The pounding on her bedroom door startled Hope Roberts awake. Before she had a chance to respond her mother had barged in with her angry face, waving a piece of paper at her.
“What is this!?”
“Oh, crap,” Hope muttered. She’d left the flyer for the Candy Stripers audition on the kitchen table.
“Don’t oh crap me—answer my question, young lady.”
She took out her earbud headphones, even if she was tempted to turn up the volume.
“I think it’s a flyer for tomorrow’s audition for the new Candi Kane & the Candy Stripers show. It says it right on there.”
“You better not be planning on going to this.”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“It wasn’t a question—you’re not going. And where did you get this money?” Now she was waving two crisp hundred-dollar bills.
“What do you think, I stole it?”
“You don’t make that kind of money at the Christmas tree lot. And I know Santa certainly didn’t come early this year.”
“I got it from his wife.”
Her mother looked confused. “Whose wife?”
“Santa Claus.”
“I’m not messing around, Hope.”
“I told you,” her voice raised. “I got it from Mrs. Claus!”
Her mother shook her head in disgust. “Then I’m going to need a phone number so I can validate that this person gave you the money.”
“I guess she’s from the North Pole, so you can try there. But she also looked like Rihanna, so maybe try calling MTV or something.”
Her mother glared at her. Hope knew she’d pushed as far as she could. “Fine, I was in the mall today and looking at an ad for the auditions. And the woman who was helping out the mall Santa convinced me that I should go for it. I told her that I couldn’t afford the entrance fee, but her and Santa were giving out mall vouchers for Kerstman people, since they feel sorry for us or something, and she was able to turn it in for me and get the money. End of story.”
Her mother’s face reddened. “You skipped school today!?”
“Oh, crap,” Hope muttered again. She got suckered into that one. “It’s not like we do anything on the last day before Christmas break, anyway.”
“That’s not the point. You have to stop living in this fantasy world. You need to focus on things that are realistic. College is a reachable goal.” She held up the flyer. “This isn’t.”
“Like we can afford college. Talk about unrealistic. And since I have no friends in Elmsford, it’s not like I won’t have plenty of time for studying on the weekend.”
“Your father says the military offers a lot of plans to pay for college.”
“But then I’d have to be in the military and spend Christmas in Afghanistan like Dad. No thanks.”
“Honey, your father and I learned stuff the hard way, in hopes that you wouldn’t have to. We’ve always been at the mercy of others. I started out in the warehouse at Kerstman, and had to bust my rear to make it up to bookseller. But when they took that away, I had nothing to fall back on. And your father—do you think he really likes spending his Christmases so far away?”
“I don’t know, he’s never here for me to ask him.”
“You Skype a couple times a week.”
“Yeah, that’s totally the same.”
“I understand your frustration Hope. But we’re all frustrated—you, me, your dad. It’s just very important that we pull together as a family right now, and that you listen to me. I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m doing what I think is best.”
“Maybe you should have done what was best for yourself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You wanted to be a singer and you never did it. I think you wish you would’ve gone to some audition when your mother told you not to. I think you regret it.”
“I made my choices—I have no regrets.”
“You probably weren’t good enough. I think your just jealous because I’m more talented than you ever were.”
“I was plenty good enough, I just …” she caught herself.
“Go ahead, say it … you had me.”
“That’s not what I meant, Hope.”
“You mean it’s not what you meant to come out.”
“I said it’s not what I meant. When I mean something you’ll know it.” She held up the flyer and money. “And if you defy me on this, you’re going to find out the hard way.”
After her mother slammed her door shut, Hope put her earbuds back in and Beyonce sung her to sleep. She dreamed that she was on stage at the base in Afghanistan, performing with Candi Kane & the Candy Stripers. Her father was in the audience, smiling proudly at her. She smiled back at him, and mouthed, “Merry Christmas, Dad … I miss you.”
And he mouthed back, “Never give up on your dreams, baby girl.”