I walked into the kitchen the next morning and hung my backpack up on the hook before glancing at the stove, where I knew Ms. Mary would be working on the Stones’ breakfast.
“Morning, Ms. Mary. I’ll be back to help as soon as I get changed.”
Ms. Mary cut her eyes toward me, then back at the table with a frown. I followed her gaze. Leaning back in a kitchen chair, looking ridiculously sexy for seven in the morning, sat Jax. He gave me a crooked grin and my heart went into a frenzy.
“Hey,” I said without sounding affected by his presence. I knew he’d said he would be hanging out in the kitchen more often, but I hadn’t realized he’d meant this early in the morning. “What? Why are you here?”
He raised his eyebrows and grinned at me. “I kinda thought that was obvious.”
I knew I was blushing. I turned to Ms. Mary, then back to him. I knew she wasn’t happy about his presence, and I realized this might cause a problem.
“It’s okay, Sadie. She isn’t mad at you. She’s upset with me. You happen to be who she’s protecting.”
“I, um, need to go change. I’ll be right back,” I said, hoping Ms. Mary’s scowl wasn’t for me.
I walked to the laundry room. My heart was racing from the frustration of my mixed feelings. Knowing Jax wanted to see me made me extremely happy, but I also didn’t want to upset Ms. Mary. I needed to hurry up. I didn’t want to leave him by himself with Ms. Mary. Which seemed silly, since she worked for him.
I stepped into the hallway, and just before I reached the door that led into the kitchen I overheard Jax talking to Ms. Mary. I paused. They were talking about me.
“I’m not going to hurt her,” Jax whispered. “I know she’s special, and I tried to stay away, but when I’m with her I don’t feel so cold and alone.” Jax stood in front of the table with his attention on Ms. Mary. I froze outside the door.
Ms. Mary turned from the stove and pointed a wooden spoon at Jax. “I understand that. But that girl has a lot on her shoulders for a kid her age, and, well, you can’t help it, but you’ll break her heart when you leave.” Her whisper wasn’t very quiet. She went back to stirring the pot and shook her head. “I just don’t want her hurt.”
Jax didn’t reply right away. Finally he said in a whisper, “I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to keep her from getting hurt. Hurting her is the very last thing I want to do.”
I waited a minute more, then walked back into the kitchen. “Okay, Ms. Mary, where do I start?”
Ms. Mary handed two plates to me. “You go on ahead and enjoy your breakfast with Master Jax.”
The staff didn’t eat breakfast here. Sometimes we would sneak a biscuit or a piece of bacon but we didn’t get to sit down and eat. That wasn’t in our job description. I turned toward him as he walked up beside me. “Don’t argue, please,” he whispered, and then took the plates from my hands and went back to the table. I stared helplessly at Ms. Mary.
She grinned and handed me two tall glasses of orange juice. “Just eat with the boy before he starts begging and embarrasses himself,” she said loudly enough for him to hear.
Grinning, he set the plates down.
“It’s the truth and you know it,” she said to him. I couldn’t help but smile. I took the glasses and went to the table. Jax pulled out my chair, and I sat down. He sat down beside me and reached under the table and took my hand.
“Thank you for having breakfast with me.”
I smiled at him and nodded. I didn’t think saying You’re welcome sounded right. I should be the one thanking him.
I was so hungry, and today’s breakfast tasted much better than what I normally scarfed down after the Stones finished their breakfast. I picked up a piece of bacon and chewed, but the weight of Jax’s gaze made me uncomfortable.
I swallowed and whispered, not wanting Ms. Mary to hear me, “I won’t be able to eat if you’re watching me.”
He grinned. “Sorry, it’s just something I’ve never seen before.”
I frowned, not really sure what he meant. “You’ve never seen a girl eat?” I asked, confused.
He laughed. “Well, now that you mention it, no, I haven’t seen many eat. They normally can’t eat in front of me, or they just don’t as a rule. But what I meant was I’ve never seen you eat, and it’s cute. I didn’t mean to stare. I’m sorry.”
He reminded me of that little boy again, trying to get out of a punishment, and I couldn’t help but smile. “It’s okay, but now you have seen me, so stop watching and eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”
He grinned and looked down at his own food.
The kitchen door swung open, and Marcus stepped inside, whistling. “Morning, Ms. Mary. Got me something good to eat?”
Ms. Mary shot him a silent warning that clearly said Behave, and Marcus frowned and turned toward us. Jax leaned back in his chair and took a drink of his juice.
“Ah, good morning, Sadie, Mr. Stone.”
Jax nodded toward Marcus, and Marcus’s gaze didn’t linger. He just headed back to the laundry room to get into uniform. I sighed in relief that he hadn’t said anything stupid. Jax leaned toward me.
“Nothing he can say will make me fire him, unless it’s against you. Stop worrying. I realize he’s angry with me, and part of me doesn’t blame him, and the other part is just relieved you wanted me.”
The place in my heart where Jax had taken up residence grew. I smiled at him. “Thank you.”
He shrugged and leaned back again. “You have nothing to thank me for, but you’re welcome.”
The rest of breakfast went smoothly, and Jax pulled me aside before I went to help clean up from breakfast.
“I’ll try to stay away from you, if I can, while you’re working. But as soon as you’re off, I’m coming to get you.”
A silly grin plastered itself on my face, and I nodded. He took my hand and kissed it before turning to walk away.
I forced myself to push all thoughts of Jax aside in order to stay focused the rest of the day. Several times a warm, tingling sensation coursed through me, and knowing he watched me made my heart race. The end of my workday couldn’t come soon enough. Just as I walked out of the laundry room after changing out of my uniform and into my clothes, a hand came out and grabbed me by the arm.
“Come with me,” Jax whispered, and I let him lead me up steps I’d never used and through several doors and halls I hadn’t known existed. Finally we were at his bedroom door. I remembered clearly the last time I’d been in there, but walking into it with my hand in his made everything different. This was the place where he slept and wrote songs. Something inside me knew that each time I got closer to him would make it so much harder when I let him go. I stepped inside, and he closed the door and turned to grin at me.
“I wanted you to see my room. Well, I guess I should say I wanted you to see my room with me.”
He took my hand and pulled me over to the wall of guitars. He reached for the old worn guitar in the middle and took it down. The reverence he seemed to have for the instrument made me smile.
“That must’ve been your first one. It looks well loved.”
He nodded and held it out to me. I took the cool, hard wood in my hands and studied the writing on it. I thought at first it was autographed by someone else, but holding it up close, I saw the childish signature: Jax Stone. I ran my fingers over the name, thinking how long ago it must seem to him now.
“When I was seven, I begged my parents for a guitar. They wouldn’t buy me one since I’d also begged for drums the year before and not stayed with my lessons. I promised them I’d learn to play without lessons if I could just have one. It took two years before I finally wore them down. I woke up one Christmas and it was standing in front of the Christmas tree. I’ll never forget the thrill that ran through me. I grabbed the guitar and ran straight back to my bedroom. I played it until I figured out the chorus to ‘Wanted Dead or Alive.’ It was then I realized I could play by ear.”
I’d read that tidbit once, but I had chalked it up to publicity fiction. “I bet your parents were surprised.”
He laughed and nodded. “Yes. It isn’t every day a nine-year-old boy picks up a guitar and strums out a Bon Jovi song without any formal training.”
I grinned and handed him the guitar. “So, this is how it all began. No wonder you have this one in the center.”
He nodded and turned to hang it back on the wall.
“No, wait.” I reached out and touched his arm. He glanced back at me. “Play it for me.”
He turned back to the wall of expensive guitars. “Well, I actually lured you in here to unleash my chick magnet gift on you.” He gave me a crooked grin. “Considering my star persona doesn’t impress you, I was going to cheat and pull down the Fender Stratocaster original over there and play you one of my number ones. See if I could get you to become putty in my hands, or at least throw your panties at me.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but your Fender Stratocaster original and a number one hit I have heard countless times on the radio will not make me putty. And as for the panties, nothing is getting me to throw those at you. However, if I can hear you play on that guitar, the first song you ever played, I’ll see what I can do about turning into putty.”
He sighed playfully and sat down on the edge of his bed. He patted the spot next to him, and I sat down. “I’m working with a handicap of an old worn-out guitar and a song I haven’t played in years, but if this is what it takes to impress you, then here goes nothing.”
He began to play, and soon his voice joined the guitar. If he had been aiming for putty, he succeeded, because the sound of his voice made me warm all over. I wanted to close my eyes and picture the little boy in his room on Christmas morning. I could see the boy before he had become a star. If only he was a normal guy and not a rock star then this thing between us would be so easy. But I’d chosen this when I had said yes to our spending the summer together. I knew walking into it exactly who Jax was, and I couldn’t change it. I let myself look at him as he sang the words with a grin on his face. I pictured him singing to himself as a boy as he roamed the outdoors, pretending to be a cowboy.
The song came to a close, and he grinned at me. “Well, what did you think?”
I smiled back. “Perfect.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Most girls want love sonnets, and you want a song I loved as a kid.”
“You don’t still love the song?” I asked.
Jax sighed and a sad smile touched his face. “Yeah, it means something different for me now than it did then. When I was a kid I wanted to be a cowboy. But that isn’t really what the song is about. It’s about this life I lead. The craziness of it all. I relate to it better now than I did then.”
He hung the guitar back up on the wall.
A knock sounded on the door, and Jason entered. He noticed me and stopped. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t realize you had company. I just walked by and heard you playing that old song and thought I would stop in and see what the reminiscing was about.”
Jax turned and grinned at his brother. “It’s okay. You can come in.” Jason stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.
“I brought Sadie in here to play one of her favorite number ones I’ve done, and come to find out, she didn’t have one. She doesn’t like me at all.”
I laughed at his expression, and Jason’s shocked look instantly went to a smile when he realized his brother meant to tease me.
“Not true. I happen to really like the song you sang about fighting to find yourself.”
Jax reached for another guitar and froze. He turned back to me. I didn’t know what I’d said wrong, but he gazed straight into my eyes very seriously for what seemed an eternity. A smile slowly formed on his perfect lips right before he asked, “Really?”
I nodded, not sure why this surprised him.
“Me too,” he finally said, before taking down the other guitar.
I glanced over at his brother, confused, and Jason smiled at me. “ ‘Inside War’ was the first song Jax ever wrote. He fought tooth and nail to get it released. Up until that point in his career, he’d recorded songs written by other people. He fought hard for ‘Inside War,’ and it never made it all the way to number one, but got into the top ten. From then on, he was given free rein to decide what he sang on his albums.”
I nodded.
Jax stood by the bed with the other guitar, watching me. “Most girls like my love songs.” He shrugged. “You keep surprising me.”
I tried to remember a love song he’d recorded, but none came to mind. At home Jessica forced me to listen to eighties music. She listened to little else. Music wasn’t something I knew a lot about.
“Okay, sing me one of those famous love songs.”
He grinned and played a soft, smooth melody. Soon his voice joined in, and I found myself unable to take my eyes off of him.
“Just to make your eyes sparkle, I’d do anything.
I could give it all up to know you were my girl.
Just being with you and listening to your laugh is what
I was lost and cold inside when your heart called out to mine.
Now I know you’re the only thing that keeps me
hanging on, when the rest of the world seems to come crashing down.
“Don’t leave me now! I’ll never make it!
Don’t leave me now. I’m not strong enough!
You’re the reason I can take this guitar and make it sing.
Don’t leave me now, or I’ll fall apart.
“I know sometimes life with me is hard to handle.
I get caught up in the lights and the crowd.
But you’re the reason I keep on playing.
Without you, girl, it would all die down.
Hold on to me through this ride, please,
because if you let go, I will too.
If the sparkle in your eyes starts to fade,
my heart won’t beat and my song will disappear.
“Don’t leave me now! I’ll never make it!
Don’t leave me now. I’m not strong enough!
You’re the reason I can take this guitar and make it sing.
Don’t leave me now, or I’ll fall apart.
Don’t leave me now, or I’ll fall apart.
Girl, if you leave me, it will all fall apart.”
His smooth, husky voice stopped, and the guitar playing slowed. When the song ended, I stared at him, unable to say anything.
He smiled sheepishly. “The first number one I actually wrote. It’s the song girls always want to hear.”
I smiled, then sighed. “I wish I could make a wisecrack, but after that performance, I’m torn between standing up and clapping or swooning.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “Ah, finally!”
“I wish I’d learned to play the guitar. I’ve never seen a girl not get reeled in when he breaks into a love song,” Jason said.
I shrugged in defeat. “I wish I could argue, but I have to admit, watching him sing that song and play the guitar is incredibly hard to resist. I’ve heard it before, but never with the view he just gave me, and I’ll never turn the station when it comes on again.”
Jason burst into laughter, and Jax grinned at me. “You couldn’t let it go without reminding me how unaffected you are by who I am, could you?”
“We wouldn’t want you to get a big head.”
Jason laughed again. “His head has been big since the first time he realized he was a prodigy.”
“I’m just teasing. I’ve never turned your songs off. The truth is, I hardly ever listen to the radio. We have one radio at our house, and my mother loves the eighties. I know more songs from that time frame than I do current songs.”
“I hate eighties music. That sucks for you,” Jason said with sincerity.
I smiled and shrugged. “It’s not so bad when it’s all you’ve ever known.”
Jason raised his eyebrows like he wasn’t so sure. “Ah, yeah, sure,” he said, and grimaced. He looked past me at Jax, then cleared his voice and stood up. “Um, well, I guess I’ll be going. I got somewhere to be. See ya later, Sadie.”
“Okay, bye.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
I turned my attention to Jax after his brother’s hasty departure.
“Why did you run him off?”
Jax faked innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You heard the man, he has somewhere to be.”
I laughed. “Sure he did.”
Jax grinned at me, walked over to a tall chest of drawers and opened one. “If I give you something of mine, will you accept it if I really want you to have it?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer. “Um, I guess it depends on what it is you want to give me.”
He pulled out an iPod and brought it over. “I want you to take this. It’s mine and has some really great artists on there, but I want you to have it because every song I have ever recorded is on there too.”
I took the iPod from his hands. “Thank you.”
“If you don’t want to listen to me, it’s all right. If there are other artists you want on there, just bring it to me, and I’ll put them on there for you.” He reached back into the drawer. “Oh, and here are some earbuds. I’ll get you a wireless pair, but I need to have them made to fit your ears. We can get those on Sunday.”
I laughed at his eagerness. “These earbuds are fine.”
He shook his head. “You say that now, but if you ever used wireless earbuds, you would know it’s not true.”
I sighed and agreed. “Okay.”
He seemed so excited about being able to give me something, I didn’t want to spoil it. I liked seeing him act like a little boy. My insides turned to mush during the times he opened up enough to show his vulnerable side.
“I’ll listen to you as I go to sleep at night,” I assured the little boy who seemed anxious about his gift.
He closed his eyes tightly. “You don’t know how good thinking about it makes me feel, but now I’m going to have a harder time going to sleep at night knowing I’m singing in your ears.”
He opened his eyes to look at me. I saw something there I’d only wished for, or my heart was lying to me.