I sat on the bed in my suite and held my phone in my hands. Ms. Mary had just called and told me she had gotten Sadie a new job. One she could work at even after school started back up. She’d said Sadie had looked good the last time she’d seen her and that she was spending a lot of time with Marcus.
The idea of her falling in love with Marcus and moving on made it hard for me to breathe. I closed my eyes and buried my head in my hands. She was going to move on. Maybe not now, and maybe not with Marcus, but she would one day. And our time together would be nothing but a memory for her. One she would probably work hard to push away.
Tears stung my eyes and I let them fall. There was no one around to see me cry, and I needed to cry. I needed to mourn. I’d lost it all. My chance at ever really being happy. I’d found it for a moment with Sadie, but now it was gone.
Ms. Mary was well connected. For three weeks I’d been doing the filing at a local lawyer’s office. Apparently, Ms. Mary’s neighbor worked for a lawyer, and the lawyer needed someone to assist his secretary. With Ms. Mary’s glowing recommendation, he hired me and was paying me exactly what I had been making before. When school started, I would go directly to his office after school and work until six each night. Mary Ellis, his secretary, was around Jessica’s age and easy to work with. I enjoyed the work, and at times I even got so busy I didn’t think about Mr. Greg and his war stories, or Ms. Mary and her laughter. I had finished my third week, and my paycheck was in my hands. It wasn’t really needed yet, considering that the severance pay from Jax had been ridiculous and Jessica had refused to let me dispose of it. Ms. Mary had assured me everyone’s had been just as ridiculous. It mollified me a little, but not enough. Somehow I still felt bought off. I hated thinking of it that way, but I did.
I parked my bike by the door and heard a scream from inside the house. My heart started racing. I jerked the door open and ran inside. Jessica was bent over in the kitchen, and bloody water was running down her legs and pooling on the floor. “What’s happening?” I asked, panicked.
Her cell phone was lying on the countertop, and I grabbed it. She screamed again. My hands shook so badly it was hard to dial. Something was terribly wrong.
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”
“My mother, she’s bleeding and in a lot of pain, she is screaming. She’s eight months—maybe almost nine months pregnant. I think, I’m not sure.” My words were so rushed I hoped they made sense.
“Help is on the way now. Tell me what your mother is doing.” The voice sounded so calm.
“She’s breathing hard and sitting in a chair.”
“Ask her how she feels.”
I looked at her. All color had vanished from her face. Her eyes were big and scared. Seeing my mother worried and in pain made me want to panic.
“How do you feel?” I asked shakily.
“It’s okay right now, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’ll come back.” She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes.
“She’s fine now, but she said it would come back.”
“She’s correct, it will come back. Your mother is in labor. Now I need you to remain calm and get her a cold wet washcloth and wipe her face. It’ll help soothe her.”
I did as the voice told me. Jessica sat silently while I washed her face.
“How is she?” the voice asked.
“She’s okay. I washed her face, and she is breathing easier.”
“That’s good. The baby isn’t coming too quickly. Now, if you’ll get her some ice chips to suck on, or crushed ice in a cup, this will also help.”
I started to go get some ice cubes and crush them when I heard the ambulance sirens outside.
“The ambulance is here,” I told the voice on the phone.
“Good. Then everything is going to be fine, and you did really well. I’ll let you go and talk to them.”
“Thank you,” I said hastily, and hung up the phone. I ran to the door and threw it open wide, just as a guy was about to knock. “She is right here.”
I motioned, and he came in quickly with a lady behind him. They talked to Jessica and checked her pulse and temperature. When they’d finished with their examination and questions, they got a stretcher, laid her on it, and slid her into the back of the ambulance. I stood frozen and unsure. Jessica wasn’t the best mother in the world, but I loved her, and tears ran down my face. I didn’t want to think about anything happening to her.
The lady said to me, “Oh, honey, everything is just fine. Your mom is just in labor. Come on, now, wipe those tears before she sees you. The last thing she needs is to see you upset.”
I did as she said. Suddenly I realized if I didn’t drive, we would be without transportation when we needed to come home. And then the fact that I needed to get the car seat and all the other things she needed for the hospital occurred to me.
“I . . . we will need our car, and the stuff for the baby.”
The male paramedic walked up, an easy smile on his face. “You go ahead, then, and get the things your mom and the baby will need and bring the car. When you get to the hospital, go to information, and they’ll direct you to her room.”
I stared at the lady as she climbed into the back with Jessica.
“Don’t forget her things too,” the lady said. “She will need toiletries and nightgowns, and then of course something to wear home.”
I nodded, and the doors were closed. I couldn’t believe this was happening already. I watched them drive away, and then I rushed back inside to pack up everything Jessica and the baby would need. First things first, I mopped up the blood and water from the floor and the seat she had been sitting in. Having a baby really was gross stuff. After the kitchen was clean, I went to Jessica’s room and found the infant car seat she had bought from a secondhand store before we left Tennessee.
Ms. Mary had sent bags of baby girl and boy clothing to my workplace last week. She had kept almost everything she had bought for her grandchildren as they outgrew them. I sifted through the baby-scented clothing and found the smallest item in there. It was a soft yellow outfit with feet, and with snaps up the front. This should be safe for a boy or a girl. I grabbed it and quickly snatched up a diaper bag for the items Jessica had bought for the baby. With no idea what all of it was used for, I figured if I took it all, we should be good. After I had the baby stuff ready, I packed Jessica a nice, stretchy sundress and underthings, as well as a few nightgowns. She had very little in the way of modest sleeping attire, so I stuffed in a few T-shirts for her to slip on over her nightgowns. Once everything was packed, I headed out to the car and loaded it up. I wanted to be there when the baby was born. I wanted to experience its entrance into the world. It had been a stranger to me for nine months. Up until now, all I’d had was Jessica. Now I would have a sibling.
• • •
I pulled the sliding overnight bag back up on my arm as I stepped off the elevator. The waiting room was full of excited, hopeful people of all ages. Grandparents bounced children on their knee and pointed and gushed over the babies in the window. This was a happy place, where life started. I walked toward the double doors that led to the delivery rooms. I passed new dads, or almost new dads, standing around the coffeepot, sharing horror stories of wives who had morphed into monsters. A few had decided that hiding out here was a better idea than witnessing the birth of their child. I wondered if Jessica had become one of these crazed monsters as I searched for room 321. I spotted it and took a deep breath before walking in. I was all Jessica had. There would be no one else standing by to hold her hand. It was just me, and I couldn’t go anywhere.
“Sadie, oh good, you got all the stuff. I guess I should have packed, but I wasn’t expecting this to happen so soon.”
I nodded, set the bags down on a chair, and walked over to her. All sorts of cords were hooked up to her. She was wet with sweat, her hair clung to her head, and she remained pale. Other than that, she wasn’t cursing and foaming at the mouth, which was what other women on this floor were apparently doing.
“Um, you look good,” I admitted.
She grinned and shrugged. “Well, it ain’t over yet, honey, and it gets worse. Right now my dilating has slowed, and I’m high on Demerol. I know there is pain, but I just don’t seem to care at the moment.”
I nodded, not sure what that meant. “Well, do you need anything?” I asked, wanting to be useful.
“More ice would be nice,” she mumbled. I nodded and headed out to find ice. “Wait! You’re gonna need my cup.”
I turned around and went to get the plastic hospital cup sitting beside her bed. “I’ll be right back.”
Once outside the room, I went to find the ice and filled her cup up to the top. I wanted to make sure she was fine before I made the call to Ms. Mary. Once I had Jessica fixed up, I slipped out of the room and back outside the hospital. I called Ms. Mary.
“Hello.” Her cheery voice lightened my spirits.
“Ms. Mary, it’s Sadie. I just wanted to call and let you know my mom is having the baby.”
“Oh, this is early, but don’t worry about that none. I had both my girls several weeks early, and everything was just fine. I’m coming to see you as soon as I get off work. Now, how are you?”
I smiled at the warmth that filled me when Ms. Mary worried about me. Jessica loved me, but she had never really worried over me.
“I’m fine, and my mom’s doing good. They have given her some Demerol, and she said it makes her not care that she is in pain.”
Ms. Mary chuckled. “That is some amazing stuff, I tell you. Well, I’ll be with you soon, and maybe there will be a baby to hold by then. You call me if you need me, do you hear?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I will.”
“Good-bye, for now,” she said in her jolly tone that always made it seem like everything was going to be okay.
“Good-bye,” I replied before pressing end. I turned the phone back off and slipped it into my pocket.
When I neared Jessica’s room, I heard the familiar screaming and hurried inside. Jessica was sitting up with her legs spread—with the covers draped over her, thankfully. A nurse, who appeared very calm and collected considering her patient was screaming profanities at her, smiled at me. I smiled at her apologetically and went to stand beside Jessica.
“Is she about to have the baby now?” I asked nervously.
The nurse nodded. “Yep, as soon as the doctor gets in here, she can begin pushing.”
My stomach churned. The whole idea of pushing and where this baby was going to enter the world from made me slightly light-headed. However, another of Jessica’s bloodcurdling screams was like a slap in the face, and I quickly shook the thoughts out of my head.
“What can I do?” I asked, anxiously staring at the nurse.
“You can lock me in my room if I ever decide to date again!” Jessica yelled, and grabbed my arm as another onslaught of contractions hit her.
I grimaced and fought the urge to pry her hands off me. As soon as it ended and she released her ironclad grip, I stepped out of her reach. The nurse grinned at me.
“That might be wise,” she whispered as she walked past me to check the machine’s beeping.
Jessica began screaming again, and this time the bed rail was her gripping post. I rubbed my arm, thankful to have put distance between us.
“Ah, the doctor’s here.” The nurse beamed, obviously ready to get this over with so she could escape the violence being spewed from my mother’s mouth.
“Are you going to stay for this part?” the doctor asked, frowning as he slipped gloves onto his hands.
Jessica panted and nodded. “Yes! She is!” she yelled, and then let out another fierce scream.
I nodded.
He shrugged and took his place down by her feet. “All right, Ms. White, are you ready to do this thing?” he asked jovially, and I wondered if someone had to be mentally off to actually be glad he was in the room with a screaming woman and about to extract a human from her body.
“Get it out!” she screamed.
He smiled at me. “She’ll be back to normal real soon.” He winked and nodded to the nurse.
I stepped back toward Jessica’s head when he flipped the white sheet up over her knees.
“Okay, Ms. White, when the contraction starts, I want you to push as hard as you can,” he instructed.
Jessica panted, then began screaming and pushing all at once.
“That’s great! Keep this up, and we’ll have a little one here in seconds.”
She stopped to catch her breath before her face morphed into the monster those men had been speaking of earlier, and she screamed and pushed again. We went through this several more times before I heard a cry that was too soft to be anything but a baby.
“Beautiful! You can relax now, Ms. White. He has arrived.”
The doctor had said “he.” I no longer cared about the messy scene going on down by her feet. I just wanted to see this little life that was now a part of mine.
The nurse wrapped him in a blanket and smiled at me. “You have a brother.” She handed the baby to Jessica, who, although exhausted, smiled down at the little life in her hands.
“Hello, Sam,” she whispered.
I leaned down over her and studied his miniature features.
“Sam, meet your big sister, Sadie,” she said, handing the little bundle up to me.
I stiffened and stared at her like she was crazy.
“Oh, come on. He’s just a baby. Hold him.”
I slid my arms under him and took him from my mother. His tiny little fist fought its way out of the blanket, and he swung it around in the air and let out a small cry. I laughed. He was like a little miracle.
“We need to go clean him and let the pediatrician check him over. However, we will bring him back to eat very soon.” The nurse was standing in front of me with her arms held out.
“Okay,” I said through the lump in my throat. Reluctantly, I handed over this new little person I already loved, and watched her take him away.
“Don’t worry, you were ugly too when you first came out, but after a few days you were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.”
I glared at Jessica, who had laid her head back and closed her eyes.
“He’s beautiful now,” I countered. Already the little guy had me wanting to defend him.
She let out a laugh. “No, he looks like a prune. All new babies do.”
I frowned and tried to remind myself that Jessica was not normal, so I should not expect her to treat birth normally.
“Excuse us, but we need to patch some things up for your mom and move her to a room. Why don’t you go get something to eat and rest? This has all been very exciting for you, I am sure.” The nurse, who had been there through it all with us, smiled at me.
I left the room. I was in a daze when I stepped into the waiting room and was immediately surrounded.