasn’t sure how I would handle facing his mother or father. How were they going to react when they found out he was dating the help? But then again, I doubted they even knew I worked here. Except for the one time I’d served Jax and his mother, I’d never been around either of his parents.
Jax squeezed my hand. “Wait here. Let me grab my cell and have Kane bring our ride around front.”
I nodded and watched him go to the coat closet and open it. He reached inside and took out the black leather jacket I remembered seeing him wear in a recent magazine photo.
He took a smart phone out of his pocket and tapped it a few times, then slipped it into his pocket. He turned his smile on me and crooked his finger. The expression on his face made my knees go a little weak.
“Let’s take you home,” he said, reaching out to clasp my hand in his.