I made myself focus on Sharmaine, too afraid to look at Loukas, to see what his face—what his eyes—would reveal as he stared down at her battered body. She was alive, but not for long. I’d thought myself prepared for this, for when we returned to the ones we had believed ourselves to love before the light, before the stream. But it turned out I wasn’t.
So I did what I knew I had been given this amazing gift to do.
I healed her.
As quickly and completely as I’d healed Raidyn. And even though her wounds were horrific, when I finished, pulling my hands away from her newly mended skin, I was a little tired, but not even remotely close to drained.
What had the Mother of all Paladin given me? What had I ever done to deserve a gift of such magnitude?
When Sharmaine’s eyes fluttered and opened, her chest expanding with a life-sustaining gasp of air, Loukas visibly sagged beside me, even on the periphery of my vision. I stood and turned away, unable to bear witnessing whatever reunion was about to take place.
“Thank you,” I heard him murmur as I walked away as quickly as I dared without making it too obvious that I was being a coward and fleeing.
My sister watched me, her eyes searching, mouth twisted with concern.
“What is happening out there?” I heard another healer question one of the Paladin who had brought a wounded comrade up.
“They’re all jaklas,” she responded, winded. “They’ve formed a circle around him. We can’t get close enough to do anything. Every time a battalion tries, we lose four times as many of ours as they do. We’ve only managed to slay five of them.”
“How many dead?”
I paused, afraid to know, but also unable to move away, to block the unknown Paladin’s answer.
“At least twenty,” she said, soft and defeated.
Grandmother, who had just walked over, made a noise that took a moment for me to realize was a strangled sob. “Call them back. All of them. We have to try something else.”
“What else can we do? We can’t use our power. The only hope we have of stopping them is to keep trying to get within range of using our knives and swords.”
“I will not allow our people to be slaughtered by them. Call them back. That’s an order!”
The younger Paladin finally nodded. “Yes, madam.” She wheeled her gryphon back toward the window and began shouting in Paladin as they soared out to the carnage below.
Grandmother’s eyes met mine, and I swallowed at the bleakness in her face.
Within a minute, dozens and dozens of Paladin and gryphons surged back into the Hall of Miracles, until there wasn’t room for any more. The last one to make it in, before the others had to hover outside the window and wait, was a familiar gryphon with two riders. They were both filthy, bloody and battered, but alive.
She saw me first, her eyes widening and then filling with tears. “Inara!” she screamed, struggling to dismount before Taavi had even landed. At her shout, Father’s head whipped to the direction she looked, and when he saw me, his face crumpled, his shoulders sagging forward. Taavi quickly landed and they both clambered off his back, running to where I stood, their arms coming round me in a hug so tight, I could barely breathe.
“You’re alive,” Father said, his voice thick with tears. Mother couldn’t speak at all, her whole body shook with sobs. “And your eyes,” he added, pulling back enough to look into my face. “How is this possible? What happened?”
I smiled through my own tears. “It’s a story for another time. Right now, we have to end this.”
“Right. Right,” he repeated, more forcefully, letting his arms drop with a sharp nod. He turned and I could see the general in him assessing the situation, his gaze traveling over those in the Hall of Miracles. When he noticed Loukas standing beside Sharmaine, he paused, his eyes widening. “Loukas!” he shouted.
Louk looked up to where we stood. I quickly glanced away, to the floor.
Outside the window, a gryphon screeched, a horrific sound, followed by more shouts and screams.
“They’re coming closer!”
“What do we do?”
There was no way to fit any more of the gryphons and Riders in the hall, but the ones left outside were sitting targets.
“Fly over the hedge—get out of range!” someone shouted back from within the hall.
An explosion boomed below us and the citadel trembled from the impact. It was only a matter of time before Barloc began to attack us as well—either storming the citadel or bringing it down over our heads.
For the first time, I realized I wasn’t having any blackouts—I wasn’t seeing anything when Barloc used his power. Either he was letting all of the other jaklas do the fighting for him, or we were no longer connected now that I had been healed in the light.
“What do we do, Ederra?” someone shouted, and all eyes turned to my grandmother.
My father stiffened and spun. “Mother? You’re alive!” And then he was running to her, weaving through the small spaces between all those smashed together in the hall.
“General Adelric!”
“It’s the general!”
The murmur grew louder, spreading across the hall … voices rising and rising, a swell of something that sounded like hope.
“General! What do we do?” The cries turned to focus on him as he grabbed his mother into a swift, bone-crushing hug.
He quickly released her and turned to face his battalion and the others who had been willing to come, knowing they were risking their lives—as so many had already lost.
“We have to make them separate,” he said, in the language of Vamala for the benefit of my mother and sister. I hadn’t even realized everything else had been spoken in the Paladin language until that moment—another reminder that I somehow understood both languages now. “We can’t reach them when they’re huddled in a circle like this. But if we can get them to split into groups, then we would have a chance to take more of them out.”
“How do we do that?”
While my father and the others traded ideas, I felt him walking over to where I still stood, resolutely staring forward. I sensed Sharmaine behind him, the sanaulus from healing her now allowing me to recognize her emotions. I’d seen flashes of her life, as I always did when healing someone, had recognized how truly kind and good she was … and it had made me realize, if he truly did love her, I shouldn’t interfere. No matter what I felt for him.
“I can’t believe we’re all here together again. I really didn’t think it would happen,” Raidyn said from the other side of where I stood.
That’s when it hit me. I turned to face Raidyn and Zuhra, suddenly hardly able to draw breath. “Wait … where’s Halvor?”
Zuhra stared at me, stricken, and I knew, even before Raidyn spoke, hesitant and low, his words buzzing through my brain, barely decipherable through the roar of blood in my ears. Something about a Chimera and sacrificing himself … but all that mattered were the words he couldn’t bring himself to speak.
Halvor was gone.
I’d never even had the chance to say goodbye.
I’d healed two potentially fatal wounds in less than ten minutes without getting drained, but I’d been too late to save Halvor. The realization that I would never again see him, never again look into his eyes, or have the chance to speak with him, stole the strength from my legs. I staggered forward, my hand going to my chest, clutching my shirt over my sternum. I knew the peace that awaited us all when we crossed into the next life—I’d wanted to go there myself after feeling a mere moment of it; I knew the joy of reunion he was experiencing with his parents, whose deaths had been the source of so much anguish in his life … but in that moment, it didn’t matter. The only thing I could think was that the sweet, kind boy who had cared for me when nearly no one else had, was gone.
“Inara, I’m so sorry. Truly, I am.”
The gentle, sorrowful murmur wasn’t from my sister, or even Raidyn.
It was Louk, stepping forward and tenderly taking me into his arms, holding me as tears—so much loss, so much pain, would we ever escape it?—streaked down my face and shook my shoulders. I didn’t let myself relax into his touch, but he held on, refusing to let me go. Both of us stubborn and confused and hurting, but ultimately unable to resist the pull to one another.
I sensed Sharmaine’s bewilderment, even over the tumult of my own emotions—bewilderment and concern and even a cautious gladness … but no anger, no jealousy.
That was when I finally curved into his body, letting his arms tighten around me. When I realized she didn’t love him after all. As a friend, yes. But there was nothing else there for him—nothing like what I felt.
Loukas’s heart beat beneath my cheek, steady and true, and his arms were strong and secure around me. Halvor’s death hurt in ways it would probably take weeks, months, even years to unravel. I’d never felt so confused as I did in that moment, sinking into the comfort of Loukas’s touch while being ripped apart inside with grief.
Another explosion shook the citadel, and this time, a few pieces of the ceiling broke loose, falling down on us like hail made of plaster and stone. I pulled back from Louk. Just as I’d told my father, now was not the time for stories, it was also not the time for mourning. That would have to come later—if we survived this.
Father and a handful of Paladin were still arguing over different possible plans, oblivious to our small circle of shared grief.
Then Zuhra stepped forward.
“Use me,” she said. When only a few Paladin turned to her, she repeated in a shout, “Use me!”
Silence fell across the crowd, as more plaster from the ceiling rained down on us and the stones beneath our feet trembled from the onslaught below.
“He wants my power,” she continued, her voice still near a yell. “So use me as bait. Draw him out. Make his forces split by offering him what he wants!”
“No.” Raidyn’s eyes were wild. He shook his head as if my father had already agreed to her madness. “It will never work—you’ll sacrifice yourself for nothing!”
“What about what you did with the Chimera?” My mother spoke up in the brief silence that followed Raidyn’s outburst. “I know they are jaklas, and can absorb power, but there has to be a point when it’s too much, isn’t there? When their bodies literally can’t contain any more?”
The look on Zuhra’s face, part terror and part determination, melted into sagging relief. She glanced at Raidyn and he nodded.
Though I’d pulled away, Loukas reached for my hand, taking it in his and holding it tightly. And then he spoke up. “I can help,” he said. “I can control the other jaklas so you will have a chance to stop them and reach Barloc. I don’t know how long I will be able to hold their minds in my control with as much power as they all wield, but I can at least give you all a few seconds.”
A few seconds. Those words burned through my skull, echoing into a dark space where terror still lived, far beyond the reach of the light that had gifted me with more than just unbelievable power.
What happened after a few seconds?
“No,” my father said. “It’s too big of a risk. There are too many, with too much power. You will lose yourself.”
“I won’t,” Loukas insisted. “And if I do…” His hand flexed on mine and that terror turned to dread. “It will be worth it if it saves everyone else.”
“I can help him,” Zuhra offered. “I can—”
“No,” Louk cut her off. “You have to help Raidyn. You two are our only hope to stop Barloc. Your combined power might be enough to kill him before he can absorb it all.”
I listened as they all made suggestions, as they took turns volunteering to risk their lives to save others. Even Sharmaine offered, saying her shield could be used to protect a battalion long enough to slay at least some of the jaklas.
And the entire time, the explosions increased in frequency and intensity, until everyone had a fine coating of plaster and dust on the tops of their heads and cracks had begun to form on the walls around us. If we didn’t make a decision and act soon, the citadel would fall down around us, crushing any hope of stopping Barloc and allowing him to reign in Vamala unchecked with blood and horror at his right hand.
“This is our only chance,” Father’s voice finally boomed out, silencing the din. “We form our battalions, and do what we’ve trained our whole lives to do.” He went on to explain his plan, to draw out as many jaklas as possible, clearing the way to get to Barloc.
Grandmother’s eyes met his across the hall and the sea of gryphons and Paladin. “I agree.”
“That’s settled then,” Father bellowed as more explosions rocked the citadel. “We break into four battalions with as many as are healed enough to fight. We each attack a side of Barloc’s defenders. Each of you know what you are supposed to do. May the Light hold us and keep us safe.”
“Are you sure you can do this?” Loukas turned to me as all the Paladin hurried to mount their gryphons one last time.
“Are you sure you can?” I retorted, trying to make my voice sound like what he’d called “teasing,” but staring up at him in desperation, drinking in every feature, every nuance of emotion that crossed his face, the flicker of green flame flaring brighter in his eyes as his gaze roamed over my face as hungrily as mine did over his. I’d already lost Halvor … was I destined to lose Louk today as well?
“This will work,” he said at last, low and fervent. “It has to.”
“It will,” I promised, though I knew it wasn’t mine to make.
With one last look that burned like a caress but that fell far short of actual touch, he released my hand and we both turned to our gryphons.
Zuhra already sat behind Raidyn, her face set into a determined mask, but I sensed the cataclysm of emotions in her.
Our eyes met—hazel and blue-fire—and I realized suddenly that I hadn’t given her one last hug, hadn’t said any last words to her … just in case.
But then my father whistled and there was no more time as we all surged forward, out the shattered window, into the wind that battered a storm toward us and the battle that loomed below.