I’d missed three calls from my mother. Once Sadie was safely inside her apartment and Kane was headed back to the beach house, I called my mother back. The missed call from Marco earlier today probably had something to do with my mother’s determination to get ahold of me.
“Where have you been? Marco has tried calling you, and I have tried several times. You can’t just go on a vacation from everything, Jax. It doesn’t work that way. The public, your fans, expect some of you. You need to remember why you are where you are. Now call Marco. You have a movie premiere to be at tomorrow night. He is setting up publicity photos, and you need to make an appearance. No arguing. Just do it.”
And without allowing me to respond, she ended the call.
I dropped my phone into my lap and laid my head back on the leather seat. I didn’t want to go to some damn movie premiere. I wanted to stay here with Sadie. Why couldn’t they all give me a break? My phone started ringing again. I picked it up and Jason’s face flashed on the screen.
“Hey.”
“Dad was looking for you. He’s back here from whatever meetings he’s been at. He wants us to go golfing as soon as you get back from the movie premiere. And I need you as a buffer. Don’t make me go play golf with him alone.”
Jason already knew about the movie premiere. That meant Mom had been bitching about it all day.
“I’ll find him when I get home. We can golf when I get back, but it needs to be an early morning tee time.”
Jason chuckled. “Got it. We need to be back before Sadie gets off work.”
“Exactly.”
A note greeted me when I arrived at work the next day. Ms. Mary sighed heavily and handed it to me as soon as I walked in. I glanced over at the table, and a wave of disappointment hit me at the sight of the empty seat where I had hoped Jax would be sitting.
“No need to be so upset. Read the note, then hurry along and get ready.”
I walked back to the laundry room before opening the letter. I didn’t want to read anything in front of Ms. Mary’s prying eyes.
Sadie,
I am sorry I won’t be at breakfast this morning. I have been so busy wallowing in my not being able to have you, and then being given the gift of . . . my air . . . that I forgot about a movie premiere I am expected at tonight. I am flying out to Hollywood early this morning, and I will be back as soon as this is over. I intend to get on a plane and head right back to you as soon as possible. Please forgive me. I will see you soon. Miss me.
Jax
I swallowed the lump in my throat, aggravated with myself more than anything. Jax was a famous rock star. He had a band and people who depended upon him. He had to go to things such as movie premieres. I knew the more time I spent with him, the more things like this would be hard on me, but I also needed to decide whether or not I wanted to be with him enough to get over this. I changed quickly and splashed my face with cold water. I needed to focus, not to think about Jax and his real life. It was something I would never know or understand. I needed to get a grip. I dried my face on a towel and walked back into the kitchen.
“Where do I start?”
Ms. Mary turned to me. I gave her a smile, and she frowned, then reluctantly smiled back. “I got ten pounds of potatoes over there fresh out of my garden. Start scrubbing ’em, then get them all peeled for me.”
I nodded and went right to work. Cleaning potatoes proved to be a great way to get my mind off other things. I wished I didn’t miss him so much. Two days and I was so addicted to his presence I was lost without him. But then I remembered my iPod, and I jumped up and went to my bag and pulled it out. I’d sat in my room the previous night figuring it out. I found Jax’s latest album and put the earbuds in my ears. Listening to him helped. I didn’t see a star on the stage when I heard him sing. I saw the guy sitting on his bed with his old guitar, grinning at me. His voice helped the potatoes, and the morning, go faster. I got so lost in my thoughts and the music I jumped when someone tapped my shoulder. Marcus gazed down at me.
“Lost in the music, I see,” he said, smiling.
I nodded and slipped the earbuds out of my ears. “Yes, I guess I was.”
Marcus pulled up a stool and sat down beside me. “Let me guess who you’re listening to. Could it be the number one chart topper for the past three weeks, Jax Stone?”
I was glad Marcus seemed to be in a teasing mood. I nodded and grinned up at him. “I guess I’m pretty obvious.”
Marcus sighed. “Unfortunately, yes, you are.”
“I know I spend all my time with Jax. I only have this summer with him, and then he’ll walk out of my life and I’ll have to learn to keep living.”
Marcus leaned back against the wall and frowned. “You know when he leaves this summer, it’s over. I mean, he has told you this, right?”
I thought about how to answer. It was between Jax and me, but Marcus was my friend and he needed some answers. He deserved some answers. “We both know trying to have a relationship, while he rocks the world and I finish high school, is impossible. We knew this going into the relationship, and we both agreed being together now was what we wanted.”
Marcus stared at the large bucket of potatoes. “And you’re okay with this? I mean, you’re fine with dating him now? Then he just walks away when the summer ends, and you won’t be heartbroken?”
I let out a short laugh. “I didn’t say my heart wouldn’t be broken. I’m afraid it’s inevitable.”
Marcus leaned forward on his knees and studied me. “Then why’re you doing this to yourself?” he asked, low enough so no one nearby could hear him.
I put the last potato in the bucket. “It’s too late now, Marcus. I love him. I no longer have a choice.”
He reacted like I’d slapped him, and I hated hurting him, but I knew he needed to know.
“He doesn’t deserve it. He can have any girl in the world’s love, and he took yours. Someone who deserves so much more than a summer fling.” He stood and started to walk away, but stopped and glanced back at me. “If you were mine, I’d never let you go.” He left the kitchen.
The rest of the day went slowly, and I was glad when it was over. I went to change clothes and was starting out the door when Ms. Mary called my name.
“I forgot to tell you, there’ll be a car waiting out front to take you home when you’re ready.”
I sighed and thought about riding home alone in one of his cars and shook my head. “It’s okay, I want to ride my bike home tonight. It’s still early, and I want some fresh air.”
Ms. Mary shook her head. “He ain’t gonna like hearing that. You rest assured, Kane’ll tell him you rode your bike home.”
I smiled and opened the door. “He’s my . . . friend, Ms. Mary, not my keeper,” I replied.
• • •
Riding home on my bike while the sun set was really pleasant. I stopped at the public beach and sat for a few minutes while I watched families enjoying the last bit of daylight. Red-skinned tourists covered the beach, and I recognized several kids from school working at the chair, umbrella, and WaveRunner rentals. Everyone seemed to be closing down for the day. I took in a deep breath and let the wet ocean air fill my lungs. Something about the air here seemed healing to me. As if it made everything okay just by being clean and pure and full of something beautiful.
“Sadie White?”
I heard my name and turned to see a girl I recognized from biology class standing beside me in a red one-piece bathing suit. I couldn’t remember her last name, but I remembered her first. “Yes. Amanda, right?”
She smiled a friendly smile and nodded. “Yep. I haven’t seen you since school let out.”
I nodded. “I’ve been working.”
She grinned. “Don’t you know the great thing about being a local is you can work at the beach?”
I thought the exact same thing at the beginning of summer. I’d wanted to have a job on the beach back then, but now things were much different. “I’m sure it is, but I make good money doing domestic work.”
She frowned. “But where is the fun in that? . . . Unless there are cute boys around? You should come take the lifeguard test. Lifeguarding is so much fun. Hot guys are everywhere . . . . A lot of times you get to work with one!” She nodded toward a tall, tanned blond guy coming down the lifeguard ladder in a pair of red swim trunks. “Like Todd Mitchell! He’ll be a senior this year and is going to Tuscaloosa next fall to the university. He is soooo cute! Can you swim?”
I nodded, trying to keep up with her quick-paced conversation. “Yes, but I’m happy with where I am right now. However, if I get too bored, I’ll remember the lifeguard job.”
She frowned prettily, and in a way that reminded me of Barbie’s little sister.
“Okay, I guess. Hey, you should come to the July Fourth party at Dylan McCovey’s. He has a house on the beach, and he throws a party every July Fourth. It’s always a good time.”
For some reason, this bubbly girl liked me. Me, with no personality. And I didn’t want to let her down again. “Okay, well, sure. Um, I’ll let you know. I have to check on my work schedule and everything.” I thought about Jax and wondered if he would want to spend July Fourth with me.
Amanda nodded and reached into her bright-pink polka-dot bag and pulled out a cell phone. “What’s your number?”
I thought about it a minute. I wasn’t sure what to tell her. Jessica owned a cell phone, but the bill wasn’t always paid on it. I figured I could give her the cell number and hope Jessica would tell me when Amanda called, if it worked this week.
“555-0100”
She punched it into her slim pink cell phone, and slipped the phone back into her bag. “Cool. I’ll call you later this week and see if you can make it.”
I nodded, and we said our good-byes. She turned and bounced away. She seemed so happy and friendly. Everything I wished I could be. However, I didn’t necessarily want to bounce when I walked. I went back to my bike and headed home. I would be home in time to make dinner for Jessica.
• • •
The moment I walked in the door, Jessica called from her room, “Sadie? Is that you?”
“Yes,” I replied as I walked back to see her so we wouldn’t have to yell at each other. I stopped when I got to her bedroom door and found her standing in her panties and bra in front of the window unit with a large cup of ice in her hand.
“The heat is killing me, Sadie! I swear, I can’t wait until I’ve got my body back.”
I sighed and bit my tongue to keep from reminding her this was her fault. “I bet,” was all I allowed myself to say.
“So, you’re home early today. You didn’t get fired, did you?” she asked, all serious as the idea of me without a job began to take root in her thoughts.
I shook my head and leaned against the door frame. “No, the family is out tonight, so I got to come home early.”
She still didn’t know about Jax. I didn’t want her to find out and get it in her head I could somehow get money out of Jax. Mooching off men was her gig, not mine. I didn’t want any man to take care of me. I wanted to be self-sufficient. I would never want my teenage daughter to have to pay the bills and cook the meals.
“Hmmm, well, that works out good for me and the baby. We’re starving, and the thought of working in a hot kitchen is just too much.”
I nodded and turned. The kitchen contained all I needed to make tacos, and Jessica loved tacos. I got the meat out of the freezer and put it in some warm water to thaw.
“I’ve got to go to the clinic tomorrow to have a checkup. Are you working?”
I wanted to laugh at her question. I’d worked every day since school had been out, except, of course, for Sundays. Not that I was complaining, because if I didn’t work, I didn’t make money . . . and I didn’t see Jax.
“Yes,” I called back.
“Oh, poo! I hate driving.”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I searched through the cabinet for the taco seasoning.
“You know, I’ll be thirty-one weeks this Monday, and in two months’ time, I’ll have this baby. I haven’t even picked out a name yet.”
A nervous knot grew in my stomach at the thought of her bringing home a real baby. The baby hadn’t seemed real as long as it remained unnamed, and the thought of naming it made me very nervous.
“I was thinking I liked the name Sasha if it’s a girl. You know, stick with the S names. Sadie, Sasha.”
I said nothing.
“Or if it is a boy, how about Sam?”
I tried to ignore her. I really did not want to give this baby a name. It made my insides do funny things. The thought of formula, baby food, diapers—and, well, a baby—scared me. I could see Jessica coming home and saying she couldn’t take it and handing the baby to me. I had no idea what to do with a baby. I really needed her to be the mom. I needed her to be a grown-up with this baby. Because I wasn’t ready.
“Okay . . . so you don’t like that name?” she called out again.
“No, I like it. I just don’t really have a preference.”
She remained quiet for a moment, and I wondered if she picked up on my fear. And then she said, “Well, I think it’s going to be a girl, so I’m going to name her Sasha Jewel White.”
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and forced out a reply. “Sure, Mom. Sounds good.”
Jessica ate in front of the window unit in her underwear, and I ate alone at the table. After we finished, I washed up the dishes and went to get a shower. I would be getting in bed earlier than usual, and sleep suddenly seemed very appealing.
“Sadie!”
I sat straight up in bed at the sound of my mother yelling my name. I slung my feet onto the hardwood floor, and before I could even get to the door she began yelling again.
“Sadie!”
I ran across the hall and into her room. She was sitting up on the edge of the bed, holding her stomach, with sweat on her face.
“Something’s wrong,” she panted. “It hurts like hell!”
I grabbed her housecoat and slipped her arms in. “Come on. We’re going to the hospital.”
She grunted and stood.
We made it halfway down the hall before she let out another bloodcurdling scream and bent over, holding her stomach.
“Help me, Sadie! This hurts so bad!” she said through tears.
It was hard to mask my panic. Seeing my mother screaming in pain terrified me. I got her into the car, then remembered her purse and ran back inside to grab it. On my way in the door she screamed again, and I hoped someone would hear her and offer to come help. Right now I didn’t feel competent enough, and I really wanted help. I ran back out to the car, flung open the door, and jumped inside, and headed for the local hospital. Luckily, we were only a few miles away. I glanced over at Jessica as she rested her head back on the seat.
“You okay?” I asked, praying for a yes.
I didn’t ask her anything else. I didn’t want to cause her any pain. We made it to the emergency room fast, since the roads were empty at four in the morning. I pulled up to the entrance and ran around to open her door. She hadn’t experienced any more pain since we’d left the house, and I was grateful. Focusing on the road was hard enough with my heart beating out of my chest and my palms sweating.
“Wait here. I’m going to go get help. Don’t walk.”
She gave me a tight nod, and I ran inside.
The smell of sanitized hospital hit my nose, and for once the smell comforted me. A lady stood behind a desk, watching me.
“My mom is in the car. She’s pregnant and in a lot of pain.”
The lady went quickly into another room and came out with a wheelchair.
“The car is parked right out front,” I said.
We walked out to the car quickly. The lady and I helped Jessica into the wheelchair. The lady immediately started asking her questions, and I bit my tongue to keep from asking her to stop for fear it would make the pain come back. Once inside, they got her information and then instructed me to stay in the waiting area while they checked her out. Which sounded good to me. I didn’t want to go with them. Sitting down alone for a few minutes in order to calm my racing heart was greatly needed at that point. There were a lot of empty seats at that hour, so I found a chair facing a television hanging on the wall, and I watched the soundless news.
• • •
“Hello.” A hand lightly shook my shoulder, and a woman’s voice woke me up.
I sat up in my chair. “Um, yes, sorry. Is my mom okay?”
The nurse smiled. “Yes, she’s fine. She had a bad case of Braxton Hicks brought on by not drinking enough liquids, but she is fine and so is the baby.”
I sighed with relief.
“She’s asleep, and we have moved her to a room. Once we have her hydrated and are sure her contractions have stopped, we will release her. You can come up to her room if you like.”
I nodded and stood. The soundless television said 7:30 in the right-hand corner, and I froze and realized I should’ve been at work an hour ago. “I need to make a phone call before I go up. Do I need to go outside to use a cell phone?”
She smiled. “Yes, you do. I’ll be at the desk when you’re ready, and I’ll take you up.”
I thanked her and headed for the door I’d brought Jessica through a few hours before.
I reached into my mother’s purse and pulled out her phone. I knew she’d stored Ms. Mary’s number in there somewhere. Of course the phone was powered off. When I turned it on, I saw there were several missed calls. Ms. Mary. I called her back.
“Hello, Sadie.” Ms. Mary’s anxious voice answered on the first ring.
“Hey, Ms. Mary. I am so sorry! I had to bring my mother to the hospital at four this morning, and I fell asleep in the waiting room. They just came and got me. I’m so sorry I didn’t call.”
“Oh, my lordy, is she okay?”
“Yes, yes, she’s fine. It was Braxton Hicks brought on by dehydration, and they’re keeping her today until she’s hydrated and stable. I have to stay and take her home when she’s ready. I’m so sorry.”
“Girl, you better stop apologizing to me. I’m just glad you’re all right. Now, here is Master Jax’s number. You need to call him. He has gone to your house looking for you. I ain’t never seen that boy all worked up and worried as he was when you didn’t show up. Don’t you worry about a thing, and call him, please, before he gets the police searching for you.”
I thanked her and said good-bye, then quickly called Jax’s number.
“Hello?”
“Jax, it’s Sadie.”
“Are you all right? Where are you?”
“I’m fine. I brought my mother to the hospital around four this morning. She was in pain. But she’s fine now, and they are pumping fluids into her. She should be able to leave soon.”
“I’m on my way.”
“No, Jax, wait. You can’t come here.”
He paused. “Why?”
I laughed. “Because you’ll get mauled by adoring fans.”
He sighed. “I can make a few calls and get in privately.”
I laughed again. “No, there’s no reason. We’ll be leaving soon. And I haven’t explained you to my mom yet, and today isn’t really a good day for that.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I am.”
“I miss you.”
I got all warm and tingly at his words. “I miss you, too.”
“You know, I could get you a few posters for your walls . . . .”
I laughed. “I’ll pass. I happen to be interested in someone I don’t really see as the guy in those posters.”
He hesitated a moment, and then said, “Thank you.”
“See you later,” I said, and hung up. I squinted up at the morning sun and smiled before turning and heading back into the hospital to check on Jessica. She wouldn’t get dehydrated again if I could help it. The whole experience was not something I wanted to repeat.
They released Jessica around lunchtime. She seemed tired and whiny. I couldn’t wait to get her home and go to work. As soon as I deposited her in bed with a large pitcher of ice water and a glass beside her, I headed outside.